# Would you tell someone their boyfriend is married? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 28, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356 "2006-07-28T02:57:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MelCthefirst](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@MelCthefirst](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MelCthefirst)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/1 "2006-07-28T02:57:44Z")
My SO has a mate who is married and having an affair with a much younger woman which has been going on for a number of years. The girlfriend has no idea that this guy is married and apparently can’t understand why he is reluctant to marry her. The wife conveniently doesn’t like fishing, so he always takes the girlfriend along and my SO (don’t worry, rich friend has very big boat). My SO is reluctant to take me on fishing trips with them because he thinks I may say something. I’m not all that keen to go on a trip with a couple who are cheating anyway, but as I have never met them, I hardly think it is likely I would say something. However, what would you do if the girlfriend asks you an awkward question that in answering would reveal her boyfriend’s marital status? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/2 "2006-07-28T03:06:46Z")
I would first ask why my wife is friends with such a clear jerk-bag. You are who you hang out with and all of that. Futher, why is your wife ok with such a situation (that’s how it seems in your OP). And even futher. . . are you sure your wife isn’t in on it? I mean, her fear that you might squeel seems like a mighty cozy excuse to get you out of the picture for a weekend. Two women, one man, a big boat. . . yeah. But, all that aside, yes, I’d tell her. Of course, me telling assumes that she is totally innocent in this whole thing and has no idea-- if that’s the case, she definitely ought to know. I also wouldn’t worry about this pissing of jerk-wad, as I wouldn’t be friends with such a person. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/3 "2006-07-28T03:08:51Z")
I would tell the girl without any hesitation. Might seem shitty on some levels but your SO friend is a shit head. I would also be suspicious of your SO hanging out with this dirt-bag. I would say bad company is being kept. Jim ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/4 "2006-07-28T03:10:55Z")
It seems strange that they would be together for so long that the woman is wondering why Cheater won’t marry her … I mean, has she never been to his house? And if not, how could she not know? Does she wonder why they only hang out when he’s fishing or whatnot? ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/5 "2006-07-28T03:11:34Z")
If I were in the woman’s situation I would want to know. How many years of her life is she supposed to waste on this waste of a man? ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/6 "2006-07-28T03:12:41Z")
Uh, yeah. Quick question. If your wife won’t let you go on these trips, how do you know that this guy’s girlfriend is going? ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/7 "2006-07-28T03:14:35Z")
Or on second thought, how do you know that she even exists? ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/8 "2006-07-28T03:19:02Z")
I don’t know if I’d tell someone _on purpose_, but it would only be a matter of time (like possibly 20 minutes) before I let it slip without thinking about it. "Hey, this is a great martini! Remember that time I had seven martinis at your wedding? That was crazy … oh! Ixnay on the eddingway! Er, sorry 'bout that … " ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/9 "2006-07-28T03:28:42Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > Uh, yeah. Quick question. If your wife won’t let you go on these trips, how do you know that this guy’s girlfriend is going? Not picking on you, but why is there an assumption the SO is a female. I got the impression the SO is a male? Jim ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/10 "2006-07-28T03:34:11Z")
> [@What Exit?](#): > > Not picking on you, but why is there an assumption the SO is a female. I got the impression the SO is a male? > > Jim Ahem, agreed. I just reread. My bad. Oops. All that good stuff. The points all still stand if we change the pronouns (and change it to two guys and one chick). ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/11 "2006-07-28T03:38:26Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Ahem, agreed. I just reread. My bad. Oops. All that good stuff. > > The points all still stand if we change the pronouns (and change it to two guys and one chick). I am surprised, it looks like we all agree. I thought I was being a dick. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/12 "2006-07-28T04:21:52Z")
I’ll ask the girl - what good reason might there be for him not to marry you… ---
**Author:** ![Surly\_Chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Surly\_Chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Surly_Chick)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/13 "2006-07-28T09:33:48Z")
I’d tell in heartbeat. But I’d use very small words and speak slowly because she’s clearly not very bright if she hasn’t figured it out yet. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/14 "2006-07-28T10:18:23Z")
I’d tell her. A few years ago, I’d met a guy who seemed like a really great guy, so I asked mutual friends if there was anything I should know about him. One of them told me he was married. He went from great guy to cheating scum. Here’s one thing to consider. Sooner or later, this guy’s wife is going to find out about the girl. Do you think the wife is likely to believe his girlfriend if she says she didn’t know he was married, whether or not that’s true? ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 10:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/15 "2006-07-28T10:33:19Z")
I’d tell her. Then I’d hold him down while she bashed his brains in. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/16 "2006-07-28T16:19:04Z")
> [@MelCthefirst](#): > > However, what would you do if the girlfriend asks you an awkward question that in answering would reveal her boyfriend’s marital status? I’d tell her in a heartbeat. I probably wouldn’t wait for her to ask. She’s getting screwed in more ways than one, and that’s just not right. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/17 "2006-07-28T16:28:10Z")
I would totally nark him out. I wouldn’t even wait for a fishing trip. I’d call her right now. ---
**Author:** ![cookeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@cookeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cookeze)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/18 "2006-07-28T16:33:31Z")
What is the right thing to do? I’d call the wife first. No one seems to be worried about her. The guy’s rich with a big boat? Not for long. Then I’d call the girlfriend. Isn’t sex under false pretenses called rape, or something like it? That’s what my long ago (and almost forgotten) Catholic school education tells me. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/19 "2006-07-28T16:36:44Z")
[QUOTE=cookeze] What is the right thing to do? I’d call the wife first. No one seems to be worried about her. The guy’s rich with a big boat? Not for long. Then I’d call the girlfriend. > [@](#): > > Isn’t sex under false pretenses called rape, or something like it? No. It’s exploitive maybe, dishonest, insensitive and skeevy but it isn’t rape. Let’s not exaggerate things more than necessary. ---
**Author:** ![cookeze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@cookeze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cookeze)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356/20 "2006-07-28T17:06:22Z")
The reason the creep doesn’t tell her he is married is he thinks the girl wouldn’t consent to having sex with him if she knew the truth. In other words, she is not able to give informed consent. Now this probably doesn’t meet the criminal definition of rape, but morally, I think it is. Now to get back to the OP. I’d tell on that rat bastard, no question. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-someone-their-boyfriend-is-married/366356.md?page=2)