# Would you tell your SO that you masterbated instead? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 11, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727 "2000-09-11T02:22:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/1 "2000-09-11T02:22:24Z")
Now hold on there. I _never_ do that. Wellll… Anyway here is the scenario: It’s finally that friday night and you get to make love to your significant other. It’s been a few weeks because of various factors and you in the meantime have grown uncomfortably horny. Only problem is she has just started her period or he has to go out of town ( I can’t think of any other reason a guy would say no). So you masterbate to relieve the pressure. If she/he asks you later how are holding up with no sex do you say, 1.“ohh no problem now honey I have been masterbating like a fucking monkey on a stick so all is well.” Or, 1. do you say with a big shit eating grin," I’m ok, I can hold out sweetheart… until your ready." This doesn’t actually apply to me but I have read about situations like this. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![sailor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@sailor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sailor)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/2 "2000-09-11T03:24:37Z")
While I have no insight on this profound topic, I want to point out the correct spelling is “masturbate”. ---
**Author:** ![alansmithee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@alansmithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alansmithee)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/3 "2000-09-11T03:47:34Z")
I’d tell her. Nothing wrong with it, and frankly I’m flattered when I come back from a business trip and my SO tells me she got so horny waiting for my return the she pleasured herself while thinking of me (OK, so maybe she was just feeding my ego by saying she was thinking of ME as opposed to Brad Pitt, but let me enjoy my voluntary delusions, OK?). At least it’s better than the alternative way of relieving her urges. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/4 "2000-09-11T03:49:41Z")
I’d probably tell him, but I’d leave out the monkey on a stick part. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/5 "2000-09-11T03:54:48Z")
It depends on the woman . One ex. of mine would have found it nasty of me to talk about it like that so I probably would have lied to save the hastle but most other women I’ve know wouldn’t of been so prudeish so option 1. would be the usual . _Monkey on a stick_, **aha** you slay me 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/6 "2000-09-11T04:25:39Z")
I would be freaked out if my SO told me HADN’T masturbated. Like I have mentioned in other threads, we share everything. He wouldn’t volunteer the info, but he would tell me if I asked. Uh…with me it’s not an issue. I don’t masturbate. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/7 "2000-09-11T05:11:24Z")
Seems to me that if you can’t tell such things to your SO, then perhaps you need to find a new SO. Honesty and openess, and all that stuff. Now…how exactly does a monkey on a stick masturbate? ---
**Author:** ![Anti\_Pro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Anti\_Pro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anti_Pro)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/8 "2000-09-11T05:20:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MysterEcks \* > \*\*Seems to me that if you can’t tell such things to your SO, then perhaps you need to find a new SO. Honesty and openess, and all that stuff. > > Now…how exactly does a monkey on a stick masturbate? \*\* Very carefully and with one hand, of course! Hey, someone HAD to say it!! As to the question. It’s now been six years without sex, and I would LOVE to know if my unhusband is masturbating. Can men REALLY go this long??? But, obviously he’s not going to be telling ME, anyway! Hypothetically speaking, I think it’s kind of sexy, but be sure and lie, saying you were overcome with desire for the other person if you have to say it at all. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/9 "2000-09-11T06:08:11Z")
THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE ASKING ABOUT IN THE “SHOULD I OR SHOULDN’T I” THREAD!?!? ---
**Author:** ![Homer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/df788c/32.png) [@Homer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homer)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/10 "2000-09-11T07:13:18Z")
Calm down there, tiger. But you do bring up an interesting point. I’ve gotta go read that thread to see the ulterior motive behind the curtains, now. –Tim ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/11 "2000-09-11T07:20:09Z")
(thinking of her ex-BF) No thanks, sweetie. I can do it better myself. (got my digs in, I don’t want to think about him anymore) ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/12 "2000-09-11T10:02:40Z")
We’d both tell. That’s something we’re pretty open about. It’s also something we had reason to consider quite frequently, as we were living in separate cities for two years. –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/13 "2000-09-11T14:23:07Z")
We both tell each other. We both consider it sexy. We even share our fantasies. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/14 "2000-09-11T15:29:59Z")
Excessive masturbation causes misspellings 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![JimmyNipples](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/eb9ed0/32.png) [@JimmyNipples](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimmyNipples)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/15 "2000-09-11T15:35:58Z")
**Me** : So honey…ya wanna do the jiggy-jiggy-push-push? **Mrs. Nipples** : Sorry sweetie…Aunt Rose is in town for the newxt week or so. **Me** : Fine… \ WhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhacka…Whacka…whacka-boing **ME** : Never mind…I’m good. I have told…and will continue to tell Mrs. Nipples, I have abused myself. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/16 "2000-09-11T16:13:43Z")
My ex-fiancée actually got suspicious once when she returned after a few days of travel and I told here I hadn’t gotten myself off. Sure, this goes to her insecurity, but she figured I found someone else to take care of business with. Man, you can’t win for losing sometimes. Nowadays, whenever the urge strikes, I just take care of things regardless, unless of course I’m behind the wheel or at the office…or if my g/f is on the way over, then I could probably hold out (damn Italian libido). ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/17 "2000-09-11T16:27:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JimmyNipples \* > \*\*WhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhackaWhacka…Whacka…whacka-boing > \*\* hmmm, I must be doing something wrong, I don’t go boing at the end. It is more of a sproink. And if I can tell you people, I could certainly tell somebody who has seen me nekkid. ---
**Author:** ![aha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eada6e/32.png) [@aha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aha)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/18 "2000-09-11T22:25:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sailor \* > \*\*While I have no insight on this profound topic, I want to point out the correct spelling is “masturbate”. \*\* well I only spelled it that way cause I am the master bater. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/19 "2000-09-11T23:10:00Z")
Um… is there a reason you wouldn’t tell? I mean I’m assuming both parties are over 12 or 13, right? Do people older than that actually get embarassed about masturbation!?! ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2000, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-tell-your-so-that-you-masterbated-instead/32727/20 "2000-09-11T23:44:32Z")
I think the correct answer to the query would be “I’m fine as long as I’m not thinking of you, but as soon as I do I have to masturbate; you’re THAT exciting to me!” But to be perfectly frank, I can’t imagine any conversation where the topic would come up!!?