# Would you torture a puppy if it meanT the end of stupid "moral conundrum" threads? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 17, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953 "2003-03-17T08:09:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/1 "2003-03-17T08:09:23Z")
Suppose an evil genius invented a program that could block ALL threads in ALL discussion forums that present ridiculous moral dilemnas that couldn’t possibly happen in real life. The program is 100% accurate, so you would never have to see a hypothetical moral dilemna thread again. But here’s the catch: The evil genius says you can’t have the program unless you torture a puppy - and it’s a REALLY CUTE puppy, too, and it’s looking at you with those sad puppy eyes. So on the one hand, you have to do the puppy torturing thing, but on the other hand, you would never be annoyed by stupid moral dilemna threads again, EVER. So, what would you do? All dopers are required to answer this OP exactly as presented, and may not point out how silly the question is. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/2 "2003-03-17T08:22:42Z")
I would instead shoot the fellow holding the thread-killer button, and press it myself, then take the puppy to the park in a bid to impress the hotties with my sensitive side. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/3 "2003-03-17T09:03:25Z")
That puppy is toast. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/4 "2003-03-17T09:21:33Z")
Red wire clips to the right ear, black wire to the left. ---
**Author:** ![Banquet\_Bear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/banquet_bear/32/373_2.png) [@Banquet\_Bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Banquet_Bear)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/5 "2003-03-17T09:23:44Z")
…good bye puppy… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/6 "2003-03-17T09:27:43Z")
If you don’t mind my asking, which thread was the last straw, **blowero**? ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/7 "2003-03-17T10:54:29Z")
Would you still torture that puppy if it was the only bit of joy in the life of a 6 year old legless boy from Sri Lanka? With cancer? And bad hair? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/8 "2003-03-17T11:11:49Z")
OK, here’s a suggestion; every time such a ridiculously extreme hypothetical dilemma rears its ugly head, we respond with (at least)equally far-fetched hypothetical solutions. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/9 "2003-03-17T11:15:12Z")
No way, dude, save the puppy. Torture the Sri Lankan instead. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/10 "2003-03-17T11:22:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Protesilaus \* > \*\*If you don’t mind my asking, which thread was the last straw, **blowero**? \*\* I’m willing to bet it was this one: [All Earth’s Life is at Stake, Would You Still Eschew Torture?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?&threadid=169811). **Mr2001** got quite wrongly hauled over the coals for responding to a ridiculous hypothetical with ridiculous speculation, and anyway, I think the giant squid forcefield plan has great merit really. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/11 "2003-03-17T11:25:53Z")
No. On the other hand I _would_ rip the wings off a butterfly to stop the " I shave my genitals" threads. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/12 "2003-03-17T11:27:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Coldfire \* > \*\*Would you still torture that puppy if it was the only bit of joy in the life of a 6 year old legless boy from Sri Lanka? With cancer? And bad hair? \*\* You leave me out of this! ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/13 "2003-03-17T11:39:42Z")
Can I still kill kittens? ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/14 "2003-03-17T11:47:08Z")
This question as stated is formally undecidable in all western moral systems without the answers to a few pertinent questions:[ul] [li]Is the puppy theoretically capable of developing weapons of Mass Destruction ?[/li][li]Is the question posed in the context of the world _as it is_ or in a minor variant, such as that timeline where intelligent beings from epsilon Eridani convince Hitler to delay the invasion of Russia until after his conquest of Switzerland ?[/li][li]Are we talking about a fuzzy pit bull puppy, or one of those weiner dogs here, and is mustard involved ?[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/15 "2003-03-17T12:00:26Z")
Hey, I’ll have you know that my family’s from Sri Lanka…and we all have very nice hair, thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/16 "2003-03-17T12:17:20Z")
Sri Lankan [hair](http://origin.island.lk/2002/09/01/leisur05.html) tastes like soup, I bet. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/17 "2003-03-17T12:29:30Z")
What do you get when you stab a puppy in the eyeball witn an icepick? An erection! (Oh, sick, am I? _You’re_ the one thats laughing!) ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/18 "2003-03-17T12:59:02Z")
Yes. I’d hate myself, but yes. Y’know, the greater good and all that. ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/19 "2003-03-17T13:18:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > \*\*Sri Lankan [hair](http://origin.island.lk/2002/09/01/leisur05.html) tastes like soup, I bet. \*\* Now that’s just WRONG. (Though I’m sure the all-knowing, all-seeing **Brutus** knows whereof he speaks…) ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/20 "2003-03-17T13:37:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Brutus \* > \*\*Sri Lankan [hair](http://origin.island.lk/2002/09/01/leisur05.html) tastes like soup, I bet. \*\* I think you’re wrong and it would taste like **Ryan\_Liam**. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953.md?page=2)