# Would you torture a puppy if it meanT the end of stupid "moral conundrum" threads? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 17, 2003, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953 "2003-03-17T08:09:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/21 "2003-03-17T13:51:32Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Squink \* \*\*[ul] [li]Is the puppy theoretically capable of developing weapons of Mass Destruction ?[/ul] \*\*[/li][/QUOTE] This is a moot point because ALL puppies have this capability. The whole “I’m so cute, don’t torture me” thing is a ruse hiding centuries of plotting. I am shocked that anyone on this board could be ignorant of that fact. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@The\_Tim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tim)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/22 "2003-03-17T16:45:36Z")
Everytime a moral conundrum thread is posted God kills a kitten. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/23 "2003-03-17T16:53:11Z")
If the evil genius is attractive to me, We would get a quick marrage. I’d then persuade her to convert the program so that all threads become moral conundrums. Bwahahahahahaha! Bippy, (we’d keep the puppy though) ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/24 "2003-03-17T18:21:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > I’m willing to bet it was this one: > [All Earth’s Life is at Stake, Would You Still Eschew Torture?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?&threadid=169811). That would be the one. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Squink_ > This question as stated is formally undecidable in all western moral systems without the answers to a few pertinent questions: > Is the puppy theoretically capable of developing weapons of Mass Destruction ? Well, it _did_ make doody on the carpet. Does that count? > [@](#): > > Is the question posed in the context of the world as it is or in a minor variant, such as that timeline where intelligent beings from epsilon Eridani convince Hitler to delay the invasion of Russia until after his conquest of Switzerland ? The question applies to both bearded Spock and non-bearded Spock universes. > [@](#): > > Are we talking about a fuzzy pit bull puppy, or one of those weiner dogs here, and is mustard involved ? The puppy is fluffy and extremely cuddly. He is also a widdle snoogums. ---
**Author:** ![Robb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/a183cd/32.png) [@Robb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robb)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/25 "2003-03-17T18:38:25Z")
> [@](#): > > No. On the other hand I would rip the wings off a butterfly to stop the " I shave my genitals" threads. I’d pull off its antennas if that would help. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/26 "2003-03-17T23:18:34Z")
Has it been neutered? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/27 "2003-03-17T23:59:45Z")
Are you inquiring, or volunteering? ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/28 "2003-03-18T00:30:57Z")
I would taunt the evil genius by expressing my doubts that his program could work. Under pressure of my insults he would obviously demonstrate the power of his program. Once executed, the OP would cease to exist along with the posited evil genius and the as-yet-untortured puppy. I would retire with evil genius’s sexy sidekick. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/29 "2003-03-18T00:42:41Z")
So why was she fucking an evil genius? You might want to think about that. ---
**Author:** ![D.E.S.K.Top668](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@D.E.S.K.Top668](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D.E.S.K.Top668)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/30 "2003-03-18T00:49:01Z")
Not only would I torture the puppy, but I’d also torture the 6 year old Sri Lankan for a Klondike Bar. **elucidator** after two years of reading this board, I finally ruined a keyboard thanks to you and Diet Dr. Pepper. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/31 "2003-03-18T01:08:29Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Mangetout** > OK, here’s a suggestion; every time such a ridiculously extreme hypothetical dilemma rears its ugly head, we respond with (at least)equally far-fetched hypothetical solutions. i think that’s a good idea, can we apply it to riddles with extreme hypothetical scenarios too? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/32 "2003-03-18T01:37:15Z")
What if the puppy had rabies, was a nazi, a KKK member, a fundamentalist Zealot, Satan, a drug addict, and thought amorphous blobs with transformable body parts, an eye for a head, and could get killed by a supersoaker? ---
**Author:** ![bong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e9bcb4/32.png) [@bong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bong)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/33 "2003-03-18T01:38:30Z")
Were hot? That’s the end of the sentence in my last post. I can’t edit my posts. Dang. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5f8ce5/32.png) [@The\_Peyote\_Coyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Peyote_Coyote)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/34 "2003-03-18T01:38:44Z")
Damn straight I would. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/35 "2003-03-18T01:56:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\*Are you inquiring, or volunteering? \*\* I thought maybe we could kill two stones with one bird. Wait. Strike that. Reverse it. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/36 "2003-03-18T02:05:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\*What do you get when you stab a puppy in the eyeball witn an icepick? An erection! > > (Oh, sick, am I? _You’re_ the one thats laughing!) \*\* What’s the perfect gift for a dead baby? A dead puppy! ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/37 "2003-03-18T04:51:02Z")
Read this thread or we shoot the dog! ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/38 "2003-03-18T05:23:50Z")
Wow. Not only could I make the SDMB and the internet in general a better place, I’d get to torture a puppy too? Where do I sign? The guidance counsellors told us to follow our bliss, but this is just too good to be true! ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/39 "2003-03-18T06:30:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\* > **Mr2001** got quite wrongly hauled over the coals for responding to a ridiculous hypothetical with ridiculous speculation, and anyway, I think the giant squid forcefield plan has great merit really. \*\* If there were a “giant squid forcefield”, we might actually be able to intelligently debate libertarianism one of these days. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953/40 "2003-03-18T17:09:07Z")
If the puppy has over a 9 in face, body, and sex appeal then let it live. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-torture-a-puppy-if-it-meant-the-end-of-stupid-moral-conundrum-threads/161953.md?page=3)