# Would you use the word "partners" to describe a legaly married (same sex) couple? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 7, 2011, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910 "2011-10-07T16:25:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![uuaschbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/76d3ee/32.png) [@uuaschbaer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uuaschbaer)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/41 "2011-10-09T16:03:33Z")
Hate the damn word partner, it’s so closeted. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2011, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/42 "2011-10-10T06:56:31Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I heard someone refer to David Furnish as Elton John’s “partner.” My reaction surprised even me, as I said with conviction “David is Elton’s husband. Would you use the word “partner” for an opposite sex couple?” I’ve had the same reaction hearing that, “isn’t he his husband?” A coworker of mine talked a lot about her _ex-pareja_ (ex-romantic-partner); we were quite beffudled when we discovered she meant her ex-husband. It isn’t the same thing! ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/43 "2011-10-11T21:38:10Z")
IME, ‘‘partner’’ is pretty common in academic circles regardless of whether the couples are same or opposite sex. Perhaps one reason some people insist on ‘‘partner’’ over ‘‘his husband’’ or ‘‘her wife’’ is that marriage is a privileged institution which discriminates against straight non-married couples as much as the gay community. ‘‘Partner’’ can as much be a statement of support for LGBT couples as it can be a statement of protest against the institution of marriage. Just a thought. As for me, I use ‘‘partner’’ for non-married\* committed homosexual couples, and ‘‘husband’’ or ‘‘wife’’ for married couples, regardless of orientation. \*Non-married in their own eyes. To hell with the legal technicalities. If they had a ceremony and they identify one another as husband or wife, that’s what I call 'em. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/44 "2011-10-11T22:09:25Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Well, like you say, it is equal in every way except one tiny one - that you can’t hav the official ceremony in a church or include religion in the vows. All the law stuff and so on is absolutely equal. You missed another way: they aren’t called the same thing officially. The term “civil partnership” exists solely to degrade the relationships and put them on a lower level than marriages (presumably so on-the-fence bigots would get on board). Thankfully it’s pretty much just a cosmetic difference, but it’s not completely irrelevant. Words and how they’re given official sanction are important. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/45 "2011-10-11T22:53:10Z")
> [@Lord\_Feldon](#): > > You missed another way: they aren’t called the same thing officially. The term “civil partnership” exists solely to degrade the relationships and put them on a lower level than marriages (presumably so on-the-fence bigots would get on board). Thankfully it’s pretty much just a cosmetic difference, but it’s not completely irrelevant. Words and how they’re given official sanction are important. It’s not completely irrelevant, I agree, but I don’t think a gay marriage bill would have got through for several more years, and I know people (elderly people and binational couples) who’ve really benefited from civil partnerships in the meantime. ---
**Author:** ![Apollyon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/apollyon/32/4238_2.png) [@Apollyon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apollyon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/46 "2011-10-13T01:52:14Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I do a bunch of work with New Zealanders, where “partner” means SO of whichever sex or degree of legally recognized married-ness. > > That cultural disconnect had some humorous/humourous repercussions until we sorted it out. I’m not a big personal fan of “partner”; it pretty much means “business associate” to me. And sounds a bit neologistic , but that’s probably a function of my age. I can however see why fellow Kiwis use it: we have (trad) marriage, civil unions (both hetero and same-sex), and defacto relationships having most of the same laws applying to them… and I’m still not sure what the “official” terms are for my (hetero-couple) friends who chose to get married (unioned??) under the Civil Union Act (2204) rather than the Marriage Act (1955). My (now) wife and I were in a defacto relationship for 10 years… “boyfriend / girlfriend” started out seeming right but seemed to get less sensible over time. Partner seems a reasonable compromise. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2011, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/47 "2011-10-13T15:34:30Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > I heard someone refer to David Furnish as Elton John’s “partner.” My reaction surprised even me, as I said with conviction “David is Elton’s husband. Would you use the word “partner” for an opposite sex couple?” > > Well, I wouldn’t and I think the same should apply to all legally married couples. > > Your thoughts? Well, as others have mentioned, Elton and Furnish aren’t legally married, so legally speaking the term ‘partner’ or ‘civil partner’ is correct. This whole ‘civil partnership’ vs ‘marriage’ thing causes confusions amongst both gay and straight people in the UK - some gay couples use ‘husband’, others don’t because they don’t like the term or don’t want to use it until Civil Partnerships are replaced with Marriage. You can see the confusion or political positioning by looking at the national press. I’ve noticed The Guardian (left leaning respected broadsheet) referring to a celebrity female’s wife (no snark, no quote marks), whereas the Daily Telegraph (right wing broadsheet) would probably stick to partner to be pedantic. The gutter press would probably write ‘husband’ (with a snigger). I’m not yet in a civil partnership and don’t know which term I’d use. I’d probably use wife and partner interchangeably just to add to the confusion. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2011, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/48 "2011-10-13T15:36:56Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > I don’t know how it is in the US, but in UK, partner is increasingly employed as a general term to describe your significant other. As in people will invite “you and your partner” to dinner. I find it annoying and imprecise. One of these days, I will bring all my partners to dinner. My buisness partner, my golf partner, my tennis partner, the partner of the business my business has enterered into a partnership with… just to see the hostess head explode. And what about the unmarried and gay couples? Or don’t they get to bring their other half to the party? Partner is imprecise precisely because a precise term does not accomodate the diversity of relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910/49 "2011-10-13T15:38:41Z")
> [@SanVito](#): > > Well, as others have mentioned, Elton and Furnish aren’t legally married, so legally speaking the term ‘partner’ or ‘civil partner’ is correct. I guess that’s at least part of my problem: in Spanish, they’re married. I do think in English, but the cultural bedrock doesn’t flip when I flip languages. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-you-use-the-word-partners-to-describe-a-legaly-married-same-sex-couple/598910.md?page=2)