# Would your child be allowed to date someone of a different race/ethnicity/creed? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 30, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324 "2004-11-30T14:20:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/21 "2004-11-30T19:42:44Z")
> [@brickbacon](#): > > While I would not forbid it (and generally not have a problem with it), I would want to know thier motivation for doing so. How about, plain and simple, _they love each other_? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/22 "2004-11-30T19:49:07Z")
> [@Mr. Moto](#): > > Nice. > > So, essentially, you’re only against certain forms of bigotry. Other kinds are perfectly acceptable, right? > > How can you even compare Christianity to those other cases? Quite easily. There some people (cough…Phelps…cough…JerseyDiamond…cough) who are evil bigots who I think are frightening and dangerous. I don’t want my son to hang with people like that, let alone enter into a serious relationship with them. There are some Christians who don’t spread a message of hate and exclusion (Poly comes to mind). I would be mystified, but not upset, if my son dated these people. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/23 "2004-11-30T19:55:38Z")
Gotcha. I’m wondering where you draw the line, though. Would Unitarians be okay, but Baptists and Pentacostals not? How about Roman Catholics, or Presbyterians, or those pesky Methodists? Wouldn’t it be far easier to judge whether the person in question is a decent person or an asshole, and go from there? It seems far easier to me than writing off entire denominations and religions. Frankly, you sound as bad as those Christian parents who get upset when their children date or marry atheists. Intolerance takes many, many forms, **Kalhoun**. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/24 "2004-11-30T20:01:05Z")
> [@Mr. Moto](#): > > Gotcha. I’m wondering where you draw the line, though. Would Unitarians be okay, but Baptists and Pentacostals not? > > How about Roman Catholics, or Presbyterians, or those pesky Methodists? > > Wouldn’t it be far easier to judge whether the person in question is a decent person or an asshole, and go from there? It seems far easier to me than writing off entire denominations and religions. > > Frankly, you sound as bad as those Christian parents who get upset when their children date or marry atheists. Intolerance takes many, many forms, **Kalhoun**. Now, see…you’re not paying attention. I said I’d be mystified, but not upset, if my son dated someone who was a good believer. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/25 "2004-11-30T20:21:13Z")
I’m paying attention. I was just focusing, again, on the some Christians remark. Seems like you would be upset if your kid dated a Christian who was an asshole, right? Wouldn’t the problem then be the jerkish behavior of the individual in question, rather than an entire religion? I don’t know where religion has a place in the discussion, unless you really have a problem with religion. And, like I said before, that seems intolerant to me. ---
**Author:** ![Hyperelastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Hyperelastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hyperelastic)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/26 "2004-11-30T20:24:24Z")
My boy is English, Irish, Scots, German, Sicilian, black, and Vietnamese. (I prefer to regard him as just American.) So even if I did object to him dating someone of a different ethnicity, he’d still have a lot of options. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/27 "2004-11-30T20:42:43Z")
OK, I have to admit I would have a problem if my daughter was dating a Muslim man. Unfortunately, I have had a great many bad experiences with Muslim men. I don’t like this trait in myself, and I try to change it, but oftener than not something else happens to burn me. Mostly, I would hope that she was 110 % sure that the man, whoever it was, would treat her with dignity, and respect. And I don’t see many Muslim men treating their wives as an equal. I am no expert, it’s just what I see. I have a lot of Muslim friends…but I would never consider dating any of them, myself. I hope I have explained myself. In the end, I would rather attend her wedding to a Muslim man and dance joyfully at the wedding than take the chance of being shut out of her life. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/28 "2004-11-30T20:43:01Z")
Given that I, a Jew, am married to a nice Irish Catholic boy, I would feel hypocritical should Aaron choose to date someone who is “different”. That said, however, if he chooses a partner of a different religion to the point where he’s pressured to convert in order to keep that partner, I’d have a problem with that. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/29 "2004-11-30T20:49:45Z")
I’m trying to decide what I’d do if my hypothetical daughter came home and wanted to become **Aldebaran** ’s third wife… :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/30 "2004-11-30T20:51:25Z")
> [@Dante](#): > > I’m trying to decide what I’d do if my hypothetical daughter came home and wanted to become **Aldebaran** ’s third wife… > > :eek: :eek: And I like **Aldebaran** , too…just not as a husband or a son-in-law. Sorry, Aldy baby. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/31 "2004-11-30T20:55:42Z")
> [@Mr. Moto](#): > > I don’t know where religion has a place in the discussion, unless you really have a problem with religion. And, like I said before, that seems intolerant to me. I’m not Kalhoun, but it seems clear to me that she was referring to “jerkish” behaviors that are rooted in certain so-called Christian beliefs like homophobia or sexism (submission of wives to husbands). ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/32 "2004-11-30T21:10:13Z")
My children would be free to date or marry someone of a different race or ethnicity or religion. My worry would be for the other set of parents. I dated a black guy in college who told me I could never meet his family (I’m white). I had a very serious boyfriend who was Jewish. Most of his family hated me, and I was not welcome at family events. Even his parents, who liked me as a person, told him they were ‘dissapointed’. I believe family pressure help lead to him dumping me. I was crushed, and I’d feel obligated to warn my children about the great uphill battle they may be in for. And you know what, I’m with **Kalhoun**. I’d be very, very concerned if my child brought home a religious fanatic of any sort. I’m sorry, but Christians do not get a pass from having their fanatic sects called as they are just because Christianity is the dominant religion in this country. (Note that the boyfriend would have to be an actual believer and not just raised by them. I certainly don’t hold my own boyfriend responsible for his crazy fundie relatives) ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/33 "2004-11-30T21:16:59Z")
> [@Obsidian](#): > > Even his parents, who liked me as a person, told him they were ‘dissapointed’. I believe family pressure help lead to him dumping me. I was crushed, and I’d feel obligated to warn my children about the great uphill battle they may be in for. It depends on the family though. My parents were once dead set against me seeing an ‘outsides’, so to speak. However, they did realise the folly of this, and that if they wanted to keep me in their lives, they’d have to compromise with me on this one. It is an uphill battle – that I don’t deny – but then it could happen for any sort of reason, not just ethnicity. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/34 "2004-11-30T21:24:30Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > It depends on the family though. My parents were once dead set against me seeing an ‘outsides’, so to speak. Please change ‘outsides’ to ‘outsider’ in that comment. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/35 "2004-11-30T21:27:57Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > I’m not Kalhoun, but it seems clear to me that she was referring to “jerkish” behaviors that are rooted in certain so-called Christian beliefs like homophobia or sexism (submission of wives to husbands). There are jerkish behaviors on the other side, too, among certain “sects” of atheists. Madalyn Murray O’Hair wasn’t known as a particularly nice individual, after all. I’m loath to paint all atheists as shrill and intolerant based on her example. If my kids were dating atheists, I’d be concerned solely with their character as individuals. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/36 "2004-11-30T21:45:31Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > So, should it be okay for parents to “disallow” certain groups as potential mates? Honestly, who has time for such nonsense? Where do people find the energy to be concerned about such bullshit? > [@](#): > > Is it okay for newer immigrant groups to the USA (or UK or wherever) to insulate themselves? Racism is racism. It’s just as corrosive and destructive if it’s Ken the Korean Immigrant as if it was Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel. “He’s from the old country, they have different values” is the dumbest excuse in human history. Don’t come to my country, a land of tolerance and freedom, and (rightfully) expect us to treat you as a brother, and then turn around and treat your fellow Canadians as less than equal. If you want to be a racist you should have gone to some shithole country where that’s the norm. ---
**Author:** ![TonyF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@TonyF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonyF)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/37 "2004-11-30T22:20:09Z")
Heh. Fremont. My hometown. :smack: What broadcast was this? Somehow I’m not surprised. But then, I hate that town. Anyway. I’m pretty libertarian about this - I don’t care who my child would date, so long as that person treats my child well and isn’t an asshole. There really isn’t much justification to limiting another person’s choices like that. ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/38 "2004-11-30T22:33:00Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I talked to my mom about this when I was in my early twenties and considering dating a black friend. She hemmed and hawed and finally said, “Of course, if he makes you happy, I’d be thrilled for you, honey. But I’m also aware that raising children in a mixed-race household can be a very difficult thing, and I’d be worried about what problems your kids would face. They’re not insurmountable problems, and I’ll help you out in any way I can, but I would worry for you.” My mom said this to me, almost word for word, when we talked about it. In early high school I dated a Hindu boy. Because I wasn’t Indian (I’m white) and I wasn’t Hindu (was raised Presbyterian) his parents were really wary of the relationship. I don’t think he even told them for the longest time, and eventually we split up, largely because of the family tensions. He’s been dating a nice Hindu Indian girl from his temple’s youth group ever since. ---
**Author:** ![Aldebaran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Aldebaran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aldebaran)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/39 "2004-11-30T22:41:21Z")
**Dante** and [Elenia28\*\*, I’m moved by the sympathy that drips from your posts. Once a Muslim, always a Terrorist, I suppose? (variation: Once an Arab…) Oh sorry… have to leave you. I must go overwatch the daily beating of my spouses. And this time it shall take a few hours…Once again no pregnancy!! Salaam. A knowing very well that wishing you peace shall not help to make you see the insulting bigotry you display ---
**Author:** ![Debaser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3da27b/32.png) [@Debaser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Debaser)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/40 "2004-11-30T22:42:38Z")
> [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](#): > > Is it bigoted to say I hope my son doesn’t date a bigot? You think to much. 😃 > [@Hyperelastic](#): > > My boy is English, Irish, Scots, German, Sicilian, black, and Vietnamese. (I prefer to regard him as just American.) So even if I did object to him dating someone of a different ethnicity, he’d still have a lot of options. Sure, I can just see it now. He one day grows up and brings home a nice girl who is English, Irish, Scots, German, _Italian_, black, and Vietnamese! The shame he would bring to your family. You’d kick him out on the spot. 😃 I’m getting married this summer. Near as I can tell, my kids will be: 1/8 Irish 1/8 Polish These two are clear cut from straight off the boat grandparents of mine. After that it gets murky: 1/4 Scottish anscestry that’s been in the US since the revolution, so it’s watered down to the point of simply being “American”. 1/8 African American. 3/8 Mix of English and Scottish. Again, this side of my wife to be’s family have all been in the US long enough to be watered down to the point where it doesn’t really matter anymore. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324.md?page=3)