# Would your child be allowed to date someone of a different race/ethnicity/creed? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [November 30, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324 "2004-11-30T14:20:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/41 "2004-11-30T22:51:06Z")
Well, if I tried it on my hypothetical children, I’d have to pick just one “race” out of the five that would contribute to their genetic make-up. That would just be too difficult. Could they only date Mexican because their last name is Mexican? Could they only date black people because they’ll probably have dark skin like their dad and grandma? Could they only date white people because their mom is white? Would they be allowed to date Italians, even though they’ll be four generations removed from the immigrants from Northern Italy? I do admit that it would be difficult if my hypothetical child came home with a hard-core religious person–of any stripe. But since the child is only hypothetical, I’m not too worried about this eventuality. ---
**Author:** ![brickbacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@brickbacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brickbacon)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/42 "2004-11-30T23:03:29Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > How about, plain and simple, _they love each other_? That would be fine by me. I would never begrudge someone I love any happiness that comes from anything that wasn’t destructive or self-destructive. However, the motivation behind many behaviors needs to be considered. That being said, I would never go as far as forbiding my kid from dating somebody. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/43 "2004-11-30T23:23:39Z")
> [@brickbacon](#): > > That would be fine by me. I would never begrudge someone I love any happiness that comes from anything that wasn’t destructive or self-destructive. However, the motivation behind many behaviors needs to be considered. That being said, I would never go as far as forbiding my kid from dating somebody. I think what **brickbacon** ’s not quite saying is that there a specific kind of racism that happens when one member of a minority refuses to date a member of that same minority simply because they \*are \*a member of that minority. Black women who refuse to date black men, for example, or Latinas who only date Asians. It’s thought that this is due to racist tendancies that may be a symptom of self-hate. These motivations in my child would certainly worry me, and I’d want to address them. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/44 "2004-11-30T23:36:47Z")
Whoever my daughters choose to date, now and in the future, need to have two qualities: to treat my daughter well, and to not be an asshole. Aside from that, everything is cool. ---
**Author:** ![brickbacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@brickbacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brickbacon)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/45 "2004-11-30T23:45:08Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I think what **brickbacon** ’s not quite saying is that there a specific kind of racism that happens when one member of a minority refuses to date a member of that same minority simply because they \*are \*a member of that minority. Black women who refuse to date black men, for example, or Latinas who only date Asians. It’s thought that this is due to racist tendancies that may be a symptom of self-hate. These motivations in my child would certainly worry me, and I’d want to address them. Basically. I didn’t really want to use such a broad brush. Not everyone who appears to exclusively date outside their race is self-loathing bigot. However, I think there are plenty of people who allow self-hate to dictate who they date. If my kid turned out to be one, then I would feel responsible, and would do my best to correct it. That’s the beginning and end of my concern about who my child would date. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/46 "2004-11-30T23:49:00Z")
> [@Aldebaran](#): > > **Dante** and [Elenia28\*\*, I’m moved by the sympathy that drips from your posts. > > Once a Muslim, always a Terrorist, I suppose? (variation: Once an Arab…) > > Oh sorry… have to leave you. I must go overwatch the daily beating of my spouses. And this time it shall take a few hours…Once again no pregnancy!! > Salaam. A > knowing very well that wishing you peace shall not help to make you see the insulting bigotry you display Um, actually, you’re the one displaying insulting bigotry. You assume that what I said meant that I wouldn’t want my daughter to marry a Muslim (variation: an Arab), and that I equate all Muslims (variation: Arabs) with terrorists. Nothing could be further from the truth. (For the record, I don’t think all Irishmen are IRA mad bombers either.). You don’t need to swing for the bleachers everytime someone lobs up your name. I don’t know that I’d like my daughter to marry into a multi-spousal situation though. And before you can go off on a tear, yes, that does include Mormons. Feel free to misinterpret this post into an attack on the peoples and religions of the Middle East though. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2004, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/47 "2004-11-30T23:51:39Z")
I’ve dated women of every race imaginable, and multiple combinations thereof. I couldn’t imagine having an opinion one way or another about what race a person was whom my child was dating. As far as them having children goes, I’d probably be thinking: hey, the more you mix the genes up, the better. People with mixed racial backgrounds are the wave of the future. And here in CA where I live, the future is now. ---
**Author:** ![Paladud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Paladud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paladud)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/48 "2004-12-01T00:01:56Z")
I don’t think I’d completely exclude any particular group, but I have great difficulty seeing myself dating a Muslim girl, even without the likelihood of being killed by my own dad for it (seriously killed. Snuffed out. Turned into an ex-Paladud.) No plans to have kids, but if I did, they’d have to live with my biases till adulthood. No death threats, though. ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/49 "2004-12-01T00:24:56Z")
> [@Paladud](#): > > I don’t think I’d completely exclude any particular group, but I have great difficulty seeing myself dating a Muslim girl, even without the likelihood of being killed by my own dad for it As a Muslim woman, I feel compelled to ask why. ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/50 "2004-12-01T00:51:19Z")
I wouldn’t have any problem with it. I’ve dated women who are black, white and Korean. My parents never had a problem with that and I’ll do my best to pass the lesson along. I’ve got several “interracial” couples amongst my friends and relatives and they’re doing fine as well. And lordy I just hate the word “interracial”. Sounds so 19th century, there’s got to be a less-clunky term. Then again do we need any descriptor? It’s not like we have a special word to describe a couple who have differently colored hair, or eyes, or different heights or something, why do we need one for skin color? ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/51 "2004-12-01T01:41:21Z")
As the father of two girls, I figure it is not merely my right, but my solemn duty to deprecate potential dates, cut them down, and attempt to dissuade my daughters from going out with them. I have already planned out my strategy, which I stole from **Fight Club**. I call it the “too” strategy. Whatever these boys are, they will be “too” it. “That boy’s too smart,” “He’s too stupid,” “He’s too athletic,” “He’s too black,” “He’s too chinese,” “He’s too jewish,” if they are white and Catholic, I can use that, too “He’s too white and Catholic, what are you trying to do, date your twin?” Since I will go after everybody for everything, it would be prejudiced of me **not** to use the race/ethnicity/creed of a potential date against these rampaging hormonal meat sacks that wish to date my daughter. Dating my daughter. That is the crime. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/52 "2004-12-01T01:46:46Z")
I think I’d even be inclined to encourage it; I know a number of mixed-race couples and (not that looks are everything) I think they look absolutely fantastic together; not only that, but in all of the cases with which I’m acquainted, the kids are stunningly beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/53 "2004-12-01T01:49:13Z")
Although I enjoy diversity, I like any movement toward a unity of people. I’m not sure what race is anyway. > [@](#): > > **Mr. Moto** : Wouldn’t it be far easier to judge whether the person in question is a decent person or an asshole, and go from there? It seems far easier to me than writing off entire denominations and religions. I didn’t get the impression that **Kalhoun** was writing off entire denominations and religions at all. No denomination was specified. **Kalhoun** did not paint _all_ Christians or even all “hard-core” Christians as being objectionable. Is it the lack of specificity that bothers you? You seem to be claiming that the statements were much more sweeping than they are. > [@](#): > > **Mr. Moto** : Frankly, you sound as bad as those Christian parents who get upset when their children date or marry atheists. > > \ > > There are jerkish behaviors on the other side, too, among certain “sects” of atheists. > > \ > > Madalyn Murray O’Hair wasn’t known as a particularly nice individual, after all. > > I’m loath to paint all atheists as shrill and intolerant based on her example. You should be pleased, then, that Kalhoun _didn’t_ make sweeping generalizations about Christians nor judge all Christians based upon the actions of one Christian. You are really trying to ascribe a line of thinking to **Kalhoun** that just isn’t there in the posts. BTW, Madalyn Murray O’Hair’s _public_ persona was shrill, there is no argument. There were many who knew her that said that she was pleasant in private. I guess “nice” is in the eye of the beholder. I think that she served a good purpose and I rather liked and admired her. For me, being strong for a good cause is “nice.” And I _am_ a Christian. I would not encourage a daughter to date anyone who thinks she is subservient, but I would not prevent her unless she had gotten into an abusive situation. ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/54 "2004-12-01T01:50:22Z")
Are there really “sects” of atheists? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/55 "2004-12-01T01:54:41Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > I’m not sure what race is anyway. Me neither - it’s a truly horrid word. As someone who married someone of a different ethnicity, might I just point out that some of us did it because no one from our own ethnicity was willing to marry us. Please cut us a bit of slack. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/56 "2004-12-01T02:41:59Z")
Yeah, I can’t see it being an issue. Lady Chance and I both dated people of different ‘races’ in high school. No biggie here. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/57 "2004-12-01T02:52:39Z")
Given that my wife and I form an interracial couple, which makes our children multiracial, this is something of a moot point for us. When we were looking at houses, our real estate agent asked us if we’d consider looking at houses in mixed-race neighborhoods. All I could answer was “Won’t ANY neighborhood we move into become mixed race?” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/58 "2004-12-01T03:35:17Z")
I guess if it were my kid, I’d want to make sure s/he was really interested in the _person_ and not the skin color/ethnicity/religion. Might want to add socioeconomic background in there too, as another important cultural divider. Sometimes, when you’re young, all you want is to be “different.” If that’s _all_ you want, it’s just as bad as wanting only to fit in. **brickbacon** sort of approached this up the thread when commenting on “self-hating” dating tendencies. Maybe it’s not yourself you hate, but your family or where you came from, but the point is the same. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/59 "2004-12-01T03:42:24Z")
> [@Beware of Doug](#): > > I guess if it were my kid, I’d want to make sure s/he was really interested in the _person_ and not the skin color/ethnicity/religion. Might want to add socioeconomic background in there too, as another important cultural divider. > > Sometimes, when you’re young, all you want is to be “different.” If that’s _all_ you want, it’s just as bad as wanting only to fit in. **brickbacon** sort of approached this up the thread when commenting on “self-hating” dating tendencies. Maybe it’s not yourself you hate, but your family or where you came from, but the point is the same. Excellent point, **Doug**. It’s one thing to fancy a bit of rough or a bit of Bamboo, another thing altogether to understand what a long term relationship with that person will entail. But the single most difficult thing for any parent must be to let their own kids sow their wild oats. I plan on enjoying the next five years as much as I can… ---
**Author:** ![anu-la1979](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@anu-la1979](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anu-la1979)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2004, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324/60 "2004-12-01T05:02:18Z")
I am a Hindu, if my child were to date/marry a very religious Muslim or fundamentalist Christian and have to give up the faith I raised her/him in, I would be sad b/c I like my religion and I would want to see my progeny practicing it and I think the manner in which I raise that child would be very different from the lifestyle he/she would have to eventually follow. However, I would accept his decision, esp. if he/she really felt Hinduism wasn’t right for her/him, b/c I do firmly believe in the idea that every religion prays to the same God. Ultimately I’d be looking more to the person’s character than their religion. My parents, I know, would accept my decision to marry a Muslim but I KNOW, I just know the first things out of their mouths would be “talak talak talak? You had better be careful.” I know my parents prefer that if I marry out of race I marry someone Jewish. I could care less if my child married/dated a moderate/lapsed person of any creed and colour. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/would-your-child-be-allowed-to-date-someone-of-a-different-race-ethnicity-creed/277324.md?page=4)