# Wouldn't you make a casserole for a young grieving person? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 21, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775 "2009-07-21T20:40:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/61 "2009-07-23T07:53:50Z")
> [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Oh shit, I don’t usually cry at work this early! **Serenata67** > [@](#): > > That was sooo sweet! Awww… it warms my heart to read that! There are good people out there! **purplehorseshoe** > [@](#): > > ::sigh:: > Clambering on board the sniffly nose/teary eyed train with the rest of you early-morning workers. > Next stop: Lyons, GA. We can all shop at the Piggly-Wiggly together. > ::grabs tissue:: Yeah. Me too. I just wish I’d been a little bit wiser when I was younger, and had acknowledged the lovely gesture made by this man all those years ago. I hope, though, that wherever he is, he has lived his life knowing that he made a truly unbearable time a little bit easier for a grieving family… ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/62 "2009-07-23T08:56:59Z")
I don’t know from casseroles (whenever I hear the word, I imagine something you have to roll up, like a big burrito), but I think it sounds like a nice gesture. I can’t imagine anyone taking offense, certainly. ---
**Author:** ![Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/le_ministre_de_l_au-dela/32/12181_2.png) [@Le\_Ministre\_de\_l\_au-dela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Ministre_de_l_au-dela)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/63 "2009-07-23T14:42:26Z")
I’m actually surprised, upon Googling, to find that ‘Funeral Cookies’ are not the commonly accepted name for those little dabs of chocolate with oatmeal and shredded coconut. I always assumed that was what everyone called them, because that was one of the quickest and easiest things to make and take over in a hurry when someone died. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/64 "2009-07-23T14:58:14Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > I don’t know from casseroles (whenever I hear the word, I imagine something you have to roll up, like a big burrito) A casserole is basically layered ingredients, some of which might come from a soup can, in an oblong dish and baked. For instance, tater tot casserole is browned ground beef and onions, frozen peas, a can of cream of mushroom soup, and tater tots. As casseroles go that’s a little low brow, but I loved it when I was a kid. I’d pick the peas out. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/65 "2009-07-23T15:37:19Z")
The proper name is “hotdish.” ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/66 "2009-07-23T15:42:30Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > A casserole is basically layered ingredients, some of which might come from a soup can, in an oblong dish and baked. For instance, tater tot casserole is browned ground beef and onions, frozen peas, a can of cream of mushroom soup, and tater tots. As casseroles go that’s a little low brow, but I loved it when I was a kid. I’d pick the peas out. My mom makes that but with canned corn instead of frozen peas. It is an awesome dish that only my mom can make properly IMO. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/67 "2009-07-23T16:04:34Z")
The _better class of people_ no longer use cream of soup in their casseroles. Except the green bean kind, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/68 "2009-07-23T16:06:07Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > I have to agree that it’s a great thing to do for someone who’s lost a parent (damn, wish I’d thought of that a few years ago), but not a grandparent. Usually the person who is most likely to have to make all the arrangements for everything is the person emotionally closest to the deceased. And usually it’s a parent, sibling, child, or spouse. I’m from a midwestern family and that’s how it was done. When my grandma died, people brought food to my dad and his siblings who had to do all the sudden funeral and estate management. No one brought me or my sister food. We were super-close to Grandma, but I would have found it weird to have someone show up at my apartment with food. Well, actually, one person brought me a lasagne, but that was because she brought it to me to take over to my dad. When my dad passed, the food came to my mom’s house (and was intended for us as we were immediate family all congregated in her house). ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/69 "2009-07-23T16:18:34Z")
I wouldn’t take offense, but I’ve been thinking about this a bit, and it’s the OP’s relationship that makes me feel a little odd. If my girlfriend’s boyfriend brought me some homemade food? Not likely, but the relationship is a bit too distant. I think a big box of donuts or cookies might go over better. Or BEER. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/70 "2009-07-23T17:46:44Z")
I dunno, we’re a teeny bit closer than that, I think. The three of us went on a trip to Vegas this past March, for example. My dad helped him and my boyfriend build their camera store. And he and I are the only native Columbians in the group - we know a lot of the same people. Weirdly, my parents realized when they saw his grandmother’s obituary that his uncle was the guy they knew at their church who got decapitated by a logging truck. But we’re not so close that I’d go to this funeral - if it were his grandmother that I’d met that I know he’s really close to and has breakfast with every weekend, I’d go to that one with my boyfriend and pay my respects. It’s like that. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/71 "2009-07-23T17:53:07Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Wouldn’t you make a casserole for a young grieving person? What am I, trying to poison him? No one wants to eat a casserole I’d make. I’d bring over a pot of rice and a pot of my famous Bachelor Stew.\* This is a wonderful old tradition that’s dying out a little. Were I in his shoes, I’d be very appreciative. \*The cooking instructions are as follows: “Find ingredients. Chop. Boil.” I can handle that. And it actually tastes better after spending a week in a Tupperware in the fridge. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/72 "2009-07-24T00:54:40Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > For a single man in his 20’s I would make him something but not a casserole. Make him some banana bread or muffins or something else breakfast-like that he doesn’t have to worry about heating up in any way. Many single men hate that and often will eat condensed soup or vegetables or whatever straight out of the can to avoid anything at all like cooking. Better to bring him something that doesn’t require the oven. Shouldn’t be a factor if the young guy has a microwave. It’s no effort at all to nuke something that was previously cooked. That’s not at all like “cooking.” And yes, I once was a bachelor in my 20’s and was ecstatic when I bought my first microwave. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2009, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775/73 "2009-07-24T12:09:55Z")
I’d be really pleased if someone did this for me. He may not be directly involved in the planning etc, but if he’s a nice guy (and if he wasn’t, why would **Zsofia** be bothering with him) he’ll be trying to help his parents out, so his own life is going to have fallen by the wayside a little. For the record, I would take food round to someone if they had been bereaved or were going through a hard time. Even if it was just a neighbour, not a friend, I’ve been known to take something round. It doesn’t have to be food though; a guy who lived downstairs from us was taken to hospital and they couldn’t find his family, so we took him some nice pyjamas (hospital pyjamas are horrible), deodorant, nice smelling shower gel and some sweets. I think if the young man appreciates it, then you’ve done a nice thing he’ll always remember. If he doesn’t really, he’ll still know you meant it to be a nice thing. If he really can’t even see that, then he’s a bit of a prick, in which case it doesn’t matter what he thinks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wouldnt-you-make-a-casserole-for-a-young-grieving-person/503775.md?page=3)