# Wow a magic penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 7, 2005, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850 "2005-05-07T19:54:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/41 "2005-05-21T04:58:23Z")
No thread like this is com plete without the Italian operatic soprano [Maria Labia](http://www.historicopera.com/labia_1178_fp.jpg) (1980-1956). My dad once knew a Mr. Klitz (pronounced just like it looks). ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/42 "2005-05-21T05:00:15Z")
I believe that’s **1890** -1956. Oh well…won’t be the first time someone’s turned Labia inside out… ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/43 "2005-05-21T10:57:14Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > A friend of mine has the name John Thomas, for his first and middle names. A friend of mine in high school had Jon Thomas for his first and _last_ names. He was proud of it, too. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/44 "2005-05-21T11:05:20Z")
Had a high school teacher named Richard Head and a collect professor named Richard Weed. Was difficult to work up a lot of respect for those guys, other than the fact that they kept showing up for work day after day. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/45 "2005-05-21T15:44:22Z")
I had a very distant relative named Harry Dick. My favorite redundancy: Roddy McDowall. And many years ago, I saw a sign for a gynecologist named Seymour Kuntz (I’d bet anything that he changed his name after choosing a specialty). But my all-time favorite name: a lady I once met, from somewhere in the Balkan Peninsula: Astrida Penis – a name that’s supposedly very common where she came from. ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/46 "2005-05-21T16:14:35Z")
I know a “Randy Bachelor” - she’s a girl. ---
**Author:** ![andrewdt85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@andrewdt85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewdt85)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/47 "2005-05-21T23:48:38Z")
The best online US phone-book search is supposed to be [ZabaSearch.com](http://ZabaSearch.com), right? Anyhoo, I went on there and searched every dirty name posted so far. Have fun with Zaba! Randy Bachelor: 4 Penis: just two, a Maria in LA and a Johnber somewhere else Harry Dick: 28 Seymour Kuntz: Was this gynecologist in San Diego? Why not call him up at 619-222-2022 and see how he’s doing? Head: Too many matches, of course; same for Richard Head. A lot of head going on in America! Maria Labia: She may no longer be with us, but we still have Mamie Labia in Las Vegas to laugh at! And when you’ve seen one, you’ve seen 'em all… Dick Breth: No Dicks among the Breths, but 8 Richard Breths. Dick Long: 37. And too many Richard Dicks to count. Peter Short: 81. Man, add up all these, and they might reach the length of 37 Dick Longs! Pornrat: Not a one… Wanka (not Wan-ka): 90 John Thomas: Too many to count! Seeman or seman or SEMEN: for all, too much- er, too many… Seemen: 12. Not enough for a(muffles mouth)… Gay Seeman: The poster of this name lives in CA; the three Gay Seemans live in GA and IN. Randy Johnson: Too many Randy Johnsons. I know I ha(muffles mouth)… Dick/Richard Johnson: Too many. Someone linked to a page w/ the name Mike Hunt; this person is not alone, there are TOO MANY MATCHES with that name. The name CUNT however has none! But… Kunt:54. More than enough for 37 Dick Longs but not enough for 81 Peter Shorts! For marriage, of course! What are you thinking?! Bush: Too many, especially for Democrats. Sandy Butt: Iowa and Va. Go VA! Dick Lusts: None, but 33 Richards, almost enough for the 37 Longs. I’d love to throw a cocktail party with some of these guys w/o them knowing each other’s names, and watch as they all realize they are named Dick Long and Dick Lust. God, that’d be great… Sirinporn: Nope. No Pornrat or Sirinporn. Bates: Too many. Anita Peter: 7. Anita Dick: 31. Why can’t all women be so honest? Woody Johnson: Too many, good for the previous. and Bonus! 11 Gaylord Fockers and a Martha Focker, a Felipe A Fuck in Texas, 4 Shits, too many Balls and Cocks, 8 Pricks, 49 Arses and 37 Asses, and one Amela Pubic in Missouri. Nope, can’t move me to the Pit for this, none of these were swearwords! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![whatsittoya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@whatsittoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whatsittoya)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2005, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/48 "2005-05-21T23:51:40Z")
I’s not quite in line with the rest of these, but how about this: [http://www.sciencedaily.com/upi/index.php?feed=Quirks&article=UPI-1-20050331-12372400-bc-us-death.xml](http://www.sciencedaily.com/upi/index.php?feed=Quirks&article=UPI-1-20050331-12372400-bc-us-death.xml) Death was the chairman, CEO and assistant treasurer of the Locust Valley Cemetery Association. I can see him trying to decide as a kid what he wanted to be, doctor or mortician. Can you imagine what kind of reaction he got when he answered the phone at work: 😛 ---
**Author:** ![jweb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@jweb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jweb)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/49 "2005-05-22T02:54:22Z")
My hometown of about 1100 people featured a librarian named Anita Cox, a car mechanic named Harry Balhs, and a guy who went to my parent’s church named Richard Peters. ---
**Author:** ![andrewdt85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@andrewdt85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewdt85)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/50 "2005-05-22T13:47:41Z")
Do you live in Penis-sylvania, by any chance? 😉 hehehehe ---
**Author:** ![andrewdt85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@andrewdt85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewdt85)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/51 "2005-05-22T13:55:03Z")
Zabba shows 3 Harry Balls and too many Harry Balhs. Too many Richard Peters and Anita Coxes to count. ---
**Author:** ![andrewdt85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@andrewdt85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewdt85)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/52 "2005-05-22T14:07:25Z")
At University of Virginia in New Dorms there’s _Alderman Road Residence Area: A. Balz House_ During the hurricane season it was prone to flooding, or, as I put it, things got pretty hairy there. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![andrewdt85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/71e660/32.png) [@andrewdt85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andrewdt85)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2005, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850/53 "2005-05-22T14:10:29Z")
Zaba shows 4 Ballz and too many Balz. i feel so dirty by now… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-a-magic-penis/302850.md?page=2)