# Wow, our new hire is my dream guy **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 19, 2009, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010 "2009-03-19T11:37:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/21 "2009-03-19T15:34:22Z")
> [@Tracy\_Lord](#): > > Actually, it was a question. I’m trying to politely let people know that it bothers me; it’s more sexist and boring than it is funny; and I would appreciate it if every time I posted, I was not greeted with “YOU HAVE BOOBS ON THE INTERNET.” What people choose to do with that information is their own decision. I don’t appreciate the inference that I am responsible for other people’s sexism. > If this is true, I’ll probably end up leaving the board shortly. It bothers me. Please don’t do it. All I’m gonna say is this: You probably saw how long the **Hal Briston** and the sheep thing was an active running joke, and that wasn’t even something he said. Part of the problem is that, since this is potentially the least spontanous form of communication available, anything you communicate is going to be treated as though you thought through the implications. Part of it is that many people are going to say “how can she be offended by us repeating something she herself said–if she didn’t want us to talk about her awesome boobs, it was her choice to not put that phrasing out there.” A subset of these people (the ones with drool bibs) will tie it back to your user name being that of the underage porn star (I know the difference, so you don’t need to correct me. =P) Part of it is that you react predictably and negatively when poked by it, and there are people who can’t resist that kind of temptation (this is far more likely to be the real reason why people do it than sexism–it’s got nothing to do the fact it’s boobs and everything to do with your reaction (see also “buckeyes”)). Hijack done, but just wanted to give you that advice before you continued to shoot yourself in the foot. I recommend one warning per person that you don’t appreciate it and then liberal use of the ignore feature, assuming you find it utterly impossible to follow **StGermain’s** advice to just let it roll off. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/22 "2009-03-19T15:35:25Z")
… and your user name doesn’t help matters any. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/23 "2009-03-19T15:39:59Z")
This thread was originally about **Tracy Lord** ’s dating situation. Let’s take the stuff about her shirt and attitude toward jokes, or anybody’s issues with them, to another thread. [trivia] > [@Leaffan](#): > > … and your user name doesn’t help matters any. Her user name comes from a character in _The Philadelphia Story_, actually. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/24 "2009-03-19T15:44:08Z")
Hal Briston and the sheep thing is not something that nearly all women have to deal with every single day. I suspect he was able to roll with it because it was an anomaly. I like the Dope, not enough to put up with a steady stream of the same old sexist crap I get every day for being a woman in public. Yes, I do react negatively to sexism. I suppose “that bothers me, please don’t do it” is predictable, but I feel it’s worth saying anyway. It is your responsibility to not be sexist, not mine to tolerate it. _edit_ Sorry, didn’t see the mod warning before posting. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/25 "2009-03-19T15:45:49Z")
What other Tracy Lord is there, besides Katherine Hepburn and Grace Kelly’s character? StG ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/26 "2009-03-19T15:47:20Z")
I agree with **Tracy Lord**. She’s asked you to cut it out because it makes her uncomfortable, so the polite thing to do is to do it. ETA: me neither, sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/27 "2009-03-19T15:58:55Z")
> [@StGermain](#): > > What other Tracy Lord is there, besides Katherine Hepburn and Grace Kelly’s character? **Leaffan** was probably thinking of the (ex?) porn star Traci Lords, who might’ve taken her name from the Philadelphia Story character and is probably better known to younger people. _Any_way, please take the other stuff to a separate thread here, IMHO, or the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/28 "2009-03-19T16:05:18Z")
> [@Hugh\_Jass](#): > > When you work that close… it can make things difficult if it doesn’t work out. And if it does work out, this is someone you’d be spending an incredible amount of time with. I’d be wary if you had authority over him, or vice versa, in the workplace, even something as small as asking on behalf of the boss, “Did you get that layout done?” On the other hand, if you are equals in the work hierarchy, hooking up might be possible. But unless both of you can suck it up, set the relationship aside when the job demands it, and be mature and responsible towards each other at work even if you break up and can’t stand each other, be prepared to quit the job if necessary. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/29 "2009-03-19T16:24:33Z")
It’s great when you have an instant connection with someone like that. Given the small office and the closeness with which you work, I’d take it slow. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/30 "2009-03-19T16:30:15Z")
I’ve taken it to another thread [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=510932). We’re doing the exact same job, so there’s no hierarchy concern; I’m showing him how to do things that he isn’t familiar with, but in a few weeks we’ll be completely equivalent. On the whole, though, I think taking it slow is probably the best route. Sigh. Also, it gives me time to work on getting him to shave his beard. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/31 "2009-03-19T16:35:43Z")
Are you his boss or vice-versa? Seems like the answer is no, and in that case there’s no ethical reason not to casually ask him out. It’s also doubtful but not impossible that there’s a company rule against dating a co-worker (other than supervisors). Ask him out to lunch to commisserate about blind dating. Just as co-workers. See where it goes. Of course, oddly, if you were an older male poster and she was a cute younger girl, a lot of posters would be claiming that it’s skeevy,\ stalkerish and wrong.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/32 "2009-03-19T16:41:00Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Of course, oddly, if you were an older male poster and she was a cute younger girl, a lot of posters would be claiming that it’s skeevy,\ stalkerish and wrong.:rolleyes: Bwuh? Where did **Tracy** say she was significantly older than the man? Did I miss that? ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/33 "2009-03-19T16:46:04Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > I’ll go ahead and be the bucket of cold water here – dating someone you work with, esp. someone you work with closely, on a small staff is a really, really bad idea. Even if you guys totally click, never break up, etc., there’s the problem of how your coworkers respond to the pairing off, which may well not be positive. > > Don’t do it. This is the sensible, time-tested advice. That said, fuck it. It also depends a lot on your coworkers and workplace environment. I worked in a newsroom that was extremely incestuous. About a third of the editorial side were involved in interoffice romances (editorial being about 15 people–editorial usually paired off with either sales or the receptionist). Given the situation, there was little, if any, drama. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/34 "2009-03-19T16:47:37Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > Bwuh? Where did **Tracy** say she was significantly older than the man? Did I miss that? No-where. I was just saying that somehow an older male wanting to ask out a younger female is always percieved badly here. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/35 "2009-03-19T16:51:40Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > No-where. I was just saying that somehow an older male wanting to ask out a younger female is always percieved badly here. Of course, that depends on the degree of age difference… which is really a proxy for ‘degree of maturity difference’. But that’s another thread. ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/36 "2009-03-19T16:56:25Z")
I checked and my work doesn’t have a dating policy, but we do have a policy that forbids spouses from working together. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/37 "2009-03-19T16:58:15Z")
I say #2, but if after three-six months it’s clear you’re both into it, then you can think about how to negotiate it. But at least use a few months of working with him to make sure there aren’t any obvious issues. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/38 "2009-03-19T17:17:49Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > No-where. I was just saying that somehow an older male wanting to ask out a younger female is always percieved badly here. I’m a bit confused what that has to do with anything, in that case! He’s about five years older than I am (I’m 22 and I would put him at 27-8), but I’m (obviously) the initiator, unless he decides to jump and ask me out first. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/39 "2009-03-19T17:37:42Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > No-where. I was just saying that somehow an older male wanting to ask out a younger female is always percieved badly here. Errr… care to dig up a few threads to prove your point? Admittedly, people have usually been less than encouraging if the guy is _significantly_ older than the girl, especially if there’s some creepy/obsessive behaviour that goes along with it (as was the case when the OP posted a while ago about a creepy older guy who invited himself over and wouldn’t get the hint) And even then, I don’t think that sort of reaction is limited to Doperland… nor is it limited strictly to the older-man/younger-woman dynamic. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/40 "2009-03-19T17:40:54Z")
> [@Mahna\_Mahna](#): > > (as was the case when the OP posted a while ago about a creepy older guy who invited himself over and wouldn’t get the hint). Link? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010.md?page=3)