# Wow, the funeral business is a huge scam **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 9, 2022, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154 "2022-02-09T13:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/41 "2022-02-09T17:24:52Z")
> [@carrps](#): > > I’ve used my membership a lot, but the one time I was sued by people who had some shyster get ahold of them after we were in an accident it was worth all the money I ever paid. They aggressively fought the case (which was total BS) instead of just folding and handing over some settlement. I was happy that I wasn’t out anything additional, but I was very happy that they fought scamsters. Are you talking about the roadside assistance membership or do they also sell auto insurance? Because I’ve never heard of the roadside assistance plan fighting lawsuits. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/42 "2022-02-09T17:30:56Z")
I didn’t pay for anything other than a membership. Can you get the roadside service without a membership? On edit: ARGH!! I should never post before I have my coffee. Of course, I had their insurance. Duh. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/43 "2022-02-09T17:51:46Z")
For me, the key point is to prepare and make your wishes known for your own funeral, thus saving your family a lot of stress at the worst possible time. My wonderful mother did exactly this. When she was suddenly diagnosed with rapidly-acting terminal cancer, she went into a hospice. (This was a dignified and pain-free way to spend her last days.) She asked me (her son) to deliver her eulogy and explained what she would like: - a humanist service - a celebration of her life (e,g. uplifting music) - cremation and then burial in the local cemetery - spend more of her money on a decent wake than on the coffin etc. I prepared the eulogy and the next day read it to her (along with the arrangements.) She smiled and said “It’s just what I want - I wish I could be there!” We both laughed and then I asked if I could tell that as a respectful remark (given this was a celebration of her life) … she agreed instantly. On the day, I was really comforted by my sister, who told me that if I couldn’t finish the eulogy, I should signal her and she would come up and complete it. The church was packed and I was comforted by the sight of so many supportive faces. I spoke about Mum’s life and then told them that Mum stated “It’s just what I want - I wish I could be there!” There was immediate laughter, which soon died down. I immediately said that Mum would have wanted that reaction. When it was all over (we played Glenn Miller’s ‘In the mood’ on the way out), my sister and I were told by family and close friends that it was the best funeral they had been to. I hope that you all have a good experience at such a difficult time. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/44 "2022-02-09T17:55:40Z")
Speaking as a Catholic church musician I would like to point out a couple of misconceptions in the OP. Firstly, a parish is NOT a business. It does not exist to turn a profit. Most parishes are barely self-supporting and rely upon a small army of volunteers for almost anything to happen. My large former parish (about 3000 families on the register, six Masses a weekend) had a couple of priests whose stipends were paid by the diocese, and from its own resources paid a secretary, a janitor, a groundskeeper, and the manager of their parish hall which hosted community events continually. I believe that’s it. None of the musicians were paid (we had four choirs), the nun who was the music director/organist received her stipend from her order. The only time musicians got paid for anything was for services rendered to people who were not parishioners. We married and buried parishioners gratis, but other people who wanted to get married in our (large, beautiful) church, or have a funeral Mass for their non-parishioner relatives had to pony up. Nothing like what it would cost at a commercial venue, but something. I think I got 50 bucks as the soloist/cantor, and there were fees for the officiating priest, and the organist. And yes, they paid up front. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/45 "2022-02-09T18:42:52Z")
I support this pitting. Can confirm: funerals are the biggest racket on the planet. There’s a good reason why pre-planning is encouraged; it spares your grieving family the ordeal of spending hours and hours in a funeral home being relentlessly hammered with brazen upselling attempts. Many years ago, I heard that Costco sold caskets, and I laughed. Well, having gone through the process the OP describes, I’m thinking the people who run Costco are goddamn geniuses. Anyway, here’s a relevant Onion item. > **[Ask A Coffin Salesman](https://www.theonion.com/ask-a-coffin-salesman-1819583350)** > > My wife and I recently moved from Florida to Minnesota, where she was offered a much better job. Problem is, I can't stand the cold weather. Am I being petty, or is she being cruel by making us live here? ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/46 "2022-02-09T18:59:56Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Spousal unit and I are both donating our carcasses to the Maryland Anatomy Board for med students or whatever else they see fit, then the cremains will be returned to our daughter. There’s a company in Annapolis that will take the ashes to the area of the Chesapeake Bay where it’s permitted to dump them, so that’s where we’ll end up. My daughter doesn’t have to deal with anything. Bit of a hijack, but I really like this: Emory University Medical School maintains a marker in the historic Decatur Cemetery, memorializing those who’ve donated their cadavers to the school. Classy. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/47 "2022-02-09T19:00:01Z")
> [@erysichthon](#): > > Anyway, here’s a relevant Onion item. I haven’t read the Onion in years. That site has really devolved. I had trouble finding little bits of the article scattered around the ads and the videos that took up most of the screen and followed me as I scrolled. If the site was always like that, I’d probably have never read it. The article **was** pretty funny from what I could piece together. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/48 "2022-02-09T19:05:16Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > I mean … it wouldn’t be possible to make a good faith case that grieving people, having just suffered a profound loss, are particularly vulnerable. Except I have been in that exact same situation. Twice. And I did _not_ fall for it. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/49 "2022-02-09T19:07:26Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > Except I have been in that exact same situation. Twice. And I did _not_ fall for it. I don’t think that implies what you think it does: [https://www.fallacyfiles.org/hastygen.html](https://www.fallacyfiles.org/hastygen.html) ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/50 "2022-02-09T19:09:16Z")
> [@DavidNRockies](#): > > I don’t think that implies what you think it does It implies that I have “lived experience” in the area, therefore have room to comment? ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/51 "2022-02-09T19:14:05Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > Except I have been in that exact same situation. Twice. And I did _not_ fall for it. You know those weight loss ads, where they say, “Results may vary?” Those disclaimers exist for a reason. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/52 "2022-02-09T19:14:25Z")
I don’t know if you are nice, dammit or not, but your post sure is. Come to think of it, quite a lot of posts here are pleasantly heartwarming, so thanks to you all for the nice feeling. Almost makes me want to experience it. 🦤 Pining for the afterfjord. 🦜 (\<- picture it blue). The AAA stuff apart, of course. I don’t want [them](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Accordionists%27_Association) to play at my funeral. Almost as bad as bagpipes. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/53 "2022-02-09T19:32:05Z")
And actually, I kind of forgot the point I was making originally—that the funeral director _I_ dealt with did _not_ push the chrome rims on me, and was willing to give me the second funeral at break-even price _at best_ if the insurance didn’t cover it. It was push-back about the generalization that “the funeral business” is a scam. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/54 "2022-02-09T19:41:00Z")
> [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > The AAA stuff apart, of course. I don’t want [them](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Accordionists%27_Association) to play at my funeral. Almost as bad as bagpipes. I used to want the bumper sticker: Use an accordion. Go to jail. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/55 "2022-02-09T19:45:55Z")
Welcome to [hell](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/11/80/ed/1180ed4bb60db3b664911085b82e0f96.jpg), here’s your [accordion](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih3Ja6D-Sqo). ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/56 "2022-02-09T19:47:59Z")
OP has suffered a loss and grieving doesn’t always look exactly as it appears on TV. If being upset over the funeral business helps **LL** cope then that’s perfectly fine and I don’t think finger wagging or tone policing is either helpful or necessary. His/her relationship with dad is not your business either and since you have zero knowledge of the family dynamics you therefore have zero right or responsibility to impose your own standards of “proper” grieving behavior. Tone deaf much? Yeesh. My condolences on your loss, **LL**. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/57 "2022-02-09T20:23:45Z")
> [@Atamasama](#): > > I have called the AAA a scam in the past but that’s not accurate either. It’s a massive waste of money, but as far as I know if you need to use their membership services they will provide them. AAA is a form of insurance. Paying for insurance that you don’t use can be looked at as a scam or it can be looked at as buying piece of mind. > [@Llama\_Llogophile](#): > > I love the SD. Started out talking funerals, now we’re on AAA. > > There’s an opportunity here - combine them! Have AAA cart off the dead folks! I’d sign up for that. Tow trucks are way cooler than hearses. Wouldn’t that be the [Holy Grail](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcbR1J_4ICg) of combined services! ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/58 "2022-02-09T20:34:05Z")
> [@SmartAleq](#): > > His/her relationship with dad is not your business either and since you have zero knowledge of the family dynamics you therefore have zero right or responsibility to impose your own standards of “proper” grieving behavior. I neither asked about nor commented on his family dynamics. The OP was about the funeral business and his perception of it, and I limited my initial comments to that. He added more later. Regarding, the “impose your own standards of ‘proper’ grieving behavior”, isn’t that what he is doing in terms of judging his father’s approach to his own grieving? Sure seems like it. “Tone policing” - I think we have a new PC buzz term. LOL ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/59 "2022-02-09T20:40:29Z")
Did some research, and found out that claims of local regulations involving the use of concrete vaults are for the most part bullshit. The cemeteries may have their own rules requiring it, but it isn’t so much to prevent supposed grave collapse- it is to put more money in the cemetery’s coffers. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2022, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/60 "2022-02-09T21:13:11Z")
> [@Llama\_Llogophile](#): > > …also have a way for them to get into your phone, email, etc,… No way, no how. My secrets go to the grave with me! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154.md?page=4)