# Wow, the funeral business is a huge scam **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 9, 2022, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154 "2022-02-09T13:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2022, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/121 "2022-02-13T14:48:34Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I forwarded it to her and she responded immediately “Fuck You”. PS Co-worker A sent something to Co-worker B. She sent back some faux ad saying, “Ask your doctor if shutting the fuck up may be right for you.” Googling…hey it’s on merch. [https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/Ask-your-doctor-if-shutting-the-fuck-up-is-right-for-you-by-michaelroman/65570284.EJUG5](https://www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/Ask-your-doctor-if-shutting-the-fuck-up-is-right-for-you-by-michaelroman/65570284.EJUG5) There was a program on TV awhile back talking about green funerals. The deceased, who wasn’t yet, sat in on the meetings and they planned how to wrap him up when the time came. They went out and he watched them dig the hole. Everybody participated, saw it as an act of love. It was pretty cool. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2022, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/122 "2022-02-13T15:55:14Z")
Maybe not Soylent Green — at least not directly — but here in the Soviet of Washington (as well as Colorado and Oregon) we have [another option](https://www.us-funerals.com/human-composting-as-a-new-death-care-alternative-a-guide-to-nor/). The results can then be used to grow the food crops of one’s choice. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2022, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/123 "2022-02-13T16:06:08Z")
And on what could only be desperately described as the other end of this continuum … > **[Remarkable Memorial Diamonds by Eterneva](https://www.eterneva.com/)** > > Eterneva celebrates remarkable people and pets by turning their ashes into diamonds, through a storytelling journey as special as the loved one and diamond itself. Sort of right up there with cloning your late Pomeranian, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2022, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/124 "2022-02-13T16:51:16Z")
Thanks for that link. When my mother was dying, one of the hospice nurses had heard about that, but had missed that the process involves lye, high temperatures, and high pressure. So we were envisioning a body slowly rotting in water, which sounded nasty. That sounds fine. My mom casually mentioned to me that she wanted to be cremated and have her ashes scattered where we scattered my dad’s ashes. She didn’t say anything to the other sibs. I was pretty anxious that they wouldn’t be comfortable with that, wouldn’t believe me, etc. It was fine. She did, after all, have my dad cremated and she picked the place where we scattered his ashes, so I suppose my story was pretty plausible. But tell everyone what you want, and tell them all the same thing. It will make the death a little less stressful for your survivors. I was astonished that we ended up paying upwards of 5 grand for a simple cremation. I mean the cremation was a couple hundred bucks, it was the funeral home that was expensive. They washed the body (huh?) and charged for a lot of other stuff that seemed like excessive fees. On the positive side, when we told them we wanted cremation, in the the “cardboard box with reinforced wooden bottom” (the cheapest option, I assume that’s to make it easy to carry the body to the oven) and that “we got dad’s ashes in a cardboard box, so how about a cardboard box” for the remains, they didn’t pressure us to pick anything more costly. I’m sure they would have been happy to provide a fancy urn or something. We did mention that we planned to scatter the ashes. I hope we got the “fine grind”. I haven’t unwrapped the box, yet. (Yes, it was wrapped in pretty paper when I picked it up.) And the funeral home did send two guys in the middle of the night to pick up the body, and they dealt will all the paperwork around getting her declared dead, and facilitated getting the obit published (also expensive, but we knew that fee up-front, and agreed to it) and shipped the body to the crematorium and then picked it up, and handed it to me with the death certificates. Oh, and they gave me a surprisingly nice tote bag to carry it all in… Will I ever use that tote bag again? ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/125 "2022-02-15T00:37:34Z")
Wouldn’t you want wood? I think plastic would be the worst thing for the environment. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/126 "2022-02-15T00:52:45Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Wouldn’t you want wood? I think plastic would be the worst thing for the environment. Good point. I’ll have to shop for a biodegradable plastic alternative and cost be damned! > **[Biodegradable plastic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biodegradable_plastic)** > > Biodegradable plastics are plastics that can be decomposed by the action of living organisms, usually microbes, into water, carbon dioxide, and biomass. Biodegradable plastics are commonly produced with renewable raw materials, micro-organisms, petrochemicals, or combinations of all three. > While the words "bioplastic" and "biodegradable plastic" are similar, they are not synonymous. Not all bioplastics (plastics derived partly or entirely from biomass) are biodegradable, and some biodegradable p... > [@Broomstick](#): > > Here’s an alternative to both burial-and-bugs and cremation-and-fire: That article mentions one I’d forgotten about—the mushroom burial suit. [https://coeio.com/](https://coeio.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/127 "2022-02-15T00:55:06Z")
Why not just bury a body wrapped in cotton fabric rather than Saran Wrap? ---
**Author:** ![SpacemanSpiff\_II](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e19adc/32.png) [@SpacemanSpiff\_II](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpacemanSpiff_II)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/128 "2022-02-15T15:22:29Z")
[Dilbert Comic Strip on 2000-08-22 | Dilbert by Scott Adams](https://dilbert.com/strip/2000-08-22) ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/129 "2022-02-15T17:05:26Z")
i do enjoy her you tube videos and bought her books. i’m sorry about your mother, llama\_llogophile, may her memory be eternal. my mother grew up with a friend who’s family had a funeral home. so they are the funeral directors for that side of the family. pretty much most of the family is in the area and knows that they are designated. also the family is mostly orthodox christian so that takes care of any religious services. we have lively conversations about death, dying, and what disposal method we want. it is a bit disconcerting for the in-laws, but we all know who wants what. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/130 "2022-02-16T03:47:13Z")
That is very true. I witnessed a version of that with both of the cats I’ve lost. I didn’t get labs on the male, but the female’s liver was basically dissolving in the hours before her death; her liver enzymes were so high, the machine could not register them. I also saw many people who, in their final hours, had their blood sugars skyrocket at a rate of 100 units or more per hour, no matter how much insulin was pumped into them. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/131 "2022-02-16T04:05:59Z")
When my friend’s uncle, a farmer all his life, died suddenly a couple years ago, his widow learned at some point in the planning process that they could get a casket painted John Deere green. She was willing to delay the service and pay an extra $2,000 to get one custom-made and express shipped to them, because she knew he would have wanted it. I actually like this idea. > **[Eternal Reefs » Living legacies that memorialize our loved ones](https://www.eternalreefs.com/)** > > Eternal Reefs combines a cremation urn, ash scattering, & green burial at sea into an environmental memorial while creating new marine habitats for sea life ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/132 "2022-03-26T03:46:21Z")
> [@Llama\_Llogophile](#): > > I love the SD. Started out talking funerals, now we’re on AAA. > > There’s an opportunity here - combine them! Have AAA cart off the dead folks! I’d sign up for that. Tow trucks are way cooler than hearses. I think I’ll package up ol’ Gramps and call UPS. From past experience, they’ll pick him up and give me a 23-digit tracking number. Then I can track him… …as he travels to Louisville, then Jersey City, then Albuquerque, then Liberty Lake (what? Oh, it looks like it’s a suburb of… Spokane? Why?), then I’ll get a notice that he’ll be delivered the next day to Wauwinet, MA… even though that’s on an island, oh, and the package is currently somewhere in Puget Sound. And finally, a week after that, Gramps will disappear from sight, and stymie all attempts to find him. _Pooƒ_… he’s gone! More efficiently than any cremation or burial or even “chuckin’ him into a live volcano”. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/133 "2022-03-26T04:32:20Z")
If possible, I want a [tree pod burial](https://8billiontrees.com/eco-friendly-natural-products/tree-pod-burial/). I like the idea of helping something grow. And if not possible, it’s cremation and dispose of the ashes as whoever gets stuck with the job sees fit. It’s not like I’ll care. ---
**Author:** ![slumtrimpet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@slumtrimpet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slumtrimpet)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/134 "2022-03-26T13:33:41Z")
My mom, dad, and brother were all cremated. Their remains are resting in various boxes and cans in my sister’s house somewhere. My mom, who died 50 years ago was buried by my dad in his back garden, but when he died and we sold the house I dug up the can. Didn’t seem right to leave her there. My sister, bless her heart, bought a plot in her local cemetery and wants to put herself, her husband and the three cans of parental/sibling ashes there. Fine by me. I even pitched in half to buy the plot. But she thinks we’ll all just gather and dig a hole in the little piece of cemetery land and do the burial ourselves. Since this is most likely not allowed I have a vision of us all marching up there in the dead of night like the seven dwarfs with shovels on our shoulders. Hi ho, Hi ho. It’s not going to happen. In the meantime the three cans/boxes are lurking god knows where in her house. Meh. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/135 "2022-03-26T15:33:06Z")
> [@slumtrimpet](#): > > But she thinks we’ll all just gather and dig a hole in the little piece of cemetery land and do the burial ourselves. Some places allow it. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/_z3CnuGVkDY/maxresdefault.jpg "Natural Burials and Green Funerals") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z3CnuGVkDY) I keep going back to a scene in “Northern Exposure” where the guy’s funeral involved flinging him into the lake via a trebuchet. How cool would that be? But I think cooler still would be flinging the body into a volcano, let the lava do its thing. Mrs. L and I often visit cemeteries when we travel. One really amazing monument that I saw looked like children’s blocks, stacked 2x2. Each “block” held an urn of ashes, so the whole family was together (kids had died young). Of course, you’d be hard pressed to beat [this cemetery in Paris.](https://www.google.com/search?q=pere+lachaise&rlz=1C1CHBF_enUS798US798&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiWp_qFiOT2AhWXlGoFHW1nCeQQ_AUoAXoECAIQAw&biw=1366&bih=600&dpr=1) ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/136 "2022-03-26T16:34:09Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > You do go feet first, don’t you? As far as you know, yes. (No, I don’t know.) > [@mjmartin](#): > > In Manhattan? It would definitely be the rats taking care of things. Somehow, that doesn’t sound better than bugs. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/137 "2022-03-26T17:01:44Z")
> [@digs](#): > > I think I’ll package up ol’ Gramps and call UPS. From past experience, they’ll pick him up and give me a 23-digit tracking number. Then I can track him… > > …as he travels to Louisville, then Jersey City, then Albuquerque, then Liberty Lake (what? Oh, it looks like it’s a suburb of… Spokane? Why?), then I’ll get a notice that he’ll be delivered the next day to Wauwinet, MA… even though that’s on an island, oh, and the package is currently somewhere in Puget Sound. [This](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ov4epAJRPMw) can be the funeral hymn (when you get around to it). ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/138 "2022-03-26T17:10:36Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > can be the funeral hymn (when you get around to it). With this as the recessional: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/S7Jw_v3F_Q0/hqdefault.jpg "The Kingston Trio - M.T.A.") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7Jw_v3F_Q0) ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/139 "2022-03-26T17:28:56Z")
In the nineties, a friend of mine–super goth, super smart, at loose ends–enrolled in a funeral services program at a local community college. After a few months she dropped out, appalled at the program’s focus. Instead of focusing on how to help people with the grieving process and finding the best way to deal with the remains of their loved ones, the program was overwhelmingly about how to maximize profits from grieving families. This woman who was fascinated by all things deathly found the industry far too morbid and macabre. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2022, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154/140 "2022-03-26T17:41:47Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > After a few months she dropped out, appalled at the program’s focus. Instead of focusing on how to help people with the grieving process and finding the best way to deal with the remains of their loved ones, the program was overwhelmingly about how to maximize profits from grieving families. This woman who was fascinated by all things deathly found the industry far too morbid and macabre. I wonder if there could be a cottage industry for people who want to offer a caring way to handle to handle the funeral. Sort of like how there are doulas to help with pregnancy and birth. I would think someone like your friend would be able to make a living by independently helping people with the funeral arrangements in a caring way. People who want a standard funeral would go to a funeral home, but people looking for alternative options could contact this doula-like person for a more one-on-one experience. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-funeral-business-is-a-huge-scam/959154.md?page=8)