# Wow the new Conan adaptation sucks! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 3, 2012, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529 "2012-09-03T09:57:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/21 "2012-09-04T17:31:32Z")
I think the problem can be summed up as: Jason who? For all the fun we make of his accent and wooden acting, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a charismatic actor. He made the role work. Take him out of the picture (literally) and you’re not left with enough to make a good movie. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/22 "2012-09-04T17:35:45Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > He doesn’t murder people for absolutely no reason, but killing is his default reaction to pretty much any injury or slight. Make fun of him for being an untutored barbarian? He’ll kill you (the braggart thief in “Tower of the Elephant”). Try to sentence him to prison? He’ll kill you (the judge in “Queen of the Black Coast”). Just happen to be a prison guard who is foolish enough to enter Conan’s cell? He’ll kill you (“Rogues in the House”). Make the mistake of being the new boyfriend of the woman who turned in Conan to the police? He’ll kill you (_Ibid._). Try to trap Conan and sell him to cannibals? He’ll cut out your tongue and hand you over to those same cannibals (“Shadows in Zamboula”). Be a pirate captain whose job Conan happens to want? He’ll kill you (“The Pool of the Black One”). I see your point and I agree for the most part. But, honestly, you try to trap me and sell me to cannibals, I’m going to regard that as legitimate grounds to kill you. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/23 "2012-09-04T17:37:10Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I think the problem can be summed up as: Jason who? > > For all the fun we make of his accent and wooden acting, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a charismatic actor. He made the role work. Take him out of the picture (literally) and you’re not left with enough to make a good movie. Why is Khal Drogo calling on “Crom”? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/24 "2012-09-04T19:02:04Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > The 1981 Albert Pyun epic _The Sworrd and the Sorceror_. The film is wonderfully awful, and belongs on any list of Bad Films, but the film’s best moments are direct steals from Howard’s stories. The resurrection of the wizard Xusia from his tomb is stolen directly from the resurrection of Xuthltan at the opening of Howard’s _Hour of the Dragon_ (Conan the Conqueror in the Lancer/Sphere/Ace versions). The ripping out of the heart comes from Howard’s _People of the Blacj Circle_, and the crucifiction and release of Talon is from Howard’s _A Witch Shall be Born_. (The cheesier elements, including the three-bladed jet-propelled sword, aren’t from Conan stories, thank Crom.) God, I LOVED that film. It starred the Matt Huston guy! Wonderfully awful is a great way to describe it. “Then you shall sleep. Forever!” ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/25 "2012-09-04T20:10:59Z")
> [@Typo\_Negative](#): > > God, I LOVED that film. It starred the Matt Huston guy! Wonderfully awful is a great way to describe it. > > “Then you shall sleep. Forever!” It also had George Maharis, Richard Moll (Bull from _Night Court!_) as the Sorceror Xusia and Joe Regalbuto (Frank Fontana from _Murphy Brown_!) as Darius. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/26 "2012-09-04T20:24:13Z")
Not to mention the lovely Kathleen Beller. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2012, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/27 "2012-09-05T12:32:22Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I see your point and I agree for the most part. > > But, honestly, you try to trap me and sell me to cannibals, I’m going to regard that as legitimate grounds to kill you. That’s not what you’re saying in the Canadian self-defense thread in the Pit… ---
**Author:** ![MeanJoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanjoe/32/5693_2.png) [@MeanJoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanJoe)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2012, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529/28 "2012-09-05T12:50:37Z")
Much like the OP, at about the hour point I found myself so uninterested in the movie that I turned it off. This is pretty rare for me, as I’ll sit through most movies and shows I don’t like (my fiancé’s addiction to Real Housewives of “X” type shows excluded). I loved Arnold’s Conan, the first movie. From the opening, through Conan rising in the fighting pits/games, to discovering his father’s sword, and of course James Earl Jones - all great stuff. The second was pure camp and not something I’d re-watch. MeanJoe [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-the-new-conan-adaptation-sucks/633529.md?page=1)