# Wow, was I ever clueless about women! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994 "2013-05-22T06:52:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spiff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiff/32/9852_2.png) [@Spiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiff)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/21 "2013-05-22T18:01:23Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > +1 Can’t prove a negative! ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/22 "2013-05-22T18:12:17Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Ann Landers always nailed it didn’t she? Very useful advice. Dan Savage concurs I believe. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/23 "2013-05-22T18:48:05Z")
> [@Spiff](#): > > Can’t prove a negative! Well, that’s true enough, I suppose. But would you accept my personal guarantee, on my honor as a gentleman, that my father never took me across town to mow the lawn of a porn star? ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/24 "2013-05-22T19:13:07Z")
You are not a native born red blooded American are you? I bet your dad doesn’t even like pie. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/25 "2013-05-22T19:25:28Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Can one of you explain the difference between signals and flirting? Because I’ve never given a man a super-secret decoder ring required _hint_ that I wanted to get porked in my life. If I say let’s watch a movie, I mean movie. Getting naked and oiled up? Flirting! What could possibly be mysterious about the motivation behind that? In my experiences, “do you want to come over and watch a movie” has almost always meant sex. It’s just a classy way to ask. ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/26 "2013-05-22T19:54:29Z")
Y’know - I could come up with a whole list of tangentially similar situations, where I cognizant of the signals - but I was just not interested enough in that person at that time (I was involved/pursuing someone else/too picky). However, I have had an equal number of situations where I was very very interested and the signal was very very strong but…NO, THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL! …freakin’ teasers :mad: ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/27 "2013-05-22T20:45:54Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Can one of you explain the difference between signals and flirting? Because I’ve never given a man a super-secret decoder ring required _hint_ that I wanted to get porked in my life. If I say let’s watch a movie, I mean movie. Getting naked and oiled up? Flirting! What could possibly be mysterious about the motivation behind that? Well, given the context, I’m pretty sure this girl liked me. We did make out one time after that but nothing more ever came of it. Damn, she was beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/28 "2013-05-22T20:54:35Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Oh, yeah, college days… > > I meet an actual beauty queen coed who tells me right off, smiling in my face: “I’m not looking to get married…” > > Her redheaded roommate, who tells me everytime she sees me: “I can’t get pregnant.” > > Or the lovely blonde who invited me up to her bedroom to teach me how to swim. All I have to do is strip to my underwear and get in bed. > > Yeah, I wasn’t gay, I was clueless. You MISSED better signals than I ever got! I hate you. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/29 "2013-05-22T20:56:48Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > The missed opportunity will haunt me till the end of my days. \* Note: I regret not sliding down to her vagina. “Surprise buttsex” is not acceptable in polite company.[/SIZE] So you were actually rubbing it ON her, both nude, and you didn’t get the hint? I’m stunned… how do you miss that one? ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/30 "2013-05-22T22:42:30Z")
> [@bump](#): > > So you were actually rubbing it ON her, both nude, and you didn’t get the hint? I’m stunned… how do you miss that one? As I said, I was irrationally loyal to my ex-wife. In retrospect, she probably thought I _was_ having sex with my friend, which made everything OK in her demented mind. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/31 "2013-05-23T05:50:45Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Can one of you explain the difference between signals and flirting? Because I’ve never given a man a super-secret decoder ring required _hint_ that I wanted to get porked in my life. If I say let’s watch a movie, I mean movie. Getting naked and oiled up? Flirting! What could possibly be mysterious about the motivation behind that? What a woman may think of as a blatant pass a man may think of as an obscure hint. Anything short of “I want you to fuck me. Now.” may prove to be inadequate. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/32 "2013-05-23T05:54:59Z")
> [@Spiff](#): > > Can’t prove a negative! True, but no matter how optimistically I look back over the years, I’m not seeing it. I once gave a semi-nude back-rub to a girl with no oil involved, with her remaining face-down throughout and with her categoric assurance that this was going not one inch further, and otherwise… nope, once or twice I might have been more optimistic that the facts warranted, but never the reverse. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/33 "2013-05-23T12:59:07Z")
I wrote this to my Livejournal a few years back: > [@](#): > > It’s a rainy day today. The skies are solid gray, and the drizzle just isn’t stopping. What makes it worse is that it actually started out as a pretty day- which makes the current state of the skies all the more depressing. I found myself remembering an old friend of mine- a beautiful, smart, funny girl who was, in my mind, waaaay outta my league. As much as I would’ve like to have been more than friends, I knew that it just wasn’t possible. To put it in high school terms, I was the AV geek and she was the head cheerleader. Still, though- we were good friends. We had a lot of good conversations, and I found myself remembering one in particular. > > And Lo, the Skies did Open. The Sun did Shine Down Upon My Countenance, and a Voice as that of a Thousand Angels did Speak: > “HEY, DUMBASS. SHE WAS THROWING HERSELF AT YOU. SHE COULDN’T HAVE BEEN MORE OBVIOUS. YOU COULD’VE TOTALLY HIT THAT .” > > I nearly ran off the road as I realized that she had, in fact, been hitting on me. Thinking back, I could recall several other conversations we’d had where it was easy to see, in hindsight, that she had wanted to be more than friends. > > Crap. Do you know how hard it is to drive while simultaneously smacking yourself in the forehead? > > So, my female friends, if you’ve ever flirted with a guy, and he just didn’t seem interested, it’s not you- it’s us. We’re dumbasses. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/34 "2013-05-23T14:11:36Z")
This thread dredges up some painfully headsmacking moments but I’m glad I’m not the only one. I can now usually tell how a woman feels about me just by the way she sits when I’m talking to her, but when I was younger I missed some REALLY obvious signs - so obvious that I am still too embarrassed to disclose them. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/35 "2013-05-23T14:16:08Z")
\*\*Wow, was I ever clueless about women! \*\* Don’t feel bad - all men are. Just remember that the Woman’s Rule Book starts with this: [ol] [li]The female always makes the rules[/li][li]The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.[/li][li]No male can possibly know all the rules.[/li][li]If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/36 "2013-05-23T14:17:37Z")
Welcome to the club Reticulating Splines. But I call baloney. Us other clueless idiots are sharing our stories…you gotta share yours. Now if one of them reads like a letter to Penthouse/Playboy all the better 🙂 Minus the good ending of course given the nature of this thread. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/37 "2013-05-23T16:38:27Z")
> [@Clothahump](#): > > \*\*Wow, was I ever clueless about women! > \*\* > > Don’t feel bad - all men are. Just remember that the Woman’s Rule Book starts with this: > > [ol] > [li]The female always makes the rules[/li][li]The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.[/li][li]No male can possibly know all the rules.[/li][li]If the female suspects the MALE know all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.[/li][/ol] I know this is crazy, but the only rule I have is: respect me and treat me like an equal member of the human race. I must be doing this whole femininity thing totally wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/38 "2013-05-23T17:07:40Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I know this is crazy, but the only rule I have is: respect me and treat me like an equal member of the human race. I must be doing this whole femininity thing totally wrong. Shhh…they don’t want to hear that. When we tell them we’re honest, bold, and open about or intentions, they can’t fantasize about all the hot women who offered themselves up like sacrificial virgins at the altar. This discussion doesn’t seem to invite a female perspective, but I’ll leave this here anyway. The couple of times I experienced a shared attraction with a bashful man, I lost interest while he was nervously overthinking, fumbling, and feinting. The total lack of confidence and apparent inability to read an obvious opportunity led me to believe that sex would be an equally halting, fumbling (in)experience. I didn’t walk away frustrated with fond memories of what could have been; I walked away relieved that I dodged an awkward bullet. Happily remained friends, though. I’d rather have a guy I don’t want gamble on a move and handle rejection gracefully (You win some, you lose some, we still cool?) than hem and haw like a nervous kid. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/39 "2013-05-23T17:26:56Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Ah. Fortunately, I seem to have missed no signals at all. How can you be sure? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/40 "2013-05-23T17:52:24Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > Can one of you explain the difference between signals and flirting? Because I’ve never given a man a super-secret decoder ring required _hint_ that I wanted to get porked in my life. If I say let’s watch a movie, I mean movie. Getting naked and oiled up? Flirting! What could possibly be mysterious about the motivation behind that? You think flirting is “getting naked and oiled up?” I think you’re doing it wrong. Or very, very right. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994.md?page=3)