# Wow, was I ever clueless about women! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994 "2013-05-22T06:52:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/81 "2013-05-24T22:47:27Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > As for the movie part, really? I’m sorry but 9 times out of 10, it means more than simply watching a movie. It’s much more polite than saying, “Hey, wanna come over and have some sex?” It’s much more effective as well. YMMV Did you notice that I used the word “I” each time I posted? I don’t know what other people mean, but I’m pretty direct in speech and actions. If I asked a guy over to watch a movie and I return from microwaving the popcorn to find him naked and erect on my couch, he and his clothes will be on the porch in a heartbeat. Having said that, snuggling with a date in front of a move might lead to sex. _Might_. But when _I_ say let’s watch a movie, that’s exactly what I intend to do. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/82 "2013-05-24T22:57:37Z")
Yes, I quite understand that. I just find it unusual. That’s all. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/83 "2013-05-24T23:01:12Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > Yes, I quite understand that. I just find it unusual. That’s all. I find it more unusual that you translate having a date and watching a movie as a promise you’ll have sex. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/84 "2013-05-24T23:09:32Z")
this is all alien to me. What do you people do to be appealing to others? I mean, I’ve _never_ had so much as a girlfriend. I went through middle and high school as a fat, dumpy nerd who nobody wanted to even look at much less be seen with. I managed to go on _one_ “date” my junior year of high school, and I put “date” in quotes because I’m pretty sure she was more interested in where we were going than being with me. maybe you people who are whining about missing chances when you were like 18 (but are with someone now) should quit your bitching and be thankful you’ve found anyone at all. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/85 "2013-05-24T23:16:40Z")
**jz** , you’ve got to be awesome all by yourself first, with diverse interests and the willingness and ability to entertain yourself. Can’t find love while you’re feeling needy or resentful, can’t be a good partner if you’re projecting all kinds of expectations and angst. Make friends, as many as you can, from both sexes and all age groups/interests. Smile and talk to strangers. Join clubs, church, wherever you can find like minded people. Be awesome, self-assured and self-reliant first, and she’ll find you ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/86 "2013-05-24T23:20:54Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > **jz** , you’ve got to be awesome all by yourself first, with diverse interests and the willingness and ability to entertain yourself. Can’t find love while you’re feeling needy or resentful, can’t be a good partner if you’re projecting all kinds of expectations and angst. Make friends, as many as you can, from both sexes and all age groups/interests. Smile and talk to strangers. Join clubs, church, wherever you can find like minded people. Be awesome, self-assured and self-reliant first, and she’ll find you I agree with what you say, and I’m sure you mean well, but don’t assume that **jz** is a hopeless case and NOT doing these things. I was a joiner, an outgoing person, and my social life in high school and even undergrad college wa essentially nonexistent. Sometimes life sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/87 "2013-05-24T23:22:47Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > …you’ve got to be awesome all by yourself first, with diverse interests and the willingness and ability to entertain yourself. Can’t find love while you’re feeling needy or resentful, can’t be a good partner if you’re projecting all kinds of expectations and angst. Make friends, as many as you can, from both sexes and all age groups/interests. Smile and talk to strangers. Join clubs, church, wherever you can find like minded people. Be awesome, self-assured and self-reliant first, and she’ll find you… Now why couldn’t someone have given these words to me when I was 18 and entering university? Or 15 and in high school, for that matter? Edit: but would I have been able to use them? ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/88 "2013-05-24T23:29:41Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > **jz** , you’ve got to be awesome all by yourself first, with diverse interests and the willingness and ability to entertain yourself. Can’t find love while you’re feeling needy or resentful, can’t be a good partner if you’re projecting all kinds of expectations and angst. Make friends, as many as you can, from both sexes and all age groups/interests. Smile and talk to strangers. Join clubs, church, wherever you can find like minded people. Be awesome, self-assured and self-reliant first, and she’ll find you well I guess I’m fucked then. but thanks for your help. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/89 "2013-05-24T23:33:33Z")
LOL…billfish678 and DiosaBellissima are going to have sex.😃 ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2013, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/90 "2013-05-24T23:50:19Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > LOL…billfish678 and DiosaBellissima are going to have sex.😃 I thought it would be and the mod who “spanked me” but I’ll take what I can get. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/91 "2013-05-25T00:18:04Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > During my college years. Smoking hot girl lived above me was 23 and engaged to be married. I was wild about her but resigned to the fact that she was “taken”. We were good friends though. > > Early at a party to honor me for my 21st birthday (side info - 5 kegs of beer consumed) she’s hanging all over me like a wet blanket. I turn to her and say, “Beth, you gotta cut it out. You’re ruining my chances at getting a girl tonight”. She frowns and steps away from me. Party continues. > > I found out later that she had told her roomies that she wanted one last fling before marriage and had decided I was a good candidate to receive a “birthday present”. Her goal was to pull me away from the party and send me back later with a big smile on my face. And of course next day she decided true blue with her fiance was a better situation. My chances went back to zero. Sounds like you read those signals correctly. You just wisely made the correct choice of not banging some slut whose engaged to be married. > [@jz78817](#): > > this is all alien to me. What do you people do to be appealing to others? I mean, I’ve never had so much as a girlfriend. I don’t know…I’m funny (voted class clown in Middle School). I ran track and played ice hockey. I ski. I used to be a really good artist (probably still am…be right back). I’m smart without coming across dorky. I like making small talk with people and can converse on a wide variety of topics. I’m loyal to my friends and ruthless to my enemies. I’m well educated. I was in a college fraternity. I make a lot of money yet no one can figure out what I actually “do”. I dress well. I can drink a lot without turning into an asshole. I’m probably good looking. My hair guy uses pictures of Bradley Cooper as a reference when cutting my hair. People like that shit. Then again, it didn’t happen overnight. I had 40 years to work on it. Also, don’t underestimate how bored, sad, scared, lonely, clueless or otherwise fucked up other people are. When you’re a teenager, people sometimes think they are the only one who doesn’t have their shit figured out. That’s not true. Everyone has the same issues you do, some are just better at hiding them. Also you sometimes can’t tell when someone likes you. Sure, a very outgoing girl might be really flirty. But she might also be like that with everyone and not particularly care who she hooks up with. I remember a couple of times when I only found out a girl liked me was because she went out of her way to have a friend tell me. There were no other “signals” that I could have picked up on. That’s why you sometimes need to make the first move. Sometimes the other person won’t for one reason or another. “When I’m sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead” -Barney Stinson ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/92 "2013-05-25T00:18:31Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > well I guess I’m fucked then. but thanks for your help. No you aren’t. Those people who have dates and relationships now also experienced unreturned crushes, broken hearts, and frustrating missed opportunities. Some of us are more resilient because we admit we aren’t owed sex, owed love, or owed a relationship. Resentful, bitter types repel love because all those expectations are hard to live up to, hard to stomach. It’s really unfair to expect someone else to make you happy, that’s something you alone are responsible for. Many of us are just busy doing our own thing and we’re tickled when we connect with someone, but when we don’t we just keep on doing our own thing. Fairy tales are rare; best I ever hoped for were some random, awesome moments of lust and love. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/93 "2013-05-25T00:38:03Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > No you aren’t. Those people who have dates and relationships now also experienced unreturned crushes, broken hearts, and frustrating missed opportunities. Some of us are more resilient because we admit we aren’t owed sex, owed love, or owed a relationship. Resentful, bitter types repel love because all those expectations are hard to live up to, hard to stomach. It’s really unfair to expect someone else to make you happy, that’s something you alone are responsible for. Many of us are just busy doing our own thing and we’re tickled when we connect with someone, but when we don’t we just keep on doing our own thing. Fairy tales are rare; best I ever hoped for were some random, awesome moments of lust and love. Sorry, but you really do seem to be thread-shitting. As I said in my OP, I’m happily married, and with the benefit of hindsight, I realize just how many opportunities I missed back when I was single. But you have a particular agenda, and I would be very happy if you chose to pursue it in your own thread. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/94 "2013-05-25T00:48:59Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > Sorry, but you really do seem to be thread-shitting. As I said in my OP, I’m happily married, and with the benefit of hindsight, I realize just how many opportunities I missed back when I was single. But you have a particular agenda, and I would be very happy if you chose to pursue it in your own thread. What in the world are you talking about and why do you keep telling me you’re happily married? I’m not addressing you at all, I was commiserating with **jz78817** and reassuring him that we’ve all been in that place, as was **msmith537**. This thread evolved because someone contributed a complaint that he hadn’t experienced any missed opportunities, which is related to your topic but isn’t actually about _you_. But I’m more than willing let you control the discussion and happy to step out of your blog. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/95 "2013-05-25T00:51:51Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > No you aren’t. Those people who have dates and relationships now also experienced unreturned crushes, broken hearts, and frustrating missed opportunities. Some of us are more resilient because we admit we aren’t owed sex, owed love, or owed a relationship. Resentful, bitter types repel love because all those expectations are hard to live up to, hard to stomach. It’s really unfair to expect someone else to make you happy, that’s something you alone are responsible for. Many of us are just busy doing our own thing and we’re tickled when we connect with someone, but when we don’t we just keep on doing our own thing. Fairy tales are rare; best I ever hoped for were some random, awesome moments of lust and love. What the fuck are you talking about? where did I say I thought I was “owed” love or “owed” sex? honest to god I don’ t believe I’m owed anything. back when I was in school, I would have loved it if someone had at least said they _liked_ me. but they didn’t. What they did do, however, is continually remind me of how much of a fat gross nerd I was. Oh, and obviously I was a fag too because I didn’t have a girlfriend. back then nobody ever wanted to get anywhere near me, why the fuck would they now? ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/96 "2013-05-25T01:01:15Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > What in the world are you talking about and why do you keep telling me you’re happily married? I’m not addressing you at all, I was commiserating with **jz78817** and reassuring him that we’ve all been in that place, as was **msmith537**. This thread evolved because someone contributed a complaint that he hadn’t experienced any missed opportunities, which is related to your topic but isn’t actually about _you_. > > But I’m more than willing let you control the discussion and happy to step out of your blog. I look forward to “ **Troppus** Tells Pathetic Geeks To Just Suck It Up”. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/97 "2013-05-25T01:01:53Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > What the fuck are you talking about? where did I say I thought I was “owed” love or “owed” sex? honest to god I don’ t believe I’m owed anything. back when I was in school, I would have loved it if someone had at least said they _liked_ me. but they didn’t. What they did do, however, is continually remind me of how much of a fat gross nerd I was. Oh, and obviously I was a fag too because I didn’t have a girlfriend. back then nobody ever wanted to get anywhere near me, why the fuck would they now? I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply that you felt entitled; I meant love is easier when you are solely responsible for your own feelings and refrain from assuming that someone else will come along to make you happy, and refrain from assuming that those in relationships have a magic bullet or an easier time of it. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/98 "2013-05-25T01:07:18Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply that you felt entitled; I meant love is easier when you are solely responsible for your own feelings and refrain from assuming that someone else will come along to make you happy, and refrain from assuming that those in relationships have a magic bullet or an easier time of it. I know damn well that I’m responsible for my own feelings. that said, my feelings are shaped by what people have told me about myself, and they’ve told me I’m a disgusting piece of shit. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/99 "2013-05-25T01:11:40Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > I know damn well that I’m responsible for my own feelings. that said, my feelings are shaped by what people have told me about myself, and they’ve told me I’m a disgusting piece of shit. Those people are wrong, and you are wrong to believe that. _Every_ human being is worthy of love and respect, but you’ve got to start with yourself. I’ve been kicked out of \*\*gaffa \*\*'s thread, but PMs are enabled. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2013, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/100 "2013-05-25T01:52:44Z")
> [@Troppus](#): > > I find it more unusual that you translate having a date and watching a movie as a promise you’ll have sex. I don’t think I implied that much. I recognize that it could have been a possibility, as well as a relationship. But, by no means did I imply that would have been a promise or guarantee. It’s along the lines of “the one that got away.” A very vague concept. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994.md?page=6)