# Wow, was I ever clueless about women! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994 "2013-05-22T06:52:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/121 "2013-05-27T00:47:00Z")
> [@colander](#): > > smells more like a hobo’s balls. I bet there’s a hell of a story there. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/122 "2013-05-27T00:53:01Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > She liked my t-shirt. It was a promo shirt for the Steve Martin movie _[Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083798/reference)_ which had the logo for the local rock station KY-102 on the back. You look like you could use a cup of my famous java. I’ve seen that movie. Didn’t get the t-shirt, though; didn’t realize what I’d be missing. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/123 "2013-05-27T00:59:40Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I sometimes feel like I live on an entirely different planet from some people, and stuff like that happens on the other one. You and me both, buddy; you and me both. Although I think I’d rather not visit Planet Metro Sexual Hobo Gypsy-- all things being equal. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/124 "2013-05-27T02:01:36Z")
Mu. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/125 "2013-05-27T03:14:39Z")
> [@fisha](#): > > Although I think I’d rather not visit Planet Metro Sexual Hobo Gypsy-- all things being equal. Depends on which planet you’re already on. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/126 "2013-05-27T15:04:24Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > There was another time when a girl called me to tell me about her dream she had where we had sex. I responded with somewhat of an akward “oh, that’s cool.” and never really followed up. It’s even worse because I recognized it for what it was at the time… Weird and off-putting? ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2013, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/127 "2013-05-27T16:06:18Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Weird and off-putting? Not really. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2013, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/128 "2013-05-28T15:28:57Z")
I was on an extended business trip years ago. Cow-orkers from all over the country were flown in to work on this issue. After we got back home, some of my local female cow-orkers took me aside to tell me how impressed they were that I had remianed loyal to my wife during the trip. My response was “Thanks! Huh?”. Once they figured out that I wasn’t joking, they incredulously explained that the cute woman who kept dropping by my office to discuss the project was after more than just my opinion. Everyone else apparently knew. I thought she was just being nice. Earned me the nickname “Babe Magnet”. If you’re going to rely on hints with me, you’d better deliver them with a sledgehammer. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/129 "2013-05-29T00:47:15Z")
> [@panaccione](#): > > There was another time when a girl called me to tell me about her dream she had where we had sex. I responded with somewhat of an akward “oh, that’s cool.” and never really followed up. I’m about as suave as a block of wood, but being told that should compel you to at least offer up some snark for entertainment’s sake, e.g. Was I any good? Do you tell that to every guy you want to fuck, or just the cute ones? Do you believe dreams can come true? ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/130 "2013-05-29T01:58:58Z")
> [@marshmallow](#): > > I’m about as suave as a block of wood, but being told that should compel you to at least offer up some snark for entertainment’s sake, e.g. > > **Was I any good?** > Do you tell that to every guy you want to fuck, or just the cute ones? > Do you believe dreams can come true? Having achieved at least a 200 milliclue level, if I was single, I would use the first one. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/131 "2013-05-29T04:23:49Z")
Wow, this thread has had more ups, downs, twists and turns than a roller coaster during an earth quake. I’m reasonably sure that i never missed any signals when I was younger and single, it’s just that for a mixed bag of reasons I chose not to follow through on them. Not that the opportunities were exactly bountiful. Strangely, once I got married it was like the wedding ring was a chick magnet. I don’t know if it was the ring, the confidence I had developed and projected or the fact that chicks felt safe to flirt with a married man or what the hell it was. Irrespective, as I was married no opportunity was pursued or encouraged. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2013, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/132 "2013-05-29T18:54:14Z")
> [@stui\_magpie](#): > > Strangely, once I got married it was like the wedding ring was a chick magnet. I don’t know if it was the ring, the confidence I had developed and projected or the fact that chicks felt safe to flirt with a married man or what the hell it was. The theory is that the civilizing influence of your wife has made you more attractive to women in general. And they generally help wash the stink of desperation off. Or maybe being married is proof that you’re marriageable. I’m trying to recall the movie where one woman confessed to her friend that she only dated married men because they had actually learned something about sex with a partner, as opposed to thinking only of themselves. And they had reason to remain discrete. On the other hand, as one stand up comic observed: “Women want sex. The problem is they all want to fuck _the same guy_.” ---
**Author:** ![Leo\_Bloom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leo_bloom/32/10377_2.png) [@Leo\_Bloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leo_Bloom)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2013, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/133 "2013-05-31T06:31:24Z")
> [@colander](#): > > It’s a magical wonderland called “public transport in the evening” and it’s a lot like this world except it smells more like a hobo’s balls. Have you ever been to the Bellagio? It’s like that, but stickier. > > It’s not all that much fun when the person you’re sitting next to is a fisting fan, though. ☹ > [@Ambivalid](#): > > I bet there’s a hell of a story there. :eek: [repeat excerpt] > [@](#): > > It’s not all that much fun when the person you’re sitting next to is a fisting fan, though. ☹ I bet there’s a hell of a story there too. ---
**Author:** ![MegaBee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f0a364/32.png) [@MegaBee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MegaBee)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/134 "2013-06-04T16:37:09Z")
I’ve come to the conclusion that I wasn’t clueless about women as much as I suffered from one hell of an inferiority complex. I recognized signals, decided that there was no way I was interpreting them properly (because that would be crazy), and assumed that they weren’t actually signals. I still catch myself doing just that sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/135 "2013-06-04T17:08:56Z")
> [@gaffa](#): > > Yeah, I know. At the time I was in my completely regrettable first marriage, my wife was cheating on me, the female friend was staying with us and the apartment was “clothing optional”. So we spent most of our time naked, and I’m pretty good at giving massages. > > I guess it was mostly out of a misguided sense of loyalty to my disloyal ex, I gave this very attractive friend a head to toe massage, working on her back with my erection sliding back and forth between the cheeks of her ass… > > The missed opportunity will haunt me till the end of my days. \* > > - Note: I regret not sliding down to her vagina. “Surprise buttsex” is not acceptable in polite company. If my husband were telling this story, I’d be thinking, “He cheated on me.” If he tried the semantics bit (“but we didn’t fuck! I didn’t insert my penis into her vagina!”) I’d be handing him said penis wrapped up in divorce papers, part and parcel of his general refusal to accept responsibility for a betrayal of our agreement on what our marriage vows mean to us. Not moralizing – believe that everyone, and every couple, gets to determine boundaries within context of their relationships. Just pointing out, happily married guy who never cheated, that the scenario you portrayed above would most certainly be considered cheating by many reasonable people. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/136 "2013-06-04T17:20:11Z")
> [@Tracijo67](#): > > If my husband were telling this story, I’d be thinking, “He cheated on me.” Would this be before or after you and your husband agreed to have a woman living with you in a clothing optional apartment? If my wife agreed to have a woman live with us and we were all naked most of the time, and I gave the friend massages without spontaneously erupting in orgasm, my wife would be more amazed than anything else. ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/137 "2013-06-04T17:57:41Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Would this be before or after you and your husband agreed to have a woman living with you in a clothing optional apartment? > > If my wife agreed to have a woman live with us and we were all naked most of the time, and I gave the friend massages without spontaneously erupting in orgasm, my wife would be more amazed than anything else. Point taken. I understand that he may not be thinking that he cheated, wife may not be thinking that he cheated, and that I’m arguing semantics to a ridiculous degree. But then, is there some kind of objective standard by which flirting crosses the line into sexual activity (which by a reasonable standard, can be construed as cheating)? Not personalizing to OP – I agree, if SHE didn’t think it was cheating, then it wasn’t, within the context of their relationship. What I’m really thinking is, hope he’s redefined the boundaries in relationship #2. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/138 "2013-06-04T19:28:35Z")
> [@Tracijo67](#): > > Point taken. > > I understand that he may not be thinking that he cheated, wife may not be thinking that he cheated, and that I’m arguing semantics to a ridiculous degree. But then, is there some kind of objective standard by which flirting crosses the line into sexual activity (which by a reasonable standard, can be construed as cheating)? Not personalizing to OP – I agree, if SHE didn’t think it was cheating, then it wasn’t, within the context of their relationship. My regrettable first marriage was within the context of my “wild years”. Which were apparently pretty wild. > [@](#): > > What I’m really thinking is, hope he’s redefined the boundaries in relationship #2. There were plenty of reasons _aside_ from fidelity why my ex is my ex, but I’m in a loving, and exclusive, marriage now. Last I heard of my ex, she was working as a “Fantasy Girl” - basically a stripper behind glass - in a porn theater. And the friend who I gave the massage to worked the counter in the book and video store portion. So, presumably, they had no issues with each other. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/139 "2013-06-04T19:28:49Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Would this be before or after you and your husband agreed to have a woman living with you in a clothing optional apartment? Surely you can see the difference between nudism and sliding your erect dick between your roommate’s ass cheeks, right? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2013, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994/140 "2013-06-04T19:42:27Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Surely you can see the difference between nudism and sliding your erect dick between your roommate’s ass cheeks, right? This made me LOL [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-was-i-ever-clueless-about-women/658994.md?page=8)