Maybe it’s the “stylish” aspect he was commenting on. Round these parts, guys are generally style-less ogres. A guy who goes out of his way to clean up & dress nicely is more “in touch with his feminine side” than the rest of us.
Yeah, kinda creepy. Know what’s one step creepier?
“You smell nice. Real nice.”
And yes, a taxi driver really did tell me this once… and yes, I did ask him to let me get the hell out of the cab, because I didn’t want to spend the whole ride wondering if he was really taking me where I was going or just to a dark alley someplace. shudder
Yep, pretty much. Although I get the feeling they use it more along the lines of dominant and submissive, which is actually more true to life. From what I understand, a lot of women here just kind of lie there and let the guy do whatever (ie “the starfish” pose). I’m not sure how the S guys find their dom women, though.
Seodoa, maguro? Like tuna?
You are kind of pretty, I can kind of see the cab driver saying something like that in surprise if you have a very deep voice. Perhaps it was like that? Cute kid gets in, he’s not wearing his glasses today, so doesn’t notice the scruffy chin, then hears a deep voice, which shocks him enough to kill his internal censor and he blurts out what he’s thinking.
Happens to my son so much that he has decided to cut his hair today 
He’s got the biggest hazel (brown/green) eyes, with eyelashes for weeks, and is just really pretty. His hair is just over shoulder-length, and although he dresses very boyish, this is the South and everyone assumes that anyone with hair past their neck under the age of 16 is a girl.
It makes me sad, because his hair is gorgeous, and he loves having it long, but he’s just tired of people calling him a girl. The worst part about it is that next year (4th grade) is when the boys typically go for the long hair look, and he would have had a jumpstart. I hope we find a style that he likes tonight that is flattering.
When I lived in Japan people often made what I considered rather personal comments about my looks. This was generally in a non-sexual context, like middle aged housewives telling me I had a great body, or teenage girls asking how they could get their breasts to grow bigger like mine! I think this sort of thing is partially because I was gaijin but partially because that sort of thing is just more acceptable in Asia than it is in the West. I have a Taiwanese friend who says that in both Taiwan and Japan strangers have told her she needed to lose weight, and that while this really annoys her it doesn’t seem to be intended as an insult.
As for creepy comments, here in the US a stranger in a bar once told me he was sure I must have a deep vagina. Well, he didn’t use the word “vagina”. I had no response to that (in retrospect I wish I’d said something like “Deeper than you’d ever need, at least”), but I believe my facial expression was suitably disgusted. He didn’t say anything else to me, and I left soon afterward.
But did he say it with the accent? You know, like “You got a purdy mouth.”? That would give me the willys.
Maybe it was the sailor suit you were wearing that confused him…
Sounds like the cab driver really liked you.
Yes, it was a creepy comment, but it could have been worse. He could have been your cellmate.
I think a lot of people have at least one creepy cab driver story to tell.
Thankfully, no. Though as far as I’m concerned, hearing that line delivered in any accent is pretty damn willy-inducing.
See also Yaoi - Wikipedia, especially the discussion of seme and uke.
Sounds like you met a manga fan, seoda!
I forgot to say that when I posted earlier. This is a cabbie we’re talking about, I think being slightly mentally ill is a job requirement.
Yeah, S-vs-M has nothing to do with whips, chains, and other bondage goodies in Japan. It just means whether you are a dominant or submissive, both in general personality and behind closed doors.
BellRung, maguro is (originally gay but since appropriated by the normals) slang for the starfish kind of sexual partner you describe, because they just lay there like a fish, see? Also, an S guy would be looking for a sub woman, not a dominant one.
Merneith, contrary to popular (weaboo?) belief, the Boys Love comic book genre is not a predominant social force. Nor does anybody here even understand what the word “yaoi” means. Most Japanese I have asked about BL describe the genre as “ew” at best. Sure, there is the remote possibility that he could’ve been going for some kind of bishounen/BL slant, but that would still be Creepstown.
Litoris, when I was your son’s age, my hair was really short so I never had the problem, but, when I was in high school, I experimented with growing my hair out for a brief while. Adults never seemed to have much of a problem, but younger children were often confused. While working at Staples, a young boy (maybe 5 or 6) at the checkout with his mom turned to her and asked, bluntly, “Is that a boy or a girl?” But, at that age, he was probably still working out the subtle differences.
Lamia, it’s not so much the fact that he commented on my looks. I have had coworkers and other people randomly say things like, “Oh, you look good,” or, “I wish I had hair that color.” This is the first time anybody has complimented me because he thought I was the opposite gender.
Illumi, but, but he’s a Japanese cabbie! Up until now they all seemed so friendly and normal!
I got a call from a person I used to go to university with whom I hadn’t spoken with in about 10 years. She said “I just saw a movie called Sunshine and there was this guy in it who is the spitting image of you. I swear it was you, but the credits had him listed as Cillian Murphy. I don’t know who he is but he’s you.”
Now that I’ve seen your picture (and I remember it from before), it’s considerably less ewww. You are pretty. Nice skin. Nice hair.
And I can imagine a cab driver saying it more matter-of-factly and not learing or anything. Especially an Asian one. Just a statement. Like the sky is blue.
Blech. Cabbies. I have a 50/50 chance that whenever I get in a cab, the driver’s going to ask me:
How do you get such nice lips?
Are you married?
Why not?
Do you have a boyfriend?
Do you want one?
Do you want another one?
Why not?
Can I have your number?
Can I give you mine?
Why not?
And on and on. I’d much prefer some gender confusion and a simple compliment!
Count yourself lucky on that cab ride.
Can someone explain the “S” vs “M” thing in detail? This is the first I’ve heard of it, and I used to be a nerd
Hopefully he meant as she looked in life and not as she does now.
seodoa - oh, I didn’t mean to imply that everyone in Japan (or you in particular) was into BL and that sort of thing. Just that there’s this certain concept of men whose beauty transcends gender. I make no claims one way or another as to its Creepiness. I was just noting its existence.
But by the time he spoke he realized you were a guy, right? I mean, he didn’t say “Hey pretty lady, where can I…oh, sorry sir!” He probably thought you were a pretty girl for just a second and then made the comment without giving it much thought.
Your foreign-ness may have helped to confuse his perception of gender cues. You’ve probably heard that Western women are sometimes considered to be a bit mannish by Japanese standards. I think people can also be distracted by racial features and miss signs of sex or age. I don’t know if you experienced this, but when I was first living in Japan I was terrible at guessing ages and sometimes had trouble guessing a person’s sex. Not with most people, but at the time there was a boyish style in vogue for young women (short hair, bulky sweater, jeans) and more than once I found myself looking at someone on the train thinking “effete boy, or butch girl?” It was like living in a David Bowie song. (Story of my life, really.) As time went on these issues faded, but I can easily imagine a chattier and less considerate version of myself blurting out “Oh, I thought you were a cute tomboy girl!” to some guy.
Yeah, I’m almost sure that’s how it went. When I asked him for clarification he said, “Oh, well, before you came into the cab I thought you were a girl.” I asked one of my coworkers about it a few minutes ago and he seems to agree with you that it is because I play against Japanese stereotypes of Westerners. They expect the women to look a little more mannish and the guys to be hulking, Rambo-esque beasts.
And, iwakura43, it’s been explained above.
S comes from the English “sadist” but it basically means somebody with a generally dominant personality (and implied sexual role) whereas M, from “masochist” actually just means somebody with a submissive personality (and equally so in the sack). Don’t think of them in terms of the English words, though, because they have absolutely nothing to do with BDSM culture.