# Write bad movie blurbs for popular film (long intro) s **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** movies\ **Created:** [July 29, 2025, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465 "2025-07-29T12:59:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/1 "2025-07-29T12:59:59Z")
Background: I’m looking up movies and see the description for one that reads: > [@](#): > > When a black-market arms deal goes outrageously wrong, Justine finds herself caught in the crossfire, forced to navigate through a warehouse full of trigger-happy madmen who are hanging on for dear life. My first thought is “Why name-drop Christine?” She’s the only named character, which means she should be the focal character, right? But that reads like we should know who Christine is. Almost like a TV show blurb, where every week we see who is up to what. But this is a one-off movie with no connections to anything I know of. It just feels weird. Watching the movie, it doesn’t even stress Christine any more than the rest of the ensemble. Armie Hammer and Cillian Murphy get more air time. TDLR This bad movie blurb got me thinking and amusing myself. It’s like describing _Star Wars_ as > [@](#): > > A farm boy, a rogue, and a princess team to to take on the dreaded Darth Vader. I mean, it’s accurate, sort of, but leaves out a lot and mysteriously name drops the villain. Or this one: > [@](#): > > The intrepid R2-D2 organizes a ragtag band of strangers to fight the oppressive Empire. I mean, it’s kinda right. Give me some others. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/2 "2025-07-29T13:17:59Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > When a black-market arms deal goes outrageously wrong, Justine finds herself caught in the crossfire, forced to navigate through a warehouse full of trigger-happy madmen who are hanging on for dear life. > > My first thought is “Why name-drop Christine?” She’s the only named character, which means she should be the focal character, right? But that reads like we should know who Christine is. Christine or Justine? And what movie–is guessing the movie part of the fun? Is it: > **[Free Fire (2016) ⭐ 6.3 | Action, Comedy, Crime](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4158096/)** > > 1h 31m | R My contribution: Family drama in which an Italian-American family achieve the American dream. The aging father meets guests and grants favors at his daughter’s wedding, while his son tries to fit into the family business. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/3 "2025-07-29T13:20:41Z")
_Raiders of the Lost Ark_ > [@](#): > > A treasure hunter/grave robber with a stupid name stumbles through trying to foil a NAZI plot to take over the world by harnessing supernatural powers. _Harry Potter and the ~~Philosopher’s~~ Sorcerer’s Stone_ Poor crazy Harry discovers he is wizard and begins the target of a mad sorcerer and his band is misfit henchmen. [/quote] Or better yet > [@](#): > > The smartest wizard in her class, Hermione gets upstaged by two dorky dweebs who take all the credit for discovering the secret cabal she uncovers." Or even > [@](#): > > When Harry Potter enrolls in a mystical magicians’ academy, the Sorting Hat determines the fate of the world. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/4 "2025-07-29T13:26:32Z")
> [@solost](#): > > Christine or Justine? And what movie–is guessing the movie part of the fun? Is it: You are correct. And that’s a double surprise because the character is Justine but the blurb I just copied said Christine. Or I flubbed when typing it in. > [@solost](#): > > My contribution: > > Family drama in which an Italian-American family achieve the American dream. The aging father meets guests and grants favors at his daughter’s wedding, while his son tries to fit into the family business. I think you mean “The Godfather”, but I first thought “Meet the Fockers” for some reason. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/5 "2025-07-29T13:29:34Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > I think you mean “The Godfather” Yes, correct ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/6 "2025-07-29T13:36:00Z")
Middle-aged scientist is hit on by a preteen girl while his girlfriend is pursued by a mathematician and dinosaurs. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/7 "2025-07-29T14:02:43Z")
“Independence Day” - You’ll be gripping your seat with excitement as an Air Force fighter pilot and a cable TV guy use a Windows 95 laptop to hack technology ten thousand years more advanced than hours and somehow breach the mother ship and destroy their entire invasion force. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/8 "2025-07-29T14:18:26Z")
> [@Jasmine](#): > > an Air Force fighter pilot and a cable TV guy use a Windows 95 laptop to hack technology ten thousand years more advanced than hours Um, that was an Apple Powerbook 5300. and the reason why the hack worked was because the Mac OS had been reverse-engineered from the OS of the spaceship they recovered at Roswell 😉 > **[Starring the Computer - Apple Powerbook 5300 in Independence Day (1996)](https://www.starringthecomputer.com/appearance.html?f=47&c=54)** > > Computers in movies and television shows ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/9 "2025-07-29T14:20:00Z")
An “Apple Powerbook 5300” ?! I think I’m gonna hurl. 🤢 ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/10 "2025-07-29T15:02:52Z")
In case it isn’t obvious, the reason the plucky Hoomons used a computer virus to disable the ID4 invaders was to be a homage to War of the Worlds, where a lowly virus killed the Martians. (Plus Apple OS was adapted from the aliens’ software system.) ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/11 "2025-07-29T16:03:09Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > In case it isn’t obvious, the reason the plucky Hoomons used a computer virus to disable the ID4 invaders was to be a homage to War of the Worlds, where a lowly virus killed the Martians. Interestingly enough, Arthur C. Clarke used the same ploy in _3001: The Final Odyssey_ (which came out the year after ID) ---
**Author:** ![anny\_m](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@anny\_m](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anny_m)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/12 "2025-07-29T16:16:21Z")
A quite famous one from some years ago: > Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/13 "2025-07-29T16:38:12Z")
…led by two mentors who are known as being ‘good’ and ‘great’ respectively, but turn out to be manipulative con artists with their own selfish agendas. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/14 "2025-07-29T16:45:08Z")
“A gravedigger meets a prince!” In real life, I remember there were two completely different trailers for _Cocoon_, one that emphasized the charming aspect of old people have fun, and one that emphasized aliens that can pull their skin off. Which ever trailer you saw, yoiu were in for a surprise when you went. ---
**Author:** ![Dropo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/15 "2025-07-29T17:24:27Z")
Paraphrasing from memory an old movie review: “222 minutes of desert studies. Peter O’Toole, Alec Guinness, Omar Sharif and others help out with the foreground composition.” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/16 "2025-07-29T17:33:46Z")
To this day, _“troubled youth takes steroids, punches foreigners, and crashes a plane”_ is how I describe the first Captain America movie. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/17 "2025-07-29T20:50:51Z")
Awkward illegal immigrant from a farm moves to the big city and finds adventure, a girl, and his true calling, a role he was born to fill. Also, he can fly. Did I mention that? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/18 "2025-07-29T21:11:23Z")
Teenage guerrillas, using IEDs and stolen weapons, terrorize a liberating army who are trying to introduce order and gun control to a lawless nation. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/19 "2025-07-29T22:04:17Z")
> [@anny\_m](#): > > A quite famous one from some years ago: Ah yes, that classic “Dorothy: the Slayer". > [@solost](#): > > Teenage guerrillas, using IEDs and stolen weapons, terrorize a liberating army who are trying to introduce order and gun control to a lawless nation. Red Dawn! ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465/20 "2025-07-29T22:10:47Z")
An interloper hijacks a vibrant desert community’s religion to manipulate them to serve his political ambitions, leading to a religious jihad and the ultimate destruction of their culture. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-bad-movie-blurbs-for-popular-film-long-intro-s/1021465.md?page=2)