# Write me some divorce greeting cards. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 2, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111 "2005-11-02T17:31:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/1 "2005-11-02T17:31:01Z")
In about two weeks my divorce will be granted by the local courts and I will officially be a free agent. Mixed feelings about it but overall, I’d say on the positive side. That said, I checked hallmark for some ideas about cards for divorce. There are none. No surprise there… but I think there ought to be. Don’t you? Here’s your opportunity to write me, QuickSilver and the former Mrs. QS your best funny, poison pen, sarcastic, sincere or mundane and pointless DIVORCE greeting card. Have at it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/2 "2005-11-02T17:43:48Z")
You once told me you couldn’t live without me. (open card) I think it’s time you lived up to your promise. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/3 "2005-11-02T17:52:56Z")
Front cover has a photo of a horse and saddle, and a guy with one foot up in the stirrup, getting ready to mount. Open card and it starts singing “Back In The Saddle Again”. ---
**Author:** ![Cynical\_Optimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Cynical\_Optimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cynical_Optimist)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/4 "2005-11-02T18:17:37Z")
Roses are red Violets are blue My life is better Since I left you ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/5 "2005-11-02T18:23:34Z")
Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E Becomes final today And I’m so H-A-P-P-Y You’re goin’ away! ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/6 "2005-11-02T18:28:34Z")
I actually saw this one once (and wish I’d bought a bunch of them). The front has a picture of a bunch of flies buzzing around. The caption says, “Ten million flies can’t be wrong.” On the inside it says, “Eat shit.” ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/7 "2005-11-02T18:31:56Z")
Flowery picture on the outside with the words in cursive (preferably pink) “Our Life Together” Open it up to a picture of a divorce decree and a giant smiley face with the words: "Has SUCKED. Deliriously happy that it’s over. Eat me." ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/8 "2005-11-02T18:35:09Z")
For you I itched So woo I pitched Then we got hitched But then you bitched So now you’re ditched! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/9 "2005-11-02T18:36:28Z")
Think once. Think twice. Think: Don’t drive your car on the pavement. Not that the last line has anything to do with marriage or divorce. It’s just the first quote that popped into my head when I read the title. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/10 "2005-11-02T18:40:30Z")
I still miss you. But my aim is getting better. Now I know you were the reason For my chronic ass pain. You got that far away look. And the further away you get, the better you look. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/11 "2005-11-02T18:47:04Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > You once told me you couldn’t live without me. > > (open card) > > I think it’s time you lived up to your promise. 😃 Excellent!! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/12 "2005-11-02T18:56:20Z")
Okay, without actually thinking before I post. Off the cuff, as it were, how about a Hallmark Moment? _My Darling Ex-Wife, When we married you were the light of my life And I of yours. Together we set out to sail the tranquil seas of Matrimony. But caught in a squall, we were tossed in a tempest our Love could not overcome. And so in our lifeboats we sailed our separate ways. Our lives will continue, yours and mine. And as they go on, we will often think of each other. I’ll think of you getting older and wrinklier And how your body will rot in its grave, consumed by weevils and worms. Blessed Be! that I won’t have to be round you to watch it!_ ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/13 "2005-11-02T19:02:23Z")
You guys rock! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/14 "2005-11-02T19:04:09Z")
Our love blossomed truly, we had lots of fun. We spent quite a while there as Mrs. and Mr. But now that it’s over and everything’s done There’s one thing to ask you: Can I date your sister? ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/15 "2005-11-02T21:05:09Z")
I gave her rings. I gave her money. She never was happy. She always would spend. You came along. She’s your baby now. The front picture is a woman standing in a mall with her hands full of shopping bags. Inside the left panel has a pile of receipts. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/16 "2005-11-02T21:28:08Z")
:smack: I coulda had a V8. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/17 "2005-11-02T21:42:02Z")
A picture of a large wooden door on the front, inside it reads “It’s the last thing of mine that’ll touch your ass. Adios” or A cartoon dog on the front shrugging his shoulders, inside it reads. “What can I say, you’re a bitch” or On the front of the card are two columns Plan A and Plan B Under the plan ‘B’ column is a revolver, duct tape and a shovel, under the plan ‘A’ column is a paper that has a large heading that says ‘DIVORCE’ inside it reads, “One way or the other.” ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/18 "2005-11-02T22:23:18Z")
I have one I bought for myself in New Orleans… It shows a voodoo doll, with lots of pins in it. The message says, “Even if the marriage wasn’t magic, the divorce can be.” ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/19 "2005-11-02T22:30:39Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E > Becomes final today > And I’m so H-A-P-P-Y > You’re goin’ away! I decided I could do better. Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today And I’m so filled with G-L-E-E Cause you’re goin’ away. I can’t stand your sight So this’ll be pure H-E-A-V-E-N to me Oh I’ll be so glad when we get Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E! Tammy Wynette is spinning in her grave. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/20 "2005-11-02T22:44:10Z")
What Man Has Put Asunder Let No God Join Together. Two Paths Divulged Within a Wood… You going that way? Then I’ll take this one…good. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111.md?page=2)