# Write me some divorce greeting cards. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 2, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111 "2005-11-02T17:31:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/21 "2005-11-02T22:45:02Z")
I have a great postcard on my refrigerator. Art: Two truly pissed-off-looking middle-aged people sitting grumpily in front of the lawyer’s desk. Lawyer is saying: " ‘Divorce settlement’ sounds so cold . . . we prefer to call it a ‘post-nuptial agreement’!" The expressions on the faces of the couple are priceless. * * * Then there’s the ever-classic “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?” ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/22 "2005-11-02T22:48:02Z")
I actually saw a card in a Hallmark store that you could send people letting them know you were getting a divorce. All it said was “[outside]I just wanted to let you know … [inside] … I’m getting a divorce.” There was a beautifuly flower-filled meadow on the front, and the “sentiments” were in a lovely script font. How lame is THAT? Like you couldn’t just call somebody and tell them? ---
**Author:** ![Black\_Train\_Song](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@Black\_Train\_Song](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Black_Train_Song)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2005, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/23 "2005-11-03T03:19:17Z")
Front of card: I lost 130 pounds Inside: I got a divorce. wasn’t funny when I heard it either :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2005, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/24 "2005-11-03T20:59:34Z")
These were (I’ve read) entries in a \*Washington Post \* contest to write a rhyme with the most romantic first line, and the least romantic second line. They’d lend themselves well to divorce greeting cards, methinks: Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed. I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head. Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you are not. I want to feel your sweet embrace But don’t take that paper bag off of your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes. Damn, I’m good at telling lies! My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life. I see your face when I am dreaming. That’s why I always wake up screaming. My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe… “Go to Hell.” What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2005, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/25 "2005-11-04T01:36:02Z")
I used to say that you’re the best there is unfortunately, there’s no Olympic “Bitch” competition After all these years of marriage, I’m taking off my ring and giving you the finger Thank you for teaching me about the finer points of theology Being alone will be heaven compared to the hell you’ve put me through ---
**Author:** ![Isosleepy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/isosleepy/32/479_2.png) [@Isosleepy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isosleepy)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2005, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/26 "2005-11-04T15:27:44Z")
Well, at least I won’t have to worry about what to get you for Christmas… It’s court-ordered! ============ ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2005, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111/27 "2005-11-04T15:33:13Z")
Oddly enough, the Hallmark website does not have a section for divorce cards. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-me-some-divorce-greeting-cards/329111.md?page=1)