# Write the comic-book origin story of the poster above you **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 15, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867 "2009-06-15T19:45:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/21 "2009-06-16T15:15:39Z")
In ancient times, no beast was as feared as the dragon. And no dragon was as feared as the mighty **Dragwyr**. This cunning beast was unsatiable in his lust for gold to hoard, and unstoppable in his fury. Many knights were sent to slay the beast, but none returned. A wizard was summoned to unmake the creature, but his spell misfired. Instead of killing the Dragwyr, it merely sent it away through time, to prensent day Manhattan. Only one superhero can stop the Dragwyr in its tracks, and prevent it from taking over New York’s banks in its quest for wealth. (The Dragwyr is a very poor banker. Hence the current recession). And that one superhero(ine) is… ---
**Author:** ![Wisthekiller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wisthekiller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wisthekiller)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/22 "2009-06-16T15:34:56Z")
Malleus, Incus, Stapes! was formerly the ear of Sarah Connor. During a violent battle the ear came off, luckily they were able to preserve it and grow it into a person. It was sent to the past uncompleted and did not remember its objective of warning everyone of the imminent robot attack so instead Maleus, Incus, Stapes! lurks the SDMB until it sees its former self (the ear) get blown off and realizes its too late. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/23 "2009-06-16T16:00:47Z")
> [@Wisthekiller](#): > Originally know as Whistle Killer, this murderous archvillain, stalked the streets of the seedy underbelly of the red light district. He was never seen! The few survivors of his dastardly attacks reported only “a nonchalant whistle” echoing in the darkness. :: …whistle…whistle… :: In an altercation with the **Avenging Carnivorousplant** , **Wisthekiller** ’s was bitten, rendering him able to whistle only with a lisp. Beware the lisp whistle of the Wisthekiller! **:: …wisthle… wisthle…::** ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/24 "2009-06-16T16:13:40Z")
**Swallowed My Cellphone** was always quite a literal thinker and unimaginative name developer, even before he…wait for it…swallowed his cellphone during an absinthe-influenced romp one evening in Budapest. The cellphone became lodged in his second stomach and remains there to this day, giving off powerful vibes and allowing SMC to foil his enemies using his abdomen to choose ringtones that intimidate and destroy. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/25 "2009-06-16T16:34:56Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > **Swallowed My Cellphone** was always quite a literal thinker and unimaginative name developer, even before he…wait for it…swallowed his cellphone during an absinthe-influenced romp one evening in Budapest. The cellphone became lodged in his second stomach and remains there to this day, giving off powerful vibes and allowing SMC to foil his enemies using his abdomen to choose ringtones that intimidate and destroy. Hey, baby. You should see me on _vibrate!_😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/26 "2009-06-16T16:50:06Z")
**gigi** was a mild-mannered office clerk who always wanted to be a superheroine. She couldn’t get any of her superpowers to work, though. She tried death rays, spidey webs, and truth lassos – all to no avail. Then one day she accidentally locked herself in the supply closet. She banged on the door and yelled, but her calls for help went unheeded. Frustrated, she made herself a costume out of copy paper, packing tape, and mouse pads. And she found her secret weapon. Now she makes the universe safe for law-abiding Earthlings and aliens alike. And so is the story of Bubble Wrap Girl. ---
**Author:** ![Stauderhorse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Stauderhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stauderhorse)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/27 "2009-06-16T17:32:44Z")
**tdn** was a mousy mama’s boy until the day he had a run-in with a motorcycle gang. The leader caught **tdn** in the act of checking out his girl, and began to beat the crap out of him. In an act of adrenaline-fueled self-defense, **tdn** lifted the biker clear off the ground and threw him 25 yards. Astounded at his new-found strength, he buffed up, changed his name, and became a television lifeguard known as… [David Hasselhoff](http://www.sitv.com/files/premium-uploads/sitv_latino%20sports_david%20hasselhoff522.jpg). **tdn** , of course, stands for “The David, Naked”, since he always posts to the SDMB in the nude. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/28 "2009-06-16T17:39:08Z")
I think the point of this thread is you’re supposed to be posting fiction. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/29 "2009-06-17T03:26:19Z")
> [@Stauderhorse](#): > > **tdn** was a mousy mama’s boy until the day he had a run-in with a motorcycle gang. The leader caught **tdn** in the act of checking out his girl, and began to beat the crap out of him. In an act of adrenaline-fueled self-defense, **tdn** lifted the biker clear off the ground and threw him 25 yards. Astounded at his new-found strength, he buffed up, changed his name, and became a television lifeguard known as… > [David Hasselhoff](http://www.sitv.com/files/premium-uploads/sitv_latino%20sports_david%20hasselhoff522.jpg). > > **tdn** , of course, stands for “The David, Naked”, since he always posts to the SDMB in the nude. George Stauder was an underachieving stable boy working at a local horse ranch. One dark and stormy night, he was mucking out the stall of the ranch’s stallion with an all-metal shovel, when he and the horse were engulfed by a freak blast of lightning. When George awoke, he found himself in the body of the stallion. Discovering the freedom, swiftness, and muscular body he had always wanted, he dedicated himself to fighting crime under the name **Stauderhorse**! Meanwhile, the horse in the human body was not able to do much more than chew hay and try to mount the local mares. Eventually, his family had him committed to a mental institution. ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ce73a5/32.png) [@Rich\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_Mann)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/30 "2009-06-17T07:55:24Z")
Racked with guilt over what he had done to the children of Hamelin, The Pyed Pyper tore off and burned his harlequin costume and donned spandex and a cape. Now he uses his hypnotic fluting to fight evil. He also brings joy to girls and boys all around the world in his alter ego–Ian Anderson of _Jethro Tull_! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/31 "2009-06-17T08:13:26Z")
Once he was as poor a man as the rest of us. Then, when he was down to his last nickel, inspiration struck and he picked exactly the right penny share to invest in. A day later he had doubled his money. A day later he had doubled it again. By the end of the month he was a millionnaire and everything he touched was (figuratively speaking) turning to gold. Desperation and destitution had unlocked his mutant “Money Gene”! He no longer bothers to count his billions, even as a way of keeping score, and he doesn’t fight crime in person - instead he bankrolls heroes, for he is **Rich Mann**! ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/32 "2009-06-17T09:58:11Z")
Deep in the jungles of the remotest reaches of the Amazon, the tribes who have so far successfully kept themselves cut off from the modern world have been at work. Drawing on ageless millennia of shamanistic ritual knowledge, they summon the spirits of the rainforest to bring forth a protector born of the living earth. Drawing its power from the energy of nature’s very lifeforce, it strikes all those who would despoil for private gain and profit. Sit at any campfire where the loggers take their meals after a hard day’s work, and listen to their stories of strange accidents and unforeseen complications. You will hear them whisper, reverently and fearfully, the name of the spirit who seeks to drive them away… the **Malacandra**. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/33 "2009-06-17T17:03:13Z")
Olent, a supremely skilled warrior, diplomat and haberdasher, was the original template for the Warlord Z’geki’s mighty army of clone warriors in a remote section of the Galaxy. In time the implacable forces of the Galactic Republic pushed back Z’geki’s legions, all the way back to his dark throneworld, and were mere hours away from a stunning victory. The tyrannical despot fled in his royal starship, taking only Olent with him as bodyguard and bridge partner as he soared beyond the reach of the Republic. The pair ran out of food just over halfway to their destination, a miserable backwater planet that the Republic would never think to search, and Olent was compelled to eat his former master. Now established deep undercover on “Earth,” Olent bides his time until the local cloning technology is sufficient for his needs. As the once and future template of a vast and implacable army, Olent has chosen the username… **Olentzero**. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/34 "2009-06-17T17:07:59Z")
Ripped from Middle Earth by a surge in the Space Time continuum, \*\*Elendil’s Heir \*\*now uses his Sword and Magic Helmet to fight crime in the Greater Quad Cities region. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/35 "2009-06-17T18:11:46Z")
**Wargamer** , amazingly enough, was once a mild-mannered computer programmer hired by the Pentagon to produce … war games. One day he was working on a simulation designed to test army recruits in the toughest possible circumstances. At 5:45 PM he was finished and had just downloaded the software into the simulator. At precisely that moment, a squad of nuclear-armed mutant terrorists descended on the Pentagon, utterly destroying the building and killing everyone inside. As he lay in the computer room with portions of his brain scattered across the floor, his dying consciousness realized that his only hope was to connect his spinal column to the computer running the simulation, at which point he became **Wargamer**. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/36 "2009-06-18T01:43:46Z")
A mild-mannered math and science teacher was accidentally imapled by a CAT-6 Ethernet cable. With a brain hyperfull of knowledge from teh Intrawebs the gifted teacher became a top-secret agent for the National Science Foundation’s Information Technology Research for National Priorities programs. The now code-named **ITR champion** lives a dual life – educating students by day while making America safe for interdisciplinary research and education projects by night. ---
**Author:** ![Jolly\_Roger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/91b2a8/32.png) [@Jolly\_Roger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jolly_Roger)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/37 "2009-06-18T01:59:00Z")
An inconcievable accident involving Jiffy Pop Popcorn and a microwave put Kinilou in a coma. Awakening 3000 thousands years later from his corn/microwave induced suspended animation, Kunilou now faces a world ruled by animal men, giant insects and petty tyrants. Uncovering a fabulous sword he has nicknamed “Excalibur” Kunilous now fights for justice in a war torn and strange world. He (or she) is Kuniou the Barbarian! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/38 "2009-06-18T02:07:31Z")
Roger was once the most dour of men, a veritable human raincloud, yea, verily, the most gloomy of all God’s creatures, but upon reading this thread his usually-sullen demeanor was split by an uncharacteristic smile, and he swore an undying oath to always remain cheery, and to bring joy and happiness to those around him. He was thereafter, and forevermore always will be, known as **Jolly Roger**. ---
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/39 "2009-06-18T02:52:13Z")
A former champin scrable player,Elendils Heir,while taking a shower at the YMCA,mistakenly grabed a bottle of radioactive waist instead of of shanpoo,giving him heir of great power.He no longer plays scrable. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2009, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867/40 "2009-06-18T09:54:50Z")
> [@MadTheSwine](#): > > A former champin scrable player,Elendils Heir,while taking a shower at the YMCA,mistakenly grabed a bottle of radioactive waist instead of of shanpoo,giving him heir of great power.He no longer plays scrable. Radsioactive “waist”? Doesn’t that just make you…fat? And glow-in-the-dark, of course. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-comic-book-origin-story-of-the-poster-above-you/499867.md?page=3)