# Write the Tarantino Star Trek. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 8, 2017, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908 "2017-12-08T15:06:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/1 "2017-12-08T15:06:13Z")
So [Quentin Tarantino is making a Star Trek movie](https://www.geek.com/movies/quentin-tarantinos-star-trek-movie-is-happening-and-will-be-r-rated-1725270/). Let’s write it for him! Is the Vulcan hand sign thingy a remnant of the five point palm exploding heart technique? ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/2 "2017-12-08T15:32:06Z")
There’ll be a scene where a Klingon gets set to interrogate a red shirt and cues up Stuck in the Middle With You while sharpening his bat’leth. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/3 "2017-12-08T15:38:26Z")
The Enterprise is going to have flames and skulls painted on it. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/4 "2017-12-08T15:43:20Z")
Maybe he’ll redo [this](http://www.slipups.com/images/items/297.full.jpg) scene with phasers set to “multi-target” and get it right. “Bring in the gorn.” ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/5 "2017-12-08T15:48:28Z")
We’ll get a long, lingering shot on Uhura’s feet. There’ll be a scene where they are adding a new set of color-coded uniforms. Bones will be pissed that he has to be Pink. ETA: oh and Sulu will have a _badass_ sword/katana scene. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/6 "2017-12-08T15:57:46Z")
You know what they call an earthworm on Ferenginar? A Royale with Sleeze. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/7 "2017-12-08T15:58:22Z")
Re: the little tidbit of news in the OP. [checking for other threads, nada] You have GOT to be kidding me. As if JJ Abrams hasn’t done enough of a job destroying this franchise. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/8 "2017-12-08T15:59:35Z")
Samuel Jackson exuding full attitude will be cast as Tuvok. “Dayumn, three Klingon scout cruisers is uncloaking. What’s a brother to do but follow some righteous logic and fire a full spread of photon torpedoes before they nail our asses.” ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/9 "2017-12-08T16:12:25Z")
“Did you see a sign outside that said ‘Dead Ferengi Storage’”??? ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/10 "2017-12-08T16:21:39Z")
Oh man, I just phasered Marvin in the face… ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/11 "2017-12-08T16:26:09Z")
Geordi: Mmmm! Goddamn, Cap! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Worf would be happy with some freeze-dried Taster’s Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this? Jean-Luc: (angry) Earl Gray. And cut the shit, Geordi. Geordi: Sir? Jean-Luc: I don’t need you to tell me how good my tea is, okay? I’m the one who programmed the replicator. I know how good it is. When Beverly programs the replicator, she gets SHIT. I get the gourmet stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what’s on my mind right now? It AIN’T the tea program in my replicator files, it’s the dead Klingon in my shuttle bay. Geordi: Oh, Cap, don’t even worry about that… Jean-Luc: (interrupting) No, No, No, No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you notice a sign on the shuttle bay doors that said “Dead Klingon Storage?” Geordi: Sir, you know I didn’t see any… Jean-Luc: (cutting him off again; getting angry) Did you notice a sign on the shuttle bay doors that said “Dead Klingon Storage”? Geordi: No. I didn’t. Jean-Luc: You know WHY you didn’t see that sign? Geordi: Why? Jean-Luc: 'Cause it ain’t there, 'cause storing dead Klingons ain’t my fucking business, that’s why! ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/12 "2017-12-08T16:42:26Z")
> [@cardigan](#): > > samuel jackson exuding full attitude will be cast as tuvok. “dayumn, three klingon scout cruisers is uncloaking. What’s a brother to do but follow some righteous logic and fire a full spread of photon torpedoes before they nail our asses.” Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking Tribbles on this motherfucking starship! ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/13 "2017-12-08T16:45:11Z")
Khan’s dead, baby. Khan’s dead. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/14 "2017-12-08T16:48:03Z")
Jean-Luc “The Captain” Picard: (after smacking the shit out of Wesley): Now Wesley, I want us to work out a signal system of communication. When I punch you real hard in the face, that means “shut up”! Gul Ducat: [giddy] Oooh, that’s a bingo! Is that the way you say it? “That’s a bingo?” Sisko: You just say “bingo.” Gul Ducat: Bingo! How fun! But, I digress. Where were we? Lt. Yar: Well, I speak the most Romulan, so I’ll be your escort. Geordi speaks the second most, so he’ll be your Romulan cameraman. Data speaks third most, so he’ll be Geordi’s assistant. Data: I don’t speak Romulan. Lt. Yar: Like I said, third best. Just keep your fuckin’ mouth shut. In fact, why don’t you start practicing, right now! Kira Nerys: You didn’t say the goddamn rendezvous was in a fuckin’ space station. Bajoran Resistance Contact: I didn’t know that would be a problem. Kira Nerys: You said it was in a tavern. BRC: Quark’s _is_ a tavern. Kira Nerys: Yeah, in a space station. You know, fightin’ in a space station offers a lot of difficulties. Number one being, you’re fightin’ in a _space_ station! ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/15 "2017-12-08T16:50:26Z")
What ain’t no planet I ever heard of. They speak English on What? English, motherfucker, do you speak it!? ---
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/16 "2017-12-08T17:09:34Z")
“The price you pay for bringing up either my Klingon or Human heritage as a negative is – I collect your fucking head!!!” ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/17 "2017-12-08T17:10:01Z")
Klingon, Motherfucker! Do you speak it? ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/18 "2017-12-08T17:29:15Z")
Dude! Machete! As! Pilot of the! ENTERPRISE! When you’re gonna have Machete photon torpedo the bad guy, You better make damn sure the bad guy …isn’t you. I would so go see that movie ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/19 "2017-12-08T17:31:26Z")
Expect to find Tarantino casting himself in a cameo role as landing party redshirt #1 ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2017, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908/20 "2017-12-08T17:32:10Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > “Did you see a sign outside that said ‘Dead Ferengi Storage’”??? This is Tarentino we’re talking about. The word in question isn’t “Ferengi” or “Klingon”. It’s going to be the Queen Mother of Slurs, QT’s favorite word in the whole MFing offensive language lexicon, and it is going to get said 352 times, by everyone in the cast, including Uhura. Might even be in the title. And there’s a 50/50 chance the plot won’t make any sense, and it will just be an excuse to abuse the entire cast, and every character will be dead at the end, including Kirk & Spock. The movie will be 4 hours and 58 minutes and seem like 7 hours and 20 minutes. And the popcorn will taste like ass. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-the-tarantino-star-trek/803908.md?page=2)