# Write your own Enterprise episode **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 21, 2002, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017 "2002-11-21T20:47:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/61 "2002-11-26T14:44:06Z")
I expect to see this any day now: Hoshi: I need the Captain and T’Pol to join me in my shower now! T"pol and Archer: O.K. Archer: Now why are we all obviously naked together in your shower? Hoshi: The Klingons have installed a listening device on board and only the sound of running water can block it. Star Trek Geek: I thought the Enterprise had sonic showers. Everyone: SHUTUP!!! ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/62 "2002-11-26T17:49:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*I once lived in Segue, Tx. No wait, that was Seguine. > > Grinning wildly, Loki takes the five dollar bill from his father Odin, and proceeds to… > > Actually, for me, anal sex is more like… > > The U S Navy needs more nuclear subs because of the proliferation of… > > **Viva\_\_\_\_wages** you are a f\_\_\_ng s\_\_\_head cow who hasn’t the wit to… And don’t even think of posting in my thread **Tars Tar\_\_\_** … > > What thread am I in? I’ve got like five windows open… Damn! > > _just an example of my low brow wit posting on various threads…_ \*\* * * * Wow…I’ve been Pitted for the very first time–and not even in the right forum! What an honor it is. NCB, report to Decon and scrub your scrambled bad self down immediately! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/63 "2002-11-26T17:52:18Z")
What does it mean, “head cow”? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/64 "2002-11-26T17:59:05Z")
that’s MISTER head cow to you, meateaterfern actually, I was trying to say sh\_thead cow and didn’t know if it would cause Cafe censor sensers to kick in… I got pitted in a GQ thread 'cause someone was taking himself WAY to seriously, so I posted some outrageous “facts” and they never replied to them. All was a joke in this one, as you all obviously got. See, honey? They’re funny! Hey, where ya goin? Aw, come on… ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/65 "2002-11-26T18:02:00Z")
Ah. Humor. A difficult concept. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/66 "2002-11-26T20:19:57Z")
Ah. Jesus. An immaculate concept. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/67 "2002-11-26T21:45:22Z")
\*\*Cap’n Plant, \*\*, the “head cow” is the boss of all the cows. A s\*\*t Head Cow is something else entirely. Can I change my username to **S** THeadCow\*\* ? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2002, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/68 "2002-11-26T23:16:52Z")
You Poor Mortals. My Canadian Satellite is up, and in addition to planning World Domination, I just saw "Vanishing Point ". But it’s Wearia’s turn, dang it. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/69 "2002-11-27T00:03:20Z")
Well, if he doesn’t hurry up, i’ll just go ahead and do it ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/70 "2002-11-27T00:07:22Z")
Tars? Was that another sexual innuendo? Does your Mother know you do this sort of thing? ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/71 "2002-11-27T00:14:32Z")
Now that’s a scary thought… **MamaTars** : I’d just thought i’d see what you’re up to on that message board you like and…OH MY GOD!!! Your grounded when you come home for Christmas! **NoClueMama** : Ha Ha, your kid’s a perv! But what is my sweet angel talking about anal sex for??? **vivalostmama** : my child is no cow! **carnivorousMama** : How many times have i told you not to talk to those Canadians??? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/72 "2002-11-27T00:19:22Z")
Mama Plant, everybody else is talking to Tars! ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/73 "2002-11-27T00:20:21Z")
Wait, you got Enterprise already? Woah. I still got 3 hours. Hey and if I’m not there in time feel free to start it yourself. And don’t forget the cryptic comments _wink wink nudge nudge_ ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 27, 2002, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/74 "2002-11-27T00:57:19Z")
i just went ahead and did it because i’m impatient [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=146494](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=146494) ---
**Author:** ![moonchilde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@moonchilde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonchilde)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/75 "2002-11-28T03:02:24Z")
Don’t miss next week’s episode, when we find Dr. Phlox stuck in a Jeffries tube, and Enterprise meeting an entirely new species: The Fredonia Archer: “Hoshi, hail fredonia!” Universal Translator: “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do!” Hoshi: “The Universal Translator is having a breakdown due to an unknown ethical dilema! We need the doctor, and he is still stuck down in Engineering!” Archer: “Trip, get the Phlox outa there and meet me on the bridge!!!” Tucker: “Aw, Captain, I was just to bite into a fresh apple pie. Can’t it wait?” Archer: “Why are you always questioning my orders?” Trip:“But it is a piece of Americana in this forlorn void that is space.” Archer: “Trip!” Trip: “Alright, Alright. Bye bye my American Pie.” T’pol: “This is irrelevant” The Fredonia: “I shot an irrelevant in my pajamas this morning” Mayweather: “I…” Crew: “SHUT UP!” Archer: “Fredonia, tell us about yourselves. We are Humans, a peaceful exploring race searching for attractive women with big breasts” Trip: “And pie” Fredonia: “We are a peaceful exploring race from Tatooine that speaks in the metaphor of humor. Take my wife.” Crew: “Oh, Please!” All this and more on next week’s episode of Enterprise! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/76 "2002-11-28T03:12:28Z")
T’Pol: “How the irrelevant came to be wearing his noctural clothing is unknown.” ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2002, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/77 "2002-11-28T23:15:25Z")
Archer: I’d thrash you within an inch of your life, but i forgot my tape measure… Hoshi: Actually we all use the metric system now… Archer: Quiet you! go phase out like Geordi and Ro again ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/78 "2002-11-29T00:21:35Z")
Captain Archer looks out the Rear Window of Enterprise, sees the murder, calls the police, the end. Rick Berman padded that out to almost 60 minutes! ---
**Author:** ![moonchilde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@moonchilde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonchilde)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/79 "2002-11-29T00:44:15Z")
Then Bobby Ewing wakes up and realizes it was only a dream (shades of Wednesday’s episode!) and that Kn\*\*ckers killed J.R. mc ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2002, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017/80 "2002-11-29T14:07:22Z")
Crap, I was hoping no one would find out. Well, you’ll never find the body. I disintegrated it into a tiny patch of goo with the transporter. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/write-your-own-enterprise-episode/138017.md?page=5)