# Writing to prison inmates as pen pals - what to be mindful of? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 11, 2019, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815 "2019-05-11T03:47:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2019, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/21 "2019-05-14T21:50:49Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Mainly giving them someone normal to talk to on the outside, “pass the time” might be the closest description based off of the ones you listed. So long as you don’t give too much personal information, that doesn’t sound very risky. And it seems like a nice thing to do. Best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2019, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/22 "2019-06-10T16:39:04Z")
Follow-up question: Can you get in any legal trouble for your comments/opinion on a legal matter (in a letter to an inmate)? (i.e., “I think the prosecution of your case was racially biased,” etc.)? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2019, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/23 "2019-06-10T16:41:53Z")
Anything you tell them they can tell to someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2019, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/24 "2019-06-10T17:56:51Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Follow-up question: Can you get in any legal trouble for your comments/opinion on a legal matter (in a letter to an inmate)? (i.e., “I think the prosecution of your case was racially biased,” etc.)? Yeah, but it’s just your opinion. Unless you’re a lawyer or something your opinion counts as much as anyone else’s does. Which is to say, not much. I could see you potentially getting in trouble for incitement to riot or sending plans to escape or something. But merely commiserating with the inmate? I think your exposure is minimal at best. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2019, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/25 "2019-06-10T18:00:03Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > If you are really so afraid about what this hypothetical criminal may try to do to you, isn’t the simplest solution be to _not pick a criminal pen pal_? Yep, they try cons. They prey on lonely women. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2019, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/26 "2019-06-10T18:05:20Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > I’ll reaffirm the caution about sending money et al. That’s solid. > > But for those of you who are saying ‘be careful! They’re master manipulators!’ and such? Have you ever met an person who’s an inmate in a prison? I’ve interviewed dozens over the years ranging from minor drug offenses to major child porn producers. Most of them are unsubtle, obvious fuck ups who couldn’t trick anyone with even the slightest bit of non-naivete. They vast majority were there because they couldn’t meet the minimal requirements of society to behave themselves. > > Go ahead and write. You might do some good. But don’t go in fearfully thinking everything said is part of some master plan to fool you. Most will be just looking for some communication and human contact outside of the small society in which they find themselves. That’s true. Many are violent or druggy fuck ups. But _con artists_ are very clever. in the course of my career as a Fed, I met mostly con artists and money launderers. And they are smart, clever and master manipulators. And of course, they will manipulate the less clever prisoners into handing over their letters for the con artist to “help with”. > **[Prisoners Con the Lonely With Huge Pen Pal Scams](https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1990-01-18-mn-484-story.html)** > > David Paul Hammer was a prisoner at Oklahoma State Penitentiary in McAlester a few years ago when he bragged to a reporter for an alternative magazine that he had received at least $176,000 from 1,500 to 2,000 people he had duped into sending him... ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2019, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/27 "2019-06-10T18:19:47Z")
One exceptionally good rule of life: Be extremely careful of anything you sign you name to. The simplest, most innocent thing can come back to bite you in the tush. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c4cdca/32.png) [@PatriotX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotX)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2019, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/28 "2019-06-10T19:08:13Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I have not gotten involved with a church prison ministry yet, but I have considered writing letters to prison inmates (people I don’t know and have no connection) as pen-pal ministry. What are the risks involved, and what should I be aware of (law and procedure-wise?) I won’t divulge any personal info to them, of course - more like letting them have someone to talk to. I have a friend who went to prison. I was helping him with a MS I tried to send the MS back 5 times before it was finally received. They are incredibly, incredibly picky about the incoming mail. In theory any paper envelope will do. In practice, the envelope must match the criteria in the head of whoever is sorting mail that day. You can only send so many pages at a time in. Though apparently the number of pages out is indefinite. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/29 "2019-06-11T00:15:16Z")
> [@Jonathan\_Chance](#): > > I’ll reaffirm the caution about sending money et al. That’s solid. > > But for those of you who are saying ‘be careful! They’re master manipulators!’ and such? Have you ever met an person who’s an inmate in a prison? I’ve interviewed dozens over the years ranging from minor drug offenses to major child porn producers. Most of them are unsubtle, obvious fuck ups who couldn’t trick anyone with even the slightest bit of non-naivete. They vast majority were there because they couldn’t meet the minimal requirements of society to behave themselves. > > Go ahead and write. You might do some good. But don’t go in fearfully thinking everything said is part of some master plan to fool you. Most will be just looking for some communication and human contact outside of the small society in which they find themselves. All but one of the prisoners I’ve known have been barely literate. I don’t know that the pen pals represent the same group. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/30 "2019-06-11T06:01:51Z")
> [@PatriotX](#): > > I have a friend who went to prison. > I was helping him with a MS > I tried to send the MS back 5 times before it was finally received. MS? What’s that? ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2019, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/31 "2019-06-11T14:50:34Z")
Probably Manuscript. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/32 "2019-06-12T05:41:14Z")
That makes sense. Thanks, Shodan. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/33 "2019-06-12T06:19:15Z")
Why not write instead to prisoners of conscience, through Amnesty International? [https://nowtoronto.com/news/amnesty-international-write-for-rights/](https://nowtoronto.com/news/amnesty-international-write-for-rights/) ---
**Author:** ![Royal\_Nonesutch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecb155/32.png) [@Royal\_Nonesutch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Royal_Nonesutch)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/34 "2019-06-12T11:25:53Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Why not write instead to prisoners of conscience, through Amnesty International? > [https://nowtoronto.com/news/amnesty-international-write-for-rights/](https://nowtoronto.com/news/amnesty-international-write-for-rights/) What if they only want to talk about things that you don’t find interesting? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2019, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/35 "2019-06-12T12:05:34Z")
> [@Teddie](#): > > I write to someone on death row. He’s never getting out. [I applaud your optimism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_McDuff). ---
**Author:** ![control-z](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eada6e/32.png) [@control-z](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/control-z)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/36 "2019-06-13T18:43:11Z")
The only personal experience I have is a friend’s mother wrote to prison inmates, I believe through her church. She started a relationship with one and would go visit him on weekends and such. Didn’t end well, she was naive and sent him money but he turned out to be a manipulator. Honestly I think a lot of people are in prison because they don’t function well in normal society and are manipulators or predators. It really depends on what they are in prison for and why they did it, but you can’t trust their answers about all that. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/37 "2019-06-13T22:01:51Z")
> [@Royal\_Nonesutch](#): > > What if they only want to talk about things that you don’t find interesting? Who is likely to be the more interesting person: a criminal who got caught, or a hero who stood up for ideals? The first one is easier to feel superior to, I grant you that. Prisoners of conscience are treated better when they get more letters; the prison feels it would be … _conspicuous_… if they would want to let them disappear. Getting letters strengthens their courage. [Write for Rights - Amnesty International](https://www.amnesty.org/en/get-involved/write-for-rights/) With Amnesty, your can write to governments, but also to the prisoners or their families. Eitehr way, your letters do a world of good. [Successes | Amnesty International Canada](http://writeathon.ca/successes/) ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/38 "2019-06-13T22:30:48Z")
Thanks Maastricht, I may consider that but for the time being I’m focusing on U.S. inmates in U.S. prisons. ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/39 "2019-06-13T22:59:32Z")
Back in the mid-eighties, our family wrote to a prisoner through Chuck Colson’s Prison Fellowship. I believe Prison Fellowship screened the prisoners. We wrote via a Prison Fellowship address which forwarded our mail and the prisoner’s mail. The correspondence was a blessing for him and for us. Over about 10 years we wrote probably 2-3 times a week. We talked about everything from going shopping to planting the garden, to trying to pay off credit cards. He wrote about his hopes, his dreams, his faith, the conflicts with other prisoners. My kids grew up sending him pictures they drew and practicing letter-writing skills. We sent modest gifts at Christmas (a towel, some stamps). We never revealed our home address or last name. When he finished his sentence we never heard from him again. We had been told to expect that - that many prisoners want to end all things that they associate with prison. After that we asked for another name. We wrote to that prisoner only twice. It was very clear he (a) wanted money and (b) wanted a girl friend. His letters were unpleasant and we dropped it. And decided not to seek out a third correspondent as our family life had moved on. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2019, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815/40 "2019-06-13T23:18:44Z")
Thanks for the advice. Anything that one should write differently to someone who is serving a life sentence and won’t ever get out, as opposed to someone who will only be in for a few years? I am guessing the mindset becomes very different. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/writing-to-prison-inmates-as-pen-pals-what-to-be-mindful-of/833815.md?page=3)