# WTF? Ex-boyfriend inventory on a Saturday morning? (TMI warning)

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [June 8, 2002, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028 "2002-06-08T23:09:26Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 10

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**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/181 "2002-06-12T19:31:14Z")

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Like I said in the other thread . . .

“Irony, defined: It was the initial explosion of AIDS in the gay community, and the realization that _anyone can get it_, which led to increased STD and safe-sex education among Americans. For a generation now, teens and young adults have received, if not formal education, information from the culture at large on AIDS prevention and safe sex. Now, straight Americans are starting to parrot that same safe-sex information back at gays (and other straights), and they resent it.”

So if there are a few straight people which, Bog love 'em, aren’t quite as well-versed in the nuances of the gay community, and out of genuine concern\* happen to give back the same admonitions about safe sex that they’ve been _hearing_ from the gay community, cut 'em some fucking slack, will ya?

\*I’m not saying that PunditLisa was or was not speaking out of genuine concern. But some people are, and if they get it thrown back in their face by a gay man saying, “Shut up!!! Clueless hetero!!! We already know all about AIDS!!!” well, they’re probably less likely to be sympathetic in the future to other issues of gay rights or issues affecting gays and lesbians.

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**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/182 "2002-06-12T20:11:35Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> So if there are a few straight people which, Bog love 'em, aren’t quite as well-versed in the nuances of the gay community, and out of genuine concern\* happen to give back the same admonitions about safe sex that they’ve been hearing from the gay community, cut 'em some fucking slack, will ya?

Well, it is important to that everyone be aware of the etiology of STDs, including HIV, but there is such a thing as teaching your grandmother to suck eggs, too. (To **Wring** : this is a metaphor for someone attempting to give instruction on a specific topic to someone more experienced. It does not refer to any specific grandmother.)  
Yes, it is good that someone would care enough to warn about safe sex, but does any rational person really think that gay men need to be instructed on safe sex? Every time gay sex is so much as alluded to?

> [@](#):
>
> But some people are, and if they get it thrown back in their face by a gay man saying, “Shut up!!! Clueless hetero!!! We already know all about AIDS!!!” well, they’re probably less likely to be sympathetic in the future to other issues of gay rights or issues affecting gays and lesbians.

Sorry, but I don’t recall when I registered signing any statement about meekly accepting any advice given, with no back talk.

I kneel to nobody. (Well, unless he’s really hot…)

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**Author:** ![tramp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tramp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tramp)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/183 "2002-06-12T20:18:53Z")

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I’m jealous. Threads about my sex life don’t get to four pages. :rolleyes:

And mine is so much more interesting.🙂

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**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/184 "2002-06-12T20:46:32Z")

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Well, I don’t know, gobear. I mean, on the one hand, I’ve met you on several occasions, and have no doubt that _you_ don’t need to be informed. But surely you’ve seen that sign on the Metro that claims that gay men are still the fastest-growing population of AIDS victims in the DC metropolitan area? So either there’s an unusally large concentration of barebackers in DC (hell, for all I know, there is), or **some** gay men still **do** need to be lectured.

All us breeders are asking is a little consideration while we work our way up the learning curve, man.

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**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/185 "2002-06-12T20:54:32Z")

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Where did PunditLisa mention anything about Scott’s sex life? Maybe I missed something in the translation, but it looked to me that she was only voicing her concern for him going home with a stranger. Nothing more, nothing less. Scott is the one who brought up the safe sex issue.

Also, I have a lesbian friend who has three children. I also have more than a few het friends who for some reason or another are not having children.

So, what’s up with the “Breeders” thing?

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**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/186 "2002-06-12T21:02:37Z")

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[quote]

So either there’s an unusally large concentration of barebackers in DC (hell, for all I know, there is), or some gay men still do need to be lectured.

All us breeders are asking is a little consideration while we work our way up the learning curve, man.

[quote]

well, the signs are there because DC has the nation’s highest rate of HIV infection, particularly in the African American community. But, yeah, there are also barebackers–like Andrew Sullivan–one of our DC gay citizens who got caught advertising for barebacking partners online even though he is HIV positive–who need to get smacked bigtime.

Dang, Phil, here I am, all ready to argue and stand my ground, and you disarm me with common sense and openness. I will try to be less harsh in future.

The Force is strong in this one.

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**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/187 "2002-06-12T21:35:42Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Diane \*  
> \*\*Also, I have a lesbian friend who has three children. I also have more than a few het friends who for some reason or another are not having children.
> 
> So, what’s up with the “Breeders” thing? \*\*

There’s a whole dictionary of words to insult gay men and lesbians. The “F” section alone would include _fag, faggot, fairy, fruit, flower, fudgepacker_ and _fif_. Back in the seventies, someone decided it would be nice if we had something to shout back, and so the word “breeder” was born.

Of course, now it’s somewhat inaccurate since gay families are becoming more common. And it’s usually now only used humourously when someone is trying to be deliberately vulgar/colloquial as in “fags, dykes, and breeders have to work together.”

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**Author:** ![cichlidiot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f9b8f/32.png) [@cichlidiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cichlidiot)\
**Post date:** [June 12, 2002, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/188 "2002-06-12T22:21:04Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \*  
> \*\*Look. Regardless of who knew who was a homo, whether anyone accused anyone of having AIDS, whatever, the point is that this:
> 
> was:
> 
> 1. an admission of a previous post’s being intentionally inflammatory;
> 
> 2. unbelievably patronizing, stating that **scott** is not an adult who knows what the hell he’s doing;
> 
> 3. betraying a total misunderstanding of the whole point of the thread, having been blinded to the main issue (weird ex-boyfriends) by the sexual atmosphere in which they took place, which does not speak well for this poster’s ability to dispense cogent advice; which is
> 
> 4. driven home by her gratuitous reference to **scott’s** “sexual adventures” as “freakish,” a judgment upon his character with which **scott** and every other Doper who practices the mentioned behaviour has every right to take issue.
> 
> I have little sympathy for the injustices that this poster may believe were perpetrated upon her out of the anger this silly, patronizing, “eww-ick-sex-gross” post incited. \*\*

I’ve been following this thread and was wondering if anyone was going to bring the part about “freakish” sexual adventures up. I can’t believe that anyone could interpret a post couched in terms like that as showing genuine concern. I was bothered by AIDS being brought up again in a **Scott** thread, and understood that this would escalate things. I think **Cnote** had a point in saying if a poster hadn’t been aware of this happening on a regular basis or hadn’t read **Gobear’s** pit thread, the amount of backlash might seem over the top. I read **PunditLisa’s** posts as particularly inflammatory from the start, though this is the pit, and I find it hard to believe that she deserves an apology. It honestly reads to me like she was baiting **Scott** in the second post. I don’t know **PunditLisa** at all, so maybe I’ve misread her, but I will add that I found her posts to be pretty offensive.

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**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\
**Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/189 "2002-06-13T02:25:52Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by cichlidiot \*  
> **I’ve been following this thread and was wondering if anyone was going to bring the part about “freakish” sexual adventures up. I can’t believe that anyone could interpret a post couched in terms like that as showing genuine concern.**

DING! We have a winner.

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**Author:** ![sirjamesp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@sirjamesp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirjamesp)\
**Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/190 "2002-06-13T06:40:56Z")

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Wait, wait… hold that ding.

The “freakish” comment didn’t appear until right down near the bottom of page 1, when the shit-slinging was well under way. (And, incidentally, I thought the whole point of **scott evil** ’s post was to point out the freakishness of the situation.)

Sure **PunditLisa** ’s thread may have seemed a little condescending to the OP if he somehow assumed that she ought to know his sex routine, but why does this warrant virtually every gay man on the board accusing her of everything from arrogance to gay-bashing?

**PunditLisa** said, in a mumsy way:

> [@](#):
>
> I hope you practice safe sex.

A polite reply, incorporating “benefit of the doubt”, might have been something like:

> [@](#):
>
> Thanks for the concern, but I can assure you I’m careful.

Instead, we got:

> [@](#):
>
> AGAIN with the safe sex lecture from a clueless hetero! \<snip\> Do you lecture hetero guys who have casual sex? If not, shut the fuck up.

Nice.

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**Author:** ![sirjamesp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@sirjamesp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sirjamesp)\
**Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/191 "2002-06-13T06:44:40Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by sirjamesp \*  
> Wait, wait… hold that ding.

I said “hold that ding” in a sex thread - tee hee hee!

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**Author:** ![Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ea5d25/32.png) [@Nenya\_Elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nenya_Elizabeth)\
**Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/192 "2002-06-13T12:34:19Z")

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Well, **I** read this:

> [@](#):
>
> What were you expecting with this thread? Congratulatory high-fives about your freakish sexual adventures?

as a reference to this in the OP:

> [@](#):
>
> I’ve had weirder experiences, but this one has entered the scott evil Weird Sexual Experience Hall of Fame.

Not as a reference to **scott** being gay at all, just to his “Hall of Fame.” (Which, by the way, reminded me of the “weird shit-o-meter” quote in Men in Black I.)

For what it’s worth.

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**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/193 "2002-06-14T01:05:54Z")

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Wow. What a maelstrom I have helped create.

First of all, let me say that I only visit a handful of threads each day. If, indeed, every gay thread results in “safe sex” lectures, then I apologize for inadvertently touching a nerve among the gay community. And, may I say, some of you are VERY easily touched. (Pun! Ha Ha…hrmph.) \<-David Letterman voice.

The reason I posted to Scott’s OP in the first place was simply to point out, in my trademark sarcastic way, what I thought to be an obvious irony. Had a woman posted: “So I was screwing this guy I met in a bar last night, and, get this: He left his door unlocked. How fucking stupid can you be?” I would have posted exactly the same response. Because, IMO, protecting your body should be more important than protecting your CD collection.

That’s it. No homo bashing. No bible thumping.

The ensuing melee was, IMO, undeserved. I don’t think I deserved to be tarred and feathered for telling a guy he ought to be more careful. However, while I stand firmly by the message behind my first post, my delivery (and I say this with a pained expression), admittedly could have been less frigid.

As far as my second post, well, that was delivered in anger after reading the venomous responses. So aside from the “vernacularly challenged Canadians” comment, which I believe was one of my better lines, I retract the entire ill-timed, shrewish lecture. As others correctly pointed out, unsolicited advice is rarely appreciated.

So, Scott forgive me for raining on your parade and for the hijack of what was intended to be a lighthearted thread.

Take care.

L-

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**Author:** ![Hamish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a5b964/32.png) [@Hamish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamish)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/194 "2002-06-14T01:19:37Z")

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Thank you, Lisa. I for one appreciate it very much, and I hope we can put the unpleasantness behind us.

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**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/195 "2002-06-14T01:22:01Z")

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:smack: not hamish, but me… although I’d wager he shares my sentiments.

^----- Methinks Hamish and I will have a fair number of occasions for using this smiley, if our current record is any indicator.

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**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/196 "2002-06-14T01:54:17Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \*  
> \*\*So, Scott forgive me for raining on your parade and for the hijack of what was intended to be a lighthearted thread.  
> \*\*

No problem. And forgive me if I got overly defensive and/or vitriolic. Please understand that I’ve only been here a few months, but I’ve already gone through this a couple of times. I just wanted to post about an unusual experience I had last weekend.

In any case, right now, I’m so filled with rage over someone from another board that all of this doesn’t really matter. I’m about to punch my fist through my monitor, if that gives you any indication.

- s.e.

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**Author:** ![EchoKitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@EchoKitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EchoKitty)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/197 "2002-06-14T16:31:03Z")

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What C-note said. It looks like a sweeping case of paranoia to me. Do any of you remember the program “Soap”, where the one brother started dating a black girl, and any time anyone looked at them for more than a nanosecond, he’d jump up and get all defensive, “Haven’t you ever seen two people in love before?” and “What are YOU lookin’ at” and the like. Always assuming people had a problem with it. Gobear assumed a lot in this thread.

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**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/198 "2002-06-14T16:35:59Z")

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Yummy. Let’s get this thread to 200 replies. 😉

- s.e.

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**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/199 "2002-06-14T16:37:15Z")

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OK, I’m an attention whore, I admit it. 🙂

- s.e.

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**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\
**Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-ex-boyfriend-inventory-on-a-saturday-morning-tmi-warning/113028/200 "2002-06-14T16:42:59Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by EchoKitty \*  
> \*\*What C-note said. It looks like a sweeping case of paranoia to me. Do any of you remember the program “Soap”, where the one brother started dating a black girl, and any time anyone looked at them for more than a nanosecond, he’d jump up and get all defensive, “Haven’t you ever seen two people in love before?” and “What are YOU lookin’ at” and the like. Always assuming people had a problem with it. Gobear assumed a lot in this thread. \*\*

The hell he did.

It has been made VERY CLEAR what the issue was, by me and other gay dopers.

This is not about paranoia, unless it is the paranoia of others feeling we not only don’t know what color the sky is, but that it is falling as well.

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