# WTF!? Hyenas aren't dogs! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 27, 2006, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279 "2006-07-27T16:29:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/21 "2006-07-28T19:31:13Z")
[QUOTE=Zsofia] What bugs me is that when I was a kid, a panda _wasn’t_ a bear. Now a panda’s a bear?! What the hell is up with that? I think they’re just jerking my chain, now. [/QUOTE] Scientist: Little boy, what do you think the Panda is? Little Boy: It’s a bear! Scientist: Oh you stupid precious little thing. You just think it’s a bear because it looks like one. People like me spend many years going to school so that we can find out many things such as the fact that the Panda is mostly related to raccoons. They aren’t bears at all. Fast Forward Ten Years: Young Man: I think it is so cool that these Pandas are most closely related to raccoons. Most people think they are bears. Zookeeper: Why do you think they aren’t bears? Scientists just proved last year that they are bears. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2006, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/22 "2006-07-28T20:05:57Z")
[QUOTE=Spectre of Pithecanthropus] Are tree shrews still Primates? [/QUOTE] As \*\*Darwin’s Finch’s \*\* link indicated, they booted both Tree Shrews and Elephant Shrews out of the Insectivora. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/23 "2006-07-29T01:15:54Z")
[QUOTE=Colibri] And it turns out the closest relatives of whales are hippos. Genetic work has been shaking up bird classification recently. It turns out that Turkey Vultures are actually related to storks, rather than the kind of vultures you get in Africa. [/QUOTE] Count this as a request for an exploration, either here or in GQ, of the Secret Origin of the Whale, if you please. I’ve seen a lot of allegations that they’re kissin’ cousins of the artiodactyls, but remain rather fond of the mesonychid derivation. If there’s some evidence tying them to the hippo (and the Anthracotheres, I assume) rather than the hypotheses I saw popular-culture take-outs of, I’d love to know more about it! ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/24 "2006-07-29T01:39:12Z")
[QUOTE=Diceman] I was wondering that myself. How does the male achieve penetration? [/QUOTE] They’re kinky. Some of the references seem to indicate that the pseudo willie is a clitoris, and the rest of the plumbing resides as usual. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/25 "2006-07-29T16:54:42Z")
[QUOTE=Polycarp] Count this as a request for an exploration, either here or in GQ, of the Secret Origin of the Whale, if you please. I’ve seen a lot of allegations that they’re kissin’ cousins of the artiodactyls, but remain rather fond of the mesonychid derivation. If there’s some evidence tying them to the hippo (and the Anthracotheres, I assume) rather than the hypotheses I saw popular-culture take-outs of, I’d love to know more about it! [/QUOTE] The most recent evidence that I’ve seen points to an artiodactyl, rather than mesonychid, relationship. And, apparently, the hypothesis of their being close relatives of hippos has also been overturned. See [here](http://www.neoucom.edu/DEPTS/ANAT/whaleorigins.htm) and [here](http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v413/n6853/abs/413277a0.html). ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/26 "2006-07-29T16:58:50Z")
Let’s play word association. Catheter. (bwahahahahahaha.) ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/27 "2006-07-29T17:08:20Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] They’re kinky. Some of the references seem to indicate that the pseudo willie is a clitoris, and the rest of the plumbing resides as usual. [/QUOTE] But from your cite, they have a, “urogenital canal that exits through the pseudo-penis.” So does the male put it’s penis inside of the female’s penis? I bet there’s some human porn like that out there somewhere if you look hard enough. I’ll let you all look. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/28 "2006-07-29T17:15:39Z")
There is nothing I associate with Africa more than the whoop of a hyena at dusk. It’s a distinctive and primal sound. In the hierarchy of African predators, the hyena is just below a lion in ferocity. Leopards and cheetahs will not tangle with hyenas, and male lions will go out of their way to kill them, although even a lone lion will not confront a hyena pack, since they can’t afford to risk a broken leg from those jaws. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2006, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279/29 "2006-07-29T20:56:31Z")
[QUOTE=Ruken] But from your cite, they have a, “urogenital canal that exits through the pseudo-penis.” [/QUOTE] I’m trying not to think about it. Can we just leave it at that? I see no reason to confuse the issue with facts. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-hyenas-arent-dogs/366279.md?page=1)