# WTF is "funny" about telling someone an upsetting lie, then going "just joking, ha ha"??? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755 "2009-12-02T20:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/181 "2009-12-04T16:43:16Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Gee Whiz. It wasn’t the OP that said that. It was allenw. In this thread. That you said you read. I agree that the OP said no such thing. In fact, that was my exact point. Okay, so you were responding to **allenw** ’s point, not the OP. I apologize for misconstruing that, but your aforementioned posting provided no such context. In fact its phrasing “And we aren’t saying that Dripping was wrong for feeling embarrassed or awkward. We are trying to find some middle ground. The idea that someone would respond to that gentle teasing with a utter straight face and then wordlessly turn around, get into their car and drive away…sigh…I mean. I don’t know what to say. Come on.”) strongly suggests that it was referring to **Dripping** , not anyone else. Hence my construal, however incorrect that might have been. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/182 "2009-12-04T16:46:23Z")
JThunder, when you accuse a poster of insisting on ‘painting a gross caricature’ of another poster, after stating that you have indeed read the thread, and then you find out that you were wrong; does that cast a pall over the thread for you and make you want to leave the thread early? Just wondering. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/183 "2009-12-04T16:53:09Z")
Whether it does or not, that situation is hardly analogous to the one described in the OP. Moreover, I already apologized for misconstruing your words. Frankly, at this point, it seems like you’re just trying to get some digs in. If I were to play that game, I’d ask if you’d feel like leaving a thread after someone pointed out that your phrasing was ambiguous and (regardless of one’s intent) painted the OP in a needlessly harsh light. I don’t play those games though, and I’d urge you not to do so either. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/184 "2009-12-04T17:03:55Z")
Yeah, I’m just messin’ with you at this point, JThunder. Sorry. And as for trying to ‘paint Dripping in a harsh light’ and all that jazz, my posts have done no such thing, as anyone who has read my posts in this thread can clearly see. Me and Dripping are clearly cool, and even trading jokes in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/185 "2009-12-04T17:18:58Z")
Understood, and FTR… I would agree with you that turning around immediately would be a pretty severe overreaction. In contrast, I can understand **Dripping** ’s reaction, even though I probably wouldn’t respond in the same way. (Then again, I might, if I felt that the party atmosphere was kinda cold in general.) ---
**Author:** ![dragoncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@dragoncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragoncat)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/186 "2009-12-04T17:43:09Z")
Okay, I had a long message all typed out and then edited it and now I want it back. I’ll just ask: what about surprise parties? Are they in the same vein? ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/187 "2009-12-04T18:26:12Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > No, I think several people who say “It’s just a joke” have commented that the joke is not funny. But offensive? Causing distress? Gut-wrenching distress, at that? Come on. If feeling like you’ve arrived to a party on the wrong date for something like 10 seconds causes you so much distress that it sours your evening and opinion of the host altogether, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask about the severe social anxiety issues you seem to have. Not to reopen another clusterfuck (and one I agree with you on), but it’s like someone wanted to shoot someone in the scrotum for saying “hey baby”. After all, the catcaller was just joking and didn’t mean anything by it and only took ten seconds. My point is, we all have things that really set us off and it doesn’t mean we have “severe” emotional problems. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/188 "2009-12-04T18:35:56Z")
I once had a boss and I told her “You can’t leave cows over night in the fields otherwise they’ll become pasteurized.” My boss Linda then went around telling everybody this and saying “No, it has to be true, Mark is very smart he knows about those things.” (This was like 1983 before Internet) OK she was mad at me, but c’mon that is so obviously a joke, I didn’t think anyone would believe me. So maybe it’s something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/189 "2009-12-04T20:47:50Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > Heyheyhey now, just because you have crippling social anxiety doesn’t mean you agree with the OP. I think this is my favorite post in the whole thread. > [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > But it is wrong to find the prankster (I hesitate to even call it a prank, it is so common and mild) a bad guy, or unsuitable friend material over it. I agree with you on the first, but not on the second. Clearly, if a mild (bad) joke goes over so poorly, this is probably not the kind of person whom the OP wants to be friends with. I believe I suggested a ticker tape as a viable alternative earlier in the thread… > [@pedescribe](#): > > I don’t get how you people seem to instantaneously get each others jokes, and toss around language without fear or worry. Practice, practice, practice. No, seriously. When I was a kid, I had crippling anxiety. I couldn’t even buy a brownie at a school bakesale 'cause I’d have to talk to another student to hand them my quarter (true story). But you know what? Mom made me talk to people, all the time, and I got the fuck over it. Working a retail job helps a lot, too–being a cashier in high school helped teach me that most people won’t remember you five seconds after you’re gone. Nobody stands around judging you for that embarassing thing you think \*\*you \*\*just did, because they’re too busy worrying about that embarassing thing \*\*they \*\*just did. Spend enough time pretending you’re not worried, nervous, waiting to be embarassed, and eventually… you won’t be. > [@](#): > > And we do not like being treated like we’re all mentally ill, or have crippling disorders. I don’t like being treated like I had a blood clot in my lung back in July, but I did, so fucking tough. I take my warfarin like a good girl. And if your fear of social situations is so bad that a simple (albeit lame) joke about arriving on the wrong night is enough to put you in a terrible mood such that you can’t cheer up and end up going home early, that sounds pretty “crippling” to me. [[QUOTE=m-w.com](http://QUOTE=m-w.com)] Main Entry: [sup]3[/sup]cripple Function: transitive verb Date: 14th century 2 : to deprive of capability for service or of strength, efficiency, or wholeness [/QUOTE] > [@Dripping](#): > > Only if I were still dripping. If it’s just dripping, you should probably have that checked out… 😃 > [@pepperlandgirl](#): > > Would he punch you in the face and shout “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY YARD!”? Now \*\*that \*\*would be funny. > [@allenw](#): > > These folks rarely like receiving as much as dishing it out. If you escalate on them, like maybe faking a breakdown in response to your “perceived gross social error”, they often respond as the offended party. Then fuck them–personally, I’d think it was funny. I fail to see how your anecdote about knowing some people who make this kind of joke but don’t like it when someone does it back to them is relevant, though. > [@NinetyWt](#): > > It’s okay to be different. Right? No. Absolutely not. You must be like me in every conceivable way. Every. Conceivable. Way. > [@gigi](#): > > Not to reopen another clusterfuck (and one I agree with you on), but it’s like someone wanted to shoot someone in the scrotum for saying “hey baby”. After all, the catcaller was just joking and didn’t mean anything by it and only took ten seconds. One of these things is a bad joke, rooted in the idea that the listener can appreciate the tension and release. The other is a sexist act, rooted in the idea that the listener is a piece of meat because she has a vagina. Can you tell the difference? Now, one of **MOL** ’s friends cat-calling at her in an exaggerated way because they know she hates it? \*\*That \*\*has the potential to be funny, if it’s pulled off the right way. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/190 "2009-12-04T21:07:54Z")
My boyfriend’s friend pulled this one on me: In the very early stages of our relationship, when we were still dancing around each other and didn’t know each other very well, my BF was moving into a shared house with another girl; each had their own room and they only shared kitchen facilities. Friend told me, in front of boyfriend, “Pookah, I think you’re a great sport for being okay with your BF sharing a _bedroom_ with this girl.” Then watched me turne white as sheet as I tried to pretend to be “okay” with it. Funny? Quite, IMO, though this guy does have sadistic streak that I completely lack. I’m just not able to pull even the mildest prank myself and nor would I particularly want to. As for the OP, I think the second example is out of line and in the first one I think intent might also be relevant. Was the host trying (and not succeeding very well) to be friendly, or was he really making fun of the guest for his own amusement? Unless I have strong evidence to the contrary, I try to give people the advantage of the doubt. I think that SecondJudith’s point about culture is also very good. Brits and Irish, or example, make a sport out of playful insults and I’ve seen that being lost in translation when dealing with someone from a different culture more than once. I suppose in the case of the OP both parties were from a similar culture, but in the discussion on the board there could be cultural element at play too. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/191 "2009-12-04T21:14:44Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > No. Absolutely not. You must be like me in every conceivable way. Every. Conceivable. Way. But but but … I don’t WANT a blood clot in my lung !! ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/192 "2009-12-04T21:21:20Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > I don’t like being treated like I had a blood clot in my lung back in July, but I did, so fucking tough. Do people talk down to you because you had a blood clot? Just curious. And we obviously have different definitions of ‘crippling’. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/193 "2009-12-04T21:26:19Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > Do people talk down to you because you had a blood clot? Just curious. And in a supreme irony, I just realized that no-one has been talking down to me; I’ve just been taking this thread too seriously. Goddamn, this shit is complicated. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/194 "2009-12-04T21:34:33Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > But but but … I don’t WANT a blood clot in my lung !! Too bad. Now you \*\*sit \*\*in that chair, and don’t you \*\*dare \*\*try to take that tourniquet off your leg. > [@pedescribe](#): > > And in a supreme irony, I just realized that no-one has been talking down to me; I’ve just been taking this thread too seriously. There, there. I promise not to laugh at you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/195 "2009-12-04T21:36:28Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > One of these things is a bad joke, rooted in the idea that the listener can appreciate the tension and release. The other is a sexist act, rooted in the idea that the listener is a piece of meat because she has a vagina. Can you tell the difference? Uh-huh, and shooting them in the crotch is an equivalent rebuttal? YEs I can tell the difference, and as I said I am knee-jerk violently pissed at catcallers too. But many catcalls do happen for five seconds till we move on, and many would say it didn’t hurt me any and was meant in a light-hearted way. In fact, some women in the thread appreciate catcalls, as some partygoers may have appreciated the hilarity of the OP’s host. The point is, the joker/catcaller can’t know either way, and the recipient is allowed to react however they want without being considered emotionally fragile. My mom’s mom used to pretend she was dead until mom was crying hysterically and then she’d get up and laugh about it. Funny stuff, you know, just tension and release. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/196 "2009-12-04T21:49:28Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > Uh-huh, and shooting them in the crotch is an equivalent rebuttal? Yes, because I’m sure MOL \*\*literally \*\*shoots people in the crotch all the time. > [@](#): > > My mom’s mom used to pretend she was dead until mom was crying hysterically and then she’d get up and laugh about it. Funny stuff, you know, just tension and release. Yes, because driving your daughter to \*\*literal hysterics \*\*over your \*\*death \*\*is equivalent to taking five seconds to say, “You came to the party on the wrong night… Just kidding!” Also: Your mom is shitty at taking a pulse. ---
**Author:** ![SMullen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@SMullen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SMullen)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/197 "2009-12-04T22:12:39Z")
I’ll chime in on the side of the OP. I do admit that when I used to socialize, people were always telling me to lighten up. I’ve been called a prude too, and have been accused of not having a sense of humor. That used to hurt my feelings, but then I decided that everyone is better off if I stay away from people who _do_ think things like that are funny. I also agree that the OP’s examples are funny because they appeal to the 98% of our chromosomes that are identical to those of the chimp. Too bad I’ve never had the strength to tear someone’s arm off when they make me look like a foo’ and then tell me to lighten up. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/198 "2009-12-04T22:29:16Z")
> [@SMullen](#): > > I also agree that the OP’s examples are funny because they appeal to the 98% of our chromosomes that are identical to those of the chimp. Too bad I’ve never had the strength to tear someone’s arm off when they make me look like a foo’ and then tell me to lighten up. I’d throw feces at the next person who says “Smile!” but I’d have to touch feces. > [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Yes, because I’m sure MOL \*\*literally \*\*shoots people in the crotch all the time. This is what I mean: MOL: angry enough to want to shoot someone OP: upset enough to be uncomfortable all evening Neither of them should be considered nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/199 "2009-12-04T22:35:10Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > This is what I mean: > > MOL: angry enough to want to shoot someone > > OP: upset enough to be uncomfortable all evening > > Neither of them should be considered nuts. I’d say being angry enough to want to shoot someone is a perfectly reasonable response to being treated as less than a fellow human, simply on account of my gender. Contrastingly, being upset all night because someone made a joke I didn’t get is… not normal. At all. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/200 "2009-12-04T22:47:36Z")
The problem isn’t that he didn’t “get” the joke. Rather, the problem is that he felt that the joke was in poor taste. We could quibble for days about how appropriate the joke was, but there is simply no cause for saying that he didn’t “get” the joke. That’s not the issue. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=11)