# WTF is "funny" about telling someone an upsetting lie, then going "just joking, ha ha"??? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755 "2009-12-02T20:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Iridescent\_Orb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@Iridescent\_Orb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iridescent_Orb)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/241 "2009-12-08T07:24:11Z")
What about looking at this from the host’s perspective? He’s probably running around, trying to get last minute things ready for the party and suddenly his doorbell rings. (We don’t know if the OP was early, but given that no one else had arrived it is quite likely.) Standing at his door is someone he doesn’t know too well, so he can’t even get him to help with the bean dip - instead he will have to sit there and entertain him until some other guests arrive. Add in some nervousness or excitement from hosting a party, and it is easy to see how his joke might not have been perfectly executed, or may have even contained some sarcasm. Combine this with the OP’s sensitivities, and it is easy to see how unintended offense was taken. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/242 "2009-12-08T07:25:42Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Emphasis added. To me, being “engulf[ed]” by a “gut-wrenching wave of embarrassment” such that it would “cast a pall over the party,” causing me to “[avoid] the host” and “[leave] early” is pretty neatly summed up as “freaked out all night.” To you, maybe. Logically speaking though, there is a huge difference between being deeply embarassed or depressed and “freaking out.” Nor do his words mean that he freaked out “all night.” You’re resorting to gross exaggerations. ---
**Author:** ![CutterJohn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/91b2a8/32.png) [@CutterJohn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CutterJohn)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/243 "2009-12-08T11:39:54Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Ironically, I’d say this _isn’t_ funny and is something that a person could rightly be annoyed about- although it depends what sort of relationship you have with your friends, I guess. It’s certainly not the sort of thing I’d do to any of mine, though. In my defense, I’d been giving them crap the whole night about how they were basically cheering for a spreadsheet result, since they were just infrequently checking the progress on espn or some website, and not actually watching the game. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/244 "2009-12-08T16:50:06Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Here’s another way people are different: To me, being “freaked out all night” would indicate being very jumpy, shaky, maybe crying at the drop of a hat, being panicky, things like that. Being in a depressed mood - which is what a “pall” indicates, to me - isn’t the same as being freaked out. It’s more like being in a funk. Okay, it put him in a terrible mood all night. Would that make you happier? All of this is just semantic nit-picking: none of it touches my actual point, that being that the OP had a _massive overreaction_. > [@](#): > > I took it to mean that he doesn’t get why people do things like that. Not that he didn’t get the joke. Agreed. I was just explaining why I was tending to use that phrasing even when it didn’t have exactly the right meaning. > [@JThunder](#): > > TNor do his words mean that he freaked out “all night.” You’re resorting to gross exaggerations. Okay, he freaked out/was in a funk/whatever for **at least** the duration of time he spent at the party, and, given the obscene depths of his soul-shaking embarassment, quite possibly for some time thereafter. Better? :rolleyes: Still more semantic nit-picking that avoids addressing any real issues. ---
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/245 "2009-12-08T17:04:14Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Okay, he freaked out/was in a funk/whatever for **at least** the duration of time he spent at the party, and, given the obscene depths of his soul-shaking embarassment, quite possibly for some time thereafter. Better? :rolleyes: Why are you so insistent upon grossly exaggerating my reaction to the joke? It’s been pointed out to you repeatedly that you are way off-base with your claims, yet with each new post you seem to get more and more wound up and invent new wildly exaggerated versions of the situation. You need to calm down and lighten up a bit there bud. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/246 "2009-12-08T17:12:06Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > Why are you so insistent upon grossly exaggerating my reaction to the joke? I have yet to see you say anywhere in this thread that your original description was hyperbolic: > [@Dripping](#): > > A gut-wrenching wave of embarrassment engulfs me, then just as I am stammering some kind of response, he says “Just kidding, c’mon in”. The event cast a pall over the party for me, I avoided the host while I was there and I left early. Did you say somewhere that you were exagerrating? If you only had a moment of annoyance, spent the night chatting with the host, and were one of the last people to leave, then I completely retract everything I’ve said. Give a link to the post in question, and I’ll happily apologize for missing it and mischaracterizing your reaction. However, _from what I’ve read so far_, I believe that my characterization of your (insane over-) reaction is completely fair and accurate. ETA: > [@Dripping](#): > > You need to calm down and lighten up a bit there bud. OH MY GOD ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT!!! YOU THINK I’M FAT!!! MY GOD NO!!! HOW WILL I EVER GET OVER THIS TERRIBLE SHAME!!! /WRISTS /WRISTS /WRISTS ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/247 "2009-12-08T17:16:33Z")
Does anyone really think these feelings in people are recent? The entire point of etiquette is to prevent these kinds of situations. It’s why you don’t address someone in a familiar fashion until you are quite familiar with them, it’s why you greet guests warmly unless you know them well enough to do otherwise, and it’s why someone who doesn’t know a host well might show up “on time” and be the first one at the party. The whole point of manners is to have a fall-back way of treating people whom you don’t know well, avoiding offense and allowing you time to get to know them better. This is not difficult, and it’s not a crippling imposition to ask people to monitor themselves around strangers. It’s their right not to do so, and it’s the right of others to think they’re boors. Personally, I think the guy in scenario #1 was being a dick. It’s impolite to make jokes at the expense of someone you don’t know well. Perhaps **Dripping** took it too seriously (though that’s totally subjective), but his actions were impeccable. He went in politely, hung around, realized the host wasn’t someone he was particularly interested in knowing better, and left the party. If the goal of a host in an entertaining situation is to make guests comfortable, then the host failed miserably. I probably wouldn’t get bent out of shape over it, but it’s not inconceivable that my initial impression of the host was that he is a jerk, even if I wasn’t overly bothered by the joke. The second example is even worse, as the boss is making his subordinates wonder about their livelihood, which is completely inappropriate. I do occasionally crack jokes like this, but only with people I know well, and I’d never joke about someone’s death or job or anything that was important to them. It just punishes people for believing you. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/248 "2009-12-08T17:55:05Z")
Wait…maybe _Dripping_ was making a practical joke on us, and we just need to lighten up about it! :dodoododoododoododoo: ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/249 "2009-12-08T18:28:00Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > But in this case it wasn’t obvious at all. I could very well have had the party date wrong and in fact really **was** standing at their front door, uninvited/unexpected. As others have said, I think these sorts of jokes are based on the “obvious lie” premise and the ones in your OP are somewhat more extreme versions of a simpler joke. That said, I do think these jokes can be funny, if well executed based upon the knowledge of the person. I think the first example is not entirely unreasonable example of how this sort of joke would normally go, depending on the type of party, but I think the host messed up in his execution. As you stated, he didn’t know you well and, thus, couldn’t know how you would react. As others have said, the potential cost here is a little bit of embarassment and perhaps the wasted time driving to/from the party. So, it was his mistake for not knowing that you would take the potential embarassment harshly. I imagine had it happened to me, I’d probably feel a little bit embarassed, then question him “I thought your invitation said such and such”, then he’d admit he was kidding, and it would help break the ice a little bit, and I’d probably not even remember it 10 minutes later. The latter example you gave is an example of poor execution on the fact that it’s not an obvious lie and the potential consequences are pretty dire. It’s something that can be pulled off with someone you know very well, but not appropriate in a work setting. I don’t think it would bother me too much, but I don’t blame you for being bothered by it. Either way, I still think this sort of joke can be pretty funny when done well. For instance, I think a lighter version of this like “Did you know gullible isn’t defined in the dictionary?” is quite harmless and can be pretty funny if pull off well. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/250 "2009-12-08T18:38:33Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > For instance, I think a lighter version of this like “Did you know gullible isn’t defined in the dictionary?” is quite harmless and can be pretty funny if pull off well. I actually genuinely fell for this one. (Also the “I’ll pay you $10 to break two eggs on your head” where the person only breaks one, then laughs at you.) ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/251 "2009-12-08T18:52:56Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Okay, it put him in a terrible mood all night. Would that make you happier? All of this is just semantic nit-picking: none of it touches my actual point, that being that the OP had a _massive overreaction_. > > \ > > Okay, he freaked out/was in a funk/whatever for **at least** the duration of time he spent at the party, and, given the obscene depths of his soul-shaking embarassment, quite possibly for some time thereafter. Better? :rolleyes: Still more semantic nit-picking that avoids addressing any real issues. I don’t think it’s semantic nit-picking; IMO there is a real (and large) difference between ‘freaking out’ and ‘being in a funk’. I also don’t think he describes “obscene depths” of embarassment. It looks as if we won’t agree, so I’ll just drop it. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/252 "2009-12-08T19:35:09Z")
I have to agree with you there, **NinetyWt**. Wholeheartedly so. Personally, my point is that it’s poor form to accuse **Dripping** of having an exaggerated reaction if we ourselves exaggerate the nature of his response. I think that’s a fair assessment, wouldn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/253 "2009-12-08T19:49:20Z")
Yes, I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/254 "2009-12-08T20:53:19Z")
I agree too. Anyone else? ETA: I forgot to compliment **Vihaga** on that excellent post. Very nice, sir or madam. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/255 "2009-12-08T21:04:19Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > Does anyone really think these feelings in people are recent? I think the behavior described in the OP is recent – last 20-30 years, maybe? People who think rudeness is okay because they’re just “being themselves”. And nice post, BTW. ETA: And while I was thinking, **Cat Whisperer** beat me to the compliment. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/256 "2009-12-08T21:39:29Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > I think the behavior described in the OP is recent – last 20-30 years, maybe? People who think rudeness is okay because they’re just “being themselves”. > > And nice post, BTW. > > ETA: And while I was thinking, **Cat Whisperer** beat me to the compliment. Thanks, both of you! I didn’t think about the behavior being recent, but that’s a good point. I’m sure rudeness has always existed, but I wonder if people have always tried to defend and justify it as much as they do currently. It does make it more difficult to deal with. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/257 "2009-12-08T21:45:03Z")
Suuure. The ‘party is tomorrow, man…just kidding!’ gag is just 20 years old. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/258 "2009-12-08T22:34:15Z")
Guess we’ll have to agree to disagree about what constitutes an “extreme” reaction. All I can say is, for myself and everyone else I associate with, that kind of reaction to a quick joke (albeit a dumb and rude one) is a complete overreaction, to the point of, “This person has some kind of social anxiety issues.” ---
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/259 "2009-12-08T22:44:26Z")
> [@Vihaga](#): > > Personally, I think the guy in scenario #1 was being a dick. It’s impolite to make jokes at the expense of someone you don’t know well. Perhaps **Dripping** took it too seriously (though that’s totally subjective), but his actions were impeccable. He went in politely, hung around, realized the host wasn’t someone he was particularly interested in knowing better, and left the party. If the goal of a host in an entertaining situation is to make guests comfortable, then the host failed miserably. I probably wouldn’t get bent out of shape over it, but it’s not inconceivable that my initial impression of the host was that he is a jerk, even if I wasn’t overly bothered by the joke. Thank you, you summed up both the situation and my reaction 100% accurately. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/260 "2009-12-08T23:39:22Z")
Just chiming back in to say excellent summation, **Vihaga**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=14)