# WTF is "funny" about telling someone an upsetting lie, then going "just joking, ha ha"??? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755 "2009-12-02T20:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/41 "2009-12-03T00:20:12Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Does the OP suffer from some sort of social anxiety? > > I agree completely that “Jokes at other people’s expense” (and things like _Borat_ or radio station prank calls) are extremely dickish and unfunny- but the “Party? What Party?” thing strikes me as harmless fun. It’s an ideal opportunity to respond with “Well, if there’s no party, I guess I’ll just take this six-pack home and drink it there instead” (or something equally light-hearted), “breaking the ice” and showing themselves to be a “good sport”. My response in my head to something like the party thing would be, “Ha ha. Go fuck yourself.” I’d paste a smile on my face and try to be polite until I could politely leave the party, though, because I (unlike some hosts we’ve heard about) was not raised as a social retard. ---
**Author:** ![unstrung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a698b9/32.png) [@unstrung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unstrung)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/42 "2009-12-03T00:25:13Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > You aren’t getting it because you aren’t a social ass (like a regular ass, but only around large groups of people). It’s funny for the joke-teller. And other asses. And no-one else. God, I hate it when people pull this stupid crap. I think this was a response to my post, in which case, two things… #1. Thank you for specifying that I am not a social ass. I make a concerted effort not to be. In other words, I will make all attempts to laugh _with_ you, but definitely don’t like to laugh _at_ you. #2. I can dig it. I still contend that this type of humor doesn’t necessarily _need_ to be mean spirited, but **Dripping** clearly came away feeling like the butt of the joke, and I can definitely agree that’s not cool. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/43 "2009-12-03T00:26:46Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > My response in my head to something like the party thing would be, “Ha ha. Go fuck yourself.” I’d paste a smile on my face and try to be polite until I could politely leave the party, though, because I (unlike some hosts we’ve heard about) was not raised as a social retard. I’d consider it a very lame joke at best, but I cannot fathom the circumstances under which such a lame joke would cause someone to not enjoy a party and then leave early (separate from anything else at the party). That really baffles me. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/44 "2009-12-03T00:34:54Z")
I can only answer for myself, of course, but after my host played such a mean joke on me, he has let me know that he is not the kind of person that I want to associate with socially. Starting off the evening with me feeling stupid and embarrassed would not make me want to be friendly and social and full of self-confidence. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/45 "2009-12-03T00:41:48Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > I can only answer for myself, of course, but after my host played such a mean joke on me, he has let me know that he is not the kind of person that I want to associate with socially. Starting off the evening with me feeling stupid and embarrassed would not make me want to be friendly and social and full of self-confidence. But he doesn’t _mean_ it that way. He is just trying to lightly tease you. He’s not trying to make you feel stupid, so it seems over the top to write him off. He’s not mean…he is just…not funny. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/46 "2009-12-03T00:45:33Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > You know, I usually take pains not to get all slang-y on this board. I thought I could let my guard down a smidgen. I meant, you are buggin. Illin. Whoa. There is no easy way to tranlate ‘trippin’ without using slang. Weird. > > ETA: Wait. I spelled it wrong. Or right. Whatever. [Trippin](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=trippin). Actually, the OP is **Dripping**. What? ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/47 "2009-12-03T01:04:27Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > But he doesn’t _mean_ it that way. He is just trying to lightly tease you. He’s not trying to make you feel stupid, so it seems over the top to write him off. He’s not mean…he is just…not funny. Precisely. There’s no intention there to make you feel stupid or awkward. They’re just trying to lighten the mood, and it’s sad we live in a “But I’m Special!” society where people think “How dare you not know about my traumatic and socially awkward childhood and the pain jokes about getting the dates wrong cause me!” instead of “That is a really lame joke. So, where do you want me to put these drinks?” ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/48 "2009-12-03T01:11:27Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > There is no easy way to tranlate ‘trippin’ without using slang. Weird. The word you are looking for is “overreacting” or “off-base”. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/49 "2009-12-03T01:15:25Z")
> [@Beadalin](#): > > I’m with the OP. Humor that relies on making someone feel shitty first just does not work for me. > > I also hate the sort of inverse of this – “You won the lottery! No, ha ha, that’s a fake ticket.” > > Guess I just don’t like people jerking my chain to see me dance for them. I agree with this too. I don’t find it funny when the laughter comes at someone’s expense when they aren’t in on the joke. It’s one of those laugh at them vs. laugh with them. I don’t mind it so much if it’s something that’s surreal, but making someone feel dread or feel mortified = not funny. > [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Precisely. There’s no intention there to make you feel stupid or awkward. I disagree. If you go with the “tension and release” theories mentioned above, it is most definitely to get an emotional response from you, i.e. embarrassment, to then release you from it. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/50 "2009-12-03T01:16:49Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > The word you are looking for is “overreacting” or “off-base”. Yeah, but does that really capture the _spirit_ of what Dripping is doing? That is what I love about slang. It says what is in my head so much better than some of the standard English does. But that may be because my standard English vocabulary is lacking. Which may be because I was using slang when I should have been learning standard English vocabulary. I’m trippin’. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/51 "2009-12-03T01:18:10Z")
Mostly the face. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/52 "2009-12-03T01:34:42Z")
> [@Eats\_Crayons](#): > > I disagree. If you go with the “tension and release” theories mentioned above, it is most definitely to get an emotional response from you, i.e. embarrassment, to then release you from it. Even if it is, in low-level situations like the party one in the OP, the adult response is to laugh it off or ignore it and not spend the rest of the evening sulking about it, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/53 "2009-12-03T01:48:47Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > But he doesn’t _mean_ it that way. He is just trying to lightly tease you. He’s not trying to make you feel stupid, so it seems over the top to write him off. He’s not mean…he is just…not funny. Maybe that’s the difference in people - I do see it as trying to be mean. He knows something I don’t know, and he uses that knowledge to make me feel bad, instead of making a neutral joke. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/54 "2009-12-03T01:56:11Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Maybe that’s the difference in people - I do see it as trying to be mean. He knows something I don’t know, and he uses that knowledge to make me feel bad, instead of making a neutral joke. Come on. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimmy_Gibbler)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/55 "2009-12-03T01:58:03Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Even if it is, in low-level situations like the party one in the OP, the adult response is to laugh it off or ignore it and not spend the rest of the evening sulking about it, IMHO. Given the above, do you find anything ironic about the fact that you’ve now posted three times with insinuations that the OP has social anxiety disorder, is overbearingly self-righteous, and is childish–all over situations that didn’t even involve you. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/56 "2009-12-03T02:42:14Z")
The only time that sort of joke would be at all appropriate or funny is if the joker can stand having the joke turned around on them. “Party? There’s no party tonight.” “Oh, well, I guess I’ll come in anyways, drink your beer, fuck your wife, and watch your tv. I mean, it is Friday, right? What the hell are you doing home anyways?” If that sort of response is out of line, then the original joke was a jerkish attempt to hurt the other. Different people have different levels of comfort in social situations. Friends know the difference between giving someone shit in anticipation of getting it right back and deliberately putting someone in awful circumstances just to watch them squirm. A host is supposed to make their guests comfortable. Pulling that shit on a guest they barely know is pretty much declaring “I’m an asshole!” to the rest of the world. Yeah, if the OP had been James Bond or Teddy Roosevelt, he wouldn’t have flinched, but very, very few of us can summon that kind of sangfroid when we’re caught off guard in a situation where we’re already nervous. If my boyfriend or brother or friend did that to another person in front of me, I’d put a verbal knife in them and twist it until they got the point. You don’t treat guests that way. ---
**Author:** ![unstrung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a698b9/32.png) [@unstrung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unstrung)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/57 "2009-12-03T02:49:17Z")
> [@phouka](#): > > Different people have different levels of comfort in social situations. Friends know the difference between giving someone shit in anticipation of getting it right back and deliberately putting someone in awful circumstances just to watch them squirm. A host is supposed to make their guests comfortable. Pulling that shit on a guest they barely know is pretty much declaring “I’m an asshole!” to the rest of the world. All things considered, this is probably the best way to sum up the deal on this type of humor… ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/58 "2009-12-03T03:07:42Z")
Well, this one time I was driving a military van and had to pick up the band for a dinner and take them back to their unit afterward. At the end, they got halfway through loading when I spontaneously said “Hey, this isn’t my van… just kidding.” I didn’t get the impression they were offended. Of course, it was the _end_ of the gig, and I didn’t leave them hanging for more than a second or two, which might have helped. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/59 "2009-12-03T03:16:57Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Come on. This is one of the things that makes social interaction so hard for people who don’t ‘get it’. Everyone has different, often wildly varying comfort levels about everything, and they’re all invisible (to someone who doesn’t ‘get it’). ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/60 "2009-12-03T03:27:09Z")
I’m with the OP 100%, though **mswas** ’s example is something I wouldn’t mind and would probably find funny. To each their own I guess. But the humor in the OP’s example is, as **Cat Whisperer** just said upthread, based entirely on making a person feel varying degrees of discomfort and awkwardness, and then saying, “just kidding! Isn’t it funny that you just felt bad?” I, for one, don’t enjoy feeling bad; if I’m going to believe whatever negative thing you want me to believe, I’m not going to find it funny or pleasurable when you tell me you were just lying to watch me squirm. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=4)