# WTF is "funny" about telling someone an upsetting lie, then going "just joking, ha ha"??? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755 "2009-12-02T20:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/101 "2009-12-03T18:41:49Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > DOCTOR: I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson. Your wife was pretty badly injured in that car crash. In fact, she’ll never walk or move her arms again. She’s going to need special equipment and round-the-clock care. You are going to have to spoon-feed her, change her diapers, sponge-bathe her . . . this will go on for years. > > MR. JOHNSON: Oh, my God! [sobs] > > DOCTOR: HAH-HAH!!! Ah, I’m just messin’ with you! She’s dead! 🙂 Your mother went up on the roof… [http://www.squackle.com/jokes/hottinroof.shtml](http://www.squackle.com/jokes/hottinroof.shtml) ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/102 "2009-12-03T18:58:22Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Juh? I suppose I don’t see anything risky, risqué, or otherwise offensive about such a joke. “Party’s tomorrow - Haha, kidding, it’s today.” Yeah, stupid joke, not a big deal, and not uncommon. I’m starting to think I am \*way \*too easy-going for this board. Well, it obviously had a risk: the OP reacted badly. Jokes that rely on the embarassment of the jokee are risky, and that should be borne in mind. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/103 "2009-12-03T19:05:36Z")
Next time just pretend to be really over-the-top outraged by it. Yell, scream, throw your hands in the air. When they start to panic stop, smile, and say “Just Kidding!”. I agree, it’s not funny; it may even be proof of a low IQ. ---
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/104 "2009-12-03T19:07:09Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > the first example in the OP is perfectly harmless. Except…that it wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/105 "2009-12-03T19:16:27Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Well, it obviously had a risk: the OP reacted badly. Yeah, just like there’s a risk involved when offering someone you don’t know a beer. He may be some teetotaler whose abusive, alcoholic step-dad turned the idea of all booze into something scary and offensive. Then you could say “Well obviously there was risk involved when offering, because the person reacted poorly. Don’t offer beers to people you hardly know.” I don’t think it would be unreasonable to assume that there is little risk in either scenario. But apparently there is! There are people for whom social interactions are a “serious affair,” so you have to work off the assumption that you’re dealing with crippling anxiety issues, and treat everyone you meet with the most delicate of kitten mittens until it has been firmly established that there is no possible room to offend. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/106 "2009-12-03T19:24:45Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Well, it obviously had a risk: the OP reacted badly. Jokes that rely on the embarassment of the jokee are risky, and that should be borne in mind. But the punchline is not someone’s elses embarrassment, but rather that someone fell for a harmless mistruth. The crux here is that most people would not be horribly embarrassed by the situation described in the OP. It’s not as if he was made to believe he was walking around naked or that he’d killed a baby. Feeling a “gut-wrenching sense of embarrassment” over this joke is something that the OP needs to accept as his own issue and take responsibility for it instead of being mad at the party host. Because really it isn’t that serious. Even if he didn’t find it all that funny, it should have rolled off his back and been completely forgotten within 20 minutes. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/107 "2009-12-03T20:07:19Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > The crux here is that most people would not be horribly embarrassed by the situation described in the OP … Feeling a “gut-wrenching sense of embarrassment” over this joke is something that the OP needs to accept as his own issue and take responsibility for it instead of being mad at the party host. Because really it isn’t that serious. QFT. I’m starting to think many dopers live in a totally different world from me. ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/108 "2009-12-03T20:12:46Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’m starting to think I am \*way \*too easy-going for this board. You and me both. > [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Well, it obviously had a risk: the OP reacted badly. Jokes that rely on the embarassment of the jokee are risky, and that should be borne in mind. He massively overreacted. Worst-case, this should have been nothing but a cue for him to think, “Okay, I’m not ever coming here again, 'cause these people are lame.” Instead, the thought that he \*might \*have shown up on the wrong night to a party ruined his whole evening. That is not a normal, healthy reaction. > [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > The crux here is that most people would not be horribly embarrassed by the situation described in the OP. [snip] Feeling a “gut-wrenching sense of embarrassment” over this joke is something that the OP needs to accept as his own issue and take responsibility for it instead of being mad at the party host. Because really it isn’t that serious. Even if he didn’t find it all that funny, it should have rolled off his back and been completely forgotten within 20 minutes. Ec-fucking-zactly. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/109 "2009-12-03T20:14:58Z")
Oh dear, they do. They almost certainly do. There’s a whole thread about it somewhere. Something like “Shit that does not happen and/or is extremely bizarre in real life, but on the SDMB, is totally normal and cool.” The “Party’s tomorrow” joke is silly, but not at all strange, but here, it’s something that causes severe emotional distress. Have a beer. Don’t worry about it, and don’t try to figure it out. Directed at **jjimm** , btw. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/110 "2009-12-03T20:19:47Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Have a beer. Don’t worry about it, and don’t try to figure it out. Thanks. I took your advice and cracked open a beer. Ha ha! Fooled you! I didn’t.\* I guess you can’t please all of the people all of the time. I met a guy when I was travelling in China. He seemed a bit socially inept, but chatted away reasonably well until anyone asked him where he was from. At that point he would get this rabbit-in-the-headlights look and start going “N… N… N…” for some considerable time, until he would finally blurt out “newyork” and look a bit upset. I began to avoid him. \*I did really. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/111 "2009-12-03T20:27:58Z")
I am not socially adept enough to handle this kind of chain-yanking. I will now be uncomfortable for the remainder of the evening, and am probably never going to speak to you again. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/112 "2009-12-03T20:31:48Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I am not socially adept enough to handle this kind of chain-yanking. I will now be uncomfortable for the remainder of the evening, and am probably never going to speak to you again. Thank fuck for that. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/113 "2009-12-03T20:40:18Z")
So, would it be fair to say that those of you who have no problem with jokes like those in the OP are the kind of people who pull this kind of joke yourself? You guys seem to be taking it kind of personally too. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/114 "2009-12-03T20:51:20Z")
I wouldn’t but if someone pulled it on me, I’d get over it, like, immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/115 "2009-12-03T20:56:28Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > So, would it be fair to say that those of you who have no problem with jokes like those in the OP are the kind of people who pull this kind of joke yourself? You guys seem to be taking it kind of personally too. Yeah, what’s up with the nastiness from many of the pro-“joke” people? Interesting too that the same people who are accusing me of overreacting are themselves wildly over-exaggerating my reaction to the “jokes”. “Hiding in the corner hugging my knees and rocking back and forth”? “Sulking”? Pu-lease. I simply left the party earlier than I intended because I was not enjoying the evening.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/116 "2009-12-03T21:12:20Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > Interesting too that the same people who are accusing me of overreacting are themselves wildly over-exaggerating my reaction to the “jokes”. “Hiding in the corner hugging my knees and rocking back and forth”? “Sulking”? Pu-lease. I thought that was largely meant to be humorous. She was exaggerating, you see, and… never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Driver8](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Driver8](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Driver8)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/117 "2009-12-03T21:20:25Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > I’m reminded of the Rowan Atkinson “Fatal Beatings” skit that ends “Of course I’m joking. I wouldn’t cancel sunday school for that little shit!” I was going to bring that up too … [Rowan Atkinson - Fatal Beating](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV4gwR8QDKg) ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/118 "2009-12-03T21:24:04Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > So, would it be fair to say that those of you who have no problem with jokes like those in the OP are the kind of people who pull this kind of joke yourself? Nope. It’s not \*good \*humor, but it’s still humor. > [@Dripping](#): > > Yeah, what’s up with the nastiness from many of the pro-“joke” people? You think we’re being nasty because we’re suggesting that you have some sort of social anxiety disorder? Speaking personally, I’m just being honest. If you told me that you hate architects because you can’t climb stairs because your joints hurt too much, and I suggested that you might just have arthritis, would you think I’m being nasty then, too? > [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I thought that was largely meant to be humorous. She was exaggerating, you see, and… never mind. “Nevermind” is pretty much the only response to several of the posts here. ---
**Author:** ![Dripping](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d2c977/32.png) [@Dripping](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dripping)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/119 "2009-12-03T21:30:14Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > You think we’re being nasty because we’re suggesting that you have some sort of social anxiety disorder? So you think that every single one of the people who agreed that this type of “joke” is not funny at all are mentally ill? All of them? Really? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/120 "2009-12-03T21:36:20Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > So you think that every single one of the people who agreed that this type of “joke” is not funny at all are mentally ill? All of them? Really? No, I think several people who say “It’s just a joke” have commented that the joke is not funny. But offensive? Causing distress? Gut-wrenching distress, at that? Come on. If feeling like you’ve arrived to a party on the wrong date for something like 10 seconds causes you so much distress that it sours your evening and opinion of the host altogether, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask about the severe social anxiety issues you seem to have. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=7)