# WTF is "funny" about telling someone an upsetting lie, then going "just joking, ha ha"??? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 2, 2009, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755 "2009-12-02T20:51:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/161 "2009-12-04T08:31:21Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I’m probably going to get flamed for this, but since so many people agree with the OP, _absent a social phobia disorder_, could it maybe be a maturity thing? Or an upbringing thing? Does anyone have a granddad or grandma who would have their evening “soured” by something trivial like that? I have to admit, the ability to laugh at oneself ranks pretty high on my “signs of maturity” list. (I thought this initially when reading the OP, but I was waiting for someone else to say it. 😛 ) But on the other hand, different people are sensitive to different things. For example, when my boyfriend decides to spend a weekend night watching rugby instead of spending it with me, I take it as a sign that our relationship is falling apart and spend the night weeping into my pillow with his shirt clutched to my bosom. My boyfriend thinks I’m being overly sensitive, but he WOULD say that, bloody Irishman. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/162 "2009-12-04T09:48:28Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Just… walk away. Tiptoe away from this clusterfuck as quietly as you can. Don’t even turn the light off, just go. Agreed. This thread is the textbook example of [the sort of thing this particular thread is devoted to](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=541937). ---
**Author:** ![allenw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@allenw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/allenw)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/163 "2009-12-04T10:03:08Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > I am pleading with you to tell me you aren’t referring to the ‘party was yesterday’ prank. If someone at work tells you, “sorry the meeting was yesterday…just kidding” you don’t take that to HR, right? > > And if someone stone-facedly gets in their car and drives aways because a host joshed that they showed up on the wrong day, I would be like, “good\* fucking riddance\*, you fucking spoil sport!” If these were one-off events, almost certainly not. But the vast majority of the time this is a repetitive behavior by someone that games social situations to boost their own ego with petty “punked” attacks on others. Invariably they can dish it out but can’t take it. You don’t mind spoiling others’ fun, but clearly you overreact to them spoiling yours. How is their overreaction more of a problem than yours? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/164 "2009-12-04T11:11:48Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I am also bemused at people categorizing the host’s lame-ass joke as “cruel”. If that is cruel, your definition starts way way towards the benign end of human unpleasantness. It’s just one of those things that people say. Cruel? No. Mildly dickish, given that the host pulled this on a stranger? Yes. And since one’s first impression is a lasting one, the OP could be forgiven for assuming that the host was a dick in general and not want to spend more time with him. > [@](#): > > I’m probably going to get flamed for this, but since so many people agree with the OP, _absent a social phobia disorder_, could it maybe be a maturity thing? Or an upbringing thing? Does anyone have a granddad or grandma who would have their evening “soured” by something trivial like that? Still not convinced that jokes designed to make other people uncomfortable are a sign of great maturity either… ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/165 "2009-12-04T12:31:36Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Juh? I suppose I don’t see anything risky, risqué, or otherwise offensive about such a joke. “Party’s tomorrow - Haha, kidding, it’s today.” Yeah, stupid joke, not a big deal, and not uncommon. I’m starting to think I am \*way \*too easy-going for this board. No, it’s because, in all of these threads, the rest of us are reading without responding, out of acute embarrassment, repeatedly slamming our heads on the desk. OP: You left early because of a stupid joke? _Fuck me_! ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/166 "2009-12-04T13:25:27Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > The idea that someone would respond to that gentle teasing with a utter straight face and then wordlessly turn around, get into their car and drive away…sigh…I mean. I don’t know what to say. Come on. Maybe it’s just that the more extreme posts like that are what we end up focusing on here. We could all do a little better, myself included. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/167 "2009-12-04T14:20:55Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Still not convinced that jokes designed to make other people uncomfortable are a sign of great maturity either… Again that’s the crux: some people think these jokes are designed to provoke embarrassment and discomfort. Other people think they are designed to provoke harmless surprise. Kind of like being on a mini-rollercoaster or something. We’ve all been victims of the ole “You have something on your shirt…just kiddin’, ha ha, made you look!” It’s a lame, silly joke that no adult should consider doing if they want to be viewed as sophisticated, but it’s essentially no different than the joke told in the OP. So if this is an example of cruelty, then “yo mama” jokes rank up there with atomic warfare, and we should consider banning jokes altogether. The ability to laugh at oneself may not be a sign of maturity, but it is a sign of being comfortable in one’s skin. I’d be inclined to think someone who is offended by these kind of maneuvers takes life a little too seriously, and I’d probably avoid them out of risk of hurting their feelings unintentionally. I subscribe to the same philosophy when it comes to people who go apeshit when people accidentally step on their white sneakers. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/168 "2009-12-04T14:31:54Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > The ability to laugh at oneself may not be a sign of maturity, but it is a sign of being comfortable in one’s skin. I laugh at myself all the time. _When I genuinely do something stupid_. I take mockery in those instances. But for the life of me, I cannot see why I should laugh at myself for taking someone else’s words sincerely, absent other context. “Ha ha, you trusted me!” ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/169 "2009-12-04T14:42:34Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > We’ve all been victims of the ole “You have something on your shirt…just kiddin’, ha ha, made you look!” It’s a lame, silly joke that no adult should consider doing if they want to be viewed as sophisticated, but it’s essentially no different than the joke told in the OP. So if this is an example of cruelty, then “yo mama” jokes rank up there with atomic warfare, and we should consider banning jokes altogether. That’s a bit of an exaggeration, don’t you think? A rather huge exaggeration, I’d say. Personally, I think that the joke described in the OP is quite a bit more harsh than the “spot on your shirt joke,” but that’s admittedly a matter of opinion. Also, as many others have already noted, it’s one thing to use the “spot on your shirt” joke on an old friend. It’s quite another thing to do it to someone you scarcely know, especially when you’re the host and they might not yet be feeling comfortable at your gathering. I wouldn’t blame the victim for thinking that he wouldn’t want to invest too much effort in socializing with this kind of person. BTW, some have stated that the OP turned around immediately and drove away. That’s not what happened, folks. **Dripping** very clearly stated that he hung around for a while, but later decided to leave before the night had run its course. That’s a pretty major difference there. ---
**Author:** ![AqualungBats5th](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6bbea6/32.png) [@AqualungBats5th](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AqualungBats5th)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/170 "2009-12-04T15:16:36Z")
> [@Dripping](#): > > I. Just. Don’t. Get. it. > > Two recent examples: > > 1. I’m the first to arrive at a party where I don’t know the hosts very well. The hosts open the door and the guy goes “What are you doing here, dude”? I say “Oh, uh gosh isn’t the party tonight?” and he goes “What party”? A gut-wrenching wave of embarrassment engulfs me, then just as I am stammering some kind of response, he says “Just kidding, c’mon in”. The event cast a pall over the party for me, I avoided the host while I was there and I left early. WTF? > > 2. My team at work finishes a big project that will either make or break things in my division (ie we’ll all lose our jobs if it is not accepted). Were are all anxiously waiting to hear from the client, then our boss walks in. He looks dejected. “Sorry guys, it wasn’t accepted”, he says. “OMG”, I think, as my mind tries to absorb this horrible news. I’ll lose my house, what will I tell my wife, OMG, OMG. I start to feel pysically sick, then he says “Just kidding, we got it” and tries a “high-five”. Again. WTF? > > Why is this shit considered even remotely funny? Okay, the first example is rather boorish, considering he didn’t know you well, but what both of these boil down to is “busting your balls”. The correct response is to give it them crap back, laugh at it, and then move on. Cast a pall for the rest of the evening? Christ, that is an incredible overreaction. [QUOTE=ivn1188] This thread explains a lot about dopers. [/QUOTE] It really, truly does. Especially now that it’s gone on for four pages. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/171 "2009-12-04T15:26:48Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > BTW, some have stated that the OP turned around immediately and drove away. That’s not what happened, folks. **Dripping** very clearly stated that he hung around for a while, but later decided to leave before the night had run its course. That’s a pretty major difference there. Gotta read the thread, JThunder, not just the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/172 "2009-12-04T15:29:21Z")
I see your guys’es point, in that Dripping reacted perhaps somewhat out of proportion to what had happened. And I agree that the opening joke was not ‘cruel’, though it is a dick move, I’m sorry, but it is. Sorry for the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/173 "2009-12-04T15:47:41Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > You passive-aggressive windbag! Reported for name-calling outside of the Pit. Just kidding! > [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Agreed. This thread is the textbook example of [the sort of thing this particular thread is devoted to](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=541937). Ah, yes. I believe I referenced that thread [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=11846103&postcount=109). Seems I didn’t get the thread title _exactly_ right. > [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](#): > > No, it’s because, in all of these threads, the rest of us are reading without responding, out of acute embarrassment, repeatedly slamming our heads on the desk. > > OP: You left early because of a stupid joke? _Fuck me_! Ah, I find that a bit relieving. [Walking away now… for real this time] ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/174 "2009-12-04T16:02:59Z")
Flounder, you can’t spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up - you trusted us! Hey, make the best of it! Maybe we can help. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/175 "2009-12-04T16:21:19Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > Gotta read the thread, JThunder, not just the OP. I **did** read the entire thread. **Dripping** very clearly stated that he hung around for a while, and then later decided to leave. None of his subsequent postings contradict this statement. You said, “The idea that someone would respond to that gentle teasing with a utter straight face and then wordlessly turn around, get into their car and drive away…sigh…I mean. I don’t know what to say. Come on.” Based on his account though, that is NOT what happened. So why should one insist on painting such a gross caricature of his response? Personally, while I probably would not have left early, I can understand how someone else might – especially if they had a bad day, or if the party was dull, or if he simply felt that he didn’t quite fit in. One person asked if a negative response to this “joke” might be an indication of one’s maturity level. Maybe it is, and maybe not. I do think that the ability to understand why people can have a wide range of responses to this situation IS a hallmark of maturity, though. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/176 "2009-12-04T16:22:53Z")
> [@AqualungBats5th](#): > > Okay, the first example is rather boorish, considering he didn’t know you well, but what both of these boil down to is “busting your balls”. The correct response is to give it them crap back… Not if he doesn’t know the host well, as indicated in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/177 "2009-12-04T16:26:39Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > I **did** read the entire thread. **Dripping** very clearly stated that he hung around for a while, and then later decided to leave. None of his subsequent postings contradict this statement. > > You said, “The idea that someone would respond to that gentle teasing with a utter straight face and then wordlessly turn around, get into their car and drive away…sigh…I mean. I don’t know what to say. Come on.” Gee Whiz. It wasn’t the OP that said that. It was allenw. In this thread. That you said you read. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/178 "2009-12-04T16:30:50Z")
> [@JThunder](#): > > One person asked if a negative response to this “joke” might be an indication of one’s maturity level. Maybe it is, and maybe not. I do think that the ability to understand why people can have a wide range of responses to this situation IS a hallmark of maturity, though. I don’t think there is any question that people can react to things in a wide range of ways. What takes some savviness is appreciating when those reactions are reasonable and when they are not. I think it’s debateable whether the OP’s reaction was immature or not. But I do think it takes maturity to recognize when one is overreacting to something and taking responsibility for that emotional response instead of blaming it on someone else. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/179 "2009-12-04T16:35:31Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > I don’t think there is any question that people can react to things in a wide range of ways. Well, when people say things like “The correct response in this situation is…”, it rather suggests that they don’t grasp how different people can respond in different ways. ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755/180 "2009-12-04T16:40:20Z")
In the UK, I would take the sort of joke the host made as an offer of familiarity. It says, “I am comfortable enough with you to make the sort of joke friends make; we’re on friendly terms”. From what I am reading here, it seems that it goes the other way around with some people, and that friendship should be verified before that sort of joke is made. But I would see it as a signifier of the beginning of friendship/closer-than-acquaintances, and from a host, a gesture of setting-at-ease. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-funny-about-telling-someone-an-upsetting-lie-then-going-just-joking-ha-ha/519755.md?page=10)