# WTF is this stupid vampire thing? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 15, 2014, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161 "2014-04-15T08:40:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/21 "2014-04-16T00:22:33Z")
I heard that Passover used to drive them nuts, until someone told them it was just lamb’s blood. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/22 "2014-04-16T00:31:26Z")
> [@For You](#): > > I heard that Passover used to drive them nuts, until someone told them it was just lamb’s blood. The garlic in the brisket would be a problem, too. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/23 "2014-04-16T00:35:31Z")
But, since the whole issue with silver has to do with Judas Iscariot’s betrayal of Jesus, does that mean Jewish vampires can see themselves in mirrors? ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/24 "2014-04-16T00:43:26Z")
I remember reading a short short (I think it might have been by Michael Swanwick but I’m not sure) where the punchline was that the narrator was being attacked by a Jewish vampire. This meant that instead of garlic and a cross, he should have been carrying bacon and a Star of David instead. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/25 "2014-04-16T00:45:13Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > _Dracula: Dead and Loving It_, I assume. Never saw it, myself. > > ETA: [Looks like somebody put the whole thing on youtube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoRMZLbUW4o) That’s the one. It’s just not a very good movie. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/26 "2014-04-16T00:50:42Z")
> [@For You](#): > > But, since the whole issue with silver has to do with Judas Iscariot’s betrayal of Jesus, does that mean Jewish vampires can see themselves in mirrors? My Jewish step daughter was afraid of our house in the woods at night. Werewolves were out there. I tried logic. “We know crosses aren’t magical, so anything frightened of them is mythical, right?” “We’re doomed!” I was never good at parenting. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/27 "2014-04-16T00:52:18Z")
How about THIS scene from **The Fearless Vampire Killers**? [https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;\_ylt=A2KLqIH4001TfSYAROz7w8QF;\_ylu=X3oDMTBzcTEzcHZxBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDMjM-?p=Youtube+Fearless+Vampire+Killers+Jewish+Vampire&vid=0c7ced6cc0325228ca49ab1710bb1877&l=00%3A25&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DVN.608048329914518460%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dgoqj9oWFhMw&tit=Jewish+Vampire+%26quot%3Bwrong+type+of+Vampire%26quot%3B&c=22&sigr=11aveimi3&sigt=11gpp42ir&age=0&&tt=b](https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KLqIH4001TfSYAROz7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTBzcTEzcHZxBHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDBGdwb3MDMjM-?p=Youtube+Fearless+Vampire+Killers+Jewish+Vampire&vid=0c7ced6cc0325228ca49ab1710bb1877&l=00%3A25&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DVN.608048329914518460%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dgoqj9oWFhMw&tit=Jewish+Vampire+%26quot%3Bwrong+type+of+Vampire%26quot%3B&c=22&sigr=11aveimi3&sigt=11gpp42ir&age=0&&tt=b) ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/28 "2014-04-16T01:20:12Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > A Jew and a vampire walk into a bar… And the bartender said, "What is this, some kind of **AAAIIIIEEEEE!!!_choke_"** And the vampire stares at the Jew in horror and runs out the door! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/29 "2014-04-16T02:09:21Z")
> [@asterion](#): > > I remember reading a short short (I think it might have been by Michael Swanwick but I’m not sure) where the punchline was that the narrator was being attacked by a Jewish vampire. This meant that instead of garlic and a cross, he should have been carrying bacon and a Star of David instead. Heh, I’m reminded of _Love at First Bite_ when Von Helsing whips out a Star of David and waves it at Dracula.\*\* Dracula:\*\* “No, it’s the other one.” ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/30 "2014-04-16T03:02:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Heh, I’m reminded of _Love at First Bite_ when Von Helsing whips out a Star of David and waves it at Dracula.\*\* Dracula:\*\* “No, it’s the other one.” Actually Dracula makes a comment that Helsing should look for a nice Jewish girl. Then \*\*Helsing \*\*says in frustration: “Aww Shucks! It’s the other one isn’t?!” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/31 "2014-04-16T03:24:16Z")
I’m a Doctor, I know what I’m doing! The man is a vampire, not a werewolf. Get the bubble out! Get the bubble out! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/32 "2014-04-16T03:24:42Z")
I can’t remember where it was from, but there was a story where it’s not the object itself that repels vampires, but the faith that the wielder has in that object. One Yuppie manages to drive off a vampire by brandishing his wallet at it. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/33 "2014-04-16T03:29:25Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I’m a Doctor, I know what I’m doing! > The man is a vampire, not a werewolf. > Get the bubble out! Get the bubble out! “Creatures of the Night! Shut up!” But my fave bit is: COMMUNIST PARTY OFFICIAL: Look, Herr Count, in one week we are coming into this castle with the Rumanian Olympic Gymnastics Team! Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split! [huffs out] DRACULA: Renfield. RENFIELD: Yes, master. DRACULA: What is an efficiency apartment? RENFIELD: I don’t know, master. What’s a toilet? Also: RENFIELD: I think they’re from the government. DRACULA: How do you know? RENFIELD: They’re wearing shoes. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/34 "2014-04-16T03:54:41Z")
Wait, was Jesus not the paragon of Jewish vampires? I mean, this whole business with his followers drinking his blood, what is _that_ about? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/35 "2014-04-16T04:14:05Z")
[Moderating] Not much of a Pitting here. Let’s try this in Cafe Society. [/Moderating] ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/36 "2014-04-16T04:44:05Z")
> [@For You](#): > > Wait, was Jesus not the paragon of Jewish vampires? I mean, this whole business with his followers drinking his blood, what is _that_ about? :rolleyes: No, no, no! **Christians** are vampires! Jesus is a **zombie!** (As definitively and dogmatically pronounced by the Council of Chalcedon, 451 A.D., leading to the final anathematization and suppression of the Draculan Heresy, just before all of the attending bishops’ brains were mysteriously eaten.) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/37 "2014-04-16T12:59:33Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > :rolleyes: No, no, no! **Christians** are vampires! Jesus is a **zombie!** (As definitively and dogmatically pronounced by the Council of Chalcedon, 451 A.D., leading to the final anathematization and suppression of the Draculan Heresy, just before all of the attending bishops’ brains were mysteriously eaten.) Talk about user names and posts being related… We were in the Pit?!?! I didn’t even get to say f–k! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/38 "2014-04-16T14:02:22Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I can’t remember where it was from, but there was a story where it’s not the object itself that repels vampires, but the faith that the wielder has in that object. > > One Yuppie manages to drive off a vampire by brandishing his wallet at it. I’m not familiar with the Yuppie bit, but the “it’s really the faith” bit appears in that X-Men special issue where Dracula turns Storm into a vampire (she gets cured in the same issue). Wolvie can wave whatever he wants but it won’t work, crosses don’t work for Kitty either but her Magen David pendant does. ---
**Author:** ![Dale\_Sams](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/779978/32.png) [@Dale\_Sams](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dale_Sams)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2014, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/39 "2014-04-16T14:56:32Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I’m not familiar with the Yuppie bit, but the “it’s really the faith” bit appears in that X-Men special issue where Dracula turns Storm into a vampire (she gets cured in the same issue). \*\*Wolvie can wave whatever he wants \*\*but it won’t work, crosses don’t work for Kitty either but her Magen David pendant does. I’d rather he doesn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Chihuahua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dec6dc/32.png) [@Chihuahua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chihuahua)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161/40 "2014-04-17T15:38:15Z")
I was just wondering who was sitting at this Israeli Jewish Vampire marketing department and said, “You know where we can find our target demographic? The Straight Dope, that’s where.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-is-this-stupid-vampire-thing/686161.md?page=3)