# WTF kind of BBQ is this??? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942 "2012-07-01T21:26:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/41 "2012-07-02T02:36:10Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > In Canada, “barbeque” means “meat cooked on a grill outdoors.” It isn’t a specific kind of meat. So an invitation to a “Barbeque” is simply an invitation to a party to be held in a backyard involving grilled food. > > If I order “barbeque” in Little Rock I’ll receive pork, prepared in a specific fashion. If you ordered “Barbeque” in Canada you’d be looked at like there was something wronmg with you, because it’s equivalent to ordering “bake.” Not to worry. It’s the same way in most the US, too. We’re having a BBQ. vs We’re having BBQ. Hey, what is the name of this forum anyway? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/42 "2012-07-02T02:49:25Z")
My grandparents have parties like this. But it’s my grandma’s family reunion (she is his second wife, not my grandma). They hold it every year at their house, which is the family farm. Grandpa buys cornish hens pre-cooked from some Amish farmer down the street, and charges every person the cost of the hen, which I believe has gone up from $5 to $5.75. I’m guessing they ask people to bring sides and stuff. 'Cuz there’s like 100 people there (ex Amish, lots of kids). I doubt my grandparents are going to cook for 100 or pay for 100 people to eat. But, that’s 100 cheap-ass country people all related to each other. This is not 12 casual friends at a summer funtime get-together. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/43 "2012-07-02T02:54:43Z")
There’s also that submerged hint of possible mayhem that makes Canadian and Amish gatherings so lively. ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/44 "2012-07-02T03:30:49Z")
> [@myskepticsight](#): > > Exactly. It’s pretty tacky to charge. It’s even perfectly fine to straight up ask for guests to bring the sides I’d say - especially for a decent sized party where the meat charges can rack up quick. As in “we’ll provide all the meats, fixings, drinks and a couple snacks, guests please bring potluck sides to share” but charging AND making everyone bring food is weird. If you cannot afford to provide at least the basics without charging like that, don’t host. I experienced this recently, to some astonishment, while accompanying my 90 y.o. Dad to a farewell event for one of his former students at the home of a well-to-do local physician. To my surprise, the hosts had recruited another guest to ambush and collect $20 per guest for dinner. All I could think was “WTMFF? Seriously??”. We shelled out $60 total for my dad (retired professor), myself (preferred/requested offspring in social situations), and my dad’s full time caregiver who basically lifts him all over the place. Care to know what we indulged in? $60 for hummus and pepper strips, cheap-ass prefab costco meatballs and mini crab cakes (with a sign cautioning only 2 pieces per guest, no less!!) and five or six “salsas”, green salads, and desserts made by other guests (FYI: bringing a little dish of salsa to a party, unless specifically assigned, is a douche move, folks). And these folks paid for their 2 meatballs as well. So, along with the inexpensive box wine etc., total kachinnng PROFIT! For the hosts. What the fucking shit, now, people. Speaking as a former caterer with 18 years experience, I think this is a new height of gaucheness. It’s one thing to announce it on invites etc, that contributions towards the meal (in certain circumstances) would be welcome, but this really took the cake. So to speak. Yeah, so these Canadian weiner hosts need some lessons in hospitality if you ask me. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/45 "2012-07-02T03:39:43Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > But, that’s 100 cheap-ass country people all related to each other. This is not 12 casual friends at a summer funtime get-together. See, and that’s what I thought might be happening when mum mentioned the charge. When we got there and there were 12 people and a $40 roast on the BBQ, I was confused. Then when I discovered the whole ‘oh, it’s also a pot-luck and BYOB and we won’t bother opening the bottle of wine you just brought so please sit at the table for 90 minutes with nothing’ my WTF meter whet off rather loudly. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/46 "2012-07-02T03:46:13Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > I experienced this recently, to some astonishment, while accompanying my 90 y.o. Dad to a farewell event for one of his former students at the home of a well-to-do local physician. To my surprise, the hosts had recruited another guest to ambush and collect $20 per guest for dinner. All I could think was “WTMFF? Seriously??”. We shelled out $60 total for my dad (retired professor), myself (preferred/requested offspring in social situations), and my dad’s full time caregiver who basically lifts him all over the place. > > Care to know what we indulged in? $60 for hummus and pepper strips, cheap-ass prefab costco meatballs and mini crab cakes (with a sign cautioning only 2 pieces per guest, no less!!) and five or six “salsas”, green salads, and desserts made by other guests (FYI: bringing a little dish of salsa to a party, unless specifically assigned, is a douche move, folks). And these folks paid for their 2 meatballs as well. So, along with the inexpensive box wine etc., total kachinnng PROFIT! For the hosts. Surely everybody who didn’t need the host’s goodwill immediately stopped talking to him forever. That really is _rude_. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/47 "2012-07-02T03:47:07Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > See, and that’s what I thought might be happening when mum mentioned the charge. When we got there and there were 12 people and a $40 roast on the BBQ, I was confused. Then when I discovered the whole ‘oh, it’s also a pot-luck and BYOB and we won’t bother opening the bottle of wine you just brought so please sit at the table for 90 minutes with nothing’ my WTF meter whet off rather loudly. See this is the downside to being polite Canadians. These people act like money grubbing jerks and if you call them on it you’re the asshole. ---
**Author:** ![al27052](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/41988e/32.png) [@al27052](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/al27052)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/48 "2012-07-02T03:47:24Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > So, we’re invited to a BBQ at my mum’s coworkers house for Canada Day - nice right? > > Except she’s charging us $8 each for meat and we pulled up and apparently it’s a potluck as well?!? _facepalm_ Assholes are everywhere, I reckon. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/49 "2012-07-02T04:00:54Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I even talk about how most parties I’ve been to don’t have this weird host-pays-for-everything mentality that more affluent people have. I don’t know what you’re talking about here, or how it’s “weird.” It’s not an “affluent” mentality. It’s a good hospitality mentality. I’ve been to, shall we say, less-well-off parts of the world, and when you’re invited to dinner, you’re not expected to pay. If anything, it would be considered an insult. Bring a gift to the host or hostess, yes, that’s good manners. Offer cash? Are you kidding? ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/50 "2012-07-02T04:53:17Z")
ed > [@pulykamell](#): > > I don’t know what you’re talking about here, or how it’s “weird.” It’s not an “affluent” mentality. It’s a good hospitality mentality. I’ve been to, shall we say, less-well-off parts of the world, and when you’re invited to dinner, you’re not expected to pay. If anything, it would be considered an insult. Bring a gift to the host or hostess, yes, that’s good manners. Offer cash? Are you kidding? Agrees with you. I’ve been really poor for most of my life and I hang out with poor people. I’ve never been to a party with a cover charge. I’ve never given a party with a cover charge. When I throw parties, I pay for everything. I’m the hostess, its my obligation to be sure that my guests are well fed and watered. When invited, I always ask if I could bring food or something, but if I was told that I needed to pay and bring food, I would be busy that night. PS…happy Canada Day! ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/51 "2012-07-02T05:07:29Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Clearly, it’s an OMGWTFBBQ. FTW! ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/52 "2012-07-02T05:36:11Z")
Normally, the invitations say “The pleasure of your company is requested…” If you have to pay, do they say “The pleasure of my company is requested…”? ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/53 "2012-07-02T07:24:45Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > I experienced this recently, to some astonishment, while accompanying my 90 y.o. Dad to a farewell event for one of his former students at the home of a well-to-do local physician. To my surprise, the hosts had recruited another guest to ambush and collect $20 per guest for dinner. All I could think was “WTMFF? Seriously??”. We shelled out $60 total for my dad (retired professor), myself (preferred/requested offspring in social situations), and my dad’s full time caregiver who basically lifts him all over the place. > > Care to know what we indulged in? $60 for hummus and pepper strips, cheap-ass prefab costco meatballs and mini crab cakes (with a sign cautioning only 2 pieces per guest, no less!!) and five or six “salsas”, green salads, and desserts made by other guests (FYI: bringing a little dish of salsa to a party, unless specifically assigned, is a douche move, folks). And these folks paid for their 2 meatballs as well. So, along with the inexpensive box wine etc., total kachinnng PROFIT! For the hosts. > > What the fucking shit, now, people. Speaking as a former caterer with 18 years experience, I think this is a new height of gaucheness. It’s one thing to announce it on invites etc, that contributions towards the meal (in certain circumstances) would be welcome, but this really took the cake. So to speak. > > Yeah, so these Canadian weiner hosts need some lessons in hospitality if you ask me. Why didn’t you say, “I’m sorry - I don’t carry cash. I’ll be sure to mail you a check, though.” I mean, I personally rarely have as much as $60 on me at any time, so in my case it would be true, but I’d say it even if I did. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/54 "2012-07-02T12:16:04Z")
I don’t think BigT is talking about having formal dinner parties and asking people to pay. I think he’s talking about things like when a bunch of dudes are hanging out watching TV and they decide together to order pizza. In those circumstances, it’s pretty normal for the expectation to be “everyone chip in”, not that Bob has to pay just because they happened to be at Bob’s house. And I would agree that for much of America, that is the social convention and that when I was in my twenties and most everyone I knew was poor, I’d have been pretty offended if someone didn’t offer to pay their share. I think part of it is that poor people, especially young poor people, tend to hang out at each others houses a lot, and one particular house often becomes the only place everyone hangs out: the other houses aren’t appropriate or convenient for whatever reason. That person can’t possibly afford to play host 100% of the time, so social conventions are worked out to make sure they don’t need to. ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/55 "2012-07-02T12:40:09Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I think part of it is that poor people, especially young poor people, tend to hang out at each others houses a lot, and one particular house often becomes the only place everyone hangs out: the other houses aren’t appropriate or convenient for whatever reason. That person can’t possibly afford to play host 100% of the time, so social conventions are worked out to make sure they don’t need to. This is an excellent point. Completely different from the OP in that it’s: a)worked out in advance b)reasonable c)actually hospitable after the financial details are taken care of There are only 3 in my circle of friends who have kids and we had them at completely different stages of life. As a result we have always gathered at the home of the young children thus making one home the social centre for several years in a row. I was the first in that situation and luckily my friends are awesome and they just started bringing whatever was needed along with them. Now we’re at someone else’s house and we plan menu’s via email and by this point everyone has their couple of go to dishes that they’re responsible for. It works quite nicely and I’m very used to it but I’d still be pissed in the OP’s situation. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/56 "2012-07-02T12:56:01Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I don’t think BigT is talking about having formal dinner parties and asking people to pay. I think he’s talking about things like when a bunch of dudes are hanging out watching TV and they decide together to order pizza. In those circumstances, it’s pretty normal for the expectation to be “everyone chip in”, not that Bob has to pay just because they happened to be at Bob’s house. And I would agree that for much of America Sure, that’s not unusual, but that’s also not the situation in the OP. And I found BigT’s remark that hosting a party and paying for the food to be a “weird host-pays-for-everything mentality that more affluent people have” completely bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/57 "2012-07-02T12:58:20Z")
> [@samclem](#): > > Ah! Cuba, pre-Castro. Man, those were the potluck days. [Quote=mister nyx] Shit, if it’s gonna be that kind of party, I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes. [/QUOTE] And that is exactly how dick-taters get their start ---
**Author:** ![cckerberos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@cckerberos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cckerberos)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/58 "2012-07-02T13:03:16Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I don’t think BigT is talking about having formal dinner parties and asking people to pay. I think he’s talking about things like when a bunch of dudes are hanging out watching TV and they decide together to order pizza. In those circumstances, it’s pretty normal for the expectation to be “everyone chip in”, not that Bob has to pay just because they happened to be at Bob’s house. And I would agree that for much of America, that is the social convention and that when I was in my twenties and most everyone I knew was poor, I’d have been pretty offended if someone didn’t offer to pay their share. I’d say that most parties I went to in grad school had the guests chip in one way or the other. Either the invitation mentioned a cost or towards the end someone would go around asking people to toss in some money for the host (not necessarily with the host’s knowledge). (this was in Japan, but was the case even when there were no Japanese at the party) ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/59 "2012-07-02T13:03:52Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Sure, that’s not unusual, but that’s also not the situation in the OP. And I found BigT’s remark that hosting a party and paying for the food to be a “weird host-pays-for-everything mentality that more affluent people have” completely bizarre. I think BigT is talking about what I am talking about. Thinking the dude whose house you are at pays for the pizza IS a “weird host-pays-for-everything mentality that more affluent people have”. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/60 "2012-07-02T13:08:13Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I think BigT is talking about what I am talking about. Thinking the dude whose house you are at pays for the pizza IS a “weird host-pays-for-everything mentality that more affluent people have”. But, like I said, what’s that got to do with this thread? We’re talking about being invited to someone’s backyard barbecue. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942.md?page=4)