# WTF kind of BBQ is this??? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942 "2012-07-01T21:26:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/61 "2012-07-02T13:16:47Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > But, like I said, what’s that got to do with this thread? We’re talking about being invited to someone’s backyard barbecue. I am commenting on what BigT said, trying to better clarify what, exactly, was so rude about the OP BBQ: I think that refining outrage is pretty acceptable in the BBQ Pit. This isn’t GQ where you have to stay exactly on topic. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/62 "2012-07-02T13:52:05Z")
How much did they hit you up for parking? ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/63 "2012-07-02T13:57:13Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > I don’t think BigT is talking about having formal dinner parties and asking people to pay. I think he’s talking about things like when a bunch of dudes are hanging out watching TV and they decide together to order pizza. In those circumstances, it’s pretty normal for the expectation to be “everyone chip in”, not that Bob has to pay just because they happened to be at Bob’s house. And I would agree that for much of America, that is the social convention and that when I was in my twenties and most everyone I knew was poor, I’d have been pretty offended if someone didn’t offer to pay their share. It’s not even just that situation. There’s a variant where a group of people (family, friends, or coworkers) decide in advance to get together for a BBQ , Superbowl party , reunion or whatever, and it’s held at a particular person’s house (because they have the space , it’s more convenient , they have a pool, etc.) or a public space and everyone knows in advance that each person or family will chip in a certain amount of money or bring food. And it doesn’t have to be a group of 100- my three siblings and I do this for every holiday dinner or BBQ, no matter which house it is held at. The problem with what the OP describes is not that she was expected to contribute. The problem is that either it wasn’t prearranged or that she and her mother were neither part of nor informed of the pre-arrangement. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/64 "2012-07-02T14:31:26Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > The problem with what the OP describes is not that she was expected to contribute. The problem is that either it wasn’t prearranged or that she and her mother were neither part of nor informed of the pre-arrangement. No, contributing or not contributing was no issue at all - I enjoy a potluck as much as anyone. The fact that the ‘hosts’ contributed _nothing_ and actually wound up generating a tidy little profit for themselves that kind of struck me as a bit…unusual. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/65 "2012-07-02T14:37:23Z")
> [@al27052](#): > > Assholes are everywhere Great…now I’m going to have Mojo Nixon running through my head all day… ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/66 "2012-07-02T14:57:00Z")
Well, I agree with Manda JO, but my family visited a family in India when I was a kid. We were bringing them a consignment of Bibles or something related to the White Sisters of Southall, at any rate… They gave us a platter with 10 different types of food on it. Their street didn’t even have road signs, electricity or running water. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/67 "2012-07-02T15:05:02Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > It’s not even just that situation. There’s a variant where a\*\* group of people (family, friends, or coworkers) decide\*\* in advance to get together for a BBQ , Superbowl party , reunion or whatever, and it’s held at a particular person’s house (because they have the space , it’s more convenient , they have a pool, etc.) or a public space and everyone knows in advance that each person or family will chip in a certain amount of money or bring food. And it doesn’t have to be a group of 100- my three siblings and I do this for every holiday dinner or BBQ, no matter which house it is held at. > > The problem with what the OP describes is not that she was expected to contribute. The problem is that either it wasn’t prearranged or that she and her mother were neither part of nor informed of the pre-arrangement. Bolding mine. I think this is the crucial difference. When a group decides to do something, then no one is the host. It just happens to be at someone’s house. When an individual decides to do something, and invites people, then they are the host and certain responsibilities kick in. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/68 "2012-07-02T15:08:51Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > No, contributing or not contributing was no issue at all - I enjoy a potluck as much as anyone. > > The fact that the ‘hosts’ contributed _nothing_ and actually wound up generating a tidy little profit for themselves that kind of struck me as a bit…unusual. ``` Sorry - I didn't mean it was a problem for *you* - I meant it was rude to expect guests to contribute a certain amount of money and/or side dishes, drinks, paper goods etc without that being prearranged with *all *of the attendees ( they're not guests at that point) in advance. Wasn't even thinking about the profit because I have a sister -in-law who pays the absolute highest price possible for anything - it seems that rather than going to the supermarket for ground beef, she goes to a butcher who only sells meat from hand-fed cows. ( and she really does pay that much- we've seen the receipts. Although I don't know if the cows are actually hand-fed or if the butcher just sees her coming. We try not to let her shop) ``` ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/69 "2012-07-02T16:50:55Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Normally, the invitations say “The pleasure of your company is requested…” > > If you have to pay, do they say “The pleasure of my company is requested…”? The pleasure of your cash money is requested… ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/70 "2012-07-02T17:24:58Z")
I’ve never been to a party that charged and I would never have the money on me to pay it. But generally we all do things pot luck. On Thanksgiving, whoever the host is makes the turkey, provides some bread, gravy, some coffee, and everyone else is expected to bring a side dish. This past Thanksgiving my aunt called and told each person specifically what to bring, and I was the one hosting the thing. She’s also the one who, _right after everyone sat down to eat_, proceeded to fumble her way into the kitchen and try to make coffee. I tried to ignore her but she wouldn’t give up and eventually I had to go do it for her, while my food got cold. Now we have it prepared in advance the she doesn’t even drink it. The only thing I didn’t like about a cookout I attended was the woman who always insisted she get grill time or oven space to make _vegetarian_ paella. And it took forever to make so I’ve actually haven’t had the pleasure to taste paella without any paella in it. Sorry for the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/71 "2012-07-02T19:46:11Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > This may be the first pitting I’ve seen that actually involves BBQ. Any proper BBQ involves a pit. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Dord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@The\_Dord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Dord)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/72 "2012-07-02T20:01:17Z")
> [@LeeshaJoy](#): > > Clearly, it’s an OMGWTFBBQ. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/73 "2012-07-02T20:03:41Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I even talk about how most parties I’ve been to don’t have this weird host-pays-for-everything mentality that more affluent people have. When do you talk about this? I’ve never heard you talk about this before. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > The pleasure of your cash money is requested… Yes, please. ---
**Author:** ![orderfire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/orderfire/32/10908_2.png) [@orderfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/orderfire)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/74 "2012-07-02T21:34:42Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Why didn’t you say, “I’m sorry - I don’t carry cash. I’ll be sure to mail you a check, though.” > > I mean, I personally rarely have as much as $60 on me at any time, so in my case it would be true, but I’d say it even if I did. Old 90 y.o. Dad always carries cash, of course, and wouldn’t dream of “creating a scene”. Storming off in a huff would have been difficult as well, since he can hardly walk. :mad: As **al27052** suggested, though, Dr and Mrs Greedbag are now considered “Not our type” and have been removed from our social register. Ain’t gonna be no next time with these douchebags! Taking bets now - who will be the first to receive an invitation to purchase tickets to a wedding? That’s a trend I don’t see far off. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/75 "2012-07-02T22:08:15Z")
> [@Shoujin](#): > > Does that involve moose, or am I mistaken? > [@](#): > > Hey, at $8 a plate, it could involve squirrel… :eek: > > “So, this catch-of-the-day chili. Is this Yankee Gray or Canadian Black?” \ We go to bad canadian BBQ, Moose and Squirrel there \ ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/76 "2012-07-02T22:30:08Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > Old 90 y.o. Dad always carries cash, of course, and wouldn’t dream of “creating a scene”. Storming off in a huff would have been difficult as well, since he can hardly walk. :mad: Saying that you don’t carry cash isn’t making a scene, especially if you do it sincerely enough. Continuing to pester you for money - now \*that \*would be making a scene. By apologizing and saying you’ll pay at some later date (such as the heat death of the universe) you’ve put the ball in his court. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2012, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/77 "2012-07-02T22:33:47Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > Yeah, around here, that would be considered weird. I’ve never been to a cookout or dinner party that had a cover charge. The polite thing to do is bring a bottle of something, or ask if you can bring a side dish or dessert or whatnot, but it’s not required. If you ever see me throwing a party and asking guests for money, punch me in the face, please. Tell you what, meet me at Vito & Nicks and I’ll punch you in the face and let you pay for the pizza too. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/78 "2012-07-03T12:22:31Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I’m totally confused - it was on a farm Doh! :smack: Alice, it wasn’t pot luck bring your own, it was _carve_ your own! All you needed was a Stihl chainsaw, a full tank of gas, and a clear path to the barn. “Mooo…?” _Rip-patta-patta-patta-patta-pat!_ _Rip-patta-patta-patta-patta-pat!_ _Rip-patta-patta-patta-patta-pat!_ “[Oh, Honey! We’re havin’ filet-mignon tonight…!](http://www.wav-sounds.com/various/chainsaw.wav)” ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/79 "2012-07-03T13:28:57Z")
I love you people. Only on the Dope can I sit in a Dr’s office reading a BBQ Pit in the BBQ Pit and I am practically crying in stifled laughter over these responses. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/80 "2012-07-03T16:19:49Z")
I have only seen this ( the expectation of payment for a private party ) once and that was the result of several unusal circumstances… I had two friends that used to host a weekly dinner party. They lived in an awesome party house ( actually a converted church with a covered dining porch that sat 30 ), they sometimes rented it out for private events. After the recession kicked in, money became tight for everyone in the group including the host. The solution was that the dinner parties would continue but everyone attending would kick in 10 bucks to cover the cost of food and drink. People also brough potluck items sometimes but it was never expected, it was more something you did if you baked something awesome you wanted to share. However there was never anyone standing at the door demanding money, you simply slipped the host your 10 bucks and if you didn’t have it and needed to skip a week no one would mention it …although I’m sure if a “regular” never paid someone would discreetly remind them of the cost of giving these parties. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942.md?page=5)