# WTF kind of BBQ is this??? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2012, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942 "2012-07-01T21:26:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/81 "2012-07-03T17:31:41Z")
Forget it, Jacques. It’s Canada. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/82 "2012-07-03T17:48:10Z")
> [@orderfire](#): > > Taking bets now - who will be the first to receive an invitation to purchase tickets to a wedding? That’s a trend I don’t see far off. That exists in a slightly disguised form already: it’s called the bridal registry. Not that the bridal registry **in itself** is necessarily all about crass mooching. But the wedding hosts who explicitly insist that you should buy a gift (or give cash in lieu of a gift) expensive enough to “cover your plate” (i.e., equal to or greater than the cost per head charged by the caterer) certainly are. They might as well just be selling tickets outright. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/83 "2012-07-03T19:17:13Z")
> [@pulykamell](#): > > I don’t know what you’re talking about here, or how it’s “weird.” It’s not an “affluent” mentality. It’s a good hospitality mentality. I’ve been to, shall we say, less-well-off parts of the world, and when you’re invited to dinner, you’re not expected to pay. If anything, it would be considered an insult. Thank you. I sometimes feel like a dinosaur or a freak (for the wrong reasons) because this is how I roll. It’s sort of a primitive mentality I guess, but in addition to providing a social opportunity “hosting” is a mechanism for displaying generosity and goodwill. It proposes “come to my cave–my space is your space, my bounty is your bounty, you are of my tribe.” ‘Guesting’ has its own protocols, the extent to which you follow them indicates your level of agreement with the host’s proposition and willingness to reciprocate in time. As soon as the host asks for money he adds the phrase “…for a price” to his proposition and deserves all the loyalty it buys him. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/84 "2012-07-03T19:37:00Z")
I think the “WTF?!” part would be that the “hosts” ambushed the guests with the expectation of money & potluck food when they got there. Good on the OP for leaving. My husband and I were married in Vegas but had a backyard BBQ reception for friends & family when we got back to Canada. We never had a “Buck & Doe” party since we weren’t having a “traditional” wedding or reception, but we did ask on the FB Event invite for $10 per person for all-you-can-eat & towards the keg. People were happy to give us $10 for unlimited beers. 😉 Certainly nobody was expected to bring something AND pay money too. What the hell. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/85 "2012-07-03T22:17:06Z")
Wait, they took your wine too-- and didn’t give you any? So besides the 50 some odd dollars they made on the deal, they scored some hooch too? Niiiice. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/86 "2012-07-03T23:43:15Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > See, and that’s what I thought might be happening when mum mentioned the charge. When we got there and there were 12 people and a $40 roast on the BBQ, I was confused. Then when I discovered the whole ‘oh, it’s also a pot-luck and BYOB and we won’t bother opening the bottle of wine you just brought so please sit at the table for 90 minutes with nothing’ my WTF meter whet off rather loudly. Wait, what was that now? You took a bottle of wine AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN GET OFFERED A DRINK? I can understand not opening THAT particular bottle, but seriously, they charged you money, expected the guests to bring most of the food, and then the _effectively stole your wine_ as well? Are you positive there were not any hidden cameras around? I think you should invite them to your house next week, steal their watches and have a friend boost their car out of the driveway. Then kick them in their soft parts. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2012, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/87 "2012-07-03T23:50:03Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Wait, they took your wine too-- and didn’t give you any? So besides the 50 some odd dollars they made on the deal, they scored some hooch too? Niiiice. You know, if only there was a trendy catch-phrase, this style of party could be the hit of the season! Mr. and Mrs. Pick Pockay Request the pleasure of your company _Garden Party de Voler_ Saturday, the twenty-eigth of July at three o’clock Gatheringhand Farm 2020 Dropbox Lane Verona, Ontario ``` OR ``` The favor of your routing number is requested by the twenty-second of May M\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ will \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ attend (net 30) ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/88 "2012-07-04T01:52:16Z")
> [@Biggirl](#): > > Wait, they took your wine too-- and didn’t give you any? So besides the 50 some odd dollars they made on the deal, they scored some hooch too? Niiiice. > [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > You took a bottle of wine AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN GET OFFERED A DRINK? Yep - took the wine, offered us nothing. It was epic in it’s badness. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/89 "2012-07-04T02:11:24Z")
> [@Inigo\_Montoya](#): > > Thank you. I sometimes feel like a dinosaur or a freak (for the wrong reasons) because this is how I roll. It’s sort of a primitive mentality I guess, but in addition to providing a social opportunity “hosting” is a mechanism for displaying generosity and goodwill. It proposes “come to my cave–my space is your space, my bounty is your bounty, you are of my tribe.” ‘Guesting’ has its own protocols, the extent to which you follow them indicates your level of agreement with the host’s proposition and willingness to reciprocate in time. > > As soon as the host asks for money he adds the phrase “…for a price” to his proposition and deserves all the loyalty it buys him. This is what I came in to say, except this is 11.5 times more eloquent than my version. We had some friends over this weekend because it was HOT, we have a pool and I had two cold homebrews on tap. One couple offered to bring steaks for everyone, and at first I demurred, until I learned they were ribeyes! I didn’t feel too bad about accepting that. Now if I had made bringing steaks part of the proposition, then it’s a different animal. **ETA** - not _literally_ a different animal! ---
**Author:** ![JustinC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justinc/32/8083_2.png) [@JustinC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustinC)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/90 "2012-07-04T04:24:15Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > And that is exactly how dick-taters get their start Pwah–hah-ha-ha-ha! As to the mugging the OP suffered - sorry about your day, that sucks.☹ There’s no way I’d expect anyone to charge me to bring my own food and supply their booze. Usually I’d take a contribution, liquid and/or food, or be the host and cook the majority myself. I’ve never heard of a ‘pot luck’ although have been to a couple of parties where bringing some sides is welcomed. I might look into organizing a proper pot luck BBQ; I guess I just provide the flames and drinks? ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/91 "2012-07-04T11:16:34Z")
My girlfriend and I host a fair bit, and guests automatically know to bring something along, even though (any maybe _because_) they know they will be well looked-after. Even if it’s just coming over for TV and chilli, they’ll bring along sour cream or some corn chips or something. For a fair-sized party we make them BYOBooze, as we’ll be spending a lot of money and time on party nibbles. We don’t expect to break even by any means, but we can expect to make a “party profit” of a few half-bottles of wine, the odd can of foreign lager, and some spirits or mead if we’re lucky. ---
**Author:** ![gamerunknown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/6bbea6/32.png) [@gamerunknown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gamerunknown)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/92 "2012-07-04T12:44:59Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > It was epic in it’s badness. Least they didn’t hold you down and poor vodka down your throat. Actually, that’s one of the better parties I’ve been to. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/93 "2012-07-04T13:25:00Z")
> [@JustinC](#): > > Pwah–hah-ha-ha-ha! > > As to the mugging the OP suffered - sorry about your day, that sucks.☹ There’s no way I’d expect anyone to charge me to bring my own food and supply their booze. Usually I’d take a contribution, liquid and/or food, or be the host and cook the majority myself. I’ve never heard of a ‘pot luck’ although have been to a couple of parties where bringing some sides is welcomed. I might look into organizing a proper pot luck BBQ; I guess I just provide the flames and drinks? Pot lucks differ. Sometimes the host provides the main course, and guests bring sides. The sides might or might not be designated. For instance, a Thanksgiving family dinner might be pot luck, with the host providing the turkey (and probably stuffing and gravy), while Uncle Joe is detailed to bring his wonderful creamed onions, Great Aunt Mary is asked to bring her delightful apple pie, Cousin Greg is supposed to bring a tossed green salad, Bobby Sue (who can’t boil water) is in charge of grabbing sodas, etc., etc. Some folks prefer to have it be completely random, but what happens is that Aunt Kate and Uncle Bob will each bring a Jell-O dish, without a hint of fruit in it, for the 31st year running. Kate and Bob will, of course, be more than willing to eat everyone else’s contributions. Asking people what they’d like to bring, and co-ordinating it with the rest of the group, is usually the best way to go, so that one doesn’t end up with no vegetables and six desserts. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/94 "2012-07-04T15:52:36Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/95 "2012-07-04T15:54:12Z")
I can see charging for the meat, longpig runs expensive these days. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/96 "2012-07-04T16:42:18Z")
I think you left too early. Clearly, the “bbq” was only a cover story. Who knows what you missed out on? Group sex? A Black Mass? A time share sales pitch? The possibilities are endless… ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/97 "2012-07-04T17:10:20Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > I think you left too early. Clearly, the “bbq” was only a cover story. Who knows what you missed out on? Group sex? A Black Mass? A time share sales pitch? The possibilities are endless… Amway, I’m sure. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/98 "2012-07-04T17:12:47Z")
Next Canada Day come to our house! We just had burgers and salad but when I had four extra people show up (at my invitation, long story) we still had plenty of food, booze and fun! Lots of hands to help me in the kitchen, too! (It was not required but greatly appreciated.) The kids played in the pool. The adults chatted and laughed. Seriously, though. We had about 16 people come over. For that we had: 2 - two-fours of beer Unlimited quantities of wine Soda (taking their individual tastes into mind) Juice A near-infinite supply of burgers Condiments galore Just barely enough salad (one of my friends is both pregnant and a salad fiend) None of it was provided by our guests (except ice for the cooler, I forgot to get some so got someone to grab it on the way). When I was growing up, I was told that no matter how much money you have that no one should ever leave your house hungry. I follow that rule to the letter. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/99 "2012-07-04T18:11:01Z")
> [@Jragon](#): > > I can see charging for the meat, longpig runs expensive these days. Naw on a cost per pound basis its dirt cheap these days at Walmart. Just don’t expect it to be lean. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2012, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942/100 "2012-07-04T18:12:44Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > There’s also that submerged hint of possible mayhem that makes Canadian and Amish gatherings so lively. You know us so well. 🙂 > [@flatlined](#): > > ed > > Agrees with you. I’ve been really poor for most of my life and I hang out with poor people. I’ve never been to a party with a cover charge. I’ve never given a party with a cover charge. When I throw parties, I pay for everything. I’m the hostess, its my obligation to be sure that my guests are well fed and watered.\ Exactly. I don’t know how they do in upper class circles, but when I host, I supply everything, and no one goes home hungry. If I do potluck, everyone knows it and knows to bring something (and I’ll still provide enough food so no one goes home hungry). If you can’t afford to host, then don’t host - it’s a pretty easy problem to solve. If you can’t afford rib-eye steaks, cook hotdogs - no one cares. A barbecue is an excuse to get together and socialize, not for fine dining. > [@orderfire](#): > > \ > Taking bets now - who will be the first to receive an invitation to purchase tickets to a wedding? That’s a trend I don’t see far off. “Sorry, we’re busy washing the cats that day.” > [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Yep - took the wine, offered us nothing. > > It was epic in it’s badness. It really, really was. I’m embarrassed for these people - you just don’t _do_ that! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-bbq-is-this/626942.md?page=6)