# WTF kind of person would do this to his girlfriend?? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 10, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324 "2005-02-10T01:53:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/61 "2005-02-10T05:27:06Z")
> [@Random (Post #23)](#): > > Gotta work on that reading comprehension, Adam. He didn’t know she was crying. She told him that later. So he couldn’t have been guilty of laughing at that, or even laughing at a time when he knew she was crying. Also, it’s clear she had some intestinal distress and was embarrassed as a result. “In agony”? Not in the record. Same for “violent tendencies towards women”. > > Look, this guy’s unsophisticated. He finds bathroom humor funny. He’d probably laugh his ass off if one of his (male) friends stepped in a pile of dogshit. I’m not about to fix him up with my sister, or invite him to my next party. But “violent” “asshole” “fucker”? Not seeing it. Alright, I’ll agree that there’s no factual basis for violence towards women, BUT, even if he didn’t know she was crying, if a girl I’m dating is shitting her brains out in my home, I’d be just _slightly_ concerned. And, in hindsight, he obviously thought it was still funny enough to write about it. He made light of the fact that she was crying, again, in hindsight. And like **pepperlandgirl** stated, who the hell is he to think it’s all right to fuck with her digestive system? He couldn’t have possibly thought that she would be able to handle 9,000 calories (okay, 4,500, that’s still way more than any person should intake in a single meal) _plus_ alcohol. There. Sorry I didn’t respond to this post sooner. Adam ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/62 "2005-02-10T05:28:24Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I think he hoped that she would have a “reaction”… Some people think that astrology is real, or that Uri Gellar can bend spoons. A few (usually aged 10 or younger) believe in the Tooth Fairy. Others look for evidence before they form conclusions. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/63 "2005-02-10T05:29:52Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Why should we think he’s a Ranger? Any jack off can buy MRE’s. You’re right, anybody could buy MRE’s. But I know a number of Rangers. The story just screams “Ranger” to me. Here are a couple of things: 1. He’s got a whole case of MRE’s. MRE’s are expensive. Not many people would have a case of MRE’s in their house unless it were free. 2. Mention of the little-known “Ranger Pudding” technique. 3. The fact that he’d think to put several hours preparation into improving an MRE 4. The fact that he’s got a girlfriend who didn’t dump him over this stunt. Put it all together… that spells Ranger to me. Either you’ll agree or you won’t. ---
**Author:** ![TonyF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@TonyF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonyF)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/64 "2005-02-10T05:32:24Z")
> [@DMC](#): > > Double that menu if he’s actually telling the truth about how much she ate. Is there anyone who could put that away in a single sitting without being, at the very least, physically ill for a few days? That’s the wrong question. The question is, who the hell can consume that much in a single sitting _without realizing it_? Unless there’s some special macronutrient in MREs, there’s no way in hell she could have unwittingly eaten that much food. So she would have had to know, which implies that she brought it upon herself! Again, for all practical purposes, **it’s impossible to unwittingly get down 9,000 calories in one sitting.** So let’s stop trotting out that number, ok? ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/65 "2005-02-10T05:40:05Z")
> [@Agent Foxtrot](#): > > Alright, I’ll agree that there’s no factual basis for violence towards women, BUT, even if he didn’t know she was crying, if a girl I’m dating is shitting her brains out in my home, I’d be just _slightly_ concerned. > > And, in hindsight, he obviously thought it was still funny enough to write about it. He made light of the fact that she was crying, again, in hindsight. And like **pepperlandgirl** stated, who the hell is he to think it’s all right to fuck with her digestive system? He couldn’t have possibly thought that she would be able to handle 9,000 calories (okay, 4,500, that’s still way more than any person should intake in a single meal) _plus_ alcohol. > > There. Sorry I didn’t respond to this post sooner. > > Adam Okay, I give you credit for the response, and the retraction about the violence and crying. And I agree with you that this guy is no prince. I wouldn’t act the way he did. But I’m still not seeing the intent “to fuck with her digestive system”. Most people (most guys, anyway) are not that conscious of calories. I have no clue how many calories are in any meal I eat. I buy cream in half gallon cartons at Costco, and I make meals that liberally use that particular ingredient. My Beef Stroganoff followed by a dessert that includes dark chocolate, pound cake, raspberry liqueur and the aforementioned heavy cream has been a hit with women who I’ve dated. Again, I have no clue how many calories I’ve just served them. Never crossed my mind, actually, but I bet it was a lot. Am I an asshole? ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/66 "2005-02-10T05:40:44Z")
> [@TonyF](#): > > Again, for all practical purposes, **it’s impossible to unwittingly get down 9,000 calories in one sitting.** So let’s stop trotting out that number, ok? I’m not the one who trotted out the number, the asshole in question did. If he’s lying, then he’s a lying asshole, as opposed to just being a garden variety asshole. Hell, in my menu I even gave in to others who said he’d doubled the number, even though there is no evidence of such a mistake occurring on his part. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/67 "2005-02-10T05:43:16Z")
He’s a raging asshole, and while I don’t know that he hates women in general, he certainly thinks little of _this_ woman, to do this to her and then laugh about it. I can buy him not knowing that she would react to the food in the way that she did. But there is _no excuse_ for him to laugh at her discomfort and distress, and then write about it, revelling in the outcome of his prank. No excuse. If he had meant to play a prank on her and it backfired (she was miserable in the bathroom), the proper response is concern, and an internal, “Whoops, that prank didn’t work out like I intended, did it?” But that’s not what this guy did. He laughed while she was miserable, he still laughed days later, and he wrote about it (har har har). Only sadistic assholes behave like this towards someone they supposedly “care” about. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/68 "2005-02-10T05:47:46Z")
The story was pretty funny. The overreactions to the story are fucking hilarious. Pancreas damage? You’re fucking killing me, man. He fed her food. It upset her belly and she was embarrassed. I’d be a little more caring about it but then again I’m a pussy compared to a Ranger. It even said in the story that the girlfriend thought it was funny a few days later. Look, he thought it would be funny to cook her a meal and have her love it and think that he was Mr. Gorumet all of a sudden. Then he would reveal to her later that made MREs. So she had an upset belly at the end which he didn’t intend and couldn’t have reasonably forseen. Whatever. The same thing happens to me whenever I eat too many onions or food that’s too spicy. It’s not the end of the world. Keep it up. I need a good laugh. Haj ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/69 "2005-02-10T05:49:31Z")
Well, the guy’s an asshole for his reaction to the situation and the pleasure he takes in this girl’s pain. If this was part of his plan, he well deserves a pitting. Such as it is, he’s still an asshole for his merriment. However, c’mon, MRE’s are not _that_ bad. I’m not even military and when a friend of mine moved, he left a bunch of MREs behind and I ate them without hesitation. I actually kind of liked them. Combined with the “just add water to heat” element of it, it’s like a science experiment you can eat! Granted, I’m sure if I had to eat them every day, I’d grow weary of them, but if I had some lying around the house, I’d gladly eat them from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/70 "2005-02-10T05:51:00Z")
One MRE contains [about 1350 calories](http://www.usariem.army.mil/nutri/appenda.htm). So there’s no way she ate 9000 calories in a single meal. (Oh the horror; somebody posted an untruth on the Internet!) Now, I don’t see her having eaten a couple thousand calories as being out of the picture, but then again that’s about the same as a big meal at McDonald’s. ---
**Author:** ![TonyF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9de053/32.png) [@TonyF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonyF)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/71 "2005-02-10T05:51:23Z")
> [@DMC](#): > > I’m not the one who trotted out the number, the asshole in question did. If he’s lying, then he’s a lying asshole, as opposed to just being a garden variety asshole. I agree 100% 🙂 It’s certainly in line with his other actions… ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/72 "2005-02-10T05:52:28Z")
> [@Unknown Soldier](#): > > After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of “Army food” she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said “I ate 9,000 calories or dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?” I have to point out that the 9000 calories thing is a derivation of a bullshit military legend commonly circulated among the troops. The Army states that the caloric requirement for functioning in a strenuous field environment is around 3000 calories. The same Army sometimes limits a soldier to one ration per day. Chances are the supply sergeant will tell you “don’t worry, there’s plenty of energy in there” rather than saying “the supply chain fucked up, so tough beans.” This happens often enough that any Army private will tell you that an MRE contains between 3000 and 4000 calories today. But is that really true? I found more than one [cite](http://www.globalgourmet.com/food/kgk/2003/0503/kgk051603.html) that says they only contain 1200 calories. > [@](#): > > Each meal provides an average of 1,250 calories (13% protein, 36% fat and 51% carbohydrate). When supplemented with pouch bread, an additional 200 calories are provided. So if he used 100% of 3 MRE’s, there was a maximum of 4000 calories on the table, or 2000 calories per diner. If you think about it, common sense should give the lie to the “9,000 calorie” story. Your body reacts to fats, sugars, and proteins in various ways that signal fullness. It is highly, highly unlikely that you could consume 9,000 calories of anything before your belly told you that you’d overdone it. Last but not least, the “farting and diarrhea” part of this story is inexplicable and probably an example of the embellishment that Rangers are known for. MRE’s are not known for causing these kinds of symptoms. If anything, they’re known for quite the opposite, which is why they’re called “Meals Refusing to Exit.” And if you think about it… is it possible to eat any food that will travel through your intestine and begin showing tailpipe effects in only 30 minutes? If there’s any poisoning going on, the girl did it to herself sometime in the previous 8 to 24 hours. However, the part about her not taking a crap for 3 days is entirely plausible. Is that evil? Probably not, I mean that can happen after attending a well-stocked wine and cheese party. Bottom line… let’s think about these things before we blow our tops, shall we? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/73 "2005-02-10T05:53:56Z")
Once again, the intentions behind the meal are a secondary point. His reaction to her illnes, _in itself_, is sufficient for us to render a verdict of assholery. And what kind of prick goes on the internet to revel in his girlfriend’s humilation and suffering? ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/74 "2005-02-10T06:00:23Z")
So I take it that you’re backing away from your claim that he intentionally poisoned his girlfriend? > [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > The fact that you think there’s something endearing about a prick who poisons his girlfriend as a “joke.” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/75 "2005-02-10T06:02:45Z")
> [@Random](#): > > So I take it that you’re backing away from your claim that he intentionally poisoned his girlfriend? Not at all. I’m saying even if YOU don’t believe it, he’s STILL a prick for how he behaved when she got sick. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/76 "2005-02-10T06:07:03Z")
> [@yosemite](#): > > He’s a raging asshole, and while I don’t know that he hates women in general, he certainly thinks little of _this_ woman, to do this to her and then laugh about it. > > I can buy him not knowing that she would react to the food in the way that she did. But there is _no excuse_ for him to laugh at her discomfort and distress, and then write about it, revelling in the outcome of his prank. No excuse. > > If he had meant to play a prank on her and it backfired (she was miserable in the bathroom), the proper response is concern, and an internal, “Whoops, that prank didn’t work out like I intended, did it?” But that’s not what this guy did. He laughed while she was miserable, he still laughed days later, and he wrote about it (har har har). Only sadistic assholes behave like this towards someone they supposedly “care” about. “Raging asshole” might be a bit strong, but I can’t argue with most of what you say. (I wish I could - I would’ve enjoyed telling you “It’s a Midwest thing”, in reference to the heavy calorie meals.) ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/77 "2005-02-10T06:07:32Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Not at all. I’m saying even if YOU don’t believe it, he’s STILL a prick for how he behaved when she got sick. If you read between the lines and look at what I wrote before, this is most likely fiction. At least, most of it. Here’s how I see it: 1. Girl demands a Ranger cook something she’s never had before. Ranger only knows one kind of food, and she’s never had it before. 2. Ranger prepares an elaborate MRE feast. 3. Girl eats food. Girl enjoys. Ranger reveals provenance of victuals. Girl is shocked. 4. No diarrhea or illness occurs. 5. Several days later the guy asks her how her bowels are faring, and she says “not moving, I guess it’s the MRE’s.” 6. Ranger thinks this is hilarious, writes the Ranger equivalent of “Dear Pentouse, I never thought this would happen to me…” Nobody gets raving foaming farts 30 minutes after eating something. That part is most likely fiction to spice up an otherwise uninteresting narrative. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/78 "2005-02-10T06:08:51Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Not at all. I’m saying even if YOU don’t believe it, he’s STILL a prick for how he behaved when she got sick. So tell me, again, just what in the OP convinces you that he intentionally poisoned his GF? ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/79 "2005-02-10T06:10:24Z")
Okay, I missed the part where he held the gun to her head and demanded that she eat the whole thing. I also missed the part where he sat there gleefully watching her eat and not eating what he’d made himself. Come on, the guy is couching this as a funny story. He may say he was laughing the entire 30 minutes she was in the bathroom with intestinal distress but probably he wasn’t. He was thoughtful enough to give her an Immodium (and she took that, too). She’s apparently okay with it. Although I bet the next thing she wants him to make her for dinner is reservations. Hell, it may become a funny story that they are still laughing about on their 50th anniversary. Some people do find humor in those things. He followed her wishes in making her something she’d never had before. He did some creative combining of MREs. Sure, that’s a lot of calories, but like I said, I missed the part where he demanded she eat it all. In fact she seemed to like it, because if she was just eating it not to hurt his feelings she still didn’t have to eat ALL of it, now did she? I’d also bet he’s overstating the number of calories–but once again, she ate it. Most people, once they get a sufficient number of calories, stop eating. I’d put her 3-day constipation fit down to the Immodium and not eating (not that I’d blame her) for the next three days. ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/80 "2005-02-10T06:10:32Z")
> [@NattoGuy](#): > > So if he used 100% of 3 MRE’s, there was a maximum of 4000 calories on the table, or 2000 calories per diner. Read the OP again, very carefully. He used at the very least **9** entrees from the MREs in the process, and depending on whether said meals contained the noodles, it might have been more. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324.md?page=5)