# WTF kind of person would do this to his girlfriend?? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 10, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324 "2005-02-10T01:53:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/81 "2005-02-10T06:10:58Z")
> [@NattoGuy](#): > > Nobody gets raving foaming farts 30 minutes after eating something. You know, you’re right. I didn’t pick up on that. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/82 "2005-02-10T06:11:42Z")
> [@Random](#): > > So tell me, again, just what in the OP convinces you that he intentionally poisoned his GF? The fact that he went into such giggling detail to describe his preparation of the “meal” while enumerating how many calories were in each thing. The thing is, I’m not going to try to convince you because it doesn’t matter. He’s still a sadistic asshole either way. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/83 "2005-02-10T06:16:05Z")
It wasn’t raving farts thirty minutes after eating. Thirty minutes was how long she was in the bathroom experiencing intense explosive diarrhea. I believe we have a word for that around here: wolf-ass. Look, even if he didn’t intend it, LAUGHING that she was sick for days on end is pretty sick. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/84 "2005-02-10T06:16:17Z")
I’d like to point out one thing: I got the same e-mail today at work, on a government account. While not spam, it’s one of those “chain letters” that tends to make the rounds as a ‘sick but funny joke’. I’d like to invite everyone to calm down, take a deep breath, and take this e-mail with a grain of salt. Hell, here’s the damned shaker. No sense getting worked up over something you can’t take seriously. Tripler And there ain’t nothing on Snopes. . . yet. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/85 "2005-02-10T06:17:39Z")
> [@DMC](#): > > Read the OP again, very carefully. He used at the very least **9** entrees from the MREs in the process, and depending on whether said meals contained the noodles, it might have been more. No. > [@Unknown Soldier](#): > > I got out my trusty case of MRE’s. Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories… > > After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of “Army food” she turned stark white, looked at me incredulously, and said “I ate 9,000 calories or dehydrated food that was made 3 years ago?” If he believes MRE’s are 3000 calories, and he believes he fed her 9000 calories, then he believes he fed her the equivalent of 3 MRE’s. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/86 "2005-02-10T06:19:52Z")
So, basically, this is a guy who aces himself out of the possiblilty of sex, prefering to listen to flatulence. ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/87 "2005-02-10T06:22:21Z")
> [@NattoGuy](#): > > No. > > If he believes MRE’s are 3000 calories, and he believes he fed her 9000 calories, then he believes he fed her the equivalent of 3 MRE’s. Which is around 4000 calories. My menu still stands. ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/88 "2005-02-10T06:25:47Z")
> [@NattoGuy](#): > > No. I should respond to this one individually. He still said he used 9 entrees in the glurge. Perhaps she ate one third of the meal, so he thought it was 9000 calories, since he worked with the assumption that a single one was 3000. If that’s the case, it is indeed still over 4000 calories that she did eat. He remains an asshole. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/89 "2005-02-10T06:31:38Z")
> [@DMC](#): > > Which is around 4000 calories. My menu still stands. Your menu stated 4575 calories. 3 MRE’s times 1250 calories is in fact 3750 calories. So if by “still stands” you mean “is hugely inflated”, then yes, it still stands. As does your claim that he fed her 9 MRE’s, which also still stands. Which ignores the overarching point that you can’t eat 3750 calories and be utterly cluess to the fact. That should tell us that we’re dealing with a tiny bit of embellishment here. ---
**Author:** ![Random](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/57b2e6/32.png) [@Random](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Random)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/90 "2005-02-10T06:42:28Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > …describe his preparation of the “meal” while enumerating how many calories were in each thing. Nope. Didn’t happen. No mention whatsoever (giggling or otherwise) of how many calories were in “each thing” that he prepared. C’mon. Try to do better. Your posts here are just as easily debunk-able as all your wild claims in the election night thread about how Bush stole the election. (See [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=284352&page=5&pp=50&highlight=ohio](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=284352&page=5&pp=50&highlight=ohio) especially responses #206, 230, 234, 583, 779, 832, 853, 858, 859 & 871.) (BTW, I enjoyed re-reading that election night thread. Lots of great input and analysis from Dopers. Plus your posts.) ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/91 "2005-02-10T06:46:43Z")
Diogenes, I like you as a poster, I really do. In fact, I **love** it when you overreact to something Bush does, because what you say is so often exactly what I’m thinking but I don’t want to say. I also really love your posts on religion. In this thread, however, I believe you really are overreacting. The guy is an immature asshole. I wouldn’t do this to someone, and I very likely would not like hanging out with this guy, but _poison?_ No. _Violent, mysoginistic, sadistic?_ Ummm, no, not at all, I don’t see it. And since when did “a girl you have a date with” = “someone you care about [any more than the average Joe on the street]”? You guys also have to remember, this story is almost definitely exaggerated for “comic” effect. Even if he didn’t exaggerate all the farting/shitting violently/working out “for three days” stuff, do MREs really have 3000+ calories, and could an average girl have eaten 9000+ calories without knowing something was up? I was under the impression that a pretty damn big meal was around 1000 calories typically. ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/92 "2005-02-10T06:51:35Z")
> [@DMC](#): > > I should respond to this one individually. He still said he used 9 entrees in the glurge. Perhaps she ate one third of the meal, so he thought it was 9000 calories, since he worked with the assumption that a single one was 3000. If that’s the case, it is indeed still over 4000 calories that she did eat. Okay, so here’s _my_ WAG on the subject: 3 ham slice entrees: ~[460 calories](http://www.millennium-ark.net/News_Files/Food/MRE_taste_test.html) total 3 pork chop entrees: Probably about the same (460 calories) 3 chicken a la king entrees: ~850 calories 8 noodle entrees: ~1500 calories (based on looking at calorie content on pasta in my cupboard) Dessert: ~1500 calories Total: ~4800 calories Divide that between two people, and you get 2400 calories each–it’s a lot but still not out of “big fast food meal” territory: Double Whopper w/cheese: 1060 calories Lg vanilla shake: 800 calories Ling-size fries: 600 calories Total: 2460 calories ---
**Author:** ![Hunter\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/50afbb/32.png) [@Hunter\_Hawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hunter_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/93 "2005-02-10T06:52:56Z")
> [@Hunter Hawk](#): > > Ling-size fries: 600 calories …and that would be _King_-size fries, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Brutus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@Brutus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brutus)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/94 "2005-02-10T06:53:29Z")
The story is BS. It has been floating around on the gun boards for some years. And as has been mentioned, eating an _entire_ MRE will get you about 1300 calories. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/95 "2005-02-10T06:55:41Z")
[QUOTE=DMC] I should respond to this one individually. He still said he used 9 entrees in the glurge. Perhaps she ate one third of the meal, so he thought it was 9000 calories, since he worked with the assumption that a single one was 3000. If that’s the case, it is indeed still over 4000 calories that she did eat.[/.quote] OK, first, the entree isn’t the entire MRE, it’s probably slighly less than half of the caloires in the MRE. Second, just because parts of 9 MRE’s were on the table doesn’t mean she ate a half or even a third. As I said, you can’t eat that much food and not be aware of it. You just can’t hide that kind of energy content. If she ate 4000 calories, which hardly seems possible, it’s because the stuff tasted so damned good she couldn’t get enough of it. > [@](#): > > He remains an asshole. Perhaps, but you remain confused. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/96 "2005-02-10T06:55:41Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > You guys also have to remember, this story is almost definitely exaggerated for “comic” effect. Even if he didn’t exaggerate all the farting/shitting violently/working out “for three days” stuff, do MREs really have 3000+ calories, and could an average girl have eaten 9000+ calories without knowing something was up? I was under the impression that a pretty damn big meal was around 1000 calories typically. Sorry, somehow didn’t notice that this thread was two pages. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/97 "2005-02-10T07:08:55Z")
::: sigh::: About those posion comments. MREs are food. I have eaten them. While I would not consider them ready to serve in a 4 star dining establishment, they are for sure edible. Actually the ones I’ve had was not bad. Better than some food I have eaten at restaurants. My problem with this story is the calorie count. 9,000 or even 4,500 is hard to believe. Come on people 9,000 freaking calories? That is a fucking gallon of Haagen Dazs Chocolate Ice Cream [cite](http://www.calorie-count.com/calories/item/15.html) 270 calories per 1/2 cup serving. Do the freaking math people. Either the entire story is BS or she did not eat anywhere near as much food as was stated. Several people here need new batteries for their BS detectors methings. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/98 "2005-02-10T07:16:41Z")
> [@Random](#): > > Nope. Didn’t happen. No mention whatsoever (giggling or otherwise) of how many calories were in “each thing” that he prepared. Read it again, stupid fuck. > [@](#): > > I got out my trusty case of MRE’s. Meal, Ready-to-Eat. Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories. Here’s what I made:… A long, chortling description ensues about all the MRE’s he’s mixing together. Why did he mention how many calories each one had if it wasn’t his intention to make her sick? then this: > [@](#): > > After explaining to her that she had eaten roughly 9,000 calories of “Army food” she turned stark white So he DID mention the calories multiple times in a giggly, assface fashion. > [@](#): > > C’mon. Try to do better. Your posts here are just as easily debunk-able as all your wild claims in the election night thread about how Bush stole the election. When was anything debunked? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/99 "2005-02-10T07:22:35Z")
By the way, if the caloriie count was inflated (and **Brutus,** how the fuck would you know? Cite?) then that just means the guy is a fucking liar _as well_ as a sadistic prick. (If this guy hypothetically ever even existed which I guess he probably didn’t.) **Cisco** , I never said the guy was “violent.” I said “misogynistc” and “sadistic” but "violent was somebody else. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324/100 "2005-02-10T07:26:20Z")
Thank you for your post **NattoGuy**. I admit that I took the claim of 9,000 calories at face value because I have no experience with MREs and that is what appalled me the most. I appreciate your explanation of what the meal probably contained–it was much more edifying than **Random** ’s screeching. I still think the guy is a massive jerk for his reaction…well, fuck, if the story is even true. _sigh_ How long have I been on the Internet? Six years now? And I still get taken in by glurge occasionally… I do disagree with your claim that nobody gets the raving farts 30 minutes after a meal. If there _was_ something in the meal that she was allergic too then it’s very possible. I know that if I eat sour cream, I can expect to run to the bathroom within 30-45 minutes. My body has a strong and immediate reaction to certain forms of dairy… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wtf-kind-of-person-would-do-this-to-his-girlfriend/289324.md?page=6)