# Y’know what? Why don’t you take that fifty dollar bill and shove it up your ass? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 15, 2011, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974 "2011-05-15T11:05:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/21 "2011-05-15T16:03:25Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > He’s probably used to it working 99% of the time. Because it does. Makes sense. If you’d bump a visitor for your relationship with a hotel who sends you business, why not for $50 in cash. It’s good to know how to accept a no gracefully. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/22 "2011-05-15T16:21:22Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Yeah, yeah, yeah. But serious question: Do you not have reservation no-shows at your restaurant? Maybe he was hoping that he’d get first available no-show. He made it clear he was expecting a table immediately, ahead of any reservations or other people on the wait list. Not only is that a ridiculous request, but there literally weren’t any empty tables at the time. This is information I had shared with him and that his eyes would have supported if he had bothered to use them. The bar area wasn’t 4 people deep because people enjoy standing around like that. > [@PunditLisa](#): > > And how do concierges at swanky hotels manage to secure last-minute reservations? Concierges manage to do this by establishing a relationship with people. They also understand if I ever say “sorry no, can do” then we must be seriously booked and will work with me when I suggest an earlier or later slot. The concierges also tend to give you more advance notice than “NOW DAMMIT!” > [@hajario](#): > > That guy sounds like a major asshole. Did he eventually wait around for his table. Hardly. The leather-faced, botoxed gargoyle with him wouldn’t stand for it. I think regular feedings must be required. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > _Do_ concierges at swanky hotels do that? Or do they really only do that in movies and sitcoms? > > Serious question. They definitely do. But like I mentioned above, they know it’s better to call early and usually with them “last minute” will still give you some time while the guest gets a cab and comes over from the hotel. And if I’m seriously booked and don’t have the time they are looking for I will probably say something like “Why don’t you send them over at 8 and I’ll buy them a glass of wine if I need to while they wait for the first available table.” > [@classyladyhp](#): > > I agree with you but it happens everywhere. Some people are assholes. They fell that they are entitled to more than other people. They feel that thier needs, wants and desires are more important than others. They have an inflated sense of self-worth. They treat people like shit. They think they can buy people with money. You seem to know the fine fellow I’m talking about. > [@classyladyhp](#): > > I do, however, think tat if this guy was a major celebrity he owuld have gotten a table. Right? Not in this situation. See above: every table was occupied. Maybe I didn’t make that clear. Sorry, I don’t have carpenters standing around waiting to build a table in case you show up unexpectedly. Further, very rarely in my experience do major celebrities show up without calling ahead or having one of their minions call. They don’t want to run the risk of finding themselves on the waitlist like the plebes. > [@Gukumatz](#): > > I absolutely hate it when people try to bypass the queues in social settings where I’m expected to be polite and customer friendly. Chivvying, name-dropping, even outright bribes make you _less_ likely to get service, not more. (And if you’re friends with the director, you could bet your ass she’d have made me aware of the fact or would have welcomed you herself.) Yeah, another of my favorites : “But I know the owner! I know the owner!” Really? Good for you. So do I oddly enough considering I’ve worked for him/her for the last 15 years. And by the way, which of our three owners would that be exactly, hmmh? It always seems the “I know the owner” people never actually use any of the owners’ names. And if they do they usually call him “Fred” when his name is really “Frank” or something equally stupid. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/23 "2011-05-15T16:26:37Z")
One owner I worked for used to forget to tell me he was sending people in all the time. But at least he knew this personal failing, so he had a simple code. “That asshole Bill said you could get me in.” “Ah, yes sir. I love that asshole. That will be just a few minutes, sir. Can I get you a drink while you wait?” Still annoying as hell when there really weren’t any tables, but at least I knew Bill really did know them! ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/24 "2011-05-15T16:43:55Z")
> [@](#): > > Yeah, another of my favorites : “But I know the owner! I know the owner!” > > Really? Good for you. So do I oddly enough considering I’ve worked for him/her for the last 15 years. And by the way, which of our three owners would that be exactly, hmmh? You forgot “I’m the owner’s son!”, which was popular among some customers. Since I happened to know the owner, and his kids were toddlers at the time, you can bet that this went over real well with me. ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/25 "2011-05-15T17:06:52Z")
> [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](#): > > He made it clear he was expecting a table immediately, ahead of any reservations or other people on the wait list. Not only is that a ridiculous request, but there literally weren’t any empty tables at the time. This is information I had shared with him and that his eyes would have supported if he had bothered to use them. The bar area wasn’t 4 people deep because people enjoy standing around like that. > Concierges manage to do this by establishing a relationship with people. They also understand if I ever say “sorry no, can do” then we must be seriously booked and will work with me when I suggest an earlier or later slot. The concierges also tend to give you more advance notice than “NOW DAMMIT!” > Hardly. The leather-faced, botoxed gargoyle with him wouldn’t stand for it. I think regular feedings must be required. > They definitely do. But like I mentioned above, they know it’s better to call early and usually with them “last minute” will still give you some time while the guest gets a cab and comes over from the hotel. And if I’m seriously booked and don’t have the time they are looking for I will probably say something like “Why don’t you send them over at 8 and I’ll buy them a glass of wine if I need to while they wait for the first available table.” > You seem to know the fine fellow I’m talking about. > Not in this situation. See above: every table was occupied. Maybe I didn’t make that clear. Sorry, I don’t have carpenters standing around waiting to build a table in case you show up unexpectedly. > > Further, very rarely in my experience do major celebrities show up without calling ahead or having one of their minions call. They don’t want to run the risk of finding themselves on the waitlist like the plebes. > Yeah, another of my favorites : “But I know the owner! I know the owner!” > > Really? Good for you. So do I oddly enough considering I’ve worked for him/her for the last 15 years. And by the way, which of our three owners would that be exactly, hmmh? > > It always seems the “I know the owner” people never actually use any of the owners’ names. And if they do they usually call him “Fred” when his name is really “Frank” or something equally stupid. So that’s no to my ten fin? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/26 "2011-05-15T17:11:42Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Exactly. And if I’m the hostess, I’m going to be willing to piss off someone with a reservation by giving their table to your guest, because I know you’ll send me another dozen tables this month. Does that mean the person with the reservation waits for the next table, or goes away hungry? ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/27 "2011-05-15T17:17:19Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > Question, would the $50 buy the first available no show, providing the guy was decent about it? I can only speak for myself, but the answer is no. I don’t sell tables. Not only would it cause a problem with my boss but I look at it as being little more than a bribe. Why should someone get to jump ahead of the other people who are waiting nicely for their tables just because they are willing to throw money around? And why should I piss off someone who has a reservation? I never accept money from customers up front, but honestly if someone wants to slip me a tip on the way out because they are appreciative of something I did for them, then I am happy to accept it. But I don’t ever base what I do for a customer on the expectation of getting a gratuity. I hope you understand the distinction. > [@Morgenstern](#): > > I’ll bet the guy was the invisible diner, who noted your attitude. Hopefully he’ll spell your name correctly in his review. Funny. Seriously though, there was no attitude to note. I was nothing short of unfailingly polite and apologetic about the situation, all smiles and friendliness but being clear and firm about how things were. I saved all my bile for you sharing with you folks. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/28 "2011-05-15T17:22:40Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > So that’s no to my ten fin? Oh no, that’s not neccesary. Why don’t you let me buy you a drink at the bar and I’ll get something for you as quickly as possible, ok? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/29 "2011-05-15T17:23:22Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Does that mean the person with the reservation waits for the next table, or goes away hungry? It means (in accordance with owner’s instructions) that they get apologized to profusely for the “mix-up” in reservations, offered a free drink to wait if we may have another table opening up, and groveled to a bit. And if they walk, we continue apologizing as they walk out the door. It’s a total sham, of course, but that’s how the boss wants it. ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/30 "2011-05-15T17:37:19Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > One owner I worked for used to forget to tell me he was sending people in all the time. But at least he knew this personal failing, so he had a simple code. “That asshole Bill said you could get me in.” “Ah, yes sir. I love that asshole. That will be just a few minutes, sir. Can I get you a drink while you wait?” > > Still annoying as hell when there really weren’t any tables, but at least I knew Bill really did know them! You were a waitress _and_ a nurse? You have a thing for erotically charged professions? ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/31 "2011-05-15T17:37:25Z")
> [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](#): > > I can only speak for myself, but the answer is no. I don’t sell tables. Not only would it cause a problem with my boss but I look at it as being little more than a bribe. Why should someone get to jump ahead of the other people who are waiting nicely for their tables just because they are willing to throw money around? And why should I piss off someone who has a reservation? I admire the integrity from you, and the owner if they establish that as a rule. You see the other poster has an owner who is willing to let them deal with an angry customer who was treated badly, to accommodate a friend. How about the no show question. How long do you hold a table for a reservation that doesn’t show? ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/32 "2011-05-15T17:47:30Z")
> [@cosmosdan](#): > > How about the no show question. How long do you hold a table for a reservation that doesn’t show? The general rule of thumb is fifteen minutes, but it can be longer depending on certain variables. If we aren’t super slammed chances are I will be able to get you in even if you’re thirty minutes late. Also, if you call and tell me you are running late that will weigh heavily in your favor. If we _ **are** _ slammed and I have a bar full of hungry walk-ins you will probably lose the table promptly at the fifteen minute mark unless you call. If you are a large group, say 8 or more people, I will probably call the number you gave me and say something like “Hi, I’m calling from Whatever Restaurant. We have your table of ten waiting and were curious if you still plan on coming in. If not please let us know so we can release it. Thanks!” If I don’t hear from you pretty darn quick it’s gone. ---
**Author:** ![storyteller0910](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@storyteller0910](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/storyteller0910)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/33 "2011-05-15T17:53:57Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > It means (in accordance with owner’s instructions) that they get apologized to profusely for the “mix-up” in reservations, offered a free drink to wait if we may have another table opening up, and groveled to a bit. And if they walk, we continue apologizing as they walk out the door. It’s a total sham, of course, but that’s how the boss wants it. Wow. That… sucks. It’s obviously your (and the owner’s) right to do it, but it… I mean it sucks. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/34 "2011-05-15T18:13:14Z")
> [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](#): > > I will probably call the number you gave me and say something like "Hi, I’m calling from Whatever Restaurant. The name of your place does give off a kind of “anything goes” vibe. Just sayin’ ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/35 "2011-05-15T18:17:55Z")
> [@Capitaine\_Zombie](#): > > You were a waitress _and_ a nurse? You have a thing for erotically charged professions? Shit, I was a massage therapist, too! I don’t ever have to buy Halloween costumes again! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![cosmosdan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a6a055/32.png) [@cosmosdan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cosmosdan)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/36 "2011-05-15T18:22:29Z")
> [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](#): > > The general rule of thumb is fifteen minutes, but it can be longer depending on certain variables. If we aren’t super slammed chances are I will be able to get you in even if you’re thirty minutes late. Also, if you call and tell me you are running late that will weigh heavily in your favor. If we _ **are** _ slammed and I have a bar full of hungry walk-ins you will probably lose the table promptly at the fifteen minute mark unless you call. > > If you are a large group, say 8 or more people, I will probably call the number you gave me and say something like “Hi, I’m calling from Whatever Restaurant. We have your table of ten waiting and were curious if you still plan on coming in. If not please let us know so we can release it. Thanks!” If I don’t hear from you pretty darn quick it’s gone. It all makes sense. I’m sure most people understand that a reservation at a popular restaurant will be gone if you’re very late. We would sometimes have people call and ask us to hold merchandise , but too many people wouldn’t show up so we would only hold it if they were on their way, or paid for it over the phone. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/37 "2011-05-15T21:22:17Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > It means (in accordance with owner’s instructions) that they get apologized to profusely for the “mix-up” in reservations, offered a free drink to wait if we may have another table opening up, and groveled to a bit. And if they walk, we continue apologizing as they walk out the door. It’s a total sham, of course, but that’s how the boss wants it. I remember a cat food commercial from many years ago. There was a line of like 16 cats eating out of 16 bowls. Then a cat came up to the bowl on the end and nudged that cat out of the way, who nudged the next cat at the next bowl, etc., until it propogated all the way to the other end.[sup]\*[/sup] Is it like that when you bump someone with a reservation; they wait 5 minutes and get the next table, the party who was supposed to get that table waits 5 minutes, etc.? Or is the first bumpee just frozen out of the process entirely? If it’s the latter, then I would put your boss in much the same category as the subject of the OP. - What a great analogy to use in a restaurant thread, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/38 "2011-05-15T21:32:54Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > And how do concierges at swanky hotels manage to secure last-minute reservations? > [@Kolak of Twilo](#): > > Concierges manage to do this by establishing a relationship with people. How much more than $50 does it take to establish a relationship? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/39 "2011-05-15T22:35:16Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I remember a cat food commercial from many years ago. There was a line of like 16 cats eating out of 16 bowls. Then a cat came up to the bowl on the end and nudged that cat out of the way, who nudged the next cat at the next bowl, etc., until it propogated all the way to the other end.[sup]\*[/sup] > > Is it like that when you bump someone with a reservation; they wait 5 minutes and get the next table, the party who was supposed to get that table waits 5 minutes, etc.? Or is the first bumpee just frozen out of the process entirely? Nah, we didn’t let it domino. Like I said, we apologized and told them what the wait would be and gave them a free drink or two if they decided to wait. 9 times out of 10, we could seat them within 20 minutes and probably 8 times out of 10 they’d wait. They certainly had priority over walk ins, though. We didn’t really run the kind of place where there was a 90 minute wait and reservations booked the restaurant solid all night long. Most of the time there was a free table because there just was, or because a reservation was a no-show. But yes, some people were pissed and would unleash the verbal abuse. You learn to let it roll off your back. Still, I didn’t like doing it, though it wasn’t the worst part of the job. (That’d be the grabby assholes. My ass is not your squeezetoy, thanks.) I’d only Hostess again if my children were starving. **Jackmanni** , a concierge will send literally thousands of dollars in business to a high end restaurant in a month. Much, much more than $50. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2011, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/40 "2011-05-15T22:50:11Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > How much more than $50 does it take to establish a relationship? 😉 I’m detecting a good bit of tongue in cheek in what you are asking but since there could be a genuine question behind it I will elaborate. The relationship in question could mean a lot of things. Basically it boils down to this: I want as many customers as possible every day walking through the door of my restaurant. If you are a concierge and you send me customers I make note of it in the computerized reservation system. Over time I know who the people are who send customers on a regular basis. To show our appreciation we may have a concierge event periodically where they are invited for a cocktail party or some similar event to check the restaurant out and as a thank you for the business. What I get out of this should be obvious; more customers = higher sales = happy owner = raises/bonuses for me. Basically both of us are just doing our jobs; there is a reason it’s called the hospitality industry y’know. And the customers are happy because they are being taken care of and having a good time so it’s a win for everyone involved. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974.md?page=3)