# Y’know what? Why don’t you take that fifty dollar bill and shove it up your ass? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 15, 2011, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974 "2011-05-15T11:05:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/61 "2011-05-17T03:09:07Z")
Sometimes I get yelled at because the _hotels_ are full up…never worked in a restaurant, but I feel all the pain in this thread. You’re not hiding a super-duper secret table up your ass any more than I am hiding that super-duper awesome room, after all. You really think I’d tell you we don’t have a room when we do? Do you think I’m just lazy and don’t want to book you and don’t care about my job? Because my boss is awesome and all but if I was deliberately turning people away when we could accomodate them I would be _so_ fired. I expect the same would go in a restaurant situation. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/62 "2011-05-17T03:40:33Z")
Sooo, **Kolak** , what part of town is this place? What kind of food? Is there a Doper Code I could give with my reservation request? It would probably be a Thursday. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/63 "2011-05-17T04:13:33Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I’d put the blame on your fellow maîtres d’hôtel who happily accept bribes. And I would put the blame for your perception on Hollywood more than I would reality. Let me share a secret with you – \*the best way to get a table is to call ahead for a reservation. \* Sometimes that means planning ahead a day or two, sometimes more. Failing that, be prepared to show up at least 30-45 minutes earlier than you want to eat and put your name on the wait list. Then sit at the bar with your friends, have a drink and enjoy each other’s company. If you’re lucky, you may even get in early if there is a no-show. I’m sure there are maîtres d’hôtel or hosts out there being bought off by customers. But honestly, these days in nicer restaurants the person running the door is far more likely to be a salaried manager than a maîtres d’. Only the super high end restaurant is likely to have someone whose job is limited to this role. Keep in mind - this is a business we are running. **We want your money.** So we are going to quote you the most accurate time possible because we don’t want you to go elsewhere. And in the spirit of full disclosure, I fall into the manager category though maîtres d’ is one of the dozen or so hats I wear during the course of an average day. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/64 "2011-05-17T04:48:49Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Sooo, **Kolak** , what part of town is this place? What kind of food? Is there a Doper Code I could give with my reservation request? It would probably be a Thursday. 😃 Well, since I’ve bitched about customers, I’m hardly gonna say it outright. However, there are clues in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=13420344#post13420344) among other places. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/65 "2011-05-17T14:36:44Z")
I’m still wishing there was some way you could’ve kept milking him out of $50s: “I’ll see what I can do :: pocket 50 :: for you, sir.” Take a circuit around dining room. “We might have a table… :: pocket 50:: … yes, I think we just might…” Frown at reservation book, erase something, draw some arrows. “Well, it’s going to be tight… :: pocket 50:: ah, but there’s hope.” Call over waiter, whisper in his ear. “Marcel (who’s real name is Bob) is going to see if we can be flexible for you :: pocket 50:: we do want you and your lovvvvvvvely date to be happy. :: pocket 50:: Very happy, indeed.” Go do stuff. return with hand out… “Ahhh! I think I have the solution! :: pocket 50:: I’ve been speaking with the owner and, yes, we are going to give you the table of the Very Next Guest who doesn’t show up for their reservation!” ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/66 "2011-05-17T14:52:30Z")
This reminds me of a time when I was getting my liscense renewed at the DMV. The guy ahead of me was offering the clerk $20 if she’d change his date of birth to make him 21. Of course she refused, but he became more and more indignant. He refused to believe that her continued emplyment was worth far more than $20. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/67 "2011-05-17T15:23:17Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > _Do_ concierges at swanky hotels do that? Or do they really only do that in movies and sitcoms? > > Serious question. They don’t have that kind of pull. If Robert DeNiro wants a table at Balthazar on short notice, the concierge can make the call for him and he will get a table. If Joe is staying at the Ritz Carlton and asks the concierge for a table at the Blathazar on short notice, the concierge will try to book him a table at a very good restaurant that isn’t on the tripadvisor top ten list or direct Joe to the hotel restaurants. What they can do is get you tickets on short notice but they basically just call a ticket broker. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/68 "2011-05-17T15:38:24Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > This reminds me of a time when I was getting my liscense renewed at the DMV. The guy ahead of me was offering the clerk $20 if she’d change his date of birth to make him 21. Of course she refused, but he became more and more indignant. He refused to believe that her continued emplyment was worth far more than $20. Heh. I got that a lot at the c store…kids would try to buy booze or cigarettes, and bitch that I was a big old poopiehead when I prefered to stay employed rather than just sell them the stuff. If I HAD sold something to a minor, I would have been fined and fired. I believe the fine at the time was something like $500, and nobody ever offered me anything close to that amount. Mostly they just whined and bitched. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/69 "2011-05-17T15:41:59Z")
> [@DigitalC](#): > > He’s probably used to it working 99% of the time. Because it does. For $50? I doubt it. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/70 "2011-05-17T16:11:57Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Sooo, **Kolak** , what part of town is this place? What kind of food? Is there a Doper Code I could give with my reservation request? It would probably be a Thursday. 😃 Yeah, tell him that asshole Kolak of Twilo said you could get a table then fork over about $200 (or whatever the median price of a bottle of win is going to be). Seriously, $50 hasn’t worked since Reagan, maybe Carter. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/71 "2011-05-17T18:56:42Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > Huh. Around here, it’s illegal to comp alcohol. I’ve had problems at restaurants now and then, and the manager has come around and told me that the entire meal was on him, except for my beer, because he’s not legally allowed to do that. True. That’s because you are in Texas where the managers routinely stop by to say, " We’d like to take care of your entire bill for your troubles and here’s 200 rounds of ammunition. Sorry about the bar tab, though. " 😃 –d&r– I had a maitre d’ at a restaurant in The Bellaggio in Las Vegas do something nice for me last month. My pals and I showed up without reservations. Instead of being sent away for a few hours, she said " let me make a call or two ". She found us immediate seating in another lovely restaurant within the same hotel. They’re all in the business of being filled with diners and it was smart business to help me out by sending me to the competition. I suspect the gesture returned happens constantly. It wouldn’t occur to me to try to bribe my way in front of someone else. How Un-American. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/72 "2011-05-17T22:15:34Z")
> [@Damuri\_Ajashi](#): > > Yeah, tell him that asshole Kolak of Twilo said you could get a table then fork over about $200 (or whatever the median price of a bottle of win is going to be). > > Seriously, $50 hasn’t worked since Reagan, maybe Carter. Ummm. Huh? I’m in the same town as the OP. I’m seriously thinking it would be fun to _make a reservation_, and go to this restaurant. I don’t even understand what your snark means, except that it seems to be some sort of snark directed at me. ---
**Author:** ![sinjin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2011, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/73 "2011-05-17T22:41:22Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > Sometimes I get yelled at because the _hotels_ are full up…never worked in a restaurant, but I feel all the pain in this thread. You’re not hiding a super-duper secret table up your ass any more than I am hiding that super-duper awesome room, after all. You really think I’d tell you we don’t have a room when we do? Do you think I’m just lazy and don’t want to book you and don’t care about my job? Because my boss is awesome and all but if I was deliberately turning people away when we could accomodate them I would be _so_ fired. I expect the same would go in a restaurant situation. Well just this weekend we wanted a room for three nights. Fri, Sat and Sun. No problems with Friday and Saturday, but damn, Sunday was all booked up. Tried online, called the the 800 number, no go for Sunday, NO rooms available. So I check in on Friday and say, “BTW I want to stay til Sunday any chance of a cancellation?” The desk clerk looks at me like I’m nuts and says they are almost completely empty on Sunday night. Got an upgrade. So I guess the mega-hotel-opolis was hiding a whole shit load of rooms up their ass. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/74 "2011-05-18T01:24:47Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Ummm. Huh? > > I’m in the same town as the OP. I’m seriously thinking it would be fun to _make a reservation_, and go to this restaurant. > > I don’t even understand what your snark means, except that it seems to be some sort of snark directed at me. Read the whole thread. I take it as a riff on something **Kolak** said upthread about his boss. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/75 "2011-05-18T01:32:58Z")
Yeah, I got the riff, it’s the rest of it that fell flat. Whatev’s. I also temporarily forgot this was the Pit when I clicked the link from my CP. I should come up with a reason to swear. ---
**Author:** ![Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kolak_of_twilo/32/73_2.png) [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolak_of_Twilo)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/76 "2011-05-18T05:44:42Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Read the whole thread. I take it as a riff on something **Kolak** said upthread about his boss. I’m not getting it either. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/77 "2011-05-18T12:43:15Z")
Heh, this rant reminds me of a great scene in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas where Chris Meloni plays a hotel receptionist…the best rant ever starts around the :52 mark. [![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOT9fZ3M0Ew) ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/78 "2011-05-18T16:01:24Z")
> [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](#): > > Well, since I’ve bitched about customers, I’m hardly gonna say it outright. However, there are clues in [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=13420344#post13420344) among other places. 😛 Gotcha. Is there a secret password? I don’t want to look like a fool when I walk in and say, “Hey **Kolak** is a friend” to the wrong person and expect special treatment. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/79 "2011-05-18T19:31:54Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > Ummm. Huh? > > I’m in the same town as the OP. I’m seriously thinking it would be fun to _make a reservation_, and go to this restaurant. > > I don’t even understand what your snark means, except that it seems to be some sort of snark directed at me. Not a snark. The first one was a parody of that other post where the restaurant owner gave his friends a code to say “That asshole Joe said you cuold get me a table” if you wanted to prove you knew the owner Joe. The second sentence was supposed to be a response to someone else. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974/80 "2011-05-18T20:05:23Z")
> [@Kolak\_of\_Twilo](#): > > So trying to bribe your way ahead of everyone else just makes you look like a bigger shit than you can imagine. And when I make it clear the bribe isn’t working, repeating “C’mon, it’s the American way, it’s the American way” over and over just makes me sad. I mean really? You actually think bribery is an American virtue? > > Clearly you’re a bigger moron than those hair plugs make you look like. would 50 walnuts get me a table any sooner? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/y-know-what-why-don-t-you-take-that-fifty-dollar-bill-and-shove-it-up-your-ass/581974.md?page=5)