# Ye Olde SDMB Society of Fancy-Pantses and Debutantes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 2, 2003, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126 "2003-01-02T00:56:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Greywolf73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@Greywolf73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greywolf73)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/81 "2003-01-02T21:52:10Z")
Ahh, **Sir Jestington** , if your slip of the tongue was indeed due to that unseemly draft from the window then I do understand. I apologize for thinking otherwise. I should know that someone of your fine upbringing and moral fiber would _never_ stoop to the level of insulting a gentlewoman. Our party seems to be gaining in momentum–such a large assembly we have here! I wait in glorious anticipation for tonight’s festivities. _Jeeves, please pour me a glass of brandy…just a splash, mind you…yes, yes…that’s not quite enough…perhaps just a tad more…oh dear, you’ve overflowed the glass…never mind that…I’ll just sip from the top._ _sigh_ It’s just so hard to find competent help these days. _takes huge un-ladylike swig_ ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/82 "2003-01-02T22:00:35Z")
**Mrs. Cadolphin** , I again apologize for ignoring your sex. It’s not like me to ignore sex on a regular basis, but I appeared to have been making a habit of it in reference to you. Nothing but sloppiness, laziness and rudeness on my part. Your knight gave me what I deserved. I even almost felt a tad guilty inflicting my return lashes upon him. Almost. But we are all better friends for it now. Come, and let us raise our glasses and eat a biscuit together. Hmm. That really is a loverly set of protrubences you have there. Odd that I would before have missed orbs of such magnitude. Sir Rico, I nod in your direction for finding thee a woman of such fine stock and heritage. Happy Corduroy Hamilton Richard Pinochle Gabriel Lendervedder XII ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/83 "2003-01-02T22:27:43Z")
Good _evening_, my darlings! I’ve had the most _splendid_ day wandering the Society’s grounds and gardens. Wherever did Sir Jestington find servants able to create and maintain a topiary portrait gallery version of Burke’s Peerage (unabridged)? My gentleman companion (whom I found crumpled most irregularly beneath one of the castle windows) and I were delighted by the whimiscal water gardens depicting the construction of the Panama Canal. The scores of commoners engaged by Sir Jestington to die of typhus for our entertainment were both charming and refreshingly gauche. Just the sort of attention to detail I have come to expect from our gracious host! Now, if one of you esteemed gentlemen would be so kind as to find a seat for me in the viewing gallery in the dueling annexe, I would _so_ enjoy watching the evening’s festivities! I understand that there is to be a shocking amount of violence and that several parties may be (_gasp!_ socially disgraced before the night is through! Oh, my maidenly heart pitter-patters at the very thought of such thrilling goings-on! Yours v. truly, Queen Junipera Englehoffen the Two-Hundreth ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/84 "2003-01-02T23:12:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CasperQ \* > _ **La, Lady Scottinger** , is that **your** fan, there, in yon teapot?_ My thanks, **Duchess of Phantowgreiken** for pointing out the location of my fan. HOW it got into the teapost is a subject best left unquestioned, but methinks that **SOMEONE** thinks she is FUNNY!!! _casting a jaundiced eye in **celestina, Queen of England, Duchess of Gigglesworth** ’s general direction_ I am SO grateful to you for spotting my fan! _I am so grateful that I won’t point out that if you weren’t swilling tea like a drunken sailor you wouldn’t have been so quick to note where my fan was “ahem” deposited. (Once again casting a stern look in **celestina, Queen of England, Duchess of Gigglesworth** ’s (more SPECIFIC) direction…_ La, **Lady Robin** , you misTAKE me! I didn’t say you were trying to get young **Master Doors** into a good SCHOOl, I said you wanted to get him into a good POOL! EVERYONE knows this estate has the best pool in the parish! _let this be a lesson to you, m’dear…don’t listen to gossip when it applies to you. If I had wanted YOU to hear it, I wouldn’t have been whispering behind my fan! RAHLLY…SOME people’s children! Well, but then what can you expect? EVERYONE knows that **Lord Doors** revered mater and pater ONLY allowed him to marry THAT WOMAN because she is an HEIRESS…and by the by, **Lady Pers** , I have it on GOOD authority that their fortune “smells of the shops”…but it would be beneath me to repeat POSSIBLY unfounded gossip (knowing look)…well, I will concede that he appears to LOVE her…(but why spoil constructive gossip with the truth?) Oh, and my love…\ may I commend you on your beautiful dress? La, dear…well, red isn’t really MUCH better than orange, but 'tis a step in the right direction, after all. FARbeit from me to suggest that PERHAPS that “ahem” BODICE (averts eyes) might perhaps be a BIT revealing…\_ ---
**Author:** ![celestina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/258eb7/32.png) [@celestina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/celestina)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/85 "2003-01-02T23:48:32Z")
[celestina stepping out of character for a second] Oh, I’m so happy! I’m so honored to be noticed by the ever effervescent and loving **Scottchier**. 😃 [celestina stepping back into her role as **Her Grace, Queen celestina**] :o Oh dear, **Lady Scottinger** , I declare I don’t know _how_ your fan got in the teapot. You may _rest assured_ that if it is due to me, I will replace your fan. But I must say that I’ve just been so _engrossed_ with **Sir Kilty’s** tail . . . um . . . tale of Clan Keith and the 1000 years of Scottish history that I’ve _really_ lost track of the time. Please come join **Sir Kilty, Sir Jestington** , and me for a drink–I’ve got Bushmills or Dalwhinie and there may be a wee drap o’ Laphroaig left–so that we may discuss further the details of your _unfortunate_ fan’s engagement with yon teapot. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/86 "2003-01-02T23:49:12Z")
Oh, I should like to be a Debu-pant as well! What an utterly charming idea, **Dao** darling! I was just saying to Lady Shillingspence the other day (it was at Countess Bathory’s costume ball, the one where practically _everyone_ showed up dressed as Sappho, it was _so_ embarassing…fortunately _I_ took Dame Dorothy’s advice and went as an Amazon princess. Dame Dorothy always has such good taste.), “Lady Shillingspence, if only there were some SDMB society where ladies of good breeding and discriminating taste could feel free to wear trousers and top hats! And possibly cravats as well!” ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/87 "2003-01-03T00:17:38Z")
::runs nekkid through room:: Dadgum guy what wouldn’t let me in an’all’at… ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/88 "2003-01-03T00:19:36Z")
Mmmmm…Dalwhinie… Um, er, that is to say…ahem…Ah, aye, the Dalwhinie - one of me many favorites… ---
**Author:** ![c\_carol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e79b87/32.png) [@c\_carol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/c_carol)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/89 "2003-01-03T00:28:17Z")
I wouldn’t join any club that would have me as a member. Actually, I would. Sign me up, already. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/90 "2003-01-03T00:41:13Z")
Nudity! And within the hallowed halls of the Society! I’m shocked! I…I feel faint…Perhaps a fortifying glass of brandy is in…order… ::swoon:: ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/91 "2003-01-03T00:53:18Z")
I _do_ appologise for my absence, but I had to attend a most _boring_ party. It seems that I’ve been made the **Earl of Cloves** , and it would have been _damned_ impolite if I hadn’t turned up. I _do_ have to make a small correction. I’m named within the rarified atmosphere of these pages as **Jontwick Latherford Alpengorf, Sr.**. Sadly, I am but a wretched bachelour and thus have no right to the “Sr.” suffix. Still, I’ve donned an _outrageously huge_ codpiece, so as to intimidate the proles and also to attract attention to myself. Woof! Tally-ho, then! I’m off to buy the Socialists Workers Party! **Jontwick Latherford Alpengorf** Earl of Cloves ---
**Author:** ![Osbie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cdc98d/32.png) [@Osbie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osbie)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/92 "2003-01-03T00:58:51Z")
The Smythe-Bunions have a long tradition of belonging to the most refined clubs. I do hope that I may be permitted to join though I confess I am concerned that I shall be asked to take on a name more grander than the one I already own. Perhaps we could go by my full name: **Octavia Persepolissia Ricotta Eggbertina Tegwen Evangeline Neptunia Titwillow Iolanthe Orangutangula Ulla Shaniqua Seraphina Nan Odette Thyroidia Smythe-Bunion I. Esq.** For the sake of ease you are permitted to abbreviate it to: O. P. R. E. T. E. N. T. I. O. U. S. S. N. O. T. S-B. I. Esq. except on formal occasions, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/93 "2003-01-03T01:09:44Z")
Zounds, I say! Zounds! A nudist, in our posh surroundings? Well, that won’t do. I have already commanded the guards to capture that rapscallion, and rest assured he will get what is coming to him. In the meantime, fetch a set of smelling salts and a fainting couch for Lady Juniper! Now that that…unpleasantness…has been taken care of, I am pleased to announce the start of our evening festivities! First, allow me to introduce the newest additions to our fine Society: - **Lord Tobias Appleford IX** , your request for entry has been granted, and we are pleased to have you! - **Flutterwick Obsidiastonvetter** is more than welcome to join in the dueling, as we are a progressive society which prides itself on its equal treatment of the sexes. Though all women’s duels will be confined to the Official Society Jell-o Pit, and any participants must don the ceremonial Thong of St. Aspos. We would not want to go against the rules, after all. - **Manservant Stevius P. Wrightingford** shall from here on be available for any of your baggage-carrying needs. -The Well-renowned **Fairy Chattingberg Momfert** should be very pleased to see that persifage does, in fact, flow like water here in the halls of humble Mt. Jestington, and I must say I am honored to be able to choose a monicker for one as titled as yourself. - **Lord Bosduffington Chintilly of Tricor** must please be patient with me, and realize that I meant no disrespect in not answering his questions posthaste. I simply wanted to check the official charter. And, as I suspected, we here are more than welcome to release the hounds on whomever we see fit. We are, after all, high society, and therefore not limited to following any of the poor man’s rules. - **Throckmorton Quincey Bank-Holiday Smithe IV** may type in whatever color of font he deems fit, but would be advised that no man with any guff would dare to type too boldly in royal blue. We would not, after all, want to look as though we are bragging. Instead, we must make sure that there is no _question_ that we are bragging. More efficient that way. - **Sassingbeth Witherford** would do well to _not_ be mentioning the practice of witchcraft in the presence of such nobility as this Society has in its membership, less some of our members with weaker constitutions become flustered. -Lastly but not leastly, **Lammiatica Fishingsworth Portabello** joins the ranks of the Debu-pants, which seems to be quite the popular facet of our population here in the Society. Ah, well, the more the merrier, as I always say! After all, the more people, the more gossip. And now, in honor of our second day as the creme de la creme of the SDMB Crop, I am pleased to announce toniht’s festivities here at Ye Olde SDMB Society of Fancy-Pantses and Debutantes! A ball, held upstairs in the luxurious ballroom of Mt. Jestington will be open to all members and any companions they wish to bring. It will, of course, be a masquerade, and posh costumes are expected. Everyone is expected to give the impression of levity and fun, while at the same time sniping wittily behind the backs of their compatriots. But first, to open the ball, I am happy to say that that scoundrel **iampunha** has been caught, and clothed, and imprisoned! Never one to let a good peon go to waste, I have decided that the pre-masquerade party will feature a new event here at the Society: **Bear Baiting!** Watch as **iampunha** , our newly aquired scapegoat for all that is wrong with our fine country, is matched against **swampbear** in a battle royal out in the dueling square! Watch up close from the stands, or at a distance from the Grand Tea Room! Either way, the event begins promptly at 9 of the clock! Dress is formal attire, please. Enjoy your evening, one and all! \*Toasting to the Long Life of this Fine Society, and Secretly Hoping That Someone May Do Something Worthy of Dueling Over So That He May Break Out His Prized Slapping Glove, But For Now Heading to the Dueling Ring for the Bear Baiting and Masquerade, **Sir Jestington Q. Pennywhistle, Esq.** Founder, Ye Olde SDMB Society of Fancy-Pantses and Debutantes ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/94 "2003-01-03T01:13:29Z")
> [@](#): > > I am happy to say that that scoundrel **iampunha** has been caught, and clothed, and imprisoned! Has he been flogged? ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/95 "2003-01-03T01:13:37Z")
**Jontwick Latherford Alpengorf, Earl of Cloves** , I apologize for the confusion surrounding your name. I thought that surely, one as honorable as yourself may have already gained a female counterpart. But, may your codpiece bring you the best of luck. And I am pleased to see one as fittingly named as **Octavia Persepolissia Ricotta Eggbertina Tegwen Evangeline Neptunia Titwillow Iolanthe Orangutangula Ulla Shaniqua Seraphina Nan Odette Thyroidia Smythe-Bunion I. Esq.** join our ranks! Surely, it seems that you were tailor made for High Society, and thus for this fine establishment. Enjoy! ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/96 "2003-01-03T01:15:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Johnny L.A. \* > \*\*Has he been flogged? \*\* That, sir, is for the bear to decide. Excuse me whilst I laugh evilly. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/97 "2003-01-03T01:16:38Z")
Well, do tell me how much you get! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/98 "2003-01-03T01:17:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*::runs nekkid through room:: > > Dadgum guy what wouldn’t let me in an’all’at… \*\* He is a _Red Anarchist!_ AN ANARCHIST, I SAY SIR! SET THE DOGS ON HIM! RELEASE THE HOUNDS!!! By Gadfrey! that was fun. Ah, rum punch. Just the thing donchewknow! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/99 "2003-01-03T01:21:36Z")
Oh, and as to the codpiece; I _know_ it’s not exactly proper with formal attire, but it looks so _damned spiffy!_ Indeed, I’m considering attaching one (the “Black Russian”) to my fuzzy sporran! ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2003, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126/100 "2003-01-03T01:40:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Overheard at the bear-baiting enclosure \* > **Haw, Haw! Now there are two bare behinds!** _raises his glass in toast to Lord Bosduffington_ Here, old chap, to the amusing circumstances that have arisen against this dishonourable scofflaw! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ye-olde-sdmb-society-of-fancy-pantses-and-debutantes/146126.md?page=6)