# Yeah, I'm pretty much an idiot, yes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2010, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705 "2010-07-06T13:02:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/201 "2010-07-13T17:43:50Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > But as **Cat Whisperer** intimates, you’d have to be in dire need of a shag to buy into this mess. > > I think she put it more delicately. No, I like your version just fine. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/202 "2010-07-13T17:47:24Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > \ maybe I’ve just hung around drunk and crazy too much to pick up on the more subtle cues. This might be an important point. I know someone who was musing aloud recently that he really had no idea how to date. His MO had always been to go to a bar and get drunk and screw the drunkest girl he could find at the end of the night (which is how, not coincidentally, he met his wife). I’m not saying you’re at this level, but it may be worth evaluating how and where you meet potential SO’s. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/203 "2010-07-13T17:55:45Z")
I don’t know how relevant this is, but I also spent most of my formative years (up until maybe four years after college) leading Bible studies and otherwise being pretty much chaste. So I got a late start. Never really dated in high school, had few girlfriends in college (and in fact my first college GF was pretty crazy; she thought that demons were after her). I lost my virginity to a religious girl who apparently wasn’t TOO caught up on the whole waiting for marriage thing. Point is, I missed a lot of the high school/college dating scene, because I was running with a different crowd then. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/204 "2010-07-13T17:56:32Z")
Yeah, the only people you meet in a bar is the kind of people who hang out in bars. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/205 "2010-07-13T18:01:19Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > I don’t know how relevant this is, but I also spent most of my formative years (up until maybe four years after college) leading Bible studies and otherwise being pretty much chaste. So I got a late start. Never really dated in high school, had few girlfriends in college (and in fact my first college GF was pretty crazy; she thought that demons were after her). I lost my virginity to a religious girl who apparently wasn’t TOO caught up on the whole waiting for marriage thing. Point is, I missed a lot of the high school/college dating scene, because I was running with a different crowd then. Here’s the thing. You missed it. You can’t really make up for it when you’re almost 40. ETA: Well, you _can_ but you end up with what you got and looking very, very foolish ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/206 "2010-07-13T18:17:34Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Yeah, the only people you meet in a bar is the kind of people who hang out in bars. This. I really don’t know what he’s expecting to get out of that. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/207 "2010-07-13T18:36:40Z")
I don’t know why I keep coming back to this thread, but I like you, **Cuck** , and I hope somehow this jumble of advice you’re getting here is helping you in some small way. > [@Cuckoorex](#): > > I’m not sure why I keep getting drawn to crazy, but somehow I always seem to end up there. Maybe it’s because (with the exception of Ashley) you only seem to interact with women when they’re drunk. > [@](#): > > Lauren, as you might have guessed by now, is the only one of the women involved that I’ve had any kind of actual sexual relations with, and she’s clearly Bad News. Yes, she is. I advise you to stay away from her. > [@](#): > > Our conversation last night notwithstanding, she still hasn’t explained “committed but not exclusive” and the only thing that might fit that description that I can think of is polyamory or an “open” relationship, but if Martin is freaking out over everyone talking to her, including women, then clearly he doesn’t understand or like that kind of relationship. I’m not sure if I would like it, either. I’m perfectly fine with it in concept, but in execution it’s a different matter; I know I would get jealous, too. I get the feeling that she’s WAY less concerned about jealousy than any of her guy friends would be. _None_ of this matters at all, because you should stay away from her. > [@](#): > > Helen…well, I’m not going to go check on her. Like some of you have said, she’s responsible for her own actions. I do think now, that if I had made an effort to do so, I could have taken her home, etc. But she was vulnerable and nearly falling-down drunk. As far as I’m concerned, even if she practically rapes me, she can’t give consent. I agree with this – good for you. > [@](#): > > And I will acknowledge that some of my buddies will tell me that some women will deliberately get that drunk so they can get laid, otherwise they wouldn’t do what they do. Your buddies are idiots. Don’t listen to them. > [@](#): > > Ashley \*is \*still one of the most attractive women to me, (with maybe Kelly being up there based on how major of a crush I had on her, but really that was just a thrill, like finally meeting your favorite movie star and they give you a kiss) and maybe I’ve just hung around drunk and crazy too much to pick up on the more subtle cues. Again, and by your own admission previously, you’re hanging out in bars too much. > [@](#): > > So I think I need (a) to take a break from drunk and crazy and (b) just ask her out, period. She is, so far, the least crazy after all. _Now_ you’re talking! Read this last sentence, read it again, read it one more time, and then get out there and _act_ on it, for cryin’ out loud!! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/208 "2010-07-13T19:19:56Z")
“Least crazy” does have a nice ring to it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/209 "2010-07-13T19:50:35Z")
> [@acsenray](#): > > Yeah, the only people you meet in a bar is the kind of people who hang out in bars. And you’re heading into an age where it isn’t the completely normal, usual thing to spend every spare hour in a bar. I’m 43 myself, and I haven’t been interested in going to bars regularly for almost a decade now. A lot of people moan about how hard it is to meet people when you start hitting your 30’s and people aren’t hanging out in bars and you’re not supposed to date your co-workers - that’s why internet dating has been such a Godsend. Go least crazy! Yay! ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/210 "2010-07-13T19:56:02Z")
I have to wonder what you are possibly waiting for. You seem to be waiting for some sort of sign from a woman, any woman, that she is clearly and 100% interested in you and only you. Why? All of these women are cleary ‘putting feelers’ out there towards you, which is how it is before a relationship begins. They probably don’t know exactly how they feel about you because they don’t know you very well! Stop comparing all these women and all their ‘signals’ and trying to figure out who likes you the most. Decide for yourself: which woman (if any) are YOU interested in? Who do YOU want to date? Then, please go ask that woman out and see what she says. Take her out a few times and see if things take off. If so, great. If not, let it go. Consider that just as you obviously have more than one woman in your sights right now, these women probably are seeing/considering more than one guy. Maybe they are also wondering what the deal is with all these guys they know giving them half-assed signals. (and yes, if I kissed a guy/talked to him a lot, touched his thigh, etc. and he did not make any concrete moves toward me/ask me out, I would probably back off. Especially if I knew he was also semi-seeing someone else. You seem to be expecting these women to do all the persuing here, but most women won’t do that.) Honestly, the 19 year old is not going to act jealous of another woman in front of you if she has an ounce of pride. Even if she went home and cried in her pillow, she is going to act cool in your presence because she hasn’t even been on a date with you yet and for her to act upset that you were with someone else would scream “I am clingy and overprotective.” You don’t sound super taken with any of these women, to me. You seem like you just think they are all ok and you would be willing to date whichever one shows the most interest in you. Not exactly a way to make a girl feel special. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/211 "2010-07-13T20:13:08Z")
Actually, the impression I get is that you really just want to score. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if that’s the case, all this anguished analysis really isn’t necessary. Just make a move and see if it’s welcomed. ---
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/212 "2010-07-13T20:17:01Z")
Pardon me for interjecting, but if Kelly said “we should get together sometime” that was not a signal to wait for her to ask you out on a date. That was an invitation for you to ask her out. It’s basically the farthest she can go without actually asking you out. So ask her out already. The worst that can happen is that you don’t get a date or don’t hit it off, in which case you still have the memory of the jizz kiss. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/213 "2010-07-13T22:59:12Z")
I would tell you, if asked, that this drama/ texting/ mind-reading/ wishing and hoping ‘does this girl like me, or is she drunk, or, wait! she’s touching my INNER THIGH’ - it sounds so high school. No, middle school. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/214 "2010-07-14T08:45:22Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I would tell you, if asked, that this drama/ texting/ mind-reading/ wishing and hoping ‘does this girl like me, or is she drunk, or, wait! she’s touching my INNER THIGH’ - it sounds so high school. No, middle school. I pretty much missed most of that stuff, thanks to being so focused on religious pursuits. So yeah, my development in that area is somewhat stunted. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/215 "2010-07-14T09:44:50Z")
I stayed away from bars tonight but did stop in at the restaurant where Helen works earlier in the day, partly to assure myself that she’s OK and partly to ask her what the deal was with her ditching me. (I didn’t phrase it that way; it was more like, “hey, you never came back after you left for the Harley ride the other day, I was a bit worried about you.”) She apologized profusely and said she barely remembers what happened (well, I gathered that) but she at first just wanted a quick ride on the Harley, but then asked the guy to take her to her friend’s house, where she knew she could smoke some pot. So they did, and sat around smoking for a little bit, and she passed out, Harley guy left, and her friend just let her crash there for the night, drove her back to her car the next morning. I asked her what she DID remember about that night, and she said she couldn’t recall a lot of details, just that she felt like a wreck, she remembered meeting me at the bar and going to another bar and doing a lot of crying, and felt really bad now that she knew that she’d ditched me. OK, fair enough. I told her not to worry about it, she’d been dealing with a lot and all that. Obviously she’s fuzzy on the details, so I decided not to tell her any; ignorance being bliss…She offered to buy me a drink, but it was early afternoon and I had some work to do, so I told her I’ll take a raincheck. So that, most likely, was that. I’m going to try to make a real effort to find some new social outlets and avoid bars for the most part. Should save me some money and help me shed some unwanted pounds as well. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/216 "2010-07-14T13:59:42Z")
Dude, the details are unimportant at this point. When you write off a person as a potential interest, stop interacting with them. You claim to be listening to the advice but are not acting on it; I know, it can be difficult to change behaviors. But seriously, you’re just doing the same shit over and over again and somehow expecting different results. It’s not going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/217 "2010-07-14T15:04:10Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Dude, the details are unimportant at this point. … You claim to be listening to the advice but are not acting on it; I know, it can be difficult to change behaviors. > > But seriously, you’re just doing the same shit over and over again and somehow expecting different results. It’s not going to happen. This! There are people here trying to help you see through the clutter, and you keep adding more clutter. Why are we even talking about Helen now? She’s just another train wreck to distract you from the one person you first came here to ask us about: Ashley. You like Ashley. She has shown signs that she likes you as well. The logical progression is for you to ask her out, despite your age difference. That’s about as simple as I can make it for you. All these other chicks are just… clutter. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/218 "2010-07-14T15:46:03Z")
Keep in mind that Ashley may not want to go out with you, she may just be happy with you as a non-threatening friend, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. ---
**Author:** ![FrustratedIdiot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@FrustratedIdiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrustratedIdiot)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/219 "2010-07-14T19:30:19Z")
One of your posts says that Helen is/was a meth addict, doesn’t it? You may want to think twice about being so solicitous around her. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2010, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/220 "2010-07-14T23:15:24Z")
I sorta kinda believe in God, but I won’t commit until He/She/It reveals itself to me and personally demonstrates He/She/Its power to my satisfaction. Then I will act and believe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705.md?page=12)