# Yeah, I'm pretty much an idiot, yes? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 6, 2010, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705 "2010-07-06T13:02:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 25
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/482 "2010-08-25T16:13:15Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Well, as a youthful 24 year old, I just had this 50 year old dude over by the copy machine ask me if I’m doing anything tonight. Jealous? > > > > Oh. . . you mean it doesn’t work both ways? ☹ > > Hey, last week a gross drunk homeless guy old enough to be my grandfather told me I had a fine ass. Thrills! God, you are _so_ lucky! I think we all know that it’s every young lady’s dream to have some creepy middle aged/old man want to get to second base with her. Then brag about it online. Esp the last part-- that part makes me so hot. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/483 "2010-08-25T16:17:03Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@Zsofia](#): > > > > Hey, last week a gross drunk homeless guy old enough to be my grandfather told me I had a fine ass. Thrills! > > God, you are _so_ lucky! I think we all know that it’s every young lady’s dream to have some creepy middle aged/old man want to get to second base with her. Then brag about it online. Esp the last part-- that part makes me so hot. Oh yeah? Last night a gross drunk homeless guy old enough to be my _great_ grandfather told me I had a nice pair of testicles. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/484 "2010-08-25T16:27:09Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > God, you are _so_ lucky! I think we all know that it’s every young lady’s dream to have some creepy middle aged/old man want to get to second base with her. Then brag about it online. Esp the last part-- that part makes me so hot. > > Oh yeah? Last night a gross drunk homeless guy old enough to be my _great_ grandfather told me I had a nice pair of testicles. I want so badly to drink my haterade and get my hate on for you right now. But I just can’t. You are _so_ lucky and so are your balls. I hope you know that. Now, can you please tell us that you don’t want to tell us the details— maybe post a few times like this, then tell us the Penthouse Forum details. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/485 "2010-08-25T19:52:53Z")
Haters gotta hate Cuckoorex ain’t gotta hate Dear Penthouse Forum… ---
**Author:** ![may\_be\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c5a1d2/32.png) [@may\_be\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/may_be_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/486 "2010-08-25T19:58:39Z")
The fact that you are still posting on this thread leads me to the conclusion that A.) You’re a fucking drama queen B.) This is probably overexaggerated C.) This may be completely exaggerated ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/487 "2010-08-25T20:00:43Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > Haters gotta hate > Cuckoorex ain’t gotta hate > Dear Penthouse Forum… I am so lonely But I want to be a pimp So much hatorade ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/488 "2010-08-25T20:01:18Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > Is all of this a “weird bragging thing?” Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but if I were trying to brag, wouldn’t I be going on about how I actually \*fucked \*all of them? And how their two Asian friends joined in and Dear Penthouse I never thought this would happen to me? Listen, I know it sounds like the Secret Life of Walter Cuckoorex in some ways; but I’m just reporting what I’ve experienced. Maybe Kelly was just drunk. Maybe Mary’s kisses mean nothing. Maybe Ashley just sees me as a friend. Maybe Laura is trying to set up a sugar daddy. I don’t know; I honestly don’t, and I don’t like to assume what other people’s motivations are. But if I wanted to brag…? I would probably tell a lot more sordid stories than just getting kisses. > [@Cuckoorex](#): > > Fine, here it is; and I know there’s NO way anyone will believe it…was approached by a couple, mid thirties or early forties, the husband is a voyuer and wanted to watch someone with his wife, and I accepted. One night only as far as I can tell (they’re visiting from the west coast for a week) and the guy just wanted to watch and get himself off. Made me feel weird as hell, having someone watch; kept thinking the guy was either going to join in or stab me or something, but he stayed off to the side, quietly watching. It was otherwise pretty standard, no other kinds of kink or fetishes involved. It was a rather awkward goodbye, though. And now I present you my last Haiku: fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/489 "2010-08-25T20:07:07Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > > [@Cuckoorex](#): > > > > Is all of this a “weird bragging thing?” Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but if I were trying to brag, wouldn’t I be going on about how I actually \*fucked \*all of them? And how their two Asian friends joined in and Dear Penthouse I never thought this would happen to me? Listen, I know it sounds like the Secret Life of Walter Cuckoorex in some ways; but I’m just reporting what I’ve experienced. Maybe Kelly was just drunk. Maybe Mary’s kisses mean nothing. Maybe Ashley just sees me as a friend. Maybe Laura is trying to set up a sugar daddy. I don’t know; I honestly don’t, and I don’t like to assume what other people’s motivations are. But if I wanted to brag…? I would probably tell a lot more sordid stories than just getting kisses. > > > [@Cuckoorex](#): > > > > Fine, here it is; and I know there’s NO way anyone will believe it…was approached by a couple, mid thirties or early forties, the husband is a voyuer and wanted to watch someone with his wife, and I accepted. One night only as far as I can tell (they’re visiting from the west coast for a week) and the guy just wanted to watch and get himself off. Made me feel weird as hell, having someone watch; kept thinking the guy was either going to join in or stab me or something, but he stayed off to the side, quietly watching. It was otherwise pretty standard, no other kinds of kink or fetishes involved. It was a rather awkward goodbye, though. > > And now I present you my last Haiku: > > fap fap fap fap fap > fap fap fap fap fap fap fap > fap fap fap fap fap _bows_ You sir, are a poet. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/490 "2010-08-25T20:42:19Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Now, can you please tell us that you don’t want to tell us the details— maybe post a few times like this, then tell us the Penthouse Forum details. A true gentleman’s balls don’t kiss and tell. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/491 "2010-08-25T21:04:08Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Now, can you please tell us that you don’t want to tell us the details— maybe post a few times like this, then tell us the Penthouse Forum details. > > A true gentleman’s balls don’t kiss and tell. Luckily, it appears his fingers do, but only after they get up a lady’s skirt. ---
**Author:** ![Quint](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/76d3ee/32.png) [@Quint](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quint)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/492 "2010-08-25T21:55:37Z")
Blood in the water… holy shit, look at all the snarks! It’s a feeding fenzy! Often when agitated in this manner the snarks will inadvertently bite each other. Let’s watch and see if that behavior materializes. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/493 "2010-08-25T22:04:43Z")
> [@Quint](#): > > Blood in the water… holy shit, look at all the snarks! It’s a feeding fenzy! Often when agitated in this manner the snarks will inadvertently bite each other. Let’s watch and see if that behavior materializes. I was waiting for someone to tell **Diosa** to use less teeth. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/494 "2010-08-25T22:25:27Z")
> [@Quint](#): > > Blood in the water… holy shit, look at all the snarks! It’s a feeding fenzy! Often when agitated in this manner the snarks will inadvertently bite each other. Let’s watch and see if that behavior materializes. You’re clever. Let’s be friends. ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/495 "2010-08-25T22:29:15Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Well, as a youthful 24 year old, I just had this 50 year old dude over by the copy machine ask me if I’m doing anything tonight. Jealous? > > Oh. . . you mean it doesn’t work both ways? ☹ I’m only 43 and 3000 miles away but, you busy tonight? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/496 "2010-08-25T23:49:50Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Well, as a youthful 24 year old, I just had this 50 year old dude over by the copy machine ask me if I’m doing anything tonight. Jealous? > > > > Oh. . . you mean it doesn’t work both ways? ☹ > > I’m only 43 and 3000 miles away but, you busy tonight? Will you take me to a bar then sit there while I run off drunkenly with a more dangerous dude? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/497 "2010-08-26T00:24:15Z")
> [@Quint](#): > > Blood in the water… holy shit, look at all the snarks! It’s a feeding fenzy! Often when agitated in this manner the snarks will inadvertently bite each other. Let’s watch and see if that behavior materializes. Best username/post combo I’ve seen in quite awhile. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/498 "2010-08-26T08:38:52Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > [@Loach](#): > > > > I’m only 43 and 3000 miles away but, you busy tonight? > > Will you take me to a bar then sit there while I run off drunkenly with a more dangerous dude? I volunteer myself for that role, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/499 "2010-08-26T12:02:59Z")
> [@Autolycus](#): > > > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > > > Will you take me to a bar then sit there while I run off drunkenly with a more dangerous dude? > > I volunteer myself for that role, baby. A half arse sorta kinda hand job awaits you if you hang in there dude - what’s not to like? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/500 "2010-08-26T17:26:53Z")
> [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](#): > > > [@Autolycus](#): > > > > I volunteer myself for that role, baby. > > A half arse sorta kinda hand job awaits you if you hang in there dude - what’s not to like? I promise to wink at least three times while doing the half arsed hand job, if that ups the ante at all. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705/501 "2010-08-26T17:34:27Z")
It wouldn’t be a half-assed hand job anymore. :3 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705.md?page=24) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yeah-im-pretty-much-an-idiot-yes/545705.md?page=26)