# Yes, I am Gay. No, I am Not Interested in Your Straight Ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 11, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528 "2003-11-11T02:30:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/21 "2003-11-11T07:14:29Z")
Sorry, **Jervoise** , it’s just a male “thing”… A hetrosexual male finding himself in the company of a naked, pretty woman **sure as hell** would like to “[take liberties]”. So your “buddies” are assuming you think the same way 😃 That most won’t is a Good Thing, to be sure, but it comes from self discipline (or fear of the law) - not from lack of desire. I should know… Nothing personal 😉 ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/22 "2003-11-11T07:22:19Z")
A damn fine rant. Damn fine. I could probably add something to the discussion as a formerly (far as I knew) straight guy who was in fact whisked off to the Big Gay Love Nest of Depravity by somebody who viewed the stunned, shy ingenue thing as a turnon for a night and got, uh, amply rewarded over a period of months by the “sewn the wind, reap the whirlwind” aspect of things, but I mostly just wanted to say what a great rant it was. I would like to hear some other perspectives, though. Several people I’ve known have mentioned the fantasy of seducing a straight guy. This never made sense to me, since I would want a partner to be thinking “You’ve never had it as good as you are about to get it” rather than “Uh, yeah, that’s a dick alright, now what?”, but it has been put forth as a fantasy by enough guys that I’m pretty sure it’s real. It’s probably real on the same level as the straight guy’s “Yeah, okay, so I’m in bed with these two lesbians” fantasy, something where it doesn’t take a whole lot of work to spot the flaws, but the idea is floating around and it’s not, far as I can tell, all just in the minds of your newly awkward friends. That was way too much work just to say what a great rant it was. That’s probably a sign of a great rant. Quit looking at my butt. ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/23 "2003-11-11T07:24:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by robertliguori \* > **Alright, that’s it. I’m converting. Where to I get my toaster and the copy of the Agenda?** Noooo, your willing _partner_ gets the toaster for making the conversation. _You_ get introductory reading materials, a rainbow stick-pin, and a fabulous new lifestyle. Silly straight man. **astro** : serves you right for dressing so provocatively, you shameless hussy you! Gentlemen of the jury, I swear he was leading me on–practically begging for it. **ale** : bitter experience? Me? Never! On a more serious note: \*\* > [@](#): > > Of course, I’m guessing that most men probably aren’t shy and modest regarding women seeing them naked, in the same way that a lot of women are, so maybe that doesn’t count. > > Just a thought? So maybe it’s NOT so much that they’re like “ooh gay man looking at me naked” as much as “oooh person (however remotely) possibly sexually attracted to me looking at me naked”?? \*\*Yeah, you’re right. That’s why I’m trying to take this with a good sense of humour (whooshing by **Neurotik** aside ;)), rather than getting too indignant and wound-up. I do make an effort to be as non-threatening as possible though. ---
**Author:** ![Fang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/96bed5/32.png) [@Fang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fang)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/24 "2003-11-11T07:24:58Z")
If I showered with hot lesbians I would look at them. ---
**Author:** ![Eternal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@Eternal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eternal)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 8:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/25 "2003-11-11T08:48:27Z")
Admit it, you are interested in my ass! It is so supple and delicious! You want to bite it! Bite it, goddam it! Ugh, you would, you homo. No I’m not. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 9:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/26 "2003-11-11T09:29:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fang \* > \*\*If I showered with hot lesbians I would look at them. \*\* I thought something like that (no, you disgusting monkeys, I meant as a response to the OP). But OTOH, if we showered with them all our lives, we’d probably end up barely noticing. ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/27 "2003-11-11T11:38:00Z")
Jervoise, that was brilliant 😃 I needed a big chuckle tonight, so thanks for providing it. Now I have to drag that ‘Straight Arse’ that I married in here to read the OP, he’ll love it too, I bet ! ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/28 "2003-11-11T11:53:38Z")
Bugger. All these wonderful single G’Dopers that I had lined up as prospective and eligible beaux, and now I’ve gotta go cross YOU off’ve the list. As I’ve always said, all the good ones are gay. It’s just not fair Jerves. 😃 But good luck with taming the hysterical sensibilites of your blokey mates. Aussie males are not exactly renowned for their immediate acceptance of things/concepts/practices that they think threaten their blokedom. I’m sure they’ll come round eventually. Cheers and lots of wishes that things get easier. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/29 "2003-11-11T18:22:56Z")
On a more sombre note, what’s always struck me as odd is the number of people who get off of gay-bashing charges because the fellow made a pass at them. “Imagine what would happen if we did that every time a straight man made a pass at one of us! … ‘Hey, lady, nice tits!’ _BANG_” - Maggie Cassella ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/30 "2003-11-11T18:45:43Z")
I suddenly have a mental image of Mike Myers and Danny DeVito in the bathtub together . . . “Ass-lookers!” ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/31 "2003-11-11T19:09:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scarlett67 \* > \*\*I suddenly have a mental image of Mike Myers and Danny DeVito in the bathtub together . . . \*\* Thanks for that image. You will be receiving my therapy bills ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/32 "2003-11-11T19:56:36Z")
You have to understand us straight guys. Here we go: 1. Everyone wants us. Every straight woman in the world wants us. Even if they don’t know it. I guarantee you a George Constanza type will look at a (insert hot chick of your type) and think “Oooh, oooh, she’s looking at me. She WANTS ME!” That’s why we’re so shocked when we get shot down. 2. So then there’s, like, these dudes, and they want us too! ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/33 "2003-11-11T20:46:52Z")
I dunno. Frankly, I feel uncomfortable in locker rooms because I **do** have an intense desire to look. However, as a friend of mine pointed out when we were discussing this, people who really really didn’t want you to look wouldn’t get naked in front of you. I don’t know if this is at all different for guys. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/34 "2003-11-11T20:58:41Z")
**Jervoise** , I’m a straight guy. Lemme sit you down and give it to you straight (no, not like that, getcher mind out of the gutter). Here’s how it is: Maybe you’ve just had shitty quiche before. Can’t blame you for that, a lot of quiche is execrable. What you need is a real quiche, one made with fresh ingredients, including fresh vegetables; not overloaded with cheese, but with a thin layer of good mixed cheese; and baked in a fresh, herbed, buttery piecrust. You need the quiche a guy like me can bake for you. It’s sure to turn you. Next time you’re in town, look me up. Otherwise, great rant! Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Jervoise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d2c977/32.png) [@Jervoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jervoise)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/35 "2003-11-12T01:42:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Left Hand of Dorkness \* > **Maybe you’ve just had shitty quiche before. Can’t blame you for that, a lot of quiche is execrable. What you need is a real quiche, one made with fresh ingredients, including fresh vegetables; not overloaded with cheese, but with a thin layer of good mixed cheese; and baked in a fresh, herbed, buttery piecrust. You need the quiche a guy like me can bake for you. It’s sure to turn you.** Ahhh! A _man_ is trying to convert me! \ > [@](#): > > **On a more sombre note, what’s always struck me as odd is the number of people who get off of gay-bashing charges because the fellow made a pass at them.** On that unhappy note, there exists in my state’s criminal law jurisprudence the infamous “homosexual panic” provocation defence: i.e., “I thought he was hitting on me, so I got scared and hacked him to death!” ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/36 "2003-11-12T02:19:35Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m about to suddenly snatch up a man in my Big Gay Arms and spirit him away to my Big Gay Love Nest of Depravity for home-made hors d’oeuvres, spinach quiche and a nice bottle of Perrier. Well as Marge Simpson’s sister said “There went the last lingering shread of my heterosexuality.” And I’m a GIRL! ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/37 "2003-11-12T05:09:45Z")
I missed that the Big Gay Guys are going to spirit us away and feed us French food and drink. The horror! The horror! ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/38 "2003-11-12T07:45:07Z")
_Hey!_ Are you implying that there’s something _wrong_ with my Straight Ass? :mad: ;D ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/39 "2003-11-12T10:39:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jervoise \* > **See, my eyes are focused above your waist. Notice how my vision never strays below** To assume that any group of people is monolithic in it’s views is wrong, of course. As per [Scott Evil’s thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=220886): > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by scott evil_ > \*\*One of the fringe benefits of being gay and belonging to the gym is the opportunity to see a lot of different kinds of men nekkid. > \ > Fully half of the seemingly straight men there do some grooming down there - and you really can’t tell by the “type” of guy - that is, until he whips off his towel. \*\* _Not_ that there is anything wrong with that, of course. I am an enlightened, nineties kind of…ummmm, I mean…“zeroes” kind of guy. Look or don’t look, as it suits you. But the point I really wanted to make was this: You think you have it bad? Try walking a mile in _my_ shoes. I walk into the locker room at the…uhhh…health club…that I go to. On a regular basis. In order to stay in shape. Which I totally am. Anyway, I walk in there, tired and sweaty after my workout, all I want to do is grab a hot shower and go home. But the instant I walk in there, the women _freak_. I mean seriously. They _shriek_ like I just stepped on their toes or something. I ask you, is this the behavior of rational people? I don’t get a moments respite. As soon as I walk in, it’s “Oh my God!” “What are you doing in here!” “This is the _women’s_ locker room!” “Get the hell out or we’ll call the cops, you freako perv!!!” Etc etc. They tell me I should go use the special “Men’s Locker Room”. Seriously! In the year 2003, we still have segregation. Can anyone say “Separate But Equal”? Why are they so afraid of me being in there? What, do they think that just because I am a straight guy that I am some kind of super horn dog who can’t control himself in the presence of naked women, that I am going to suddenly snatch up a woman in my Big Straight Arms and spirit her away to my Big Straight Love Nest of Depravity? Please :rolleyes:. What a crude and hateful stereotype that is, made all the worse by the fact that it is used to justify segregation. I swear, sometimes I feel like the only enlightened liberal in a sea of troglodyte conservatives… ---
**Author:** ![Jennyrosity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@Jennyrosity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jennyrosity)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2003, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528/40 "2003-11-12T11:14:51Z")
This reminds me of an incident that occurred in the bar I worked at in Greece last year. At one point in the season, we had a group of young, attractive, well-dressed and, yes, gay men come in every night. At the same time we also had a group of middle-aged, beer-bellied Yorkshire men on a stag do. Every time one of the gay guys so much as walked past the “stags”, you’d get the mutterings of “backs against the wall, lads” etc. The gay blokes were remarkably good-humoured about it, but it drove me insane. It ended up with me finally losing it and shouting “For God’s sake, look at them! They are GORGEOUS! what on earth makes you think they’d fancy YOU?!!” I got a round of applause for that. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-am-gay-no-i-am-not-interested-in-your-straight-ass/212528.md?page=3)