# Yes, I can see you **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 27, 2018, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333 "2018-08-27T03:51:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2018, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/61 "2018-08-30T22:50:54Z")
> [@tvaetbjorn](#): > > That sounds insanely lonely. Of course you wouldn’t want to talk to anyone if that’s the kind of treatment you get. No one, in that instance, cares about you. > > I get the vibe you’re not one for confrontation, but I could see myself doing this: > > Stranger: “Hi! I know you! You’re Mr. Wrekker’s wife. How is he doing?” > Response: “I’m fine, thanks.” > Stranger: “What? No, I asked how your husband is.” > Response:“Ohhhhh! I’m sorry, I try not to assume people are assholes. My mistake. He’s fine.” > > Or a variant thereof. I realize that we Dopers are a self-selecting group in which neurotics, social misfits and sufferers of various and sundry peeves and phobias are overrepresented, but it should probably be noted that in the world at large, asking after someone’s spouse is not always considered a heinous personal affront. Some might even see it as a polite or friendly thing to do, believe it or not. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2018, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/62 "2018-08-30T23:20:53Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > We all see her. Every society does. I see a lot of hers in my neighborhood. And sometimes, I try to make sure I don’t overlook her. And sometimes I worry that I’m being too intrusive. And sometimes, I know I’m just going through the motions. And sometimes I can’t even do that, because there are just too many of her in Seattle right now - which makes me kind of hate myself. I have a very, very cute little dog. A lot of the time when we’re out walking, she’ll come up to ask to pet Lucy and to tell me about the dog that she once had. That always gets to me. ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/63 "2018-08-31T00:21:11Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > And the way I treat individuals is that I avoid interacting with them unless I have an actual reason or wish to. So, if a “regular person” asks you if you know where the marmalade is in the supermarket, you turn and ignore them? Ok. If you say so. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/64 "2018-08-31T00:58:56Z")
> [@blob](#): > > So, if a “regular person” asks you if you know where the marmalade is in the supermarket, you turn and ignore them? Ok. If you say so. Regular people ask you where to find the marmalade? I guess that would be another gendered behavior difference. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/65 "2018-08-31T10:07:08Z")
> [@blob](#): > > So, if a “regular person” asks you if you know where the marmalade is in the supermarket, you turn and ignore them? Ok. If you say so. Speaking as the OP of this thread: I’d expect people to respond to normal requests normally, but I won’t judge what people do with a completely abnormal request as long as they don’t scream insults or punch the other person or something grotesquely out-of-bounds. As mentioned above by **StarvingButStrong** , people go through life with patterns in their heads, and use those patterns to predict how other people will act. Yes, even the individuals we know as friends: We have somewhat specialized patterns for those people, but they’re still based on the stock designs, most of the time. When someone is so lost in an illness that you’d only know the rough shape of their pattern by having a knowledge of mental illness, most people don’t even know how to avoid making the situation worse. I won’t judge them for not trying to chart a new continent all by themselves. ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/66 "2018-08-31T10:43:43Z")
> [@Derleth](#): > > with a completely abnormal request I responded to a specific assertion that everybody outside a certain location was necessarily the same as the few interacted with and should consequently be ignored. I’ve encountered many rude and annoying people. I don’t sum up everybody on the planet as the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/67 "2018-08-31T12:06:38Z")
> [@blob](#): > > So, if a “regular person” asks you if you know where the marmalade is in the supermarket, you turn and ignore them? Ok. If you say so. If a “regular person” asked where to find marmalade it would invoke an angry rant about HOW THEY KEEP REARRANGING THE FUCKING STORE SO THAT I HAVE TO WALK UP AND DOWN EVERY MOTHERFUCKING AISLE JUST TO FIND WHERE THEYVE HIDDEN THE CUNTING SRIRACHA. It’s been a sore spot lately. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/68 "2018-08-31T12:47:00Z")
I adopt avoidance as a general policy when dealing with chance encounters involving the (probably) mentally ill. I figure my interacting won’t in anyway ‘fix’ them and there is probably a greater chance such an individual poses some sort of potential danger than when dealing with the general population. ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/69 "2018-08-31T16:55:51Z")
> [@blob](#): > > So, if a “regular person” asks you if you know where the marmalade is in the supermarket, you turn and ignore them? Ok. If you say so. Good thing I didn’t say so, huh? That would be really stupid. If a regular person asks me where the marmalade is, I’ll answer. If a homeless person asks me where the marmalade is, I’ll answer. If a handicapped person asks me where the marmalade is, I’ll answer. If an extremely scary murderous-looking person asks me where the marmalade is, I…might forget to answer in my terror. But other than that, I’ll answer. (In all cases the answer is “I don’t know, sorry.”) However I will not walk up to a person apropos of nothing and tell them I don’t know where the marmalade is. I don’t strike up conversations with strangers for no reason. Is that hard to understand? ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/70 "2018-08-31T17:36:43Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Us as a community should support social services that could take steps to keep people like this from putting themselves and others in danger. So, what are you suggesting, exactly? Should we lock this guy up? Under who’s authority? For what? Where do we put him? What if he doesn’t agree? What are you saying? > [@kayaker](#): > > If a “regular person” asked where to find marmalade it would invoke an angry rant about HOW THEY KEEP REARRANGING THE FUCKING STORE SO THAT I HAVE TO WALK UP AND DOWN EVERY MOTHERFUCKING AISLE JUST TO FIND WHERE THEYVE HIDDEN THE CUNTING SRIRACHA. > > It’s been a sore spot lately. Oh, man. We shop at the same place. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/71 "2018-08-31T18:59:08Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I realize that we Dopers are a self-selecting group in which neurotics, social misfits and sufferers of various and sundry peeves and phobias are overrepresented, but it should probably be noted that in the world at large, asking after someone’s spouse is not always considered a heinous personal affront. Some might even see it as a polite or friendly thing to do, believe it or not. These people who ask me about Mr.Wrekker are sincere and do actually care for him. It’s just SO many of them. It never ceases to amaze me. Some days I just want to be the invisible one. Anonymous shopping would be wonderful. I really don’t mind as much as it sounds like I do. I happen to like him alot, myself.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/72 "2018-08-31T21:53:14Z")
> [@Gatopescado](#): > > So, what are you suggesting, exactly? Should we lock this guy up? Under who’s authority? For what? Where do we put him? What if he doesn’t agree? > > What are you saying? What are you saying? If he is left to his own devices he puts himself and others at risk and you call him an asshole for doing that, as if he has enough agency to stop doing it. Anyway, nice baiting try, but no bites. There are lots of options for social services to help people who are disturbed, not to mention helping family or friends to help him, I don’t pretend to know them all nor to know him well enough to say what would be best for him. Nevertheless I think that something could almost certainly be done that is better than the nothing that is apparently being done now. And whatever it is would probably cost taxpayer dollars. That is what I am saying, which I’m pretty sure you had already figured out for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/73 "2018-08-31T23:14:14Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > Good thing I didn’t say so, huh? > [@begbert2](#): > > Regular people _are_ ignored. No, you didn’t say so. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2018, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/74 "2018-08-31T23:40:58Z")
> [@blob](#): > > No, you didn’t say so. :rolleyes: You wanna get into a debate about how information is conveyed by language now, and what the correct interpretation of _my words_ is? You could give it a shot - you might win! ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2018, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/75 "2018-09-01T02:32:20Z")
> [@begbert2](#): > > You wanna get into a debate about how information is conveyed by language now, and what the correct interpretation of _my words_ is? > > You could give it a shot - you might win! It seems more to me that he is defending why he interpreted your words the way he did. When you say “regular people are ignored,” you mean that people don’t go out of their way to interact with them. But, when it comes to “ignoring the homeless and mentally ill”, the context usually means pretending you don’t see them even when they are actively trying to get your attention. And **blob** interpreted your post about how regular people are ignored to mean the latter, when you really meant the former. Personally, I wouldn’t even call the first thing being “ignored” at all. When I simply don’t notice something, I’m not ignoring it. I just didn’t notice, for whatever reason. And if I notice someone but have no reason to interact with them, and they aren’t trying to interact with me, then I don’t consider that ignoring them, either. It’s only if someone is trying to get my attention and I pretend not to notice that I would say that I’m actually ignoring them. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2018, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/76 "2018-09-01T03:41:11Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > What are you saying? If he is left to his own devices he puts himself and others at risk and you call him an asshole for doing that, as if he has enough agency to stop doing it. > > Anyway, nice baiting try, but no bites. Well, I am a Master. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2018, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/77 "2018-09-01T06:45:20Z")
You can’t make a person get help if they don’t want it. They are uniformly ignored until/ unless they hurt someone or some business complains. Whatcha gonna do? The homeless/ hanger-abouts are a fact of life. I, personally will just walk by and hope for the best. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/78 "2018-09-02T17:23:11Z")
I’m not sure our Local Character falls into this category, but I still think he’s not well. I first noticed him when an elder care facility opened on the edge of town. He would just walk up and down the sidewalks all afternoon, occasionally stopping to stare at traffic or gesture at things on the side of the road. He’s still in the area even though the facility has closed. His clothes seem to be in decent shape, even though he wears them oddly (pants hiked up so far that they are clearly digging in), so it appears he can either take care of himself or has someone looking in on him. > [@kayaker](#): > > If a “regular person” asked where to find marmalade it would invoke an angry rant about HOW THEY KEEP REARRANGING THE FUCKING STORE SO THAT I HAVE TO WALK UP AND DOWN EVERY MOTHERFUCKING AISLE JUST TO FIND WHERE THEYVE HIDDEN THE CUNTING SRIRACHA. You shop at Harris Teeter? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/79 "2018-09-02T17:36:59Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > The Walmart on Keeaumoku Street in central Honolulu used to have a few tables and chairs outside. On weekends local amateur Hawaiian musicians would hang out and play Hawaiian music, and that was pretty nice. But most of the time, the homeless took them over, so Walmart took them away. > > A lot of the crazies in Honolulu seem to ride the No. 2 bus, usually when I’m on it too. For instance, the late-middle-aged Korean lady who always wears this sort of turban and screams about WAR COMING and YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE, DIE, DIE and showing her fellow passengers photos of Adolf Hitler on her phone. She gets kicked off the bus half the time. Another crazy on Honolulu’s No. 2 bus is the young man I call Drummer Man. He will sit there and play imaginary drums for much of the time while at other times forming a gun with thumb and forefinger and shoot at other passengers. He gets kicked off occasionally too. I lived for a spell in Albuquerque, from 1990-91, just after my first return from living in Thailand. Briefly considered panhandling on Central Avenue just to see how much money one could bring in. It would be the ideal time, before I’d found a job and while no one knew me yet except for my buddy and his girlfriend whose couch I was sleeping on until I could get my own apartment. But then I found a job and started knowing people and so gave up the idea. Even back then, Central had some colorful characters: - The Poet, fairly lucid and always dressed in black. - The guy who would always ask you for $20. I guess if you ask for a quarter, you’ll get a quarter, but ask for $20 and you might get a buck. - The guy who would ask you for money, and then when you gave him some would stare in absolute wonder at it for quite a few moments. I mean really astonished, like he was thinking, “What the Holy Fuck is this???” Then he would snap out of it, say, “Fuck you very much” and leave. He met a sad end that winter I was living there. While he was sleeping on a mattress out in the open, a group of teenagers, three I think, doused him with gasoline and burned him to death. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2018, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333/80 "2018-09-02T19:27:44Z")
We had a Gloria who walked around town. Talking to herself. Begging for rides in parking lots. She routinely got a ride from police. Any restaurant with a buffet was fair game in her eating needs. She would use her hands in the lettuce and other offerings. Of course she would get kicked out or the police would come get her. Apparently she had people who cared for her. They had money, but she would give them the slip several times a week. She died a few years ago. The streets have never been the same. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-i-can-see-you/820333.md?page=5)