# Yes- Telemarketers really are that stupid! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 17, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846 "2003-05-17T05:55:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/258eb7/32.png) [@Wonko\_The\_Sane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wonko_The_Sane)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/1 "2003-05-17T05:55:01Z")
The setting: Thursday night, after a long day at work dealing with two stupid people, and around 125 fairly intellegent bipeds. The phone rings, and I see the code word for Telemarketer is on the Caller ID “Out of Area”. I had time and some agression to release, so I picked up and repeated a nonsense word until someone said “Hello?”. I then launched into a really weird accent, and the strag on the other end of the line claimed to be from Chase Manhattan Bank (last time they called, it turned out that they actually weren’t, but they just claim to be) and wanted to talk to Wonko The S…S…Sane. “Is this Wonko the Sane?” he asked, and I countered with a fairly standard “What is the nature of this call?” He countered with “This is the guy who made the poor carreer choice from Chase Manhattan Bank, and I need to speak to Wonko the Sane” My response? “I’m sorry, he’s on the phone pretending to be someone else right now.” He said he would call back. One would think, that after several calls being made by this lackluster company in Tennesee, that my other responses of “well, I’ve been ‘chased’ all day, and I’m exhausted” and other such gems, they would figure out that I’m a waste of time. Nope. ---
**Author:** ![Ms2001](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ms2001/32/18463_2.png) [@Ms2001](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms2001)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/2 "2003-05-17T06:03:29Z")
See, they get paid for wasting their time. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/3 "2003-05-17T06:07:36Z")
Suck my big, black cock! (I’m not really black, but I always find that funny to say.) ---
**Author:** ![Doc\_Nickel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@Doc\_Nickel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doc_Nickel)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/4 "2003-05-17T09:37:22Z")
> [@](#): > > “I’m sorry, he’s on the phone pretending to be someone else right now.” Egads, that’s marvelous… I’m going to jot that down and tape it up near my 'phone for just such an occasion. That’s just too good not to use… ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/5 "2003-05-17T09:57:19Z")
> [@](#): > > “I’m sorry, he’s on the phone pretending to be someone else right now.” Genius. Sheer genius. ---
**Author:** ![Cerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3bc359/32.png) [@Cerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerri)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/6 "2003-05-17T11:17:35Z")
The beauty of that conversation brings a tear of joy to my eye. Thank you Wonko. ---
**Author:** ![irkenDoom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c2a13f/32.png) [@irkenDoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irkenDoom)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/7 "2003-05-17T12:44:44Z")
I usually let our cats do the talking for me whenever a telemarketer begs me to enter for a free trip to the Poconos when I purchase aluminum siding or gutter guards for our apartment. But I think I’ll have to give your method a try. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/8 "2003-05-17T14:21:06Z")
I enjoyed that! Lately I’ve been asking the telemarketers if they would like to make a tax deductable donation to MY foundation. I’ve been getting some great responses. One lady said she always gives to charities, but she wasn’t allowed to do so while she was at work. She refused to give me her home phone number, though. Another person just kept going on with his spiel and every time he paused, I’d ask again. He finally hung up (I win!). ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/9 "2003-05-17T15:35:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by irkenDoom \* > \*\*I usually let our cats do the talking for me whenever a telemarketer begs me to enter for a free trip to the Poconos when I purchase aluminum siding or gutter guards for our apartment. But I think I’ll have to give your method a try. \*\* I like to put them by my computer speakers, especially if I’m playing a game with lots of gunfire, explosions, and screams. I like to see how long they’ll sit there listening to CounterStrike, shouting, “HELLO? HELLO?” Or I put on some speedmetal and see how long they can last. Or some uncensored rap. I’m flexible like that. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/10 "2003-05-17T19:32:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wonko The Sane \* > \*\* > “I’m sorry, he’s on the phone pretending to be someone else right now.” > \*\* You are my new idol, Wonko. Next time I’m on the phone with a telemarketer, I’m going to pretend to be you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/11 "2003-05-17T22:16:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*Suck my big, black cock! > > (I’m not really black, but I always find that funny to say.) \*\* You’re a traitor **Snooooopy**. 😃 Anyway, surely you know some more original ones than that? ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/12 "2003-05-17T22:28:40Z")
Sorry, man … I guess I was caught up in the fantasy of having a big cock, black or otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/13 "2003-05-17T22:35:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > \*\*Sorry, man … I guess I was caught up in the fantasy of having a big cock, black or otherwise. \*\* 😛 ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2003, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/14 "2003-05-17T22:37:38Z")
If Spam advertisements actually worked, then we would all own multiple homes, thanks to all those low interest mortgage rates. We would also have 7 foot long penises AND 56EE breasts. (At the same time). Pretty spiffy! 🙂 My calls usually go like this: Telemarketer:“Hello, Mr NutWrench. How are you tonight?” Me: “Fine, thanks.” \ Me: “Hey honey! Someone just called to find out how I was tonight. That sure was nice of him.” ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/15 "2003-05-18T00:03:00Z")
I wish I’d gotten someone as funny as you during the three weeks I worked as a telemarketer. Most people just _think_ they’re funny. It’s rather annoying. You, on the other hand, are brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![susan\_foster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@susan\_foster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan_foster)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/16 "2003-05-18T02:13:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NutWrench \* > \*\*If Spam advertisements actually worked, then we would all own multiple homes, thanks to all those low interest mortgage rates. We would also have 7 foot long penises AND 56EE breasts. (At the same time). Pretty spiffy! 🙂 > > My calls usually go like this: > > Telemarketer:“Hello, Mr NutWrench. How are you tonight?” > Me: “Fine, thanks.” \ > > Me: “Hey honey! Someone just called to find out how I was tonight. That sure was nice of him.” \*\* Don’t usually find people who annoy telemarketers amusing - but I love this ! Susan ---
**Author:** ![monica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a183cd/32.png) [@monica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monica)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/17 "2003-05-18T16:25:43Z")
You know, if they’re polite and don’t try to push it when I say no, then I wish them a nice day. I figure that telemarketing is their job, and so long as they’re not being rude and pushy about it, no need to curse and insult them. ---
**Author:** ![DadWagonDriver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/edb3f5/32.png) [@DadWagonDriver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DadWagonDriver)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/18 "2003-05-18T17:04:11Z")
Lately, when seeing the dreaded “Out of Area” pop up on the caller ID, I’ve been answering “Vandalay Industries.” When the TM asks for me or my SO, I just respond, “I’m sorry, this is Vandalay Industries. We make latex. While we’re talking though, would you like to buy any large quantities of latex?” And stunned silence follows. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/19 "2003-05-18T18:24:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NutWrench \* > \*\*If Spam advertisements actually worked, then we would all own multiple homes, thanks to all those low interest mortgage rates. We would also have 7 foot long penises AND 56EE breasts. (At the same time). Pretty spiffy! 🙂 \*\* Actually, we’d all own a bunch of useless products that claimed to do these things. Therein lies the problem. Haj ---
**Author:** ![big\_alex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e56c9b/32.png) [@big\_alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/big_alex)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846/20 "2003-05-18T20:19:30Z")
I agree with Monica, I always feel guilty putting the phone down on them, because I can imagine how it feels to be in a job like that, no matter how annoying it is. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-telemarketers-really-are-that-stupid/175846.md?page=2)