# Yes, your cologne is lovely, I'm so glad you fucking BATHED IN IT **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 20, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461 "2006-04-20T14:42:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/1 "2006-04-20T14:42:25Z")
Sitting at work and in comes my neighbor for the start of his day. He is preceded to his desk by a _vast stinking cloud_ of some godawful dime-store oh-dee-coh-loh-nee that’s so thick my eyes are literally watering. The taste of it is coating my throat and I think I may start heaving. If I only had to put up with it until the initial _vast stinking cloud_ dissipated, I could almost stand it, but Coco Chanel over there goes home for lunch every day and steps back under the perfume nozzle, returning with a new and exciting _vast stinking cloud_ to choke me in the afternoon. Dude, seriously, it’s “spray, delay, walk away,” not “douse when you leave the house.” ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/2 "2006-04-20T14:49:22Z")
We have one of those at work, too. She comes in twice a week. Her smell precedes her, and it lingers after she has left the premises. Like, fifteen minutes after she’s been gone, you can still smell her godawful scent all the way down the halls and in the room where she worked. I don’t know how it’s not possible to realize you are the only person in all the people you know who wears so much perfume or cologne that people stand back from you during conversation, and keep moving backwards. Well, she’s keeping some ninth-rate perfumier in business. I wonder how many bottles it takes to fill her bathtub with it… ---
**Author:** ![Marlitharn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/779978/32.png) [@Marlitharn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marlitharn)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/3 "2006-04-20T14:53:18Z")
Say, “I really like your cologne, but I think maybe I’m allergic to some ingredient in it…oh god…BLEARRGGHHHH!” and puke on his desk. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/4 "2006-04-20T15:49:49Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Sitting at work and in comes my neighbor for the start of his day. He is preceded to his desk by a _vast stinking cloud_ What spell level is that? ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/5 "2006-04-20T15:52:35Z")
When we sat near a guy like that in a restaurant, my mom’s sarcastic response was, “tsk tsk. That poor man broke a whole bottle of cologne on himself.” Give that a try, maybe it’ll get through. “Oh, jeez, dude, I’m so sorry.” “About what?” “You know, about how you broke your cologne bottle and got it all over yourself. I hate when that happens.” “…er, yeah, me too [hopefully makes mental note to scale back on the scent].” ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/6 "2006-04-20T15:54:44Z")
I always wanted to use the tactful, “You must really have an offensive body odor to require that much perfume/cologne.” ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/7 "2006-04-20T16:24:19Z")
> [@Steve MB](#): > > What spell level is that? _Stinking Cloud_ is 2nd level, Enlarge Spell raises it by one level, to 3rd. [/geek] ---
**Author:** ![brianjedi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@brianjedi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brianjedi)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/8 "2006-04-20T16:27:06Z")
“That’s a lovely perfume, ma’am. Must you marinate in it?” ---
**Author:** ![cardsfan1975](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f9b8f/32.png) [@cardsfan1975](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cardsfan1975)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/9 "2006-04-20T16:33:32Z")
**Otto** , what’s a bigger distraction, the vast stinking cloud of cologne, or [your boss’s ass?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=368046) 😉 cf’75 ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/10 "2006-04-20T17:21:50Z")
The ass is certainly a more pleasant distraction, and while I have no intimate knowledge I am willing to wager that it smells better. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/11 "2006-04-20T17:25:56Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > The ass is certainly a more pleasant distraction, and while I have no intimate knowledge I am willing to wager that it smells better. That’s another way to tell her. “Did you know that your cologne smells worse than my boss’s ass?” ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/12 "2006-04-20T19:09:36Z")
…well, at least I bathe!! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/13 "2006-04-20T19:12:20Z")
If I ever have to, just HAVE to let some gas go, I try to find one of those people to stand by. Hey, it can only help. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/14 "2006-04-20T19:13:46Z")
A copy of this thread left anonymously on the offender’s desk will do wonders for air quality and neighborly relations. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/15 "2006-04-20T19:56:41Z")
Yeah, that’d be a good idea. Anonymously leave a copy of the thread _that identifies me as one of his two neighbors_ on his desk. He’ll never be able to figure out my secret identity. ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/16 "2006-04-20T20:34:12Z")
It works for Clark Kent. Why not you? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/17 "2006-04-20T20:33:40Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Yeah, that’d be a good idea. Anonymously leave a copy of the thread _that identifies me as one of his two neighbors_ on his desk. He’ll never be able to figure out my secret identity. Leave two copies 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yes-your-cologne-is-lovely-im-so-glad-you-fucking-bathed-in-it/353461/18 "2006-04-20T21:16:18Z")
I hate it when the perfume bathers leave their scent in the elevator…when I get off the people think it’s me. Ewwww.