# Yet another CANCER SUCKS thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 25, 2020, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547 "2020-09-25T23:43:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2020, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/1 "2020-09-25T23:43:45Z")
Early this week my sister and brother-in-law left for a short vacation in Branson. Sis had headaches, then was extremely sick to her stomach. They came home early. This morning Sis could not be wakened, so BIL and my nephew hefted her into the car and got her to the ER. After scans it was deiscovered she has a large, fast growing brain tumor that is inoperable, and alread in both hemispheres of her brain. In all likelihood she has a very short time to live. Sis in only sixty years old, she’s the youngest of our siblings. Our mother is devestated. She once said her worst fear was to lose a child before she passed(Mom is eighty-eight. This just came out of the blue. A week ago she seemed fine, now she is in the ICU. Something must be wrong with me too, because althnough I do of course feel terrible I am calm, not outwardly seeming upset. I haven’t cried. For goodness sake, Sis was my maid of honor when I married. I try to tell myself I’m just holding on for my mom, who is really down, but why haven’t I cried? My BIL is beyond worried. I’d never seen HIM cry but I did today. Why don’t I? I love Sis, she is a wonderful person and a great mother… One thing I am thankful for is that my nephews are adults, and not young kids. Sorry to ramble so, but CANCER SUCKS. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/2 "2020-09-26T00:00:19Z")
Can a mod fix the title spelling please? ---
**Author:** ![beowulff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beowulff/32/542_2.png) [@beowulff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beowulff)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/3 "2020-09-26T00:07:00Z")
I’m sorry for what you and your family are going through. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/4 "2020-09-26T00:50:34Z")
I’m so sorry. I have a sister going through cancer right now which is more than likely terminal. It does suck, indeed. StG ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/5 "2020-09-26T00:51:35Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > . Something must be wrong with me too, because althnough I do of course feel terrible I am calm, not outwardly seeming upset. I haven’t cried. For goodness sake, Sis was my maid of honor when I married. I try to tell myself I’m just holding on for my mom, who is really down, but why haven’t I cried? My BIL is beyond worried. I’d never seen HIM cry but I did today. Why don’t I? Do what you need to do, there’s nothing wrong with your reaction to the situation. I was the same way when my brother died. Didn’t cry for over his loss for twenty years in fact. When it’s so sudden, sometimes that’s the reaction. You body, your mind maybe isn’t sure how to react. It’s sudden, unexpected, and maybe there’s a tiny bit of a feeling of unreality to it all and your brain just can’t seem to let it sink in down to the roots where the crying happens. There’s nothing wrong with you just because you’re not crying. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/6 "2020-09-26T00:51:38Z")
Reported to mods for spelling change. StG ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/7 "2020-09-26T01:04:11Z")
@Baker You are numb with shock. Hell, I’m numb with shock just reading your post! There is no explaining a tragedy like this. All of us are here to hold you. ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/8 "2020-09-26T01:04:57Z")
I am so, so sorry to read this. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/9 "2020-09-26T02:29:27Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Something must be wrong with me too, because althnough I do of course feel terrible I am calm, not outwardly seeming upset. I haven’t cried. Agreeing with others: this is not something wrong with you. It’s just the way your particular mind, right now, is trying to deal with the situation. People react in all kinds of ways to this sort of news and none of them are wrong. I’m very sorry for what you and all of your family are going through. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/10 "2020-09-26T02:36:42Z")
In my experience, our minds go into survival mode at news like this. Were the full realization to hit you now, you wouldn’t be able to function, and you need to function. The emotions will catch up with you later. I"m sorry you got such terrible news. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/11 "2020-09-26T05:50:43Z")
You are right, Baker, cancer sucks. There is no right or wrong way to deal with news like this. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/12 "2020-09-26T07:14:21Z")
I have just returned from a second visit to the hospital. I want to thank you all for your advice and sympathy. My sister was pronounced dead about an hour ago. Her body will be kept on life support while her express wish for organ donations is arranged Five days ago she was, as far as we knew, fine. Now it’s just her body here, her soul is with God. I’m so used to thinking of the three of us sisters, now it’s just two.My BIL has lost his wife of thirty two years, my nephews have lost their mother, and with this news I fear for my mother. ---
**Author:** ![Encinitas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Encinitas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Encinitas)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/13 "2020-09-26T08:33:56Z")
I am very sorry to hear this. It will take a while for your family members to come to grips with this sudden loss. Give yourself time. Give each other love. ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/14 "2020-09-26T08:44:10Z")
Cancer really sucks. I am sorry for your loss. There is no wrong way to grieve. Take care of yourself, and, if you need help, ask for it. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 10:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/15 "2020-09-26T10:36:35Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > Something must be wrong with me too, because althnough I do of course feel terrible I am calm, not outwardly seeming upset. I haven’t cried. For goodness sake, Sis was my maid of honor when I married. I try to tell myself I’m just holding on for my mom, who is really down, but why haven’t I cried? As others have said, it’s a sort of shock reaction. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s not the most common reaction but you’re far from the only person to react to this sort of news in that manner. > [@DorkVader](#): > > It’s sudden, unexpected, and maybe there’s a tiny bit of a feeling of unreality to it all and your brain just can’t seem to let it sink in down to the roots where the crying happens ^This. > [@nelliebly](#): > > In my experience, our minds go into survival mode at news like this. Were the full realization to hit you now, you wouldn’t be able to function, and you need to function. The emotions will catch up with you later. ^ And this. I am sorry for your loss, and your family’s loss. Yes, cancer sucks. How you feel is how you feel. Crying or not crying are both OK. ---
**Author:** ![teelabrown](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/teelabrown/32/8412_2.png) [@teelabrown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teelabrown)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/16 "2020-09-26T12:44:59Z")
I’m very sorry for your sudden loss. Not crying right away is very normal. When I lost my mother thirteen years ago, I was numb with disbelief. I didn’t cry at all. But about a year after the funeral, apropos of nothing at all, I suddenly lost it in a public place and cried hysterically. I had to leave and drive home, crying all the way. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/17 "2020-09-26T14:08:46Z")
Baker, I sympathize deeply with you. Just know that there are days yet to come. Draw near to your mom and sis. Time never erases the hurt and sorrow and loss, but it does get easier. One day you will all find yourself together laughing about the good times without so much sadness. I’ve been there, I know. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/18 "2020-09-26T16:48:10Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss, and my prayers are with you and your family. StG ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/19 "2020-09-26T23:08:39Z")
Condolences for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![TheCuse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thecuse/32/2854_2.png) [@TheCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheCuse)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2020, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547/20 "2020-09-26T23:12:18Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-cancer-sucks-thread/921547.md?page=2)