# Yet another question about sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 13, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498 "2003-04-13T21:04:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/1 "2003-04-13T21:04:35Z")
I’m not sure if this belongs here or in IMHO. If this is in the wrong place I’d be grateful for the mods to move it (you know I really do love you all). I just recently became sexually active, and noticed that I really don’t have much stamina (if you catch my drift). I don’t know if it’s normal because I’m new to it, but my question is twofold. 1. Is it normal to not be able to perform for extended periods (like over 15 minutes) you first couple of times? 2. Is there anything I can do to, well you know, extend the time. Answers to these questions would be greatly appreciated :). ---
**Author:** ![ski](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbe5ce/32.png) [@ski](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ski)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/2 "2003-04-13T21:13:37Z")
Not to be overly simplistic, but: 1. Yes 2. Practice (seriously!) To expand on #2 a little, heck go for multiple orgasms each time. After the first one, you should find it much easier to last longer. ---
**Author:** ![newcrasher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b3f665/32.png) [@newcrasher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/newcrasher)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/3 "2003-04-13T21:18:39Z")
Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You are done quickly? Welcome to the club, as most men (assuming you are male) have difficulty holding out when you first start to have sex. In fact, the average time for a 30 year old is under 10 minutes I think, but I dont have a cite for that. If you are like a lot of young males, you have watched porn. They EDIT things so that it seems like the guy goes forever. dont use them for a benchmark in endurance OR size! Probably will lead to disappointment in both cases. The trade of to being young and not lasting long, is that you can be ready again very quickly, within minutes. Dont sweat it. Your “time” will improve with time and experience. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/4 "2003-04-13T21:18:41Z")
1. Almost inevitable, I would say (assuming that you mean the first couple of times _ever_, rather than the first couple of times per evening) 2. Don’t worry about it; there certainly are ‘methods’, but why not just spend a bit longer on the foreplay? ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/5 "2003-04-13T21:30:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > \*\* > 2. Don’t worry about it; there certainly are ‘methods’, but why not just spend a bit longer on the foreplay? \*\* I didn’t take into account foreplay because I wanted to focus on the act itself. I just want to know how I can last longer. I realize that this is a normal problem for guys, so there have to be some tried and true methods for getting the most out of sex. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/6 "2003-04-13T21:38:51Z")
I understand your point, but I still maintain that ‘lasting longer’ (for guys), while it looks great in the movies, simply isn’t terribly important - if you are attentive with the foreplay, the good lady will not be expecting a marathon by the time you climb aboard. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/7 "2003-04-13T21:42:31Z")
What **Mangetout** is trying to tell you is you can make the whole experience last longer (and be more pleasurable for her) by incorporating more foreplay. Making sex last longer (how long you can pump away) really shouldn’t be the goal. It’s quality, not quantity, especially when you’re talking about going over 15 minutes of “pumping away”. Trust me, most women aren’t interested in that at all. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/8 "2003-04-13T21:44:45Z")
Whoops. **Mangetout** beat me to it. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/9 "2003-04-13T22:07:14Z")
[[Trust me, most women aren’t interested in that at all.]] How many women are you speaking for? ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/10 "2003-04-13T22:12:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JillGat \* > \*\*[[Trust me, most women aren’t interested in that at all.]] > > How many women are you speaking for? \*\* Yeah, that’s what I’d like to know. You’re certainly not refering to MY girlfriend :). ---
**Author:** ![biddee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@biddee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biddee)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/11 "2003-04-13T22:14:32Z")
As a woman, I can tell you, there is nothing worse than having your SO pumping away for hours…it gets very boring. I would much rather have lots of foreplay (especially the oral kind 🙂 ). If you find you are cumming within a few seconds of entering the vagina, then I would suggest you either masturbate before sex or let her masturbate you until you cum. When you get it up again for round two, you should last a lot longer. ---
**Author:** ![ChalkPit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@ChalkPit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChalkPit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/12 "2003-04-13T22:18:03Z")
A note on the foreplay thing, from my own experience at least anyway. Make sure that the woman gets lots more attention during foreplay than you do. The more she tries to return the favour and get you goin’, the more likely you are to finish quick as you’ll be ready to ‘pop’ any second. Also, there may come a point, if you do happen to last a long time during intercourse, when the woman gets sore and will want you to hurry up some or just pull out. As said above, bangin’ away for half an hour aint always the best thing. ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/13 "2003-04-13T22:18:48Z")
This is gonna sound REALLY weird, but what if she doesn’t like oral sex (receiving I mean). She claims that she doesn’t like the way it feels. What then? Which brings me back to my original question. ---
**Author:** ![ChalkPit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@ChalkPit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChalkPit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/14 "2003-04-13T22:21:22Z")
Of course that’s the other good option, that **biddee** mentions, make sure you’ve already cum before hand, then it’ll take a while to build up again. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/15 "2003-04-13T22:22:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*originally posted by \ ***flood** > > Yeah, that’s what I’d like to know. You’re certainly not refering to MY girlfriend . She told you she wants you to pump away for more than 15 minutes, or are you just assuming that you’re not pleasing her and that’s what she wants? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/16 "2003-04-13T22:23:06Z")
If she doesn’t like this or that, use your tongue to ask her what she _does_ like… ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/17 "2003-04-13T22:24:15Z")
People are unique individuals. One thing I’ve learned here (especially when the topic is women’s likes and dislikes) is that as soon as you post a generalization, someone will be along soon to tell you: No, I am not like that; I am different. Count on this. Guaranteed, every time. Expect the unexpected. Celebrate diversity, and be cautious about generalizations. Approach each person as a uniquely precious human treasure. If you’re lucky, you may find the key to unlock her mysteries. But don’t force it. ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/18 "2003-04-13T22:24:37Z")
Well, I’m just assuming. Keep in mind that I am very new to this so I’m just going on intuition. All of this is very helpful advice and I am thankful, but my original question still has not been answered. ---
**Author:** ![ChalkPit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@ChalkPit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChalkPit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/19 "2003-04-13T22:26:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flood \* > \*\*what if she doesn’t like oral sex (receiving I mean). She claims that she doesn’t like the way it feels. What then? \*\* Just a thought, but as you say you are new to all this, maybe you aren’t doing it right ? ---
**Author:** ![biddee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/839c29/32.png) [@biddee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biddee)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/20 "2003-04-13T22:28:37Z")
If she doesn’t like oral sex, you can just use your fingers to pleasure her. Ask her what she likes…the other option is to buy a vibrator and use that on her. You could ask her to masturbate in front of you, and watch what she does. Some women can be a little embarrassed about receiving oral sex (what if I smell, what if he doesn’t like it?) and that makes them uncomfortable. Tell her how much you love giving her pleasure. Tell her you love the way she smells and feels. Perhaps you have a lesbian friend who could teach you the best way to give oral sex. Good luck! 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498.md?page=2)