# Yet another question about sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [April 13, 2003, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498 "2003-04-13T21:04:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/21 "2003-04-13T22:29:18Z")
Oh no. I’m not new to anything besides actual intercourse. A previous gf of mine really liked my oral and graciously returned the favor. But as **Jomo Mojo** said, I shouldn’t be so quick as to make sweeping generalizations. ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/22 "2003-04-13T22:32:58Z")
One word **Flood** … Tantra ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/23 "2003-04-13T22:35:36Z")
Tantra, eh? You’ll have to let me in on the secret. Perhaps a link to get me acquainted? ---
**Author:** ![ChalkPit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e4f/32.png) [@ChalkPit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChalkPit)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/24 "2003-04-13T22:35:55Z")
Well, as your OP said you were recently sexually active, my comment was hardly a ‘seeping generalization’. ---
**Author:** ![blueninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ad7895/32.png) [@blueninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blueninja)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/25 "2003-04-13T23:26:38Z")
A little alcohol usually makes me last a lot longer. Doesn’t take a lot, be careful not to overdo it. Drinking too much can easily ruin the fun… ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/26 "2003-04-13T23:29:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flood \* > \*\*Tantra, eh? > > You’ll have to let me in on the secret. Perhaps a link to get me acquainted? \*\* [http://www.tantra.com/learn.html](http://www.tantra.com/learn.html) In a nutshell: The spiritual art of holding out. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/27 "2003-04-13T23:35:12Z")
Well, yes, Tantric sex is based on the long-lasting technique that he’s really after. However, it isn’t a marathon rumpy-pumpy. It’s _very_ slow, very gentle, and largely motionless. It’s a sex meditation for two. It would help to be skilled in yoga asana, prana breathing, and meditation to achieve the stillness in which tantric sex happens. In Tantric sex, the man is Shiva, who is symbolized by a corpse (stillness). But, note well, he’s a corpse with a hardon. The woman is Shakti, who is power, Divine Female Power. She takes the initiative in movement. She directs the lovemaking and he follows. He, instead of blowing his wad all out at once, instead gathers that powerful sex feeling, that energy, and gathers it at the base of the spine and, in concert with the even flow of breathing, moves it up the spine to the top of the head. This gets you high like you wouldn’t believe. 🆒 That said, the basic Tantric technique for longer-lasting male performance uses certain muscular skills of the pubococcygeus muscle. Once you can use this to control the semen emission, you can redirect your orgasmic force to either prolong your performance, or to have an **in** jaculation. Excercise the pubococcygeus by first drinking a large amount of water. When you have to urinate, pull up on that muscle which is between the dick and the anus, to shut off the flow of urine. Then relax it. Practice holding it for five second, then letting it go for five seconds. Repeat as long as your urine stream lasts. Practice this every time you urinate. Once you’ve learned to isolate the pubococcygeus, you can practice flexing it to strengthen it anytime, anywhere, and no one will be the wiser. When you develop this muscular skill, you will be better able to control your sexual performance. Practice it in concert with deep, smooth, slow, steady breathing. ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2003, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/28 "2003-04-13T23:37:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ChalkPit \* > \*\*Well, as your OP said you were recently sexually active, my comment was hardly a ‘seeping generalization’. \*\* I wasn’t talking about you, I was referring to **Jomo Mojo’s** comment about how I should > [@](#): > > …be cautious about generalizations. Approach each person as a uniquely precious human treasure. If you’re lucky, you may find the key to unlock her mysteries. Get it now? ---
**Author:** ![cainxinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@cainxinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cainxinth)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/29 "2003-04-14T01:09:40Z")
**Jomo** , this really TMI but there is more than one way to engage in tantric or at least tantric style sex. My method is this: I have sex normally, focusing my energies on both the pleasure the two of us are experiencing and maintaining control of myself. I take myself right to climax at the edge of ejaculation and then I stop and refocus on absorbing that sensation. It’s a meditative process that requires strong discipline and will power. After the sensation has subsided I do it all over again. With practice you can go for many, many times over many hours before finally letting go, and even then it’s optional. I’ve even strung out several sessions over the course of month before finally letting myself organism. But when you finally do, it’s without question a seminal moment in your sex life. I apologize for being unable to resist that horrifically bad pun ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/30 "2003-04-14T01:36:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by cainxinth \* > \*\*I take myself right to climax at the edge of ejaculation and then I stop and refocus on absorbing that sensation. \*\* Yeah, and it helps a lot when she cooperates with this. If she keeps humping when you need to pause, she can drive you over the edge regardless of your efforts at control. Total trust and intimate communicative sensitivity between partners is needed. ---
**Author:** ![Mdm.President](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@Mdm.President](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mdm.President)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/31 "2003-04-14T02:29:01Z")
The info about tantric from Jomo was wonderfull, I have a much more clear idea about it now, and I wanted to say thank you. To the OP\> I mayself didn’t like oral sex a whole lot. My reason was because it was so damn ‘slurpy’. I hated the feeling/thought of his spit running down through my butt crack, weird huh? So after I analyzed the hell out of why I didnt like it, I was able to explain it to my hubby who has now mabe ‘adjustmants’ to his style and for the last few months I’v found out what all my girl friends have been talking about. The reason I’m telling you this is to ilistrate how many weird little things that can make a mans job that much harder. three more things: 1. I wouldnt want a man 'piston’ing in and out of me for more than 10 min! 2. 2 or 3 beers makes him last a bit longer, which is nice for a change, but wouldnt what it like that very often. 3. if my hubby jacks off within 24 hours of intercourse, ‘it’ isnt as hard, which doesnt feel near as good. but you may not be this way, so… whatever works. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/32 "2003-04-14T03:30:39Z")
Well, **Flood** , you seem a little impatient, here, so I can only imagine you’d be even _more_ impatient in bed, where there’s a lot more exciting things happening. But, patience is really key, so try to work on that. Aside from that, many of the suggestions/answers you’ve already received are good/correct ones. 1. Yes, it’s perfectly normal, if you haven’t done it before or if it’s been a while 2. And, practice really _will_ help. The penis is hypersensitive when it hasn’t been used for that purpose in a while. This will fade, over time, as you have sex on a regular basis, and your “stamina” will increase 3. Yes, the tantric exercises will help, although they take time to learn 4. Yes, alcohol will usually slow you down, or completely stop you, given enough of it, but I hesitate to recommend that approach And, if you really need some instant gratification in your search for delayed gratification, you can try these; 1. Wear a thicker condom or, if you don’t currently wear one at all, do so. The decreased sensation will help 2. It’s a cliche but, think about something else while you’re pounding away. Something boring. The classic example is baseball statistics. And, finally, be sure this is really what your girlfriend wants. I can, and sometimes do, give my girlfriend eight or ten orgasms. But, what she _usually_ wants is one or two. It’s tiring for them, too, you know. Here’s another tidbit. If she’s relaxed when you’re done, it was right. If she’s tense, and you only lasted 10 minutes, she probably wants more. If she’s tense, and you’re been going at it for an hour, that was too much, and she was hoping you’d _finish, already!_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![flood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@flood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flood)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/33 "2003-04-14T03:38:50Z")
I just want to know **Davebear** , how is it that I seem impatient? ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/34 "2003-04-14T04:15:28Z")
Sound advice **Davebear**. Just don’t go the other way with the “thinking about other things”. Just don’t get carried away and start losing ahem, ‘structual integrity’. Some distraction good, too much bad. And for goodness sake, don’t make the same mistake I did and do that “Marget Thatcher naked on a cold day” thing like in Austin Powers. Eeek. Remember, talking and conversation is good. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or to check if she finds it nice or not. I have it on good authority that rummaging around down there looking for loose change is _not_ appreciated. ---
**Author:** ![Gairloch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d2c977/32.png) [@Gairloch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gairloch)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/35 "2003-04-14T04:21:26Z")
If I may say so, impatience is generally defined by asking of others that which one might better discover for oneself by simply taking the time to learn. Nobody can describe the intangible, and no teacher can convey anything other than the general. Asking a question that is based only on one individual reaction to one stimulus can hardly be expected to produce a universal solution. The good people here have tried to help, from their own experience. Listening, rather than arguing, is generally the mark of a receptive questioner. Impatience, on the other hand, tends to reject any advice that doesn’t solve the whole of the undisclosed. There are any number of reasons for your problem, and any number of solutions, but there will be no solution if an impatient heart is looking for magic in the words of strangers. Gairloch ---
**Author:** ![moi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@moi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moi)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/36 "2003-04-14T06:14:27Z")
Bravo, Gairloch. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Agback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/977dab/32.png) [@Agback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agback)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/37 "2003-04-14T07:21:24Z")
G’day Some drugs, notably anti-depressants in the ‘tricyclic’ and ‘SSRI’ classes, are noted for delaying orgasm, or even preventing it altogether. I have heard of small doses of tricyclics (eg. 25 mg/day of amitryptaline) being used with questionable appropriateness to treat premature ejaculation. But I would not suggest that you try taking Prozac or Tryptanol to extend your performance–you might end up humping away for four hours and still not getting off. And this, I can tell you, will not please your girlfriend. I wouldn’t worry too much about ‘only’ lasting 15 minutes. If what I hear from women is right that’s 13 minutes longer than the average man. Regards, Agback ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/38 "2003-04-14T11:18:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flood \* > \*\*I just want to know **Davebear** , how is it that I seem impatient? \*\* Well, **Gairloch** has already addressed this question extremely well. But, the reason _I_ mentioned it was again demonstrated by your response to me. No acknowledgment of the time and effort spent preparing the response for you, and the terse, somewhat aggressive wording, plus the quick response time, all give the impression that you’re pouncing on people. It may be a false impression, but you should be aware of it, because it’s all we, here on the board, have to go by. And, it’s what will determine your reputation on the board. ---
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 11:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/39 "2003-04-14T11:49:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rabid\_Squirrel \* > \*\*And for goodness sake, don’t make the same mistake I did and do that “Marget Thatcher naked on a cold day” thing like in Austin Powers. Eeek. \*\* Bahahaha! Ack! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2003, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498/40 "2003-04-14T12:25:24Z")
I suppose vomiting all over your partner would indeed slow things down a bit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-question-about-sex/168498.md?page=1)