# Yet another wedding etiquette question: gift/money? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 12, 2012, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541 "2012-04-12T10:08:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Girl\_From\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3da27b/32.png) [@Girl\_From\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girl_From_Mars)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/21 "2012-04-13T04:19:55Z")
> [@Kimmy\_Gibbler](#): > > Hmmmm… > > I do wonder though: They’ve been in Europe for a number of years, but they’re going to Australia for the wedding, and then immediately decamping back to Europe. This seems the teensiest bit like a gift grab. I think if you are not familiar with the Australian/NZ habit for 20 somethings to decamp to Europe for a few years before returning to have families, this may seem so. But most people I know who move to London/other Euro locales return to get married where their friends and families can attend the ceremony. A return flight to London can be anywhere from $1700+, adding onto that the cost of accommodation etc could make attendance a several thousand dollar layout per person - which means only a few at most would be able to attend. Much better to return and have all your loved ones to help celebrate the day - plus it’s a chance to catch up with people important to you who you may not have seen for a few years. To the OP - hubby should just ring his sister and ask. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/22 "2012-04-13T18:03:04Z")
People keep advising me to “make sure to let them know you’ll accept cash!” Er? I mean, if we could say “no gifts” we would, but that’s rude. It’s rude to mention your registry on an invitation (although we have it on the wedsite.) It’s AMAZINGLY rude to say you’d like cash, and I’ve seen some shocking invitations. Who… who would think we wouldn’t “take cash”? Doesn’t everybody “take cash”? “No! Take this back and buy me an ugly vase, damn it!” ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/23 "2012-04-13T18:27:45Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Who… who would think we wouldn’t “take cash”? Doesn’t everybody “take cash”? Yeah, unless you had a PayPal logo on your invitations, I can’t imagine who would think, “Nahhh… they wouldn’t want _money_. What on Earth would they _do_ with it?” ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/24 "2012-04-13T18:38:28Z")
> [@kambuckta](#): > > I feel like giving them zilch just to teach them a lesson!! 😃 I realize you are joking, but the only lesson you would be teaching is that their uncle and his girlfriend are a couple of cheap jerks. I can’t speak for the world, but the US custom for wedings is to give cash in lieu of a gift. Remember that they are shelling out anywhere up to several hundred dollars a person for you to spend 5 hours eating and drinking your face off dancing around to the Chicken Dance. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/25 "2012-04-13T19:39:46Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I can’t speak for the world, but the US custom for wedings is to give cash in lieu of a gift. :dubious: I think this is only true in certain minority cultures in the US. More broadly, I think the custom is for the bride to drag the groom around Macy’s with a scanner, populating a registry of gifts. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/26 "2012-04-13T19:59:54Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > :dubious: I think this is only true in certain minority cultures in the US. More broadly, I think the custom is for the bride to drag the groom around Macy’s with a scanner, populating a registry of gifts. Yes, cash is common but huge gift registries are the traditional thing. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/27 "2012-04-15T08:08:29Z")
The wedding was lovely…the service and reception were held in an Australian bushland setting (complete with flies of course) and we tendered our gift along with the other guests into a home-made cardboard box with a slot! Alas, it has cost us dearly to attend the wedding. I had my very first prang (motor-vehicle accident for those not familiar with prangs or dings) on our way to the venue on Friday afternoon. My fault, so an excess of $600 applies anyway…plus the cost for two nights accomodation, petrol and the most god-awful Chinese take-away in Deniliquin…and **the gift** all up we’re over $1000 out of pocket for the whole shebang. Bloody hope this marriage lasts for a few years. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/28 "2012-04-15T09:46:33Z")
> [@Moonlitherial](#): > > oh, and if you want to be remembered as the thoughtful family member take the time to get Euros instead of dollars. But see, **Kam** can be even more generous just by using AUD. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/29 "2012-04-15T10:29:21Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > :dubious: I think this is only true in certain minority cultures in the US. More broadly, I think the custom is for the bride to drag the groom around Macy’s with a scanner, populating a registry of gifts. Ergo, “in lieu of a gift”. Especially if it’s a destination weding and I don’t want to lug a freakin waffle maker as my carry on. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/30 "2012-04-15T12:30:41Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I realize you are joking, but the only lesson you would be teaching is that their uncle and his girlfriend are a couple of cheap jerks. > > I can’t speak for the world, but the US custom for wedings is to give cash in lieu of a gift. Remember that they are shelling out anywhere up to several hundred dollars a person for you to spend 5 hours eating and drinking your face off dancing around to the Chicken Dance. ..so the reception is for the guests to pay for..? Often, it costs the guest several hundred dollars to attend (attire, manicures, hairstyling, accommodation, transport etc _aside_ from the gift) so I don’t actually see your point. ---
**Author:** ![phall0106](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phall0106/32/5934_2.png) [@phall0106](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phall0106)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2012, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541/31 "2012-04-15T12:39:55Z")
I vote for cash and NOT a gift card. If their taste run differently than where the gift card is valid, then they’re stuck with “what in the hell could we possibly buy at Store X?”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/yet-another-wedding-etiquette-question-gift-money/618541.md?page=1)